10 Downing Streetview
Macunian capers
bowling shoes
streaming Number 1 singles
band t-shirts band coffins
Marlon Brando Bastille
The Grateful Dead
port
pole vault
penile sunburn
and
loom bands.
Plus: Olly’s recipe for romance involves half a bottle of ketchup; Helen wasted the opportunity to do a funny joke for the Google Streetview car; and Martin the Sound Man does a spot on impression of Jameela Jamil. No wonder the passport inspectors barely recognise him.
In today’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices, Android or Windows gadgetry), we consider such novelties as revolving restaurants and hotels that make your late-night toilet trip into a terrifying mission.
It’s not a terrifying mission to build a website thanks to this week’s episode sponsors Squarespace.com, because you can use their easy drag-and-drop templates to spruce up your online empire. And when you do, enter the code Answer for 10% off their services for a whole year.
If you feel like soundtracking your holiday with the AMT Holiday album, or the Commonwealth Games with the AMT Sports Day album, both are available now at answermethisstore.com, along with AMT1-170 if you’re really planning to go for it. After that AMTglut, you’ll surely still have an insatiable appetite for more, so please rejoin us on Thursday 7th August for AMT295.
Toodles!
Helen & Olly
••• AMT294 Child-Friendly Rating: 86%. No bawdy content; even a question about nude sunbathing remains innocent. There are two F-bombs, but face it, it’s hardly the first time your child has heard that profane word. •••
Today, we set you some coursework. We need you to conduct practical experiments into Thorntons‘ personalised icing policies, and report the results with illustrative materials. Your challenge is fully explained in Answer Me This! Episode 243:
Wherein we contemplate:
Roland Wank
elephant gelatine Frankel
Milky Way
Percy Pig and Pals confectionery counterfeits Game On
cutlery rules
bow tie rules
Monopoly real estate
dishwasher doors
Rizla+
Bill Bottrell
Mr Mars
Olympics keyrings Brent Dixon’s keychains
the mystery of ‘Black or White’
and
onesies.
Plus: Olly admits that he likes to be infantilised, to the surprise of nobody; Helen finds out where to pass ‘Go’, but nobody gives her £200; and capitalist Martin the Sound Man gets trumped playing Socialist Monopoly.
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we discuss Channel 4’s Wank Week, which never aired because it was too classy for their schedules.
Don’t think you’re too classy to send us your QUESTIONS: all are welcome, so email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, or leave a voicemail on the Question Line 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.
See you next Thursday,
Helen & Olly
PS Remember, every week you can receive an extra shot of us talking if you listen to BBC 5 Live’s Let’s Talk About Tech podcast. PPS You can receive numerous extra shots of Martin the Sound Man by seeking out his myriad other podcasts: The Sound of the Ladies podcast, the Brain Train podcast, the Global Lab podcast…
Following on from Episode 127, let’s enjoy some horrible scenes from books! Many of you have left a marvellous selection yon, and here are a few more:
Shannon: Allow me to add to your collection of scenes in literature that make one doubt man’s humanity:
1. Trimalchio’s feast in The Satyricon by Petronius: Who doesn’t love an excrement fight with their gang rape? And the dis-memberable poetry reading in the last chapters is inspired.
2. Blindness by José Saramago: More gang rape and excrement, topped off with a scene in which a man is brutally stabbed through the neck while engaged in an act that leaves an unusual mixed aftermath on his partner’s face.
Kate from Corfe Mullen: The most gruesome scene from a book that I have ever read was from David Mitchell’s Number9dream. Part of the book was set in the criminal underworld in Japan and a torture method was to place people in a cavity at the end of a ten pin bowling alley so that their heads were sticking out. The gang members would then bowl ten pin bowling balls at them.
Peter from Chicago: The most terrifying thing I ever read was a work of non-fiction by William Bradford Huie, Three Lives for Mississippi. The book tells the story of the murder of three civil-rights workers in Mississippi during “Freedom Summer” of 1964. Huie begins the book by re-telling the story of what happened in Birmingham, Alabama in 1957. Six men from a local chapter of the Ku Klux Klan gathered to decide who deserved a promotion to a higher rank within the group. One of them wanted the promotion, and to prove he deserved it, he was willing to get “blood on his hands.” They kidnapped a local Negro man, castrate him, and dumped him by the side of road.
The first time I read that section my knees slammed together and I kept my legs pressed together for almost ten minutes.
Thank god for a little palate cleanser from Colin from Newton Aycliffe, County Durham:
The song that was number one on the day I was born was Elvis Presley’s ‘Are you lonesome tonight’, which I think is quite ironic for a twice-divorced Singleton.
Just be glad your birthsong was not ‘Psycho Killer’ then, Colin.
Prepare for the scoop of the century, listeners! For inAnswer Me This! Episode 126, we reveal what Bill Murray whispered in Scarlett Johansson’s ear at the end of Lost In Translation that Elvis and Lord Lucan have actually been living together quietly in the ‘burbs all these years, and riding Shergar to the shops the secret to non-collapsing souffles how old we are.
Yes.
Yes!
Brace yourselves:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
But since we suspect that virtually none of you care about that (unless you work for the Young Person’s Railcard Fraud Squad), we’ve also included:
Fry’s Turkish Delight
body language ‘experts’
the goddess Athene ‘Babe’ by Take That
Legoland Windsor
‘The Gift’ by the Velvet Underground vs. Flat Stanley
Richard Burton vs. chuck-out songs
the Post Office
and
Mr Blobby.
Plus: Olly reveals that if you ever need to get rid of him, just play ‘Hip To Be Square’; Helen uses buttons to prove the veracity of her answers; and Martin the Sound Man tells the 1950s to Eff Off. Next week: sticking it to the 1700s!
Lest that is not enough to fill a whole episode, please be so kind as to pose YOUR QUESTIONS, via email – answermethispodcast@googlemail.com – or voicemail on Skype IDanswermethis or our question line 0208 123 5877. If you still have kindness to spare, leave your tips for Tom from Windsor to get rid of barflies in the comments; and augment and enjoy last week’s list of AMT listeners’ birth songs.
After a refreshing month in the Podcasters’ Rehabilitation Facility, we’re back with springs in our step, twinkles in our eyes, and most importantly (as far as you’re concerned), Answer Me This! Episode 125:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Into which vessel we pour such conversational juices as:
Jason Orange
henbane
Carl Perkins
the Sugababes
John Steinbeck
psoriasis vs. cirrhosis Voodoo Doughnut fail
Boney M x4
Columbia Law School
Duffy by proxy
the truth and Alan Titchmarsh
Rickrolling
deuce (not the band!)
and
the sex life of E.M. Forster.
Plus: Olly opens up a can of whup-ass on a listener who is an even more massive pedant than Helen; Helen yearns one day to be given the sack; and Martin the Sound Man has a practical solution for all you flatulent yoga-practicing types out there.
For more solutions, practical or impractical, to YOUR QUESTIONS, send us an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, or leave a voicemail on Skype IDanswermethis or our question line 0208 123 5877. If you do that, we can come back next week to answer yet more of your questions, see? How splendid! See you then!
Helen and Olly
PS. Help yourself to a bit of Olly’s birth-song ‘Stand and Deliver’, why don’t you? And head to the comments to tell us what was the Number 1 song on the day you were born, too!
RT @KatharineS93: Passed this in the car and now can’t stop singing it to the tune of ‘5 Star Hotel...’ much to the delight of my family al… 3 days ago
RT @HeladoDelFuego: @HelenAndOlly There is a great bible joke/pun. “Peter, the rock upon which I will found my church.” His name was Rock (… 5 days ago
RT @HelenAndOlly: #AMT377 has landed in your feeds! Today we deliver answers about whether there are jokes in the Bible, what to do when yo… 1 week ago
by Petronius: Who doesn’t love an excrement fight with their gang rape? And the dis-memberable poetry reading in the last chapters is inspired.
by José Saramago: More gang rape and excrement, topped off with a scene in which a man is brutally stabbed through the neck while engaged in an act that leaves an unusual mixed aftermath on his partner’s face.
. Part of the book was set in the criminal underworld in Japan and a torture method was to place people in a cavity at the end of a ten pin bowling alley so that their heads were sticking out. The gang members would then bowl ten pin bowling balls at them.
. The book tells the story of the murder of three civil-rights workers in Mississippi during “Freedom Summer” of 1964. Huie begins the book by re-telling the story of what happened in Birmingham, Alabama in 1957. Six men from a local chapter of the Ku Klux Klan gathered to decide who deserved a promotion to a higher rank within the group. One of them wanted the promotion, and to prove he deserved it, he was willing to get “blood on his hands.” They kidnapped a local Negro man, castrate him, and dumped him by the side of road.
