Since AMT409 the Branaghniacs have has spoken, Ken is hot and so are the other entries on then 16-year-old Charlotte’s list of Sexy Old Men (as of 22nd January 2011)
We also consider:
who is the piggy in a piggyback fibby wedding speeches the fallibility of memory rebrands R*ss3l1 Br@nd (sorry) cherry wine in songs <Moira Rose voice> fruit wine big paperbacks at airports cancer the crab TV character crossovers cleaning swimming pools Gwyneth Paltrow’s home spa and getting a friendship tattoo removed.
Plus: Olly is spitting feathers about WH Smith TJ Jones; Helen is haunted by a terrible moment from her stage acting non-career; and Martin the Sound Man knows a surprising amount about the St Elsewhere universe for someone who has never watched it.
Got questions for us? Send them in writing or voice note to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com – remember to include the formula “Helen and/or Olly, answer me this”, and let us know a name (pseudonyms are fine) and pronouns to use for you. Next new episode will land in your podfeed Thursday 30 October 2025.
Paying patrons hear from us before then, though: not only will you be funding the continuing existence of AMT, you receive a compilation of Bonus Bits halfway through the month, and an ad-free version of the episode, AND our live video question-answering series Petty Problems tackling some some not so serious problems. Become an AMT donor at patreon.com/answermethis.
Check out our other work:
Olly lists his work at ollymann.com, where you’ll find his several podcasts including his news show The Week Unwrapped and The Modern Mann, which is celebrating its tenth birthday!
This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, the all in one platform for creating and running your online empire. Go to squarespace.com/answer, have a play around during the two-week free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, get a 10% discount on your first purchase of a website or domain with the code ANSWER.
In AMT404, listeners want to know where to go to see the northern lights, why Jesus’s official birthday and deathday aren’t on the same calendar, and who is being weird: them, or their family? We also learn about:
sand heists leaving your body to scienceDisneyland the perfect beachcarpet of fish blood werewolf menstruation Apple Tango 404 codes opening coconuts cooking with mayonnaise Nicky Pluff the doll’s eye polisher and bat-flavoured beverages.
And a question for you to answer in the comments: what would you write in a note to the medical students dissecting your body after you left it to science?
Got questions for us? Send them in writing or voice note to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com – remember to include the formula “Helen and/or Olly, answer me this”, and let us know a name (pseudonyms are fine) and pronouns to use for you. Next episode will land in your podfeed 1 May 2025.
Become a patron at patreon.com/answermethis to help with the continuing resuscitation of AMT, and to get an ad-free version of the episode, plus bonus material.
This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, the all in one platform for creating and running your online empire. Go to squarespace.com/answer, have a play around during the two-week free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, get a 10% discount on your first purchase of a website or domain with the code ANSWER.
Content warning: animal cruelty. In Answer Me This episode 391, we hear about eviscerated rabbits, I’m A Celebrity food-kills, and a zoo in a deadly stunt. But there’s some mysterious dog magic to compensate.
We also consider:
the history of video phones
the baby in Labyrinth
fiction you didn’t realise was science fiction
‘free’ apples
pastry
wedding banns
dog shit
and
going over Niagara Falls in a barrel.
Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for Apple and Android – is further intel from August and Joel about banana-containing foods of Sweden. Prepare the stomach-runway for the Flying Jacob!
Hear our other work:
• Helen makes The Allusionist, an entertainment show about language, and Veronica Mars Investigations, recapping every episode of Veronica Mars from the beginning – currently the very stressful end of season 2 is nigh!
• Olly hosts many podcasts, and you can find them all at ollymann.com, including The Modern Mann and The Week Unwrapped.
• Martin makes music which you can hear palebirdmusic.com, on the Pale Bird podcast, and on Spotify etc. You can also join him in contemplating the work of every song by Tom Waits Tom Waits in Song By Song, and he produced and composed the new kids’ science podcast Maddie’s Sound Explorers, hosted by Maddie Moate.
This episode is sponsored by:
• The Great Courses Plus, the streaming library of courses on topics from yoga to mystery fiction to formal logic to dog training. AMT listeners get a free month at thegreatcoursesplus.com/answer.
• Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.
Send us your QUESTIONS, in writing or as voice recordings, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Got festive questions? Send them in by the end of November!
We’ll be back with AMT392 on 3 December 2020, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 19 November.
Helen & Olly
••• AMT391 Child-Friendly Rating: 30%. A few swears, and too many dead animals for comfort. •••
At last, the AMT animal nipples special! How many do bears have? How long are an opossum’s? Where do solenodons keep theirs? Did you already learn all this from David Attenborough?? If not, you will in Answer Me This! Episode 387, along with information about:
salmon vending machines
amnesia etiquette
Easy-Bake Ovens
American flapjacks
British flapjacks
Shakespearean flapjacks
blue flashing lights
how pregnancy tests work
and
the landlord’s mystery cupboard in the basement.
In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for Apple and Android – Olly makes his first attempts at no-bake cakes. And survives! A triumph!
Hear our other work:
• Helen makes The Allusionist, an entertainment show about language, and Veronica Mars Investigations, recapping every episode of Veronica Mars from the beginning.
• Olly hosts many podcasts, and you can find them all at ollymann.com, as well as his recent appearance on BBC Radio 4’s My Teenage Diary.
• Martin makes music which you can hear palebirdmusic.com, on the Pale Bird podcast, and on Spotify etc. You can also join him in contemplating the work of every song by Tom Waits Tom Waits in Song By Song.
This episode is sponsored by:
• The Great Courses Plus, the streaming library of courses on topics from yoga to mystery fiction to formal logic to dog training. AMT listeners get a free month at thegreatcoursesplus.com/answer.
• Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.
Buy AMT episodes 1-200, our six special albums including the all new Home Entertainment, and our Best Of compilations from 2007-2015 at answermethisstore.com.
Glad to tell you that following on from last episode’s toaster problem, another listener writes that they have actually MET some of the toasters, proving that all of you AMT listeners are connected. And have been everywhere and seen everything. Answer Me This! Episode 385 also contains:
Gloria Hunniford
Tetris lamps
the price of lava lamps these days
Shirley Temple’s teeth
stars on flags feat. Roman Mars
Pukka Pies vs Pukka Pads vs Pukka Teas
the etymology of ‘doolally’ and ‘pundit’
oil on raisins
bumhole bleaching
aristocratic cold toast
and
rickrolling as measurement of time.
Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows – is an extra question from Lindon from Huddersfield about what you’re supposed to do with that cracker in the box that looks like a loaf of bread. Well, what cheese you’re supposed to pair with it. If you want to wear it as a hat or skip it like a stone, that’s up to you. Don’t let the serving suggestion illustrations push you around!
Hear our other work!
• Helen makes The Allusionist, an entertainment show about language, and Veronica Mars Investigations, recapping every episode of Veronica Mars from the beginning. Season two just begun.
• Olly hosts many podcasts, and you can find them all at ollymann.com, including The Week Unwrapped, The Media Podcast and The Modern Mann.
• Martin makes music which you can hear palebirdmusic.com, on the Pale Bird podcast, and on Spotify etc. You can also join him in contemplating the work of every song by Tom Waits Tom Waits in Song By Song.
This episode is sponsored by:
• The Great Courses Plus, the streaming library of courses on topics from yoga to mystery fiction to formal logic to dog training. AMT listeners get a free month at thegreatcoursesplus.com/answer.
• Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.
Buy AMT episodes 1-200, our five special albums, and our Best Of compilations from 2007-2015 at answermethisstore.com.
Happy thirteenth birthday to this show! But it’s question-answering business as usual in Answer Me This! Episode 381, with problems including:
public nudity laws
lost/stolen jewels
friendly grinding
death in Thomas the Tank Engine
casserole in your pubes
museum lasers
dry ice
slapstick
trains’ souls
your naked dad
the true meaning of Frubes
and
eggy smell.
In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows – there’s more about Thomas the Tank Engine, plus Rod Stewart’s train set and Mr Frosty. Did you have one? Should we get one now to fulfil our childhood dreams, or would it only crush those dreams like the ice in its belly?
If you want to hear AMT episodes 1-200, they’re all available at answermethisstore.com, along with our five special albums. In the run-up to Valentine’s Day, how about the AMT Love album for an hour of questions about sex and love and problems therewith?
Martin just released a bumper new album, which you can hear palebirdmusic.com, on the Pale Bird podcast, and on Spotify etc. You can also join him in contemplating the work of Tom Waits in Song By Song, which has just got to the end of Black Rider.
This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.
In Answer Me This! Episode 377, we go looking for jokes in the Bible. It’s…a mixed bag. Plus, these informative amusements:
bull and bear Quality Street vs Quality Street
job applications vs typos
the Old Testament vs Wes Anderson
secret Jesus vs secret Adele
drying your hands
macaque fossils in NORFOLK
musical morse code clues
evil paper towels Jonah Man Jazz Swingin’ Samson
and
tucking a press pass into your hatband.
For more on the whole dead-lion-filled-with-a-beehive story, listen to Episode 191 where we talk about why Tate & Lyle’s Golden Syrup’s spokesmodel is the lion from Samson’s riddle.
In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – we hear about another TV theme with Morse code secrets: to our surprise, Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em.
Listen to Olly’s podcast The Modern Mann, to hear about porn-induced erectile dysfunction and other fascinating human tales! It’s at modernmann.co.uk.
See Helen and Martin on stage! The Allusionist live tour is coming to London this month and then North America. Check theallusionist.org/events for listings; more dates will be added soon.
Also! Helen just started a new podcast: Veronica Mars Investigations, recapping every episode of Veronica Mars from the start. Get it in your podding app and at VMIpod.com.
This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, with which you can easily and quickly set up a good-looking website for your projects eg your Oscar-nominated documentary. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.
In Answer Me This! Episode 371 we learn about letting a cat out of the bag and getting a peacock INTO the bag. Both sound very painful. We also consider:
Thanks to listener Edward for the cover of the AMT email jingle! Hear more of his music under the name Ban Summers.
In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – we do not love jiggly foods.
Exciting news: Olly has made a series about diets and body image, Tip the Scales, and it’s ready and waiting for you if you’re an Audible subscriber. Usefully, you AMT listeners in the UK can get a free trial of Audible for a month at answermethispodcast.com/audible – or, if you’ve had such a thing before, you can get a spell of half price membership! And remember: 1. for each of you that takes up the trial, Audible gives us a little bit of money, even when you cancel without paying a thing; 2. you can keep your free audiobooks forever. Hear a sample of Tip the Scales HERE, then get your free Audible trial HERE then hear the whole series HERE. What a super plan, eh?
Listen to Helen’s entertainment show about language The Allusionist, recently featuring a very funny prank from the grunge era, and you can also see her talking at TED about the dot on an i HERE. And sing along to Martin the Sound Man’s gap year diary of songs: his new 40-track mega album The Year of the Bird, complete with illustrations and diaries about each song, is being released at palebirdmusic.com.
This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, with which you can easily and quickly set up a good-looking website for your projects eg your Oscar-nominated documentary. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.
What do you do when your friend has fallen for a pathological liar? Do you a) confront the fibber with evidence of their deceit, or b) write to a comedy podcast? It’s fairly easy for you to find out: just listen to Answer Me This! Episode 342, in which we also discuss:
dining with babies
dining with strangers’ shitty babies
the Oscars Curse Jenny Beavan’s red carpet look
supergroups on superyachts
gregarious egregious Gregs
and
the advantage of the cupcake
Plus: Olly betrayed his former self by not doing his wedding dance to ‘The Snooker Song‘ from The Hunting of the Snark; Helen is giving away a dead good podcast idea; and Dave Stewart is not welcome to shit up Martin the Sound Man’s supergroup.
Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App is about a bit of crap on a lot of kitchen worktops: spiralisers, the existence of which is irking Gemma from Cannock (yes, yes, Martin; the town in the West Midlands to which 80s popstar Tiffany moved after her heyday). Get the app for your iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices.
Thanks to our friends at Squarespace.com for sponsoring this episode, and for giving you 10% off their website-hosting and -designing services for a whole year if you use the discount code ‘answer‘.
We’re open for business at answermethisstore.com if you want to buy our first 200 episodes or our albums. You can also give us money without having to give us any of your own money if you get yourself a FREE AUDIOBOOK for you at answermethispodcast.com/audible.
In Answer Me This! Episode 341, Olly has some big news. Is it about his cat? Is it about an amazing bargain he bought at Costco?? Is it about a fake tan spray that never fades??? Is it even better than any of those things????
We also deal with questions concerning:
frogs’ legs
frogs’ bodies
Jamie Oliver’s jollies
McDonald’s fries
Dirty Diana Ross vs Dirty Diana, Princess of Wales
Whoppers vs Big Macs
Disneyland Paris
ham-places delicious Polish food in Birmingham
and
giant potatoes.
Plus: there is a third in Olly’s relationship, and it is an app for tracking ships; Helen refuses to be bore-shamed; and Martin the Sound Man done a joke, so adopt the brace position.
Today’s bumper Bonus Bit of Crap on the App is more of Olly’s Big News, so join the festivities on your iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices.
We’re open for business at answermethisstore.com if you want to buy our first 200 episodes or our albums. You can also give us money without having to give us any of your own money if you get yourself a FREE AUDIOBOOK for you at answermethispodcast.com/audible.
The album features a whole hour of love, sex, dating and genitals, and it’s all completely new AMT material that has never appeared on the podcast. Such as:
♥ Is it appropriate to buy sexy clothes for your mum? ♥ How do you make putting on a condom fun? ♥ Just what is in that liquid squirting out of your girlfriend? ♥ When you’ve lost your engagement ring, how best to style it out? ♥ Is your partner’s schoolgirl fetish something you should worry about? It’s not like he’s a teacher – oh, he is? Oh. ♥ How do you set up a blind date when you’re a blind dater? ♥ How can anyone feel horny at the prospect of a vagina bristling with sharp, spiky horns? ♥ What’s the best point of a wedding ceremony to call it off? ♥ How do they come up with all those lines on Take Me Out? ♥ What is your exhibitionist housemate really trying to show you? ♥ How many holes should there be in a penis?
Here’s a little preview:
Any further questions?
♥ Is this album suitable for me if I’m not at all in the mood for love, sex, or interacting with humanity at all? YES. If all these people were having such a great time, they wouldn’t be writing to us, would they?
♥ Is this album child-friendly? HELL NO.
♥ Will this album teach me what it’s like to have the Olly Mann Valentine’s Experience? YES.
♥ Will Helen say the word ‘urethra’ so many times, I will feel a bit sick? MAYBE.
You can get it from iTunes and Amazon, but if you want all of your money to go to us and none to Megacorp, buy it directly from the AMT Store.
Happy new year to you, listeners, and here’s your first dose of AMT for 2016. In Answer Me This! Episode 330, we ponder upon:
All Saints – not the band, the shop
Della Duck
Air Force One
boxing belts
remembering people’s names
Tom Cribb vs Tom Molyneux vs George Foreman Grills
Carson vs Alfred vs Jeeves
the psychology of Hampton Court
presidential decoys
and
Jacuzzi bubbles.
Plus: Olly dreams of being like Kathy Bates (in About Schmidt, not in Misery); in the Battle of the Butlers, Jeeves is Helen’s man – even if he’s a ‘gentleman’s gentleman’ rather than a butler; and Martin the Sound Man makes a new friend in the jacuzzi.
In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iThings, Android and Windows devices – we consider a sporting event that appeals to fans of both board games and blood sports: chessboxing.
Thanks very much to today’s sponsor Squarespace.com, who’ll give you 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year if you invoke the code ANSWER. And if you do so, you’re showing Squarespace that they should continue supporting this show, so we all win. Unlike chessboxing, which we’d probably all lose.
SCHEDULING ANNOUNCEMENT: Olly’s baby is due out imminently. AMT331 will land on 28th January 2015, and after that, we’ll be taking three months off for paternity leave. We’ll let you know any news about the Mannbaby as soon as it/he arrives!
Helen & Olly
••• AMT330 Child-Friendly Rating: 85%. Maybe a couple of swears? Low on bawdy content. Overall: pretty respectable. •••
Answer Me This! Podcast 
EPISODE 371: Gladiator shortages
March 7, 2019In Answer Me This! Episode 371 we learn about letting a cat out of the bag and getting a peacock INTO the bag. Both sound very painful. We also consider:
letting wine breathe
Gladiators vs dystopias
‘Go West‘ vs ‘Give Thanks‘ vs Pachelbel’s ‘Canon in D Major‘
America’s Next Top Ninja (and before you tell us: yes, yes, originally a Japanese TV show)
i dots at TED
Old Testament = UPPER CASE
New Testament = lower case
Under the Net
Memento Mori
Keeper of the King’s Conscience
pets at university
and
swinging a snake.
Thanks to listener Edward for the cover of the AMT email jingle! Hear more of his music under the name Ban Summers.
In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – we do not love jiggly foods.
Exciting news: Olly has made a series about diets and body image, Tip the Scales, and it’s ready and waiting for you if you’re an Audible subscriber. Usefully, you AMT listeners in the UK can get a free trial of Audible for a month at answermethispodcast.com/audible – or, if you’ve had such a thing before, you can get a spell of half price membership! And remember: 1. for each of you that takes up the trial, Audible gives us a little bit of money, even when you cancel without paying a thing; 2. you can keep your free audiobooks forever. Hear a sample of Tip the Scales HERE, then get your free Audible trial HERE then hear the whole series HERE. What a super plan, eh?
Listen to Helen’s entertainment show about language The Allusionist, recently featuring a very funny prank from the grunge era, and you can also see her talking at TED about the dot on an i HERE. And sing along to Martin the Sound Man’s gap year diary of songs: his new 40-track mega album The Year of the Bird, complete with illustrations and diaries about each song, is being released at palebirdmusic.com.
This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, with which you can easily and quickly set up a good-looking website for your projects eg your Oscar-nominated documentary. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.
As ever, we want your QUESTIONS: send them, in writing or as voice recordings, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.
We’ll be back with AMT372 on 4 April, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 21 March.
Helen & Olly
••• AMT371 Child-Friendly Rating: 87%. One or two swears, nothing else unsuitable. •••
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Tags:24 hour, all night, American Gladiators, American Ninja Warrior, Arnold Schwarzenegger, avian, birds, Bobby Bragg, Canon in D Major, cat o' nine tails, cats, catsitting, commenters, comments, corporal punishment, Danny the Champion of the World, decanters, decanting, diacritics, dog-walking, dogs, dogsitting, Don Moen, etymology, expressions, flogging, Give Thanks, gladiators, Go West, Hansard, history, i, Iris Murdoch, Johann Pachelbel, John Fashanu, John Ferraro, kittens, Leicester Square, letters, London, melodies, Memento Mori, minims, Muriel Spark, music, Pachelbel's Canon, Parliament, peacocks, peafowl, pens, Pet Shop Boys, pets, petsitting, phrases, post, Post Office Tower, post offices, Postmaster General, punishment, Roald Dahl, Rope, sayings, scribes, snakes, songs, TED, telly, The Running Man, tittle, Total Wipeout, Trafalgar Square, tug-of-war, TV, TV formats, Ulrika Jonsson, Under the Net, university, Village People, walkies, weapons, whipping, whips, wine, words, writing, YouTube
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