••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT245 •••
We’re still not tired of you testing the linguistic boundaries of Thorntons’ bespoke icing policy.
This post features RUDE WORDS ON CHOCOLATE, so click through to see the rest of it. Read the rest of this entry »
further adventures in icing
February 12, 2013EPISODE 245 – space chutney
February 7, 2013Hello listeners,
What are the smells that trigger certain feelings or memories for you? Does the scent of a rose transport you back to eating Turkish Delight with your gran? Do exhaust fumes remind you of that trip to Rome where you lost your wallet but gained some minor STDs? Does cider bring back all too vividly that time you puked into your dad’s slippers?
Whatever the flavour of your nasal nostalgia, take a big sniff and listen to Answer Me This! Episode 245:
Today we speak of:
Annie Lennox
bouquet tossing
uniformdating.com
the grapevine
the cheesy moon
the Earl of Grantham’s house before he moved into Downton Abbey
Arrested Development vs. Arrested Development
Phenom
sexy dill
wedding suits
Marvin Gaye: phone engineer
DVD/Blu-ray ordering
and
the lies of David Sneddon.
Also: Olly’s not a bad driver, it’s just his cursed jumper; Helen is abusing her magnificent brain, by filling it with shitcoms then hitting it with beer bottles; and Martin the Sound Man’s impression of Gregg Wallace is uncannilly shitty.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) is a question from Ellen in North Carolina about the Tim Tam Explosion. If you’re not sure what that is, imagine the Australian version of the Soggy Biscuit Game.
On the subject of sweet things, see the proof of Thorntons icing HERE. But this innocentish fun has a dark side, and we don’t just mean 70% cocoa solids dark. As you’ll find out in the episode, Thorntons are striking back! Ulp…
Assuming Thorntons haven’t shut us down by next week, send us your QUESTIONS: email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.
Byeee!
Helen & Olly
ALBUMS • iTUNES • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • FAQ
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH
bad birthday
February 7, 2013
••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT244 •••
We won’t be wishing birthday boy Declan many happy returns after the day he had:
It was my birthday on Monday and it was dreadful. I had to do a statistics exam in the morning, which was bad enough; but then I had to catch the bus to get home. The bus was crowded and a few people were standing. One man, who had two seats to himself, suddenly stood up and rushed off the bus. I thought this was strange but I thought nothing more of it.
I then sat down in his seat to discover that the seat was warm and damp.
Answer me this: what are your worst birthday experiences? Mine is definitely sitting in another man’s urine.
Luckily I can’t equal or top that; but readers, can you? Go to the comments and make Declan feel less alone in his puddle of piss.
ALBUMS • iTUNES • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • FAQ
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH
inky
February 5, 2013
••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT244 •••
Following last week’s ‘black or blue?’ ink debate, we’ve received the following inkformation from Su:
I am a civil servant and, in the days before computers, it was mandatory to use black ink on all official documents. This was because black was the only colour that did not fade – over time other colours fade out so the text cannot be seen. Red could be used for amendments but that was only because the amendments would be included in a final documents written in black ink.
Aaron meanwhile sheds light on why green ink is the ink of madness – because it’s the ink of choice for people who are surrounded by all the drugs! He says:
I work in a hospital (in the UK) and noticed on a drug chart that the pharmacist had written over the chart in GREEN INK!!!!
Well, it turns out the profession of pharmacist have claimed green ink for their own pointless notes on a drug charts, such as ‘take with food’ ‘give slowly’ and ‘mix with water’.
Answer me this: are there any other professions or trades that feel they need to claim a colour for themselves?
Evidently the civil service – see above – but readers, if you’re in a profession which insists upon, say, violet ink, or allows only orange Rorschach tests, then let us know in the comments. Although typing in boring old black and white is probably anathema to you.
By the way, Aaron, I’m going to guess that the green ink is a sensible measure so the notes are visible against the other prevailing colours on the drug charts. Also I don’t think that ‘take with food’ and ‘mix with water’ are at all pointless, as anyone who has tried ibuprofen on an empty stomach, or attempted to ingest dry Lemsip powder, will know.
ALBUMS • iTUNES • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • FAQ
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH
it blows to be Joe
February 5, 2013••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT244 •••
We’re pleased to hear from Joe in Seattle from AMT244, because he’s telling us we were RIGHT. Even though us being RIGHT means his love life went a bit WRONG. He writes:
I recently asked you if I was being blown off via text after a first date, and you answered in the podcast that my chances didn’t look good.
Here’s an update: I figured I had nothing to lose, so a week or so later I sent a second text, suggesting a possible time and place for a second date. No reply.
I’m going to go read alone in a coffee shop now.
Well, at least you’re in the ideal location to do that. Wrap yourself in flannel, crank up the Mudhoney, and hope that Bridget Fonda is your waitress.
ALBUMS • iTUNES • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • FAQ
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH
chocolate rain (of rude words)
February 4, 2013
••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT244 •••
We knew we could count on you to send us sweary Thorntons products, you bunch of chocolate-loving pottymouths! This has to be one of the best slews of feedback we have ever had. It also contains Swear Words so the rest of the post is after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »
EPISODE 244 – waterboarded by Usher
January 31, 2013Hey, you! Yes, you – the man with the insecurity about your penis size! How would you like a new app that tells you how yours is the smallest wang in the world, and your ideal condom size is ‘Mouse Tail’? Well, colour yourself lucky – because today we tell you how to slim down your self-esteem by up to 100% in Answer Me This! Episode 244:
We also speak of:
carb crimes in Costco
gherkins
gurkhas
Bieber vs. Prince
Simon vs. Garfunkel
homemade peanut butter
dating disappointments
life disappointments
judgy mums
gushers
immigration officials
the green ink brigade
and
two thousand and late.
Plus: Olly wants to reclaim the red pen from censorious teachers and proofreaders; Helen makes good bread with her rough unfeminine hands; and Martin the Sound Man is all about the bell curve, laydeez.
Furthermore, if you’ve ever longed to hear Olly and Martin percussing their way through ‘The Boxer’ and ‘Born To Run’, you’re quids in! That is, you’re willing to expend two quids to get the AMTapp and thus this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android).
Finally! Please send us your QUESTIONS: email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.
See you next Thursday,
Helen & Olly
PS For revision purposes, here’s that Bieber-wets-himself video for ‘Beauty and the Beat’:
ALBUMS • iTUNES • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • FAQ
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH
Glastonbury
January 31, 2013••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT243 •••
Improbably, here’s a double bill of questions about Glastonbury. The first is from Cara from Somerset:
I live in Somerset and as you may or may not know, EVERYONE in Somerset goes to Glastonbury festival in the summer. I have been every year for free. This year I hope to go for free again. I have a friend whose dad has loads of friends who work at festivals so they go to loads of festivals every year for free.
This year she has said, “Oh yeah, don’t worry, I’ll get you in for free,” which is nice. But she is a bit untrustworthy, when she says she will do something, I don’t know if she will do it. Also she seems to be less and less certain, saying to me that I “have to think positive”.
So answer me this: shall I try to get a resale ticket and spend a massive 200 quid (I earn £3 an hour) or should I put faith in my friend and risk not going????
Are there no other freeloader options you can explore? Eg: contacting your friend’s dad directly; contacting whoever got you in for free in previous years; volunteering for one of the charities that operates there; working for the festival itself?
If you’ve exhausted all those options, ask yourself whether it’s really work 66.7 of your working hours (more when you calculate your net income) for a long weekend that will be not that dissimilar to all the previous Glastonburys.
If your friend doesn’t come through in the end, stage your own Glastonbury at home: don’t wash for five days, fill your shoes with mud, smoke a dried dock leaf that someone sold to you under the pretense it was weed. At bedtime, put some trance music on really loudly in the next room, then make sure that every 40 minutes someone wakes you up by shouting and falling over your bed.
Joseph from Seattle writes about the other facet of Glastonbury’s fame:
I’m reading ‘The Idylls of the King’ (pronounced “idles” over here) and Sir Percival tells that Joseph of Arimathea took the holy grail to Glastonbury after the death of Christ.
I’ve never been to Glastonbury so, answer me this: can you imagine one of the most sacred relics of the Christian mythology being in Glastonbury?
Sure – it’s probably tucked away behind one of the shops selling tie dye and Wiccan paraphernalia.
By the way, if you want to know what happened when we went to Glastonbury, watch here:
ALBUMS • iTUNES • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • FAQ
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH
ET, the extra-tortillastrial
January 30, 2013
••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT243 •••
I’m such a fool. All this time I’ve been resigning burnt food to the compost heap, thus missing out on a potential eBay goldmine! Dan from Telford writes:
I recently found this item on eBay.
It’s a tortilla with ET’s face on it and the starting bid is a whopping $93,250!!!
It’s definitely the strangest thing I’ve ever seen on eBay but please answer me this, what’s the most bizarre thing you’ve ever seen on an online auction site??
Readers, over to you. Go to the comments and tell us about your most ludicrous ‘online auction site’ findings – or even purchases. At least one of you must have bid and won on an omelette that looks like the Virgin Mary.
Incidentally, at time of writing, the ETortilla has attracted zero bids. Also the same seller is touting a CD by ‘guitarist extraordinaire’ Turbo for bids over $10,000. Maybe they don’t have a very good grasp of the use of decimal points.
OH MY GOD THE LIKENESS IS UNCANNY
ALBUMS • iTUNES • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • FAQ
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH
No! Can it be…
January 30, 2013…a glass-fronted dishwasher???
IT’S A MIRACLE!
(If you’re wondering why we’re featuring household appliances with such enthusiasm, swot up on AMT243.)
ALBUMS • iTUNES • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • FAQ
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH
EPISODE 243 – romper suit with a bow tie
January 24, 2013Good morning listeners,
Today, we set you some coursework. We need you to conduct practical experiments into Thorntons‘ personalised icing policies, and report the results with illustrative materials. Your challenge is fully explained in Answer Me This! Episode 243:
Wherein we contemplate:
Roland Wank
elephant gelatine
Frankel
Milky Way
Percy Pig and Pals confectionery counterfeits
Game On
cutlery rules
bow tie rules
Monopoly real estate
dishwasher doors
Rizla+
Bill Bottrell
Mr Mars
Olympics keyrings
Brent Dixon’s keychains
the mystery of ‘Black or White’
and
onesies.
Plus: Olly admits that he likes to be infantilised, to the surprise of nobody; Helen finds out where to pass ‘Go’, but nobody gives her £200; and capitalist Martin the Sound Man gets trumped playing Socialist Monopoly.
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we discuss Channel 4’s Wank Week, which never aired because it was too classy for their schedules.
Don’t think you’re too classy to send us your QUESTIONS: all are welcome, so email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, or leave a voicemail on the Question Line 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.
See you next Thursday,
Helen & Olly
PS Remember, every week you can receive an extra shot of us talking if you listen to BBC 5 Live’s Let’s Talk About Tech podcast.
PPS You can receive numerous extra shots of Martin the Sound Man by seeking out his myriad other podcasts: The Sound of the Ladies podcast, the Brain Train podcast, the Global Lab podcast…
ALBUMS • iTUNES • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • FAQ
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH
Beefeating
January 24, 2013
••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT242 •••
Our quaint retro Wee Britain customs have perplexed Cameron from Hamilton, New Zealand:
I was recently listening to some earlier episodes of Answer Me This! and you were asked a question about beefeaters.
In my city we have a restaurant called Beef Eaters, and your answer to the question confused the crap out of me because I got the impression that beefeaters are people.
So answer me this, what are beefeaters? Perhaps this is a British thing which is not replicated where I come from, in New Zealand.
Indeed, it’s a British thing that’s not really replicated even in the rest of Britain that isn’t the Tower of London. But your fellow countrypeople are not completely estranged from the custom – look!
So as you can see, your suspicion was correct: beefeaters ARE people, indeed a crack team of yeoman warders who act as living breathing tourist attractionsceremonial guardians of the Tower of London.
Their beef-eating name, by popular legend, came from the notion that they had to taste-test the monarch’s food (beef – monarchs love beef) for poison, but more realistically from the fact that they used to be partially paid in beef.
Just to cause you extra confusion, Cameron, there IS also a restaurant chain here called Beefeater, but unlike the beefeaters, it was not founded by Henry VII in 1485.
Furthermore, there’s also Beefeater Gin, which even more confusingly contains no beef and cannot be eaten as it is a drink.
Answer Me This! Podcast 