Posts Tagged ‘relations’
June 5, 2020
Beloved listeners: as we’ve said in the past, AMT doesn’t tend to discuss current events, as we know a lot of you turn to the show to give yourselves a brief break from dealing with reality. We hope you’re holding up and finding ways to be productive. Meanwhile, here’s Answer Me This! Episode 386, a hearty plateful of low-stress chat about topics including:
lava lamp blobfulness
your neighbour’s dirty doormat
sitcom sets
Magnums vs Soleros
the Jolly Butcher vs the Jolly Postman
butchers’ dummies
retrieving the sex toys you left at your ex’s house
and
wedding snubs.
Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for Apple and Android – we consider combining two 1990s fads: lava lamps and Mr Blobby.
Hear our other work:
• Helen makes The Allusionist, an entertainment show about language, and Veronica Mars Investigations, recapping every episode of Veronica Mars from the beginning.
• Olly hosts many podcasts, and you can find them all at ollymann.com, as well as his recent appearance on BBC Radio 4’s My Teenage Diary.
• Martin makes music which you can hear palebirdmusic.com, on the Pale Bird podcast, and on Spotify etc. You can also join him in contemplating the work of every song by Tom Waits Tom Waits in Song By Song.
This episode is sponsored by:
• The Great Courses Plus, the streaming library of courses on topics from yoga to mystery fiction to formal logic to dog training. AMT listeners get a free month at thegreatcoursesplus.com/answer.
• Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.
Buy AMT episodes 1-200, our six special albums including the all new Home Entertainment, and our Best Of compilations from 2007-2015 at answermethisstore.com.
Send us your QUESTIONS, in writing or as voice recordings, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.
We’ll be back with AMT387 on 2 July 2020, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 21 May.
Helen & Olly
••• AMT386 Child-Friendly Rating: 67%. Mostly pretty clean, except there is this question about sex toys, so it just depends on whether you want to run the risk of having to explain to your child what those are. •••
Tags:australia, BBC, bouquet, bouquet toss, butcher's dummy, butchers, comedy, cousins, craft, crochet, dirt, doormats, ex-boyfriend, exes, family, filming, folk songs, food, Friends, handheld indulgence ice cream, handicrafts, I'm Alan Partridge, ice cream, John McWhorter, Keeping Mum, lamps, lava lamps, lighting, lights, liquids, Little Britain, live recordings, live studio audience, Magnum, Margaret Thatcher, meat, Mr Whippy, multi-camera sitcoms, neighbours, novelty lights, relations, relatives, Roger Moore, sets, sex toys, shop signs, shops, showbiz magic, signs, sitcoms, sketch shows, snubs, Solero, statues, studio, television, telly, the Jolly Butcher, the Jolly Postman, treats, TV, Unilever, vibrators, wedding gifts, wedding guests, wedding invitations, wedding presents, weddings, Weis bar
Posted in PODCASTS | Leave a Comment »
April 5, 2018
With a spring in your step and a scent in your nostrils and a freshly cleaned undercarriage and Answer Me This! Episode 361 in your ears, join us to consider:
Smell-O-Vision
reclaiming skipping for the adult man
museum buddies
the Dalí museum
bidet chat
baby equipment
the perfect baby bottle warmer
getting aboard Michael Palin
crystal prawn cocktail glasses
and
Trainy McTrainface.
In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – we have a bonus question from prolific questioneer Lindon from Huddersfield about how to cut off the ex-housemate who’s still a parasite upon Lindon’s Spotify account.
Want to see Helen and Martin live on stage? (NB that’s ‘live’ in an adverbial sense, not a verbal sense. Although they will be alive on stage. They just don’t live on one. Why do you have to make everything so complicated?) They’ll be touring with Radiotopia in the eastern USA in May and the Allusionist in Australia in June, and you can check where and when and how at theallusionist.org/events. And hear all about Olly’s grandmother’s amazing piss-based beauty routine on The Modern Mann at modernmann.co.uk.
Thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring the show, and for making it so easy to set up a good-looking website for your projects. Visit squarespace.com/answer; play around during the two-week free trial; then when you’re ready to buy your website or domain, you can have get 10% off your first purchase with the discount code ‘answer‘.
You can also get two free Audible audiobooks if you go to answermethispodcast.com/audible. Why don’t you listen along with Olly to Andrew Lloyd Webber’s memoir? He turned TS Eliot’s poetry into a hit musical and Thomas the Tank Engine into what looks like a load of off-brand Power Rangers on roller skates – what ISN’T he capable of?
You are capable of sending us your QUESTIONS: deliver a voice memo or a written question by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. You can still use the old ways of calling the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, but a lot of those messages haven’t been reaching us lately or are coming out sounding like you’ve just been eaten by a robot. So emailing a voice memo is the safer bet.
Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.
We’ll be back with AMT362 on 3 May 2018, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 19 April.
Helen & Olly
••• AMT361 Child-Friendly Rating: 60%. A handful of swears. Acknowledgement of the existence of the nether regions. •••
Tags:1970s, 70s, 70s food, Aldous Huxley, alone time, Amelia Earhart, Amy Johnson, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Aromarama, awkward, babies, baby stuff, bathroom, beds, BO, body butter, body odour, Brave New World, British rail, carriages, child, childhood, children, Christopher Columbus, cinema, crap, creepy dolls, crystal, dim sum, Disney, dolls, equipment, exercise, families, family, Fantasia, film, food, fragrance, Friends, gender normative bullshit, gimmicks, grandpa's stuff, grandparents, Hans Laube, homes, houses, hygiene, Ikea, introverts, Japanese toilets, John Waters, Keanu Reeves, loyalty schemes, Mary Kingsley, Michael Palin, movies, museums, names, nasal, nasal polyps, noses, odour, parents, physical exertion, Portland, possessions, prawn cocktail, pregnancy, pubs, railway, relations, relatives, road trips, Salvador Dali, scent, Scent of Mystery, Scentovision, scratch'n'sniff, sense of smell, senses, skipping, smell, Smell-O-Vision, smells, smelly friends, special offers, Starlight Express, stinky, stuff, Taiwan, The Flaming Lips, Thomas the Tank Engine, toilets, toys, trains, travel, tributes, trips, vacation, VR, Walt Disney, washing, Wetherspoons, youreallysmell.com, Zaireeka
Posted in PODCASTS | 2 Comments »
February 1, 2018
Upon the last Winter Olympics in 2014, we fair shat ourselves with surprise and delight when Lizzy Yarnold, who won gold for Team GB in the skeleton, listens to AMT! She’s competing again this time, so GOOD LUCK, Lizzy. Do it for all of us who get most of our exercise running for the ice cream van.
People of all athletic abilities, Olympian or not: get ready to race through Answer Me This! Episode 359, to learn about:
pope tropes
hotel toothpaste
chewing toothpicks
your auntie’s Facebook pic
Dave Claus The Santa Dave
Defence Against the Dark Arts
Dumbledore’s aptitude for HR
the Center Parcs trees
the Center Parcs dome
the Center Parcs soft play that’s located in the bar/the Center Parcs bar that’s located in the soft play
karakia
cocktail swords
buttermilk
butterfat
and
globules.
Plus: we hear the latest in Olly’s gold pen nightmare scenario #OllyMannProblems; Martin figures out his title for when, as a Son of Santa, he inevitably takes up Santa duties; and Helen is already running down the beach to go swimming with some snazzy fish, so SEE YA.
The conversation about advance ticket-buying continues in today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – as Olly wonders whether his son, aged 2, will be too sophisticated to enjoy the Teletubbies live on the stages of Hertfordshire..
Thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring the show, and for making it so easy to set up a good-looking website for your business, store, restaurant, art portfolio, band, podcast, smug travel wankery, etc. Have a go during the two-week free trial, then get 10% off Squarespace’s website-hosting and -designing services for a whole year with the discount code ‘answer‘.
You can also get two free Audible audiobooks if you go to answermethispodcast.com/audible. Two free audiobooks are better than one free audiobook which is better than no free audiobooks, so get yourself free audiobooks!
Send us your QUESTIONS: deliver a voice memo or a written question by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. You can still use the old ways of calling the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, but a lot of those messages haven’t been reaching us lately or are coming out sounding like you’ve just been eaten by a robot. So a voice memo is a safer bet.
Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.
We’ll be back with AMT360 on 1 March 2018, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 15 February.
Helen & Olly
••• AMT359 Child-Friendly Rating: 62%. No bawdiness, but a couple of strong swears. •••
Tags:alcohol, Argentina, athletes, aunts, awkward, baking, Bat Out Of Hell: The Musical, beliefs, bereavement, beverages, booze, brunch, butter, butter churning, butterfat, buttermilk, Center Parcs, chewing toothpicks, Christmas, Christmas presents, cocktail sticks, cocktail swords, cocktail umbrellas, cocktails, comedians, cookery, cooking, cultural appropriation, dairy, dairy products, Dave Austwick, Defence Against the Dark Arts, dilemmas, Doctor Who, drinking, drinks, Dumbledore, dumped, emulsification, exes, Facebook, families, family, Family Guy, Father Christmas, fax, faxes, faxing, flavours, food, foodstuffs, forest villa village, forest villa villages, forests, gifts, gigs, Gilderoy Lockhart, gold pens, Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Hogwarts, holiday camps, holidays, hospitality, hotels, ingredients, Italians, Italy, JK Rowling, karakia, Kenneth Branagh, kitsch, Lizzy Yarnold, magic, Maori, Martin's dad, Meat Loaf, musicals, New Zealand, Olly's dad, Olly's mum, Olympians, Olympics, parents, photos, pirates, Pope, Pope Francis, presents, profile pictures, relations, relatives, religion, respect, rum, Santa, schools, Silent Running, Silver Spring, Spinal Tap, sport, Springfield, Stanley Mann, staycations, stereotypes, Steve Coogan, straws, swords, tastes, teachers, the pope, theatre, tickets, toiletries, Tom Riddle, toothpaste, toothpicks, travel, trees, vacations, Vatican, Voldemort, Winter Olympics, wizards, wizardverse, Woburn, woodland, work
Posted in PODCASTS | Leave a Comment »
January 25, 2016
Gird your loins, unbutton your emotions, because the Answer Me This! Love album is OUT NOW and begging for your affections.
The album features a whole hour of love, sex, dating and genitals, and it’s all completely new AMT material that has never appeared on the podcast. Such as:
♥ Is it appropriate to buy sexy clothes for your mum?
♥ How do you make putting on a condom fun?
♥ Just what is in that liquid squirting out of your girlfriend?
♥ When you’ve lost your engagement ring, how best to style it out?
♥ Is your partner’s schoolgirl fetish something you should worry about? It’s not like he’s a teacher – oh, he is? Oh.
♥ How do you set up a blind date when you’re a blind dater?
♥ How can anyone feel horny at the prospect of a vagina bristling with sharp, spiky horns?
♥ What’s the best point of a wedding ceremony to call it off?
♥ How do they come up with all those lines on Take Me Out?
♥ What is your exhibitionist housemate really trying to show you?
♥ How many holes should there be in a penis?
Here’s a little preview:
Any further questions?
♥ Is this album suitable for me if I’m not at all in the mood for love, sex, or interacting with humanity at all?
YES. If all these people were having such a great time, they wouldn’t be writing to us, would they?
♥ Is this album child-friendly?
HELL NO.
♥ Will this album teach me what it’s like to have the Olly Mann Valentine’s Experience?
YES.
♥ Will Helen say the word ‘urethra’ so many times, I will feel a bit sick?
MAYBE.
You can get it from iTunes and Amazon, but if you want all of your money to go to us and none to Megacorp, buy it directly from the AMT Store.
Tags:albums, AMT Love, animals, aphrodisiacs, arousal, attraction, bathroom, bawdy, blind dates, blindness, bodies, bodily fluids, bodily functions, body parts, boner killers, boners, cards, catchphrases, chat-up lines, chatting up, chemistry, children, cleft palates, climax, clothes, cohabitation, coming, condoms, consent, contraception, contraceptives, courting, courtship, culture, cunnilingus, dates, dating, dating shows, dicks, double dick dude, dressed lobster, dressing up, ejaculate, ejaculation, email, embarrassment, emotions, engagement, engagement rings, erotic, etiquette, etymology, exhibitionism, exhibitionists, families, family, fantasies, fantasy, female ejaculation, fetishes, first moves, flatmates, flirting, fluids, frustration, garments, gender, genitalia, genitals, getting married, gifts, goats, greetings cards, Groupon, Guelphs, honesty, hormones, horns, horny, housemates, internet dating, Japan, Japanese, Kinky Boots, love, lovemaking, lovers, magic tricks, manners, marriage, meat markets, medicine, meeting people, men, messages, Mother's Day, motherhood, mothers, mum, naked, narwhals, nether regions, networking, nudity, nurses, objectification, Olly's mum, online dating, open relationships, oral sex, orgasms, Paddy McGuinness, parents, partners, partnerships, Patrick Macnee, penises, physical, pick-up, prawn, presents, professional, prophylactics, registrars, relations, relationships, relatives, romance, roommates, school, sex, sexual, sexual awakenings, sexual fantasies, sexuality, sexy, sexy nurses, sexy schoolgirls, showers, shy, shyness, sight, Skene's glands, spark, squirters, squirting, stimulation, students, subtlety, Take Me Out, teachers, telly, The Isle of Fernando's, too far, TV, tv shows, urethras, urine, vaginas, Valentine, Valentine's cards, Valentine's Day, vision impairment, wangs, wedding ceremonies, weddings, whoops!, women, words, workplace, writers, yuk
Posted in albums, extracurricular activities, News | Leave a Comment »
November 13, 2014
Rebecca from London writes:
My sister is about to have a baby, which means I am about to become an aunt! In fact, I recently realised I will be the baby’s only aunt, which means I feel like I should get it right. I know Helen is an aunt, and I suspect a fun one, or at least I know she likes to lie to her ‘niecephews’.
So answer me this: what do I need to do to be an excellent aunt?
1. Deploy exciting-looking gift-wrapping (the gift within is of secondary importance).
2. Try not to look bored when the kid is telling you an anecdote that doesn’t go anywhere.
3. Teach them to make paper aeroplanes.
4. Don’t bury their grandmother without telling anyone.
That last point is information someone should have given my only aunt. Hindsight is a powerful thing…
Readers, any tips for excellent aunt or uncle performance? Add in the comments.
Tags:aunts, babies, children, family, nephews, niecephews, nieces, relations, uncles
Posted in extracurricular questions, User-generated answers | 1 Comment »
November 21, 2013
Christmas has come early, AMTpals, because the Answer Me This! Christmas Album is out NOW, available to buy from iTunes, Amazon and our very own Answer Me This! Store:
If you take the plunge and purchase it, you’re not only funding the podcast, you also get one hour of all-new Christmas chat about such festive topics as:
✯ FOOD! ✯
Audio is entirely calorie-free, so feast your ears on mince pies, trifle, Brussels sprouts, poisoned turkey, lutefisk, Sandra Lee’s Kwanzaa Cake and what Christmas pudding can teach you about atomic physics (which is better than eating it).
✯ ENTERTAINMENT! ✯
Christmas titans Eric’n’Ernie face off against Mike Yarwood; Olly fails to be swept away by ‘Fairytale of New York’ (and don’t even get him started on ‘Christmas Wrapping’); and the Grinch stole Dr Seuss’s doctorate.
✯ CUSTOMS! ✯
How the Norse deities Frigga and Baldur got you to snog people under a bunch of a poisonous parasitic plant; why Rudolph’s got a red nose; how the first ever Christmas card managed to be offensive; why Kwanzaa was invented; and Santa on waterskiis.
✯ CRISIS MANAGEMENT! ✯
How to salvage the situation if your partner’s bought you a brilliant present and you got them something shit; what to do if you dread staying at your in-laws’ house; how to uninvite people from your party; and why you’re more likely to end up getting a divorce at Christmas. It really is the most wonderful time of the year.
✯ DECORATIONS! ✯
Let us deck the halls of your ears with Christmas jumpers, Christmas crackers, double beards, and paper hats, even though everyone looks like a dick in the paper hats. Especially because everyone looks like a dick in the paper hats.
The Answer Me This! Christmas Album is fun for all the family – no, it really is, because we don’t even swear. So Great-Grandma Gladys and Tiny Tim can listen happily together while you sneak off and neck the cooking brandy.
✯ Buy it now from the Answer Me This! Store, iTUNES and AMAZON. ✯
Tags:abroad, adultery, aesthetics, All I Want for Christmas, America, Ancient Romans, arguments, babies, Baldr, Baldur, bangs, beards, beds, berries, black history, Blitzen, Bob Hope, Bridget Jones's Diary, Bruno Mars, Brussels sprouts, cake, Caravan of Love, cards, Caribbean, cartoons, celebrations, Charlie Brown, childhood, children, China, Christ, Christmas, Christmas cards, Christmas crackers, Christmas dinner, Christmas jumpers, Christmas movies, Christmas pudding, Christmas specials, Christmas Wrapping, clothes, Comet, confectionery, cracker jokes, crackers, Cupid, currants, Dancer, Dasher, dinner, disharmony, divorce, Donner, Dr Seuss, dried fruit, Fairytale of New York, families, family, father, Father Christmas, festive, festivities, films, Finland, fire, Florida, food, food poisoning, freezer, Frigg, frozen food, fruit, garments, gifts, god, gods, grapes, greetings, gunpowder, Holland, Housemartins, husbands, indulgence, inventions, Jesus, Jesus Christ, jews, John Lennon, jokes, Joseph, Judaism, jumpers, kids, King Herod, knitwear, Kwanzaa, Lapland, legends, Linus and Lucy, logs, Loki, Love Actually, lutefisk, lye, Mariah Carey, Mary, Maulana Karenga, meals, meat, messiah, Mike Yarwood, mince pies, Ministry of Defence, mistletoe, Morecambe and Wise, mother, mother-in-law, movies, music, My Favourite Things, myths, nativity, Nazareth, Norse, North Pole, Norway, nostalgia, panto, pantomime, paper hats, parents, parties, partners, Paul McCartney, peanuts, pelicans, plumbing, pop, poultry, Prancer, presents, raisins, reindeer, relations, relatives, religion, Richard Donner, rows, Rudolph, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, saints, Sandra Lee, Santa Claus, satsumas, Saturnalia, Scandinavia, Scrooge, Second World War, Shoreditch Box Park, showers, sleeping arrangements, Snoopy, songs, specials, spouses, St Nicholas, sultanas, surnames, sweaters, sweets, symbols, tact, telly, The Darkness, The Grinch, The Night Before Christmas, the Queen's speech, The Sound of Music, The Waitresses, toy shops, toys, tradition, traditions, trends, trifle, turkey, TV, USA, vegetables, virility, Vixen, war, winter, wives, World War Two, WWII, Xmas, Yule log
Posted in albums | 9 Comments »
December 2, 2010
Hello dears,
Remember a few days ago, when Britain was still capable of having conversations about things that aren’t SNOW? Me neither, but SNOW-free Episode 159 is a throwback to those clement times:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Topics on this week’s crib-sheet include:
SNOW
litigious Times New Roman
Shetland ponies
the Mildenhall treasure
Jacob’s Ladder
the Crusades
zebra piss
londonollypics.com
flattering spectacles
Kramer vs. Kramer
the BBC vs. Boston Business Computing
laser eye surgery vs. A Clockwork Orange
Las Vegas vs. Trafalgar Square
pet griffins
the Crystal Palace water-towers
the penalty for banging Prince Philip
cybersquatting
Stanmore the Monkfish
the MGM lion
and
Martin the Sound Man’s favourite fountain.
Plus: Olly salves his wounds from losing last week’s Queen’s Speech debate by triumphing in his other specialist subject: Macaulay Culkin’s uncredited early work; tedious stories thwart Helen’s attempts to compose the Zaltzman family tree; and Martin will sort out your myopia for a fiver and a bucket of chicken wings, no questions asked. Also, this week’s Bit of Crap on the App describes an inappropriate use for a lovely dollshouse (clue: it’s not this).
In the event that you too have things to say that aren’t about SNOW – preferably QUESTIONS – then please get in touch by leaving a voicemail on the Question Line 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, or emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
If you can make it through the SNOW, then please come along to one of our imminent book readings and signings – there’s one in London this weekend, 3.30pm on Saturday 4th at The Social on Little Portland Street, then there’s another in Brighton, 7.30pm on Wednesday 8th at Waterstone’s Clocktower.
SNOWver and out!
Helen and Olly
Subscribe with iTunes • Book • Question Archive • FAQ • Episodes
• App • Facebook • Twitter • Merch Superstore • YouTube Channel •
Tags:86, ad breaks, advertising, Anglo-American relations, animals, aqueducts, armour, army, BBC, bodily fluids, bodily functions, boo moments, capital punishment, corneas, corporations, crap towns, crime, Dancing on Ice, death penalty, Disney, domain names, domains, drunkenness, East Anglia, equestrianism, execution, expressions, fake meat, family, family history, Fight Club, films, fountains, genealogy, Glastonbury, grandmothers, heraldry, history, horror, horsepiss, horses, internet, Las Vegas, law, Little Shop of Horrors, meat, monarchy, money-making schemes, movies, New York, news, Paranormal Activity, piss, place names, politics, princes, princesses, protests, Queen's Speech, racehorses, relations, restaurants, riots, Romans, royalty, San Francisco, sausages, scary animals, scary films, slang, slaves, soldiers, Somerset House, Spider-Man, Stephen King's It, student politics, Suffolk, telly, tertiary education, the Bellagio, The Blair Witch Project, the Queen, towns, treason, TV news, university, urine, vegetarianism, water features, web, X Factor
Posted in PODCASTS | 9 Comments »
Answer Me This! Podcast 