Posts Tagged ‘ouch’

EPISODE 354: Magic Jeff

September 7, 2017

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There’s MAGIC! all over Answer Me This! Episode 354: how to MAGICALLY transform a banana into a sliced banana, how to MAGICALLY turn an egg into an egg IN A BOTTLE, and how to MAGICALLY turn an adolescent boy into a hit with the ladies. We also learn about:

sugar nips (not a Mel Gibson expression)
the bad taste left by Jägermeister, in more than one sense
Mount Fuji vs freakshakes
Sugarloaf Mountain(s)
Jean-Eugene Robert-Houdin
intelligent disobedience
wedding injuries – for photos, see below
kings of the jungle place where lions live
magic wands
thank you very much for feeding William, thank you very much, thank you very very very much.

Plus: Olly recaps the origins of his lifelong feud with Wales; Helen does not want to learn magic tricks to break the ice at parties (also does not want to go to parties); and Martin the Sound Man can be found behind a veil of steam rising from a Szechuan hotpot.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – we learn what it takes to make Olly crack up on air: hepatitis.

Want to hear more from us? There’s the retro AMT episode we lob into your feed mid-month – right now you can hear the crowd favourite AMT186, containing the last known sighting of Owl City; to get it, subscribe to AMT on your podcatcher of choice. All of our back catalogue is available from, along with our special albums.

Come to the London Podcast Festival next month: tickets are on sale now for Helen’s live Allusionist and Martin’s Song By Song, featuring Helen and John Hodgman. And Helen will appear with her brother Andy on the live Bugle, in Jordan Jesse Go, in Radiotopia on Radiotopia, and the Networks and Representation panel; so give yourself a very Zaltzman weekend of entertainment.

Thank you very much, thank you very very very much to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode, and for making spiffy websites so easy to build. Do as Martin did: play around during the two-week free trial, then get 10% off Squarespace’s website-hosting and -designing services for a whole year with the discount code ‘answer‘.

Send us your QUESTIONS: call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis or send us a voice memo or a written question by emailing Be our interfriend at and

We’ll be back with AMT355 on 5 October 2017, and with a Retro AMT episode on 22 September.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT354 Child-Friendly Rating: 78%. Not bad! Just a handful of swears, and a question about the demon booze. •••

PS Any more wedding injury photos like these, from Jon and Lorelei (wedding chair) and Courtney (wedding croquet mallet):

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plaster cast-offs

April 28, 2015



Alex in Doncaster writes:

Like most boys at a younger age I enjoyed such hobbies as climbing trees, making rope swings and generally running around. On occasions, this led to the odd injury including broken bones, which heal when placed in a plastic/fibre glass cast. Many years later it is a good thing that I haven’t been injured in a while but I do have a faint memory of having casts removed – this included the use a type of circular saw to cut through the plaster.

This seems a little over the top to me now, but obviously I would have just accepted it as a child. However, answer me this – did/do they use a circular saw to remove casts, or is it some kind of phantom memory my brain has created?

If I haven’t made it up then how can it be that this does not generally result in loss of limbs etc??? Maybe there is a safety device to stop this or maybe it relies on supreme skill from the people doing it (seems hugely unlikely!!)? Finally is there any documented time when this has gone horribly wrong??

Readers, I turn to you for the answer, as I am not somebody who has ever worn a plaster cast/removed a plaster cast/sliced off someone’s arm whilst trying to remove a plaster cast.


tough mudder

January 7, 2015


Ben in Edinburgh is not speaking our language (our language being the sound of rolls of squidgy lazy flesh slapping against one another):

I am into obstacle course running: tough mudder, rat race etc.

I am due to compete in an event this year called ‘The Unknown‘, a 48-hour event which is basing itself on telling the competitors nothing about what will be expected, and whose aims are ‘to get you to quit before the end’ thus the psychological element of the event is huge.

I am fit and train regularly for 20-mile obstacle course events!

So, answer me this…

How can I train for an event whose obstacles, events, skills required etc are completely unknown and how can I prep myself mentally for such an event?

GUESS WHAT? We are totally unqualified to advise on how to prepare yourself for the Krypton Factor minus the fun! But we’d imagine a lot of readers have put themselves through such events, and/or are currently planning to with the early January fitness fervour. Run (up a cliff, through a snakepit and over embers covered in broken glass) to the comments to advise Ben.


EPISODE 294 – eggy Michael Jackson

July 24, 2014

Shout out to you if you’re listening to Answer Me This! Episode 294 whilst ultra running! Shout out to you if you’re listening whilst participating in some other unusual activity! Shout out to you if you’re listening whilst sitting on your lazy arse! (We don’t want to alienate our core audience.)

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On today’s slate:

10 Downing Streetview
Macunian capers
bowling shoes
streaming Number 1 singles
band t-shirts
band coffins
Marlon Brando
The Grateful Dead
pole vault
penile sunburn
loom bands.

Plus: Olly’s recipe for romance involves half a bottle of ketchup; Helen wasted the opportunity to do a funny joke for the Google Streetview car; and Martin the Sound Man does a spot on impression of Jameela Jamil. No wonder the passport inspectors barely recognise him.

In today’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices, Android or Windows gadgetry), we consider such novelties as revolving restaurants and hotels that make your late-night toilet trip into a terrifying mission.

It’s not a terrifying mission to build a website thanks to this week’s episode sponsors, because you can use their easy drag-and-drop templates to spruce up your online empire. And when you do, enter the code Answer for 10% off their services for a whole year.

It’s very very easy to send us QUESTIONS, so do it: call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, or email And be our imaginary friend at and

As mentioned on today’s show, here we are at the Regent Street Apple Store, talking about our podcasting lives with Bugle producer Chris Skinner and Football Rambler Pete Donaldson. And here are our side project podcasts The Media Podcast, Sound Women and Brain Train.

If you feel like soundtracking your holiday with the AMT Holiday album, or the Commonwealth Games with the AMT Sports Day album, both are available now at, along with AMT1-170 if you’re really planning to go for it. After that AMTglut, you’ll surely still have an insatiable appetite for more, so please rejoin us on Thursday 7th August for AMT295.


Helen & Olly

••• AMT294 Child-Friendly Rating: 86%. No bawdy content; even a question about nude sunbathing remains innocent. There are two F-bombs, but face it, it’s hardly the first time your child has heard that profane word. •••


toast vs tonsillectomy

April 16, 2014


Toast our saviour

Toast our saviour

More retro feedback, harking all the way back to AMTs 180 and 181! This is from B in The Hague, Netherlands:

In two of your previous episodes, you answered a question about whether rough foods (e.g. chips, toast) are okay to be eaten after tonsillectomy or not. In a second episode, somebody emailed to say rough foods actually help in cleaning up the buildup at the back of the throat after the operation.

And because you guys are my main source of medical advice, I decided to eat a piece of toast three days after the operation. And guess what…it did help in cleaning up the wound! This resulted in my mouth smelling less of 10 dead rats – it is now a very tolerable 1 dead rat.

I am now on my fifth day post op and I eat one piece of toast in the morning and anothee one before I brush my teeth in the evening.

Toast, it’s a miracle cure! Buy official AMT toast, PROVEN to be medically effective, only £20 a slice!


EPISODE 245 – space chutney

February 7, 2013

Hello listeners,

What are the smells that trigger certain feelings or memories for you? Does the scent of a rose transport you back to eating Turkish Delight with your gran? Do exhaust fumes remind you of that trip to Rome where you lost your wallet but gained some minor STDs? Does cider bring back all too vividly that time you puked into your dad’s slippers?

Whatever the flavour of your nasal nostalgia, take a big sniff and listen to Answer Me This! Episode 245:

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Today we speak of:

Annie Lennox
bouquet tossing
the grapevine
the cheesy moon
the Earl of Grantham’s house before he moved into Downton Abbey
Arrested Development vs. Arrested Development
sexy dill
wedding suits
Marvin Gaye: phone engineer
DVD/Blu-ray ordering
the lies of David Sneddon.

Also: Olly’s not a bad driver, it’s just his cursed jumper; Helen is abusing her magnificent brain, by filling it with shitcoms then hitting it with beer bottles; and Martin the Sound Man’s impression of Gregg Wallace is uncannilly shitty.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) is a question from Ellen in North Carolina about the Tim Tam Explosion. If you’re not sure what that is, imagine the Australian version of the Soggy Biscuit Game.

On the subject of sweet things, see the proof of Thorntons icing HERE. But this innocentish fun has a dark side, and we don’t just mean 70% cocoa solids dark. As you’ll find out in the episode, Thorntons are striking back! Ulp…

Assuming Thorntons haven’t shut us down by next week, send us your QUESTIONS: email them to or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.


Helen & Olly


broken legs

May 17, 2012


There’s a new hot trend amongst AMT listeners: broken legs! Lynne from Doncaster started it:

I broke my leg on the 4th of April 2012, well I actually broke my tibia and fibula clean in half. I had an operation to fix it where they inserted a metal rod down my tibia bone and fixed it into place with two screws at the bottom of my leg and two screws underneath my knee.

The physiotherapist sent me home with a leaflet, which says that part of my physio is to clench my buttocks together and release. Answer me this: how does clenching my bum cheeks together and releasing them, fix my terribly broken leg?

You can’t reasonably expect a buttock-clench to knit together broken bones! My guess would be that it is to keep those muscles from completely atrophying while your leg is out of action, and maybe also something to do with blood flow? If you are a physio reading this, please do enlighten us in the comments, for you are wise in the mysteries of recuperation.

Chiara should prepare to clench her buttocks for medical reasons too:

I am currently writing to you from my hospital bed – on Friday a car drove straight into my on my bike, snapping my tibia and fibula clean in two, puncturing the skin. Big owee.

When they operated on me on Friday they put a rod in my tibia, but no cast, so that I was standing on crutches 28 hours later – modern medicine is really quite miraculous!

Answer me this – What is the rod in my leg made of?

Doctors/surgeons/manufacturers of metal implants, please tell us of what Chiara is made. I believe she and Lynne are now technically cyborgs, so we have to answer their questions to keep them sweet, lest they rise from their convalescence couches and go all Terminator on us.


EPISODE 180 – Ask me about my rash

June 23, 2011

To all our listeners in the Northern Hemisphere: hope you enjoyed the summer solstice! Only 185 sleeps to go until Christmas! Wooooo!
Southern Hemispherical listeners: happy mid-winter’s day! Now roll on summer! Woo woooo!
Equatorial listeners: as you were.

One thing that is the same the world over is Answer Me This! Episode 180:

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

In it, we speak of such things as:

Gunther from Friends
seaside rock
the Wailing Wall
chocolate mousse
Claridge’s tea
mango lassi
disappointing fudge
hypnotherapy vs. stage hypnosis
British postboxes vs. French postboxes
Lady Godiva vs. Ed Balls
wanking in the Ritz.

Plus: Olly is made of stronger stuff than Carrie Bradshaw; Helen was hypnotised for love; and Martin the Sound Man admits to a few awkward moments in his honeymoon. He likes to live life like an Ashton Kutcher film, he does. Accordingly, before any and every decision, Mr Kutcher thinks, “What would Martin the Sound Man Do [WWMTSMD]?” And Demi Moore sighs, and thinks that if only she’d stayed with Bruce Willis, she wouldn’t ever have to talk about sound cards over breakfast.

This week, we’re popping up on a couple of other podcasts: Pappy’s Flatshare Slamdown, the new comedy quiz show from the AMT37 alumni; and Radio 4Xtra’s What’s So Funny?, wherein we talk in a not-so-funny way about podcasting.

Despite flirting with other podcasts, AMT will always be our (audio)boo, so keep the love alive by sending your QUESTIONS – leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or find answermethis on Skype) or send emails to – that we may magically create next week’s episode with them.

Helen & Olly