Posts Tagged ‘ejaculate’
January 25, 2016
Gird your loins, unbutton your emotions, because the Answer Me This! Love album is OUT NOW and begging for your affections.
The album features a whole hour of love, sex, dating and genitals, and it’s all completely new AMT material that has never appeared on the podcast. Such as:
♥ Is it appropriate to buy sexy clothes for your mum?
♥ How do you make putting on a condom fun?
♥ Just what is in that liquid squirting out of your girlfriend?
♥ When you’ve lost your engagement ring, how best to style it out?
♥ Is your partner’s schoolgirl fetish something you should worry about? It’s not like he’s a teacher – oh, he is? Oh.
♥ How do you set up a blind date when you’re a blind dater?
♥ How can anyone feel horny at the prospect of a vagina bristling with sharp, spiky horns?
♥ What’s the best point of a wedding ceremony to call it off?
♥ How do they come up with all those lines on Take Me Out?
♥ What is your exhibitionist housemate really trying to show you?
♥ How many holes should there be in a penis?
Here’s a little preview:
Any further questions?
♥ Is this album suitable for me if I’m not at all in the mood for love, sex, or interacting with humanity at all?
YES. If all these people were having such a great time, they wouldn’t be writing to us, would they?
♥ Is this album child-friendly?
HELL NO.
♥ Will this album teach me what it’s like to have the Olly Mann Valentine’s Experience?
YES.
♥ Will Helen say the word ‘urethra’ so many times, I will feel a bit sick?
MAYBE.
You can get it from iTunes and Amazon, but if you want all of your money to go to us and none to Megacorp, buy it directly from the AMT Store.
Tags:albums, AMT Love, animals, aphrodisiacs, arousal, attraction, bathroom, bawdy, blind dates, blindness, bodies, bodily fluids, bodily functions, body parts, boner killers, boners, cards, catchphrases, chat-up lines, chatting up, chemistry, children, cleft palates, climax, clothes, cohabitation, coming, condoms, consent, contraception, contraceptives, courting, courtship, culture, cunnilingus, dates, dating, dating shows, dicks, double dick dude, dressed lobster, dressing up, ejaculate, ejaculation, email, embarrassment, emotions, engagement, engagement rings, erotic, etiquette, etymology, exhibitionism, exhibitionists, families, family, fantasies, fantasy, female ejaculation, fetishes, first moves, flatmates, flirting, fluids, frustration, garments, gender, genitalia, genitals, getting married, gifts, goats, greetings cards, Groupon, Guelphs, honesty, hormones, horns, horny, housemates, internet dating, Japan, Japanese, Kinky Boots, love, lovemaking, lovers, magic tricks, manners, marriage, meat markets, medicine, meeting people, men, messages, Mother's Day, motherhood, mothers, mum, naked, narwhals, nether regions, networking, nudity, nurses, objectification, Olly's mum, online dating, open relationships, oral sex, orgasms, Paddy McGuinness, parents, partners, partnerships, Patrick Macnee, penises, physical, pick-up, prawn, presents, professional, prophylactics, registrars, relations, relationships, relatives, romance, roommates, school, sex, sexual, sexual awakenings, sexual fantasies, sexuality, sexy, sexy nurses, sexy schoolgirls, showers, shy, shyness, sight, Skene's glands, spark, squirters, squirting, stimulation, students, subtlety, Take Me Out, teachers, telly, The Isle of Fernando's, too far, TV, tv shows, urethras, urine, vaginas, Valentine, Valentine's cards, Valentine's Day, vision impairment, wangs, wedding ceremonies, weddings, whoops!, women, words, workplace, writers, yuk
Posted in albums, extracurricular activities, News | Leave a Comment »
June 19, 2013
Pack your flippers, sunblock and emergency stomach medicine, because our new album The Answer Me This! Holiday is ready to depart!
It’s 58 minutes 3 seconds of all-new material – right down to the jingles – all about holidays, vacations, minibreaks, staycations, jaunts, sojourns, escapes; whatever you like to call them. In the usual AMT style, we tackle questions about such holidayish topics as:
things to do in New York City
summer reading lists
artificial insemination for pandas
dads’ embarrassing holiday-wear
what lies behind – or, more accurately, beneath – the scenes at Disney
Legoland sculptors
why the Spanish Steps in Rome aren’t Spanish
what to expect from a Chinese breakfast
stag parties abroad
and
why the Brits are lagging behind in competitive eating contests.
Also thrown in with your all-inclusive AMT Holiday package:
• A full range of holidaywear: clip-on sunglasses, short shorts, convertible trousers, Speedos, gilets, electroejaculators;
• Classic tourist attractions: the Staten Island Ferry, Downton Abbey, Disney’s utilidors, Burghley House, the Winchester Mystery House, Flambards and A Day at the Wells;
• Delicious holiday grub: satirical breakfasts, ‘world famous’ foods, congee, Sex on the Beach, the Heart Attack Grill, pork and its tasty friends, Economy Candy;
• Delightful holiday companions: Cara Delevingne, Eugene Levy, Nancy Mitford, Adam Richman, naked mole rats, Spagna;
• Fun holiday activities: the ‘bollocks’ game at festivals, drinking games, humiliating your fellow diners, being assaulted by Mexican shots girls, trying to remember your one-night-stand’s name.
The Answer Me This! Holiday is available right now for only £2.49 from iTUNES, AMAZON, or directly from us at the Answer Me This! Store
Want to try before you fly? Here’s a sample:
Big thanks to Amy Smith and Sam Pay for the jingles and Jenny Robertshaw for the cover – and speculatively to you for buying it, because your outlay helps fund Answer Me This! (and our actual holidays).
Tags:abbeys, abroad, Adam Richman, air travel, alcohol, America, Americans, artificial insemination, Audrey Hepburn, australia, Austria, Babe: Pig in the City, bachelor parties, backpacking, bars, bartenders, bartending, beaches, behind the scenes, bollocks, books, booze, bratwurst, breakfast, breaks, brief encounters, Brits abroad, burgers, Burghley House, cafes, California, Cancun, candy, Cara Delevingne, Chico, China, Chinese food, city breaks, climate, clip-on sunglasses, clothes, clothing, cocktails, competitive eating, confectionery, congee, cool, Cornwall, country houses, customs, dads, deep-fried devils, dim sum, Disney, Disney parks, Donald Trump, Downton Abbey, drink, drinking, drinking games, drinks, eating, eating contests, Edinburgh zoo, Egypt, ejaculate, ejaculation, electroejaculation, Elf, embarrassment, endangered species, etiquette, Eugene Levy, Europe, eyewear, Facebook, fashion, fathers, festivals, fezes, films, Flambards, flights, flying, food, foreign travel, frat boys, Friends, full English breakfast, fun, gilets, Great Britain, habits, hats, Heart Attack Grill, hedonism, Highclere Castle, holidaymakers, holidays, Home Alone 2, hot dogs, humiliation, identity, islands, Italy, Japan, Japanese food, jaunts, jetlag, Judi Dench, King Kong, Las Vegas, Lego, Legoland, legs, leisure, living museums, locals, mac'n'cheese, Man V Food, Manhattan, manners, meals, meat, Merlin, Mexico, mochi, movies, museums, music festivals, naked mole rats, Nancy Mitford, New York, New York City, noodles, one night stands, Only Fools and Horses, overseas, package holidays, panda sperm, pandas, parents, period costume, Peter Sutcliffe, Piazza dei Spagna, Propofol, public displays of eating, public humiliation, publishing, pubs, reading, resorts, restaurants, rice, road trips, Roman Holiday, Rome, seasons, serendipity, sex, shame, short shorts, shorts, shot girls, shots, Spagna, Spain, Spanish Steps, Speedos, sperm-gathering, spring break, stag parties, stags, stately homes, Staten Island ferry, staying at home, summer, sun, sunglasses, sunshine, sweets, tallow, Tenerife, terms of endearment, Texas, The Hangover, theme parks, thighs, Times Square, Tom Daley, tourism, tourist attractions, tourists, tours, transatlantic, travel, traveling, trips, trousers, Tunbridge Wells, turkey, UK, USA, Utah, utilidors, vacation, Victorian England, Victorians, Vienna, visiting, visitors, visits, walking, Walt Disney, weather, Yorkshire Ripper, yoyos, zoos
Posted in albums, extracurricular activities, frippery | 12 Comments »
June 19, 2012
‘Two wrongs don’t make a right’ is the moral of today’s parable from Pete from Essex:
The other day when I came home late, I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth, but to my despair, I walked in on my brother’s slutty fuck buddy brushing her teeth…WITH MY TOOTHBRUSH!!!
Instantly I asked her what she was doing, she replied saying, “Your brother said I could use this brush.” I wasn’t best pleased but didn’t make a fuss of it; needless to say, I had to go to bed with stinky breath and waited till the morning to go and get a new toothbrush to brush my teeth.
The next day I came home at about the same time, only to discover the bitch in the bathroom once again, using the very toothbrush that I had bought the day before… I was fuming… Again I said to her, “What the hell do you think you’re doing!?” and she replied again saying, “It was a new toothbrush and your brother said I could use it…” I said “Yes! It was a new toothbrush to replace the one you used yesterday!!” For the second night in a row I had to go to bed with stinky breath. Extremely annoyed, I had to bite my tongue.
The next day, I woke up and went to the bathroom to relieve myself but I noticed my brother’s toothbrush in the corner of the room in the little pot and thought to myself, what can I do to get my own back? I thought about sticking it up my arse, but had second thoughts as it might hurt and I’m not so keen on the idea of having something up my arse.
As it was the morning, I had a raging hard on, so I whacked one out and flumped on his toothbrush. Answer me this, was I too harsh doing this? And if so, what would you do to get your own back?
I’m currently only three episodes in to series one of Revenge, so I don’t think I’ve got to the bit where Emily/Amanda lets the complex businessy schemes slide in favour of this more playground-style retaliation. I’m definitely looking forward to her pissing in Madeleine Stowe’s milkbottles, though!
Now, even if I had had the physical capacity to ejaculate upon my brother’s toothbrush, I would not have done so, for manifold reasons:
1. I am well zen, innit.
2. a) It was not your brother who was wrongly using your toothbrush, it was his ladyfriend; b) you have no proof that your brother did sanction her usage, for her statement at the point of apprehension is not reliable evidence.
3. The idea of your own sibling INGESTING YOUR SEMINAL FLUID is too awful to contemplate (even if this doesn’t happen).
While I agree this lady’s actions are presumptuous and horrifying hygienewise, I don’t think they warrant an act of vengeance – YET. I would have slapped a name label on my own toothbrush, and splashed out the £2 on buying an extra toothbrush for your brother’s sexual partner, so she had no excuse for sticking yours in her mouth.
However, I invite you readers to suggest your own courses for revenge in the comments, in case this spree of toothbrush promiscuity continues.
Tags:bathroom, cohabitation, dental, ejaculate, hygiene, revenge, siblings, teeth, toothbrushes, vengeance
Posted in extracurricular questions, User-generated answers | 5 Comments »
Answer Me This! Podcast 