Happy thirteenth birthday to this show! But it’s question-answering business as usual in Answer Me This! Episode 381, with problems including:
public nudity laws
lost/stolen jewels
friendly grinding
death in Thomas the Tank Engine
casserole in your pubes
museum lasers
dry ice
slapstick
trains’ souls
your naked dad
the true meaning of Frubes
and
eggy smell.
In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows – there’s more about Thomas the Tank Engine, plus Rod Stewart’s train set and Mr Frosty. Did you have one? Should we get one now to fulfil our childhood dreams, or would it only crush those dreams like the ice in its belly?
If you want to hear AMT episodes 1-200, they’re all available at answermethisstore.com, along with our five special albums. In the run-up to Valentine’s Day, how about the AMT Love album for an hour of questions about sex and love and problems therewith?
Martin just released a bumper new album, which you can hear palebirdmusic.com, on the Pale Bird podcast, and on Spotify etc. You can also join him in contemplating the work of Tom Waits in Song By Song, which has just got to the end of Black Rider.
This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.
In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – listener Ben in Bolivia calls up suffering from altitude sickness. Luckily, there’s a cure! Just not a particularly useful cure when you’re stuck at high altitude. Hope you’re OK, Ben!
Check in with our other work: Olly hosts The Modern Mann; and Helen and Martin are performing the Allusionist live show on stages in the UK, Ireland, the US and Canada this autumn – check where and when at theallusionist.org/events.
Thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring the show, and for making it so easy to set up a good-looking website for your projects. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.
The Bluffers’ Guides are back! Rapidly become passingly well-informed in subjects from cats to fishing to social media to wine at bluffers.com.
Send us your QUESTIONS: any time, deliver a voice memo or a written question by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. You can still use the old ways of calling the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, but a lot of those messages haven’t been reaching us lately. So emailing a voice memo is the safer bet.
Hello pets! This month is the British Podcast Awards, and you can vote for AMT in the Listeners’ Choice category, you know, if you choose to. Click here to do it. If you need to remember why you love us, listen to Answer Me This! Episode 362. Today we consider:
Meghan Markle’s citizenship post-marriage
My Dad Ate A Pringle
baked bean hummus
celebs in specs
labyrinths vs mazes
atheism vs romance
God Save The Queen vs My Country ‘Tis Of Thee vs every other bloody country’s anthem with the same tune
dangerous beans King Minos’s palace Princess Michael’s brooch El Parador (try the broad bean paste!)
and
a life-sized cutout of Kylie Minogue.
In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – we continue our Beanchat, and learn about keeping deer out of your flowerbeds, deflating a swollen scrotum, and this predicament that Helen’s eyelid got itself into.
Check in with our other work: Helen and Martin are on stage in the next few weeks, with Radiotopia in the eastern USA, the Bugle in the western USA, and the Allusionist in Australia in June. You can check where and when and how at theallusionist.org/events. Hear the modern Olly Mann on The Modern Mann at modernmann.co.uk.
Thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring the show, and for making it so easy to set up a good-looking website for your projects. Visit squarespace.com/answer; play around during the two-week free trial; then when you’re ready to buy your website or domain, you can have get 10% off your first purchase with the discount code ‘answer‘.
If you are in the UK, you can also get two free Audible audiobooks if you go to answermethispodcast.com/audible. Remember to set a calendar alert for 29 June so you get this done before the 30 June 2018 deadline!
There’s no deadline for sending us your QUESTIONS: any time, deliver a voice memo or a written question by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. You can still use the old ways of calling the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, but a lot of those messages haven’t been reaching us lately. So emailing a voice memo is the safer bet.
What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever found in your food? A worm? A lung? Arsenic-laced hundreds and thousands? Gird your stomach for Answer Me This! Episode 355, in which we discuss:
food hygiene ratings
pig nipple bacon
Stanley Mann style
dating your dadalike
shipping it
Larry Stylinson
stans
stoners
Agatha Christie’s cornflour
store detectives
and
that Subway smell.
Plus: Olly shows up a logical flaw in ‘Stan‘; Helen went on an evening out, once; and Martin the Sound Man’s fragile guts are the only restaurant hygiene rating you need.
Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App is a question from Michelle about the phrase “How’s your father?” Get the app for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices.
Want to hear more from us? There’s the retro AMT episode that lands your feed mid-month – right now you can hear AMT222, in which we learn about Battersea Power Station and the Brighton Pavilion, and coin a phrase that will chime in your mind forevermore every time you pass a branch of Giraffe. To get it, subscribe to AMT on your podcatcher of choice. All of our back catalogue is available from answermethisstore.com, along with our special albums.
Thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode. Go forth and build yourseelf a website! Play around during the two-week free trial, then get 10% off Squarespace’s website-hosting and -designing services for a whole year with the discount code ‘answer‘.
We’ll be back with AMT356 on 2 November 2017, and with a Retro AMT episode on 19 October.
Helen & Olly
••• AMT355 Child-Friendly Rating: 55%. Questions about sexy fan fiction and Tinder dating, but nothing too lewd. Discussion of drugs, albeit an incredibly square one. A couple of swearsy. •••
Plus, can we get your input on: i. Michael Parkinson’s height? Is he 5’10” or over 7′ tall? ii. Alumni of Olly’s school who are more famous than Olly (and thus also more famous than George Lamb and Sonia Friedman)? iii. Chocolate fondants looking like parted legs, all sexy-like?
In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – there’s a warning about which films to go to see at the cinema if you want to sit next to Olly frigging himself raw. Or which ones to avoid if you don’t.
Do NOT avoid our album AMT Love, in which we talk for an hour about sex and relationships (with some phenomenal musical work by Martin, exclusive to this). It’s available from the AMT store – you can also get it from iTunes and Amazon, if you prefer – along with our other albums and our classic episodes.
BTW, if mention of ‘November Rain’ made you want to hear more, we talk about it in AMT131, so try that one. And don’t forget to subscribe to AMT if you don’t already to receive a monthly Retro AMT episode in your feed!
Thanks to our friends at Squarespace.com for sponsoring this episode, and for giving you 10% off their website-hosting and -designing services for a whole year if you use the discount code ‘answer‘.
There are many refreshments in Answer Me This! Episode 336: tea, milk, and a drink Olly describes as ‘mashed-up urinal cake in a glass’. Mmmm! It’s the new hipster cocktail!
We also consider such topics as:
‘Roses are Red’
getting an upgrade at the airport
honeymoon bowel trouble
hush puppies
Hush Puppies
Slush Puppies this famous policeman’s helmet
flowery emoji
things to do in Peterborough
signatures
and
streaking.
Plus: Olly would like it to be known that he is not a geek (except for musical theatre and Disney); forget going naked, Helen won’t even take her cardigan off for money; and Martin the Sound Man believes in bowel karma.
Sorry for forgetting the Bonus Bit of Crap on the App for AMT335, but this one contains further contemplation of streaking and public nudity. Get the app on your iThings, Android and Windows devices.
There are links to the apps at answermethisstore.com, where you’ll also find AMTs 1-200, plus our special albums. The Answer Me This! Holiday is the (or at least a) soundtrack to your summer, and there’s also AMT Sports Day to get you pumped for the Olympics. And remember to get your free audiobook at answermethispodcast.com/audible. By doing any or all of these things, you’re supporting the show.
The album features a whole hour of love, sex, dating and genitals, and it’s all completely new AMT material that has never appeared on the podcast. Such as:
♥ Is it appropriate to buy sexy clothes for your mum? ♥ How do you make putting on a condom fun? ♥ Just what is in that liquid squirting out of your girlfriend? ♥ When you’ve lost your engagement ring, how best to style it out? ♥ Is your partner’s schoolgirl fetish something you should worry about? It’s not like he’s a teacher – oh, he is? Oh. ♥ How do you set up a blind date when you’re a blind dater? ♥ How can anyone feel horny at the prospect of a vagina bristling with sharp, spiky horns? ♥ What’s the best point of a wedding ceremony to call it off? ♥ How do they come up with all those lines on Take Me Out? ♥ What is your exhibitionist housemate really trying to show you? ♥ How many holes should there be in a penis?
Here’s a little preview:
Any further questions?
♥ Is this album suitable for me if I’m not at all in the mood for love, sex, or interacting with humanity at all? YES. If all these people were having such a great time, they wouldn’t be writing to us, would they?
♥ Is this album child-friendly? HELL NO.
♥ Will this album teach me what it’s like to have the Olly Mann Valentine’s Experience? YES.
♥ Will Helen say the word ‘urethra’ so many times, I will feel a bit sick? MAYBE.
You can get it from iTunes and Amazon, but if you want all of your money to go to us and none to Megacorp, buy it directly from the AMT Store.
When romance and real life collide, problems happen, such as this one befalling Dave:
I recently became single after being with my ex for a bit over 3 years and I decided to try out some dating websites.
I was chatting for a few days with a girl and felt like it was going well, so I asked if she’d be prepared to meet up. And she was! So, we arranged to meet at Spinnaker Tower in Portsmouth in about a week and a half. We didn’t actually set a time and she didn’t give me her number, but she said she was looking forward to it.
Then today (a couple of days later) I’ve seen that she has deleted her profile on the site where I met her so I have no way of getting in touch.
I guess I can do nothing and should just forget about it, but it occurred to me that if this was a film or a music video I’d go to Spinnaker Tower anyway and just wait there all day in case she does show up. Answer me this, do people actually do that in real life and should I?
Readers, sprint to the comments and weigh in: to live like a romcom, or to accept one has been ghosted?
Listeners, in your opinions, what is appropriate first date chat? The weather? Stocks and shares? How many kgs you can bench-press? Ugh, no – but surely not dental work or having sex in paint, as contended with by questioneers in Answer Me This! Episode 288:
Also on today’s agenda:
Northern Hemisphere vs Southern Hemisphere
nerdy Jewish vampires
cat toothbrushes
Facebook culls
sex pickles The 64,000 Sixpence Question
washing up
communion wafers
fangs
and
the Clam Van Damme.
Plus: Olly tempts terribly fate by ignoring chain letters; Helen needs to learn to love ‘visually striking cerebral foreign dramas’, whatever Netflix thinks those are; and Martin the Sound Man studies human behaviour via the greasy spoon breakfast.
Many thanks to Squarespace.com for supporting today’s podcast, and for supporting your website-building ambitions by giving you 10% off their services for a whole year if you use the code Answer.
That’s it until a fortnight hence – unless we fall prey to questioneer Scott from Long Island’s knack for podcast-scuppering, in which case, so long and nice knowing you.
Helen & Olly
AMT288 Child-Friendly Rating: 47%.
A long question about the bawdy requests of Australians. A handful of cuss-words.
We really hope you didn’t first hear the sad news about JLS on Answer Me This! Episode 255. If you did, please accept our condolences at this difficult time.
Through our veil of grief, today we discuss:
fruit PDA
inappropriate gifts
Volvos
proofreading Pitbull’s party anthems
Pop Star to Deer Farmer Abz from 5ive
bangs
Andre 3000 + Beyonce covering Winehouse
porn prodigies
Paul Torrisi
Olly’s mum’s sex tips
and
Olly’s cat’s arsehole.
Plus: Olly’s not so much house-hunting as Costco cupboard-hunting; Michelle Obama makes Helen weepy; and if unlike Martin the Sound Man’s parents you DO want to listen to his albums, get them from thesoundoftheladies.com. Perfect soundtrack for gardening and cat funerals.
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we consider the ridiculousness of reading about Web 2.0 via Web 0.0, ie print media, which is going the way of JLS before too long.
We don’t intend to go anywhere soon, though, so do send us your QUESTIONS for forthcoming episodes: leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis; or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
Bye!
Helen & Olly
PS Revisit our previous discourse about the male and female symbols in AMT96 and JLS in AMT187.
In Answer Me This! Episode 254, we consider whether it’s acceptable to share creamy substances with your partner in public. Ice cream, that is. What did you think we meant, you dirty birdy?
We also discuss:
netball
space food
Artex AMT wedding lists
Tanzanian supu vs. Jewish chicken soup
tiger penis vs. whitebait penis
the Kennedy Space Center gift shop
greetings card inspiration
cleaning up after your parents
goat lungs
and
Nossex.
Plus: there’s only one Olly Mann, apart from the other one (and the imposter one); Helen doesn’t know where you need to go to find stimulating material for your braces fetish, so don’t even bother asking; and Martin the Sound Man is crackers. But you can follow him on Instagram if you like crackers (or, eggs and pictures of clouds).
Speaking of clouds, we’re very happy to tell you that we’re now on SoundCloud! The AMT cumulonimbus is amassing and ready to rain podcasts on you at SoundCloud.com/answermethis.
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we throw shade at one of the biggest menaces of the 21st century: cupcakes. Crapcakes, more like! Amirite?
It just remains for us to request your QUESTIONS for forthcoming episodes: leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis; or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
I’m pretty sure he is single and I know he is gay.
The only conversation we have had outside of ordering was about the linguistics paper we had done together last year and whether we were doing any others. We hadn’t spoken during the paper.
How do I maybe get it to the point where I could ask him out and stop spending $6.90 a day on juice?
Readers, go to the comments and help Dan out, before he is bankrupted by juice. Although maybe he is hankering after this guy in the hope that, if his affections are returned, he’ll get free juice?
Anyway, I think Dan should just be direct and ask him out – if straightforwardness is a problem, perhaps he could spell out ‘Will you go out with me?’ in fruit – because if his approach is rejected, he no longer needs to keep spending the $6.90 a day on juice either.
Answer Me This! Podcast 
EPISODE 255 – you can’t build up to the Shewee
May 2, 2013Hello listeners,
We really hope you didn’t first hear the sad news about JLS on Answer Me This! Episode 255. If you did, please accept our condolences at this difficult time.
Through our veil of grief, today we discuss:
fruit PDA
inappropriate gifts
Volvos
proofreading Pitbull’s party anthems
Pop Star to Deer Farmer
Abz from 5ive
bangs
Andre 3000 + Beyonce covering Winehouse
porn prodigies
Paul Torrisi
Olly’s mum’s sex tips
and
Olly’s cat’s arsehole.
Plus: Olly’s not so much house-hunting as Costco cupboard-hunting; Michelle Obama makes Helen weepy; and if unlike Martin the Sound Man’s parents you DO want to listen to his albums, get them from thesoundoftheladies.com. Perfect soundtrack for gardening and cat funerals.
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we consider the ridiculousness of reading about Web 2.0 via Web 0.0, ie print media, which is going the way of JLS before too long.
We don’t intend to go anywhere soon, though, so do send us your QUESTIONS for forthcoming episodes: leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis; or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
Bye!
Helen & Olly
PS Revisit our previous discourse about the male and female symbols in AMT96 and JLS in AMT187.
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Tags:5ive, Abz, Alex James, Amy Winehouse, ancient gods, Ancient Rome, Andre 3000, anus, art, Aston Merrygold, awkward, bands, bangs, Beyonce, birthday presents, bisexuality, bodily functions, bottoms, boundaries, boybands, break-ups, cars, clubs, comments, Costco, couples, deer, equine, erotica, families, family, fringes, fruit, gifts, hair, hair styles, homosexuality, horses, innuendo, International Love, iron, JB Gill, JLS, Latin, literature, M&S, Mars, Marvin Humes, Michelle Obama, multiple sclerosis, music, novels, Olly's cat, One Direction, optimism, Oritse Williams, parents, party anthems, Paul Torrisi, PDA, Pitbull, pop, pop bands, prawn, prodigy, reality tv, romance, Romans, Rupert Grint, sex, sexuality, Shewee, Simon Cowell, SoundCloud, splits, stag parties, symbols, telly, the apprentice, The Big Reunion, The Voice, venison, Volvo, weapons, Will.I.Am, X Factor, yuk
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