Posts Tagged ‘planes’

EPISODE 363: The Soupsoaker

June 7, 2018

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Have you been collecting your own hair since your bushy-headed youth, in order to make a wig* to wear during your sparsely furred later years? If so, could you let questioneer Ryan know asap if that was a good plan or not? Find out why in Answer Me This! Episode 363, in which we also consider:

Kylie’s 50th birthday
in flight magazines
House of Commons fisticuffs
James Cameron, keeping busy
the Queen a stick
razor blade disposal units
racing against your mum
the Cosmic Liquidator
cat turd sculptures
and
up in the air with Karen Gillan.

*Good on you if you’ve ever donated your hair though!
SPARE CRAPP 362

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – we have a question from Emma from Sweden about the false image we all carry in our minds of Mickey Mouse. Get the app to HEAR THE TRUTH!

Check in with our other work: Olly hosts The Week Unwrapped, the podcast that keeps you up to date with all the news stories that haven’t been drilling into your skull constantly. And Helen and Martin are performing the Allusionist live show on stages in Australia and New Zealand in the next few weeks; you can check where and when at theallusionist.org/events.

Thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring the show, and for making it so easy to set up a good-looking website for your projects. Just like long-term AMT listener Ace Coggins did! Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.

The Bluffers’ Guides are back! Rapidly become well-informed in subjects from jazz to management to fishing to dogs at bluffers.com.

Send us your QUESTIONS: any time, deliver a voice memo or a written question by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. You can still use the old ways of calling the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, but a lot of those messages haven’t been reaching us lately. So emailing a voice memo is the safer bet.

Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT364 on 5 July 2018, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 21 June.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT363 Child-Friendly Rating: 74%. It’s not blue, but the episode does contain some parliamentary fighting, and no kid needs that in their life. •••

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EPISODE 358: beautiful woman, sexual metaphor, slapstick.

January 4, 2018

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It’s AMT’s 11th birthday! To celebrate, we can’t replicate how Olly spent his own 11th birthday, at Cody’s Tex-Mex restaurant in Stevenage, because it closed down. So instead we’ve made some mild-to-moderate life changes – hear all about them Answer Me This! Episode 358, in which we also consider:

Nicole Scherzinger’s rancid yoghurt-nose
chutney WHY WHY WHY
goldfish as gifts
glass coffins
dairy for ditzes
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Forty Dragons
Goldilocks and the Three Bears Scant Plot
the price of gold pens
jamnesty
kalettes
piranha ribs
hot tubs vs hot pot
and
Olly Mannhood.

Should we be flattered that some of you have named your sexy body parts after us? Is it some kind of ultra-effective contraceptive? Because if you need a libido-killer, you’ve really invented a great one.

Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – contains some listener suggestions for David who complained in episode 355 that strangers won’t leave him alone because his dog is too cute. David should have looked for tips in the documentary about the making of Moonwalker! It’s OBVIOUS!

You still have a couple of weeks to get our most recent Retro AMT, the Best of 2010 part 1 – a good year! For AMT japes, anyway. All our Best Of compilations, as well as episodes 1-200 and our five special albums, are available to buy from the AMT store.

Thanks to today’s sponsors: first direct, whose online banking services you can find at firstdirect.com; and those stalwarts of podcast support Squarespace. Have a go during the two-week free trial, then get 10% off Squarespace’s website-hosting and -designing services for a whole year with the discount code ‘answer‘.

Send us your QUESTIONS for AMT in 2018: send us a voice memo or a written question by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. You can still use the old ways of calling the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, but a lot of those messages haven’t been reaching us lately, and we hate to think of your intriguing witty questions being lost to us.

Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT359 on 1 February 2018, and with a Retro AMT episode on 18 January. And if you’re in or near San Francisco on 12 January, get a ticket HERE to see Helen and Martin at SF Sketchfest.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT358 Child-Friendly Rating: 38%. Mostly ok, but the question about naming your genitals after us might traumatise your innocent offspring forever. •••

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EPISODE 344: shining the silver

November 17, 2016

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Cuddle up, listeners. Recorded on the day of the US election before the result came in, Answer Me This! Episode 344 is a relic of the pre-Trump era, in which we blithely speak of:

Savoy cabbage
Savoy Theatre
Savoy Hotel
Savoyterranean Homesick Blues
Argos’s finest tractor mower
‘Staying Alive’
Napoleon Dynamite vs Black Swan
zombie cockroaches
Concorde 2
zesty Richard Blackwood
and
where is Condoleezza Rice?

Plus: Olly will lie through his artificially whitened teeth to get on the radio; Helen was lured onto Late Night Womanʼs Hour under false pretences; and Martin the Sound Man used to love a good read of the Argos Catalogue.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App, Olly describes his happy place. Yes, it is Disney-related. Get the app for your iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices.

Thanks to our friends at Squarespace.com for sponsoring this episode, and for giving you 10% off their website-hosting and -designing services for a whole year if you use the discount code ‘answer‘.

Shop for our first 200 episodes or our albums at answermethisstore.com. Also remember to get yourself a free Audible audiobook at answermethispodcast.com/audible.

To send us questions for future episodes, call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, and email answermethispodcast@ googlemail.com. Be our interfriend at twitter.com/helenandolly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back on 1 December with AMT345,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT344 Child-Friendly Rating: 84%. No bawd, and few – if any – swears (sorry, we weren’t really paying attention). •••

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EPISODE 340: the post-pre-Netflix world

September 22, 2016

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Listeners, how terribly remiss of us to make it through three quarters of 2016 without marking the fact that it has been designated by the UN as the International Year of Pulses. But thankfully there’s still three months of it in which to celebrate, starting with a pulverised pea party in Answer Me This! Episode 340. We also speak of:

VHS tapes
bear shit
whale shit
mushy peas
candy floss
Graham from Canada nostalgia
double beds
The Hays Code
bad advice from The Modern Man (NOT The Modern Mann)
marrowfat facts (marrowfacts?)
and
FitFatbit.

Plus: Olly finally unsubscribed from his ‘Paying for a gym is just as productive as attending a gym’ fitness plan; Helen advises on her specialist subject: avoiding social interaction; and Martin the Sound Man is all umami and no trousers.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available on iThings, Android and Windows devices – an anonymous questioneer has a dilemma about free wine. Well, it’s not really free. Someone always pays. Just, in this case, not him. (But possibly Martin, twice, because he is SUCH a good citizen.)

If you want to spend your wine budget on more AMT, head to answermethisstore.com to stock up on our albums and our first 200 episodes. You can also generate FREE MONEY for us and a FREE AUDIOBOOK for you at answermethispodcast.com/audible.

To send us questions for future episodes, call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, and email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Be our interfriend at twitter.com/helenandolly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back on 6 October with AMT341,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT340 Child-Friendly Rating: 44%. Quite a few strong swears. References to sex. •••

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EPISODE 330: Huey, Dewey, Louie and Phooey

January 14, 2016

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Happy new year to you, listeners, and here’s your first dose of AMT for 2016. In Answer Me This! Episode 330, we ponder upon:

All Saints – not the band, the shop
Della Duck
Air Force One
boxing belts
remembering people’s names
Tom Cribb vs Tom Molyneux vs George Foreman Grills
Carson vs Alfred vs Jeeves
the psychology of Hampton Court
presidential decoys
and
Jacuzzi bubbles.

Plus: Olly dreams of being like Kathy Bates (in About Schmidt, not in Misery); in the Battle of the Butlers, Jeeves is Helen’s man – even if he’s a ‘gentleman’s gentleman’ rather than a butler; and Martin the Sound Man makes a new friend in the jacuzzi.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iThings, Android and Windows devices – we consider a sporting event that appeals to fans of both board games and blood sports: chessboxing.

Thanks very much to today’s sponsor Squarespace.com, who’ll give you 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year if you invoke the code ANSWER. And if you do so, you’re showing Squarespace that they should continue supporting this show, so we all win. Unlike chessboxing, which we’d probably all lose.

There’re no prizes for asking us questions, only answers: leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Befriend us online at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

SCHEDULING ANNOUNCEMENT: Olly’s baby is due out imminently. AMT331 will land on 28th January 2015, and after that, we’ll be taking three months off for paternity leave. We’ll let you know any news about the Mannbaby as soon as it/he arrives!

Helen & Olly

••• AMT330 Child-Friendly Rating: 85%. Maybe a couple of swears? Low on bawdy content. Overall: pretty respectable. •••

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EPISODE 329: Log’s your uncle

December 10, 2015

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In Answer Me This! Episode 329, one questioneer wrestles with the ethics of breeding Christmas-truther children who ruin everything for the other kiddos; another introduces us to the Catalan Christmas tradition we now desperately need to appropriate. Listen to find out about those, and also these:

free coffee
safety curtains
Caffe Nero loyalty
the internet on disc
caganer
dehumanising apps
phosphor burning
Elf: The Musical
festive NORAD
and
the shitting uncle.

Plus: Olly rode the carousel we all dream of riding; at primary school, Helen reined in her Junior Richard Dawkins; and Martin the Sound Man manages to ruin Oral-B for everyone, thanks Martin.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App, the talk of free coffee fraud turns to a far graver offence: Toys R Us fraud. To hear, fire up the app on your iThings, Android and Windows devices.

Thanks very much to today’s sponsor Squarespace.com, who’ll give you 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year if you invoke the code ANSWER.

Thanks also to everyone who has supported the show by buying the Answer Me This! Christmas album. If you haven’t yet, this is really the time of year to do so. April, not so much. It’s available at answermethisstore.com, as well as some of the online retail behemoths – links and further details of the contents are available at answermethispodcast.com/christmas.

We are now collecting your questions for AMT in 2016! Leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Befriend us online at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

We’ll return with the Best of AMT 2015 on 24th December 2015.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT329 Child-Friendly Rating: 5%. Some swears; some bawdy references; and the greatest peril of all: THE ADMINISTRATIVE PROCESS OF CHRISTMAS GIFTS IF YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN AND WE THINK YOU DO. So, beware! Also, Olly encourages your children to break the airport rules, which will probably get them tasered. •••

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EPISODE 268 – you’ll just be left with a really fat lion

August 22, 2013


Hello listeners,

Although August is coming to a close, and with it the Edinburgh Fringe, there’s still just enough time to incorporate our grade-A publicity techniques into your show. Learn from the masters in Answer Me This! Episode 268:

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In which we also consider:

SeaWorld
ark logistics
glacier cherries
Peter Nichols’ Passion Play
Noah’s flood vs. the great flood of Edgware
transporting whales
E number 127
aeroplane seat-reclining etiquette
endless Chorus Line
war poetry
and
Barry Scott.

Plus: Olly warns you not to sit behind him on a flight, as he provides his own, er, jet propulsion; Helen still regrets inadvertently reviving the Al Jolson look for Edinburgh Fringe punters; and Martin the Sound Man fails the ‘name the artificial colourant in the glacé cherries’ game.

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App, which is available for iDevices and Android, Helen tells you the magic trick with which you can WOW your friends (or thoroughly disappoint them if all they wanted was a nice refreshing orange).

Don’t disappoint us: send us your nice refreshing QUESTIONS. Leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. If we answer them, as Barry Scott would say: bang, and the doubt is gone.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

AMT268 Child-Friendly Rating: 75%. In the aftermath of AMT267, this episode opens with further discussion of virginity loss, with concomitant references to genitalia and sexual practices. However the rest of the episode is clean beans, aside from a couple of swears.

PS Because we’d never leave you with an endless Chorus Line:

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EPISODE 241 – biological bidet

January 10, 2013

Happy new year, listeners! Behold the first podcast of 2013, Answer Me This! Episode 241:

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Today we talk of:

Paul Merton
manatee poo
summer lovin’
Jools Holland’s personal Portmeirion
gingerbread houses vs. Grand Designs
the Brand New Heavies
birth days
car calorie counting
Tweet
Kate Middleton’s trendsetting womb
Tulisa’s titillating tape
Anne Hathaway’s minge
New Year’s purges
and
timberrrrrrrrr!

Plus: Olly is a bit disappointed by a big fake clock; Helen does not want your gifts, nor does she deserve them; and Martin the Sound Man sets Jay Kay a parsimonious budget so that he can stretch his acid jazz fortune a little further without skimping on treats.

Further to our royal foetus discussion, in this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we deliberate over which royal we’d choose to have a baby with – because if and when that opportunity rises, you do want to have given it proper consideration beforehand. Otherwise you might end up co-parenting with Prince Michael of Kent. Nobody wants that.

What we DO want are QUESTIONS for the new year. Email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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mile high Christmas

December 18, 2012

CLICK HERE FOR THE BEST OF AMT2012 part 1

Over the AMT years, we thought we made it clear that we are not keen on the idea of joining the Mile High Club. We cannot feel sexy on planes because we are too busy thinking about death/trying to stop our eyeballs drying out/watching as many 2.5-star films as we can. Plus plane lavatories, the traditional location for an exquisite and classy act of mid-air copulation, are disgusting.

But despite all this, Lauren in Canada is undeterred:

So I am from England and my boyfriend is Canadian. We are currently living together in Canada but we will be flying over to London to spend this Christmas with my family.

Our plane takes off just before midnight and will be a nice night flight. I am thinking this is the perfect opportunity to try and join the mile high club, you know just for a laugh. The lights will be dimmed, and most people will be trying to sleep, so should be easy enough to sneak off to the bathroom.

I am aware that it’s not going to be mind blowing or romantic, I just want to have the experience. Id even be happy with some heavy petting under the complimentary blankets!!!!

However, the boyfriend isn’t too keen on the idea and told me that it’s a ‘federal offence’. I think he is scared at being marched through Heathrow in handcuffs whilst meeting my Dad for the first time.

So Helen and Olly, answer me this: Can we really get into actual serious trouble?

AND

more importantly, how can I pursuade him to give it a try!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First question first: realistically, unless you’re doing something VERY depraved and disruptive to others, your punishment is likely to be no stronger than a frown and a polite admonition from the flight attendants. But technically it could be a legal transgression, depending upon the laws of the country of take-off, the country of landing, and the country you’re flying over at the time. So choose your moment carefully, Lauren, because if you get caught over Greenland, they’ll feed your genitals to a polar bear.

As for your second question, reread the opening paragraph, Lauren. We cannot overcome our horror to help you. However, perhaps our disgusting and unhygienicracy and adventurous readers can assist? Go to the comments and suggest to Lauren how she can convince her reluctant boyfriend to let her ring his jingle bells at 30,000 feet.

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EPISODE 227 – McSlurry

August 9, 2012

Hey listeners,

Of course we love hearing about your lives; also when you send us stuff. But this may have gone too far in Answer Me This! Episode 227:

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Wherein we consider:

Zooey Deschanel
holiday money
Worcestershire Sauce
wanking off vs. jacking off
Olympics vs. Eurovision
Baron Pierre de Coubertin
the sporty Vatican
flying horses
pasta sauce
and
a table covered in ice cream.

Plus: Olly doesn’t like the look of Joey Potter’s chalice nowadays, but back in the 90s he did get a bit Dawson Leary (Dawson Leery, more like); Helen was a financially responsible child – yet another way in which she peaked too early; and Martin the Sound Man recommends keeping your pasta carbonara minimalist, even if you really need a little nipper of booze to get you through.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App iDevices and Android is a question from Joss which reveals Olly’s Napoleon Complex. This is concerning trees, not height, seeing as Olly is 6’3″ when he stands up straight.

Next week is our last episode before we take a month-long hiatus, so hurry and send us your QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (Skype answermethis or dial 0208 123 5877) or send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

The AMT Sports Day: exercise for your ears

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EPISODE 223 – Adele is the new Def Leppard

July 12, 2012

Happy wedding anniversary, Henry VIII! Verily on this day in 1543, he married Catherine Parr, and as they say, sixth time’s the charm. According to the Big Book of Weddings, the traditional gift for the 469th anniversary is ‘MP3’, so here’s Answer Me This! Episode 223 for you, you loved-up kids:

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Today we contemplate:

speciation
bloody Mary
pub lighting
Def Leppard videos vs. Duran Duran videos
Bieber vs. dopamine
pride vs. prizes
curry house atmosphere
crisp etiquette (US translation: potato chip etiquette)
farm-themed restaurants
sepulchral Hollister
and
that bitch Tinkerbell.

Plus: Olly is mistaken for someone even lower on the celebrity ladder than he is; Helen breaks the bad news that Cain and Abel were motherjeffers; and Martin the Sound Man has something in common with the Queen, other than his fondness for shiny jewels and waving.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available on iDevices and Android) demonstrates how Martin paid a woman to write his name on her body. For ‘charity fundraising’, allegedly. Good ruse!

Another good ruse is to send us your QUESTIONS by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leaving voicemails to the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis). More questions, more podcasts, see?

And don’t forget to click here to check out our latest album, the Answer Me This! Sports Day – the best 59 minutes and 33 seconds of all-new sporty-talk we have ever produced.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 213 – the gastronomic Human Centipede 2

May 3, 2012

¡Hola!

There’s been a lot of talk of Mexican food lately on Answer Me This!. We make no apologies for this. It is a magnificent cuisine. Episode 213 continues the theme, as we chomp on the history of nachos; click below to chomp on the episode:

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Other topics of the day include:

joke thieves
Issey Miyake
the premiere of HMS Pinafore
Arab Strap vs. The Boy With the Arab Strap
police on horseback vs. police on stilts
tortillas vs. tortilla chips
the Edinbugh Tattoo vs. Edinburgh tattoos.
D’Oyly Carte
air shows
and
saving Greece with yoghurt-based tourism.

Plus: Olly apparently spends a lot of time looking at horses’ privates; Helen concocts an unusual analogy for Oliver Cromwell and the, er, Roundheads; and Martin the Sound Man somehow enjoys the company of this dickhead, who is likely to be cited as the co-respondent when Helen files the divorce papers.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) is a question from Harriet in York, concerning the self-replicating Magnum Infinity. Soon to be rebranded the Magnum Metaphor after an investigation by the Advertising Standards Authority.

There is additional noise for you to enjoy this week courtesy of Martin and the FIFTIETH episode of his Sound of the Ladies podcast. It’s a song about bears or Creation Records or something – click here to check it out.

Then, formulate a QUESTION and send it to us, as a voicemail to the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis) or an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next week!

Helen & Olly

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