Author Archive

EPISODE 387: Planet Nipples

July 2, 2020

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At last, the AMT animal nipples special! How many do bears have? How long are an opossum’s? Where do solenodons keep theirs? Did you already learn all this from David Attenborough?? If not, you will in Answer Me This! Episode 387, along with information about:

salmon vending machines
amnesia etiquette
Easy-Bake Ovens
American flapjacks
British flapjacks
Shakespearean flapjacks
blue flashing lights
how pregnancy tests work
and
the landlord’s mystery cupboard in the basement.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for Apple and Android – Olly makes his first attempts at no-bake cakes. And survives! A triumph!

You heard Olly’s mum’s ringing endorsement for our new album AMT Home Entertainment, so hear it for yourself! For a limited period, it is available for £paywhatyouwant at answermethisstore.com.

Hear our other work:
• Helen makes The Allusionist, an entertainment show about language, and Veronica Mars Investigations, recapping every episode of Veronica Mars from the beginning.
• Olly hosts many podcasts, and you can find them all at ollymann.com, as well as his recent appearance on BBC Radio 4’s My Teenage Diary.
• Martin makes music which you can hear palebirdmusic.com, on the Pale Bird podcast, and on Spotify etc. You can also join him in contemplating the work of every song by Tom Waits Tom Waits in Song By Song.

This episode is sponsored by:
The Great Courses Plus, the streaming library of courses on topics from yoga to mystery fiction to formal logic to dog training. AMT listeners get a free month at thegreatcoursesplus.com/answer.
Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.

Buy AMT episodes 1-200, our six special albums including the all new Home Entertainment, and our Best Of compilations from 2007-2015 at answermethisstore.com.

Send us your QUESTIONS, in writing or as voice recordings, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT388 on 6 August 2020, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 23 June.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT387 Child-Friendly Rating: 81%.
Argh, so close to cleanliness, but for a handful of swears. •••

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EPISODE 386: handheld indulgence ice cream

June 5, 2020

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Beloved listeners: as we’ve said in the past, AMT doesn’t tend to discuss current events, as we know a lot of you turn to the show to give yourselves a brief break from dealing with reality. We hope you’re holding up and finding ways to be productive. Meanwhile, here’s Answer Me This! Episode 386, a hearty plateful of low-stress chat about topics including:

lava lamp blobfulness
your neighbour’s dirty doormat
sitcom sets
Magnums vs Soleros
the Jolly Butcher vs the Jolly Postman
butchers’ dummies
retrieving the sex toys you left at your ex’s house
and
wedding snubs.

Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for Apple and Android – we consider combining two 1990s fads: lava lamps and Mr Blobby.

We have a new album out, AMT Home Entertainment, which is currently available for £paywhatyouwant at answermethisstore.com.

Hear our other work:
• Helen makes The Allusionist, an entertainment show about language, and Veronica Mars Investigations, recapping every episode of Veronica Mars from the beginning.
• Olly hosts many podcasts, and you can find them all at ollymann.com, as well as his recent appearance on BBC Radio 4’s My Teenage Diary.
• Martin makes music which you can hear palebirdmusic.com, on the Pale Bird podcast, and on Spotify etc. You can also join him in contemplating the work of every song by Tom Waits Tom Waits in Song By Song.

This episode is sponsored by:
The Great Courses Plus, the streaming library of courses on topics from yoga to mystery fiction to formal logic to dog training. AMT listeners get a free month at thegreatcoursesplus.com/answer.
Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.

Buy AMT episodes 1-200, our six special albums including the all new Home Entertainment, and our Best Of compilations from 2007-2015 at answermethisstore.com.

Send us your QUESTIONS, in writing or as voice recordings, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT387 on 2 July 2020, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 21 May.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT386 Child-Friendly Rating: 67%. Mostly pretty clean, except there is this question about sex toys, so it just depends on whether you want to run the risk of having to explain to your child what those are. •••

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AMT Home Entertainment

May 22, 2020

We made a new album!!

Like our previous albums – AMT Jubilee, Sports Day, Holiday, Love and Christmas – AMT Home Entertainment is an hourish of all-new AMT material that has never been on the podcast.

All the questions are about how you might homelily entertain yourself, with telly, music, films, food and some YouTube deep cuts. We discover:

🌴 What IS a wonderwall?
🎥 What was the first movie to have a director’s cut?
🐘 What’s with the big wooden elephants in Les Miserables and Moulin Rouge?
🅾️ What’s with blood groups in The Simpsons?
📺 Are TED speakers allowed teleprompters?
🍔 When did Justin Timberlake stop singing ‘I’m Lovin’ It’ at the end of the McDonald’s ads?
🍳 Why doesn’t Cathy eat breakfast in this, er, thought-provoking educational film/Dairy Council propaganda from the 1970s??

AND MORE!

For a limited period only, AMT Home Entertainment is available for £paywhatyouwant at answermethisstore.com/newfor2020.

So if you want to pay the future RRP of £3.49, fine! If you want to pay more, we will not complain! And if you want to pay less, or even £0 or $0 or €0, please do! Whatever you do pay goes straight into making more AMT.

The album art is by the excellent Joe List, whom you can find at joelist.co.uk and on Instagram and Twitter @joelist. (You may recall that, way back when, Joe illustrated the AMT book after his magnificent entry to our 2009 Photoshop Challenge!)

So scoot over to answermethisstore.com/newfor2020 to download AMT Home Entertainment for as little as £0!


EPISODE 385: celebriteeth

May 8, 2020

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Glad to tell you that following on from last episode’s toaster problem, another listener writes that they have actually MET some of the toasters, proving that all of you AMT listeners are connected. And have been everywhere and seen everything. Answer Me This! Episode 385 also contains:

Gloria Hunniford
Tetris lamps
the price of lava lamps these days
Shirley Temple’s teeth
stars on flags feat. Roman Mars
Pukka Pies vs Pukka Pads vs Pukka Teas
the etymology of ‘doolally’ and ‘pundit’
oil on raisins
bumhole bleaching
aristocratic cold toast
and
rickrolling as measurement of time.

Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows – is an extra question from Lindon from Huddersfield about what you’re supposed to do with that cracker in the box that looks like a loaf of bread. Well, what cheese you’re supposed to pair with it. If you want to wear it as a hat or skip it like a stone, that’s up to you. Don’t let the serving suggestion illustrations push you around!

Hear our other work!
• Helen makes The Allusionist, an entertainment show about language, and Veronica Mars Investigations, recapping every episode of Veronica Mars from the beginning. Season two just begun.
• Olly hosts many podcasts, and you can find them all at ollymann.com, including The Week Unwrapped, The Media Podcast and The Modern Mann.
• Martin makes music which you can hear palebirdmusic.com, on the Pale Bird podcast, and on Spotify etc. You can also join him in contemplating the work of every song by Tom Waits Tom Waits in Song By Song.

Special Flag Correspondent Roman Mars can be found on the podcasts 99% Invisible and What Trump Can Teach Us About Con Law.

This episode is sponsored by:
The Great Courses Plus, the streaming library of courses on topics from yoga to mystery fiction to formal logic to dog training. AMT listeners get a free month at thegreatcoursesplus.com/answer.
Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.

Buy AMT episodes 1-200, our five special albums, and our Best Of compilations from 2007-2015 at answermethisstore.com.

Send us your QUESTIONS, in writing or as voice recordings, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis and brace for some Fun AMT News to come your way this month!

We’ll be back with AMT386 on 4 June 2020, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 21 May.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT385 Child-Friendly Rating: 55%. Couple of swears. Question about anal bleaching may require discussion that you don’t want to have. •••

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EPISODE 384: a gift-wrapped jar of urine

April 2, 2020

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Welcome! We hope you’re doing OK. We’re keeping AMT a pandemic-free pod, so if you’re looking for content to take your mind off things for a bit, Answer Me This! Episode 384 can provide, with topics such as:

shitty spinach
Tamworth (again)
speaking slower
ghostwriters
badger repellent
young person repellent
leopard print
lion poo
that old mining town your dad bought
a fortress of toasters
and
getting your head stuck.

Hear more about Macaronis in AMT324, and if you want to try making crumpets using discarded sourdough starter, here’s the recipe Helen and Martin used.

This month there is a double dose of Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows – where we discuss the most famous ghostwriter AND the most expensive toaster.

Hear our other work!
• Helen makes The Allusionist, an entertainment show about language, and Veronica Mars Investigations, recapping every episode of Veronica Mars from the beginning. Season two just begun.
• Olly hosts many podcasts, and you can find them all at ollymann.com, including The Week Unwrapped, The Media Podcast and The Modern Mann.
• Martin recently released a bumper new album, which you can hear palebirdmusic.com, on the Pale Bird podcast, and on Spotify etc. You can also join him in contemplating the work of Tom Waits in Song By Song, which has just got to the end of Black Rider.

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.

Buy AMT episodes 1-200, our five special albums, and our Best Of compilations from 2007-2015 at answermethisstore.com.

Send us your QUESTIONS, in writing or as voice recordings, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis and let us know what YOU’ve got your head stuck in.

We’ll be back with AMT385 on 7 May 2020, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 23 April.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT384 Child-Friendly Rating: 82%. Couple of mild-to-moderate swears but pretty ok overall! •••

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EPISODE 383: the ubiquitous gaze

March 5, 2020

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Filled with lights, portraits, seaside photo boards and, er, dead bodies on display, Answer Me This! Episode 383 is a very visual episode. Of audio. Rifle through your mental Google Images as you hear about topics including:

BOB the Box of Bibles
missing cats
not-missing cats
warring cats
posthumous pants
Las Vegas lights
comic foregrounds/face-in-hole boards/kaohame
portraits’ eyes
and
Jeremy Bentham’s corpse.

In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows – we learn which shop was the first to offer gift vouchers. And ibuprofen! And gift certificates for ibuprofen?

Hear our other work!

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.

Buy AMT episodes 1-200, our five special albums, and our Best Of compilations from 2007-2015 at answermethisstore.com.

Send us your QUESTIONS, in writing or as voice recordings, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT384 on 2 April 2020, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 19 March.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT383 Child-Friendly Rating: 60%. Low in swears, but the final question in the episode is about how to say goodbye to casual hookups so, while the content itself is not explicit, it may raise some awkward queries. •••

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EPISODE 382: cold, damp and full of sinister dolls

February 6, 2020

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We love to hear back from questioneers we have answered in previous episodes, so what a treat to receive a new problem from Andrew from Melbourne, whose mother’s creepy collection of dolls popped up in AMTs 360 and 361! Hear his new difficulty in Answer Me This! Episode 382, as well as:

hotel bed stains
hotel bed graffiti
other uses for the cardboard Kylie cutout
albatross experiences
Ngorongoro Conservation Area
figure skating music
armpit fart music
a spare Book of Mormon
monks’ hairstyles
life coaching
and
fake wild animals.

In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows – we choose the songs for our Olympic ice skating routine, and yes, Martin the Sound Man is 100% That Wanker.

Valentine’s Day strikes next week, so get yourself in the mood with the AMT Love album: one hour of questions about sex and love and problems therewith, such as squirting, sexy clothes for your mum, and multiple penis holes. It, and all our special albums, and AMT episodes 1-200 are all available at answermethisstore.com.

Hear our other work!

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.

Send us your QUESTIONS, in writing or as voice recordings, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT383 on 6 March 2020, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 20 February.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT382 Child-Friendly Rating: 72%. A couple of F-bombs, but no Ripe Content. •••

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EPISODE 381: a stick that slaps

January 9, 2020

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Happy thirteenth birthday to this show! But it’s question-answering business as usual in Answer Me This! Episode 381, with problems including:

public nudity laws
lost/stolen jewels
friendly grinding
death in Thomas the Tank Engine
casserole in your pubes
museum lasers
dry ice
slapstick
trains’ souls
your naked dad
the true meaning of Frubes
and
eggy smell.

In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows – there’s more about Thomas the Tank Engine, plus Rod Stewart’s train set and Mr Frosty. Did you have one? Should we get one now to fulfil our childhood dreams, or would it only crush those dreams like the ice in its belly?

If you want to hear AMT episodes 1-200, they’re all available at answermethisstore.com, along with our five special albums. In the run-up to Valentine’s Day, how about the AMT Love album for an hour of questions about sex and love and problems therewith?

Hear our other work!

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.

Send us your QUESTIONS, in writing or as voice recordings, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT382 on 6 February 2020, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 23 January.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT381 Child-Friendly Rating: 75%. Question about friendship with grinding, but mostly fairly PG. •••

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EPISODE 380: fake beard on top of real beard

December 5, 2019

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Well Spotify just named AMT one of the top podcasts of the decade, so let’s conclude the 2010s as we began them: by answering your questions! Answer Me This! Episode 380 features a feast of such festive treats as:

candy canes
boarding school pranks
turkey trends
Christmas Day in London
artificial Christmas trees vs toilet brushes
Thanksgiving dinner vs Christmas dinner
Pirates of the Caribbean vs squid
getting drunk on brandy sauce
the Snow Buddies puppy tragedy
Mister Ed’s mouth
podcaster baubles
the Serpentine Christmas Day swimming race
fake wine
and
the SPAM Museum.

In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows – we belatedly celebrate Martinmas! Which has more to do with geese and vintners than echoey-voiced Sound Men, but he’ll take it nonetheless.

How about some more AMT festive-related material? In AMT329, we have a Santa truther child, and the Catalan tradition of the Shitting Log; in AMT357 there’s the filming secrets of Home Alone 2, what happened to the three wise men’s gifts, and what the “new old-fashioned way” is that people are dancing in ‘Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree’; in AMT364 we talk about how cranberries are farmed; and in AMT368 we learn about Saint Nicholas’s sidekicks, department store Santas, Jesus and Mary’s relationship, and gift snobbery.

And of course, there’s a whole hour of festive AMT funtertainment in the AMT Christmas album, available at answermethisstore.com for a tiny price. Also there are AMTs 1-200; if you’re looking for a place to start, episodes 160 and 200 sit nicely at this time of year.

Hear our other work!

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.

We’ll be back with more AMT in 2020 – the podcast turns 13 (!!) in January, and as our birthday gift we want your QUESTIONS: send them, in writing or as voice recordings, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT381 on 9 January 2020, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 18 December.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT380 Child-Friendly Rating: 78%. Some Santa Truth business. Discussion of puppy death. Couple of swears.
•••

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EPISODE 379: it’s just tiny jam

November 7, 2019

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After last month’s consideration of the ‘As I Was Going To St Ives’ maths riddle, we receive clarification from the actual Mayor of St Ives! Well, the mayor of a St Ives, Olly still disputes that it’s the St Ives. Also in Answer Me This! Episode 379, we deal with topics including:

fly killing
spider killing redemption
dogs vs children
Cornwall vs Cambridgeshire
the ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ video vs Shakespeare
the ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ video vs Hungry Hungry Hippos
the Chapel of St Leger
garlic breath
tiny stolen jams
empathy for wasps
and
the Billboard Video Music Award for the Most Effective Use of Symbolism.

In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – Olly pinpoints the one thing he likes about travelling alone.

Also! ‘Tis the season (or, close enough) to fire up the AMT Christmas special album, which is one hour of festive fun only available from answermethisstore.com/Apple/Amazon. While you’re there, treat yourself to some of our classic episodes, why don’t you?

For more ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ content, listen to Helen’s Allusionist episode Eclipse, which includes some beautiful TEOTH-inspired music by Martin. (Content warning: medical stuff.) The Allusionist is also on tour in North America RIGHT NOW, gig listings are at theallusionist.org/events.

For your media education, listen to Olly host The Media Podcast, as well has his squillion other podcasts.

Martin is releasing four albums of new music this year! Hear them at palebirdmusic.com, on the Pale Bird podcast, and on Spotify etc.

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.

As ever, we want your QUESTIONS: send them, in writing or as voice recordings, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. If you’ve got questions about Christmas, send them to us NOW and not on Boxing Day.

Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT380 on 5 December 2019, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 20 November.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT379 Child-Friendly Rating: 78%. Pretty clean – couple of slight swears – but the dynamics of whatever’s happening in the ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ video may give you pause. •••

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EPISODE 378: Baby Lion

October 10, 2019

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As you were going to St Ives, did you meet a man with seven wives + 7x7x7 cats coming FROM St Ives or did you catch up with them as they were also heading TO St Ives? Ugh! Fucking riddles! We face this beast in Answer Me This! Episode 378 plus problems with:

Blue Peter pet SCANDALS
attraction/lack thereof
the Hairy Bikers’ friendship
‘Solomon Grundy’ vs ‘Seven Days
home CCTV
kombucha
and
getting over a lipstick fetishist.

In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – we learn a bit more about naming Baby Lion Toby.

Also!

1. Helen has started a NEW PODCAST! Listen to Veronica Mars Investigations, wherein she and musician/Buffy aficionado Jenny Owen Youngs recap every episode of Veronica Mars from the start.

2. Hear Olly’s new documentary on Archive on Four ‘Please Leave A Message After The Tone‘, all about voicemails.

3. Martin is releasing four albums of new music this year! Hear them at palebirdmusic.com, on the Pale Bird podcast, and on Spotify etc.

4. See Helen and Martin on stage! The Allusionist live tour is landing in cities across North America. Check theallusionist.org/events for listings.

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, with which you can easily and quickly set up a good-looking website for your projects eg your Oscar-nominated documentary. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.

As ever, we want your QUESTIONS: send them, in writing or as voice recordings, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT379 on 7 November 2019, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 24 October.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT378 Child-Friendly Rating: 84%. Just a couple of swears; no Rich Content. •••

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EPISODE 377: bear-skin jobber

September 5, 2019

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In Answer Me This! Episode 377, we go looking for jokes in the Bible. It’s…a mixed bag. Plus, these informative amusements:

bull and bear
Quality Street vs Quality Street
job applications vs typos
the Old Testament vs Wes Anderson
secret Jesus vs secret Adele
drying your hands
macaque fossils in NORFOLK
musical morse code clues
evil paper towels
Jonah Man Jazz
Swingin’ Samson
and
tucking a press pass into your hatband.

For more on the whole dead-lion-filled-with-a-beehive story, listen to Episode 191 where we talk about why Tate & Lyle’s Golden Syrup’s spokesmodel is the lion from Samson’s riddle.

In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – we hear about another TV theme with Morse code secrets: to our surprise, Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em.

Listen to Olly’s podcast The Modern Mann, to hear about porn-induced erectile dysfunction and other fascinating human tales! It’s at modernmann.co.uk.

See Helen and Martin on stage! The Allusionist live tour is coming to London this month and then North America. Check theallusionist.org/events for listings; more dates will be added soon.

Also! Helen just started a new podcast: Veronica Mars Investigations, recapping every episode of Veronica Mars from the start. Get it in your podding app and at VMIpod.com.

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, with which you can easily and quickly set up a good-looking website for your projects eg your Oscar-nominated documentary. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.

As ever, we want your QUESTIONS: send them, in writing or as voice recordings, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT378 on 3 October 2019, and there’ll be a Retro AMT episode in your feeds on 19 September.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT377 Child-Friendly Rating: 94%. Clean?! Clean!! •••

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