James (not Bond) in Porthcawl has noticed a flaw in the otherwise absolutely true to life Skyfall:
Whilst Skyfall is a great film in many respects, there is one element that troubles me.
There is a section in the film where Daniel Craig’s Bond is reunited with the iconic Aston Martin DB5.
Not just any DB5, but the actual gadget- and gun-laden DB5 used by Sean Connery’s Bond in Goldfinger, which was last seen being crashed into a wall in 1964.
It’s made clear in Skyfall that this car is in the personal possession of Bond, apparently in full working order including ammunition, stored away for when it’s needed.
So answer me this: how the naked arse does Craig’s Bond have this vehicle? No explanation is offered in the film. Are we to assume that Craig’s Bond is the same Bond who carried out the Goldfinger mission? Without time travel there seems to be no way for the car to have passed ownership from one Bond to another in this way.
Please help me resolve this as it’s making my head hurt.
You’re watching a film based on a character who’s been portrayed over half a century by seven actors with completely different faces/voices/heights/hair, who mixes only with stupidly-named women, is the least discreet spy of all time, has myriad emotional problems that the viewer is expected to overlook, who never does his paperwork properly, and would be well into his eighties or even nineties if time was running as it should – and THIS is your problem?
Stop trying to apply logic to the Bond universe and have a lie down.
Wince, flinch and shudder at this question from Issy, 19, in Manchester:
What word did people use to describe the act/feeling of ‘cringing’ before the word ‘cringing’?
I hate the word really, but I can’t think of any other word which works as perfectly in the situation!
I don’t mean to insult you, Issy, but a more interesting question is what the word ‘cringe’ was up to before it meant ‘cringe’ – back 800 or so years ago, it meant ‘die in battle’! Truefact.
And it would be a bit silly of you to like the word, when it encapsulates your visceral reaction to things you dislike.
Plus: Olly wonders why the Black Eyed Peas are so keen to shut things down; Helen hates children who have far better business sense than she has, or ever will have; and Martin the Sound Man thinks an ornamental fence is no obstacle to ardour.
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we go more bananas for bananas, except for bananas that are a year old.
We go bananas for your QUESTIONS, so email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.
I bet many of you readers have made the same well-intentioned faux pas as Jim in Barcelona:
As I travelled home by metro this evening in the beautiful city of Barcelona I had what I hope is the last awkward experience on this mode of transport.
I am in my 50th year and was brought up proper an’ that. This means that if I am on public transport I will stay alert for passengers who may be more deserving of a seat than me, a reasonably fit, able-bodied man.
Tonight for AT LEAST the seventh time in the last year I offered my seat to a lady, who I assumed was “with child”. The microwave stare I received when I stood and nodded in the direction of the seat told me she was not “with child” but more “with fondness for a cooked breakfast”. It’s a minefield here: many Latino women have slim faces and legs, but are “well nourished” around the midriff.
So, answer me this: other than the protruding belly, are there there any other outward signs of pregnancy that will help me avoid these situations in the future? Is there a swollen gland or other body part that is a giveaway that the woman has had an encounter with a live rather than cooked sausage?
‘Swollen gland’? Well, they have a mucus plug in their cervix, but checking that is going to create more problems than it solves. Similarly, pregnant women’s boobs are usually bigger, but studying their boobs for signs of distension is unlikely lessen the awkwardness of this interaction. Perhaps Jim could look out for the swollen ankles – even if not pregnant, somebody with swollen ankles probably needs to sit down.
Readers, if you know any other external signs Jim should look out for, tell him in the comments. Otherwise he’s going to have to start carrying his own ultrasound scanner on public transport.
PS Well done to Transport for London for their ‘Baby on Board’ badges. Sure, there’s something a bit mawkish about them, but they sure do save on awkwardness. Perhaps Jim could lobby Transports Metropolitans de Barcelona to introduce the same.
To the left, to the left, is Paul Merton always looking at a box to the left? You listeners don’t agree with Olly’s hypothesis from AMT241, but nor do you agree with each other. Firstly, Joss in Smethwick posits:
My ears pricked up when you mentioned Paul Merton’s tendency to look off-screen to his left. You suggested that he does this after telling a joke in order to get a second laugh. I’m afraid this cannot be the answer because, as you will now notice next time you watch the show, he does it most of the time.
I know this because I spotted it once and now I can’t not see it all the time.
I think I’ve worked it out though. He appears to do it more when the host is talking. I think he is reading the autocue along with the host, possibly so he can think of his responses before the fact or maybe it’s just a habit.
This hypothesis is corroborated by Jack in Gateshead:
He’s watching the presenter’s autocue – it’s very different to the general looks he give to the audience.
He does this a lot more these days. I noticed it first when they had particularly feckless guest presenters, but he now does it non-stop. You can see him reacting to gags before they’re read out, especially the bad ones.
However, Tom from York disagrees:
Paul Merton isn’t looking stage left, he’s looking straight out to the audience. His desk is at an angle to the front of the stage, but the mid-shots are parallel to the desk, so it looks like he’s looking left. But he’s not. Just to clear that up.
I’ve got another theory: Paul Merton favours the right side of his face, one of the many things he and Mariah Carey have in common.
More news of other well-known figures of the entertainment industry, as featured in AMT241 – Nina writes:
Last week you were discussing the Brand New Heavies. Previous member Jay Ella Ruth is actually now an English teacher at Chiswick School (in Chiswick). She is eccentric but a lovely teacher.
I know this because she teaches me!!!!
Anyone else out there taught by ex-members of the acid jazz movement?
My girlfriend and I just exchanged Christmas presents the other day and, for Christmas, she’s taking me to Disneyland. I got her a duffel bag.
Answer me this, what can I do to make up for the fact that I got her a shit present?
Pull something pretty incredible out of the (not duffel) bag, Trevor! A swanky weekend away might work, or showering her with luxuries when you’re at Disneyland – I’ve never been so I don’t know, but is there something like Dumbo’s Champagne Bar or Bambi’s Spa and Pedicure lounge?
Readers, go to the comments and help a man out before his girlfriend pushes him off the tallest turret of the Disney castle.
Happy new year, listeners! Behold the first podcast of 2013, Answer Me This! Episode 241:
Today we talk of:
Paul Merton
manatee poo
summer lovin’
Jools Holland’s personal Portmeirion
gingerbread houses vs. Grand Designs
the Brand New Heavies
birth days
car calorie counting Tweet
Kate Middleton’s trendsetting womb
Tulisa’s titillating tape
Anne Hathaway’s minge
New Year’s purges
and
timberrrrrrrrr!
Plus: Olly is a bit disappointed by a big fake clock; Helen does not want your gifts, nor does she deserve them; and Martin the Sound Man sets Jay Kay a parsimonious budget so that he can stretch his acid jazz fortune a little further without skimping on treats.
Further to our royal foetus discussion, in this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we deliberate over which royal we’d choose to have a baby with – because if and when that opportunity rises, you do want to have given it proper consideration beforehand. Otherwise you might end up co-parenting with Prince Michael of Kent. Nobody wants that.
What we DO want are QUESTIONS for the new year. Email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.
Someone might as well benefit from a sad situation, but Mark in Portland, Oregon‘s conscience is piquing him:
When we saw that Leonard Cohen was coming to Portland, we were excited. Then we saw that tickets were over $120 each! I’m sure this is his last tour and I was sad not to be going.
Then a few weeks ago, my friend told me that his mother had tickets to the show, but she had died unexpectedly and wanted us to have her tickets. We are at once embarrassed and grateful for this awkward opportunity.
We want to honor my best friend’s mom somehow, so we feel like we aren’t just somehow benefitting from a wonderful person’s death.
So, answer me this: what should we do to enjoy the show without feeling like total assholes?
Ask your friend whether there was a good cause which was particularly dear to his mother and donate the equivalent ticket money to them, or to a charity whose mission is to prevent whatever caused her unexpected death. Also check whether you can be any help to your friend in sorting out her estate – to take some of the weight off his shoulders, not just so you can rifle through her collection of Leonard Cohen records.
Of all the adult websites in all the world, Barry from Melbourne stumbled upon this one:
Would you tell a friend’s wife if you found pictures of her naked, on an adult amateur website?
I am not just talking sexy lingerie shots, this is full legs ahoy stuff?
It would be a rather great coincidence if the wife just happened to raise her legs in the ahoy position by accident, at a moment when, unbeknownst to her, a camera shutter just happened to be closing. Is it not rather possible, nay likely, that she is complicit in the creation and distribution of these pictures? Or at least, not so unaware of their existence and destination that she would require you to illuminate her?
The real question is:
Do you want your friend’s wife to know that you know what she looks like when doing the YMCA dance with her legs?
Friends, step into the comments and assist Barry with some soothing, sensible words. He seems a little frazzled. That’s what too much time perusing the internet will do to a mind.
You’ll recall Paul (rhymes!) from AMT240, who wanted to boss his family into going on holiday to his choice of Toronto rather than their choice of Vancouver.
With regards to Paul’s desire to visit Toronto over Vancouver with his family, I’m going to make this easy for him: don’t be a fuckin’ idiot, Paul! I’ve lived in Toronto all my life and I can’t think of a duller place to visit. Okay, maybe Cleveland Ohio would be duller, but not by much.
Don’t get me wrong, as a place to live Toronto is pretty great. I won’t get into all the reasons it’s a nice place to live because they’re not relevant to this discussion; but as a place to visit? Please. Any historical buildings we might have had, we’ve torn down and replaced with completely uninspired glass and steel boxes. We have a museum and an art gallery which are mediocre by world standards and a transit system which we forgot to finish. And if you dislike the heat, you have definitely chosen the wrong town – Toronto in July is stinking hot and humid.
Vancouver on the other hand…is also dull. But at least it’s not as humid in the summertime. Topographically speaking it’s beautiful, but the city itself is a bore and its inhabitants are all smug, vegan hippies. Kill me now. The best thing about Vancouver is the countryside surrounding Vancouver.
Go to Moscow…not that I’ve ever been there mind you, but at least it’s got some history and some gorgeous architecture.
If you have to go to a Canadian city, go to Montreal. It’s beautiful and historic, and fun.
Hope you haven’t already booked your flights, Paul.
We hope you enjoyed the Best of Answer Me This! 2012 – Part I last week. If you did, you’ll also enjoy The Best of Answer Me This! 2012 – Part II, and if you didn’t, maybe you’ll prefer The Best of Answer Me This! 2012 – Part II. Either way, you should listen to The Best of Answer Me This! 2012 – Part II:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just £1.99 at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Wherein we meet again our auld acquaintances:
Phantom of the Opera
Hamlet Hamlet
Prince Philip’s bladder Killer Net
Angela Lansbury fantasies
R Kelly’s fancy parties
the birthplace of the Industrial Revolution
Devon vs Cornwall scone wars
sex Jenga
the Owl and the Pussycat
the 21st-century Sweeney Todd
Olly’s solo sex tape
Helen taking an off-brand fruit into the Apple store
and
Charlie’s Angles.
And there are more previously unheard bits of AMT, which you can have more of every week if you posess the AMT App, available for iDevices and Android – on which you also get our Best Of episodes from the past five years, if you trawl through diligently enough.
Please be generous with your QUESTIONS for AMT in 2013: email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.
We’ll be back on 10th January 2013, but you can still hear plenty of us before then:
• We’ll be running through the year’s biggest online events on Saturday Edition, BBC 5 Live 8pm 29th December or available shortly after as the Let’s Talk About Tech podcast.
• Olly will be Manning the microphone on LBC 97.3 FM, 1-4am most nights from Xmas Eve to Jan 3rd – check lbc.co.uk for the schedule, and rouse yourself from your festive stupor to give him a call and keep him company.
• Helen will crop up on BBC 5 Live’s Radio Review of 2012, hosted by Jane Garvey and Mike Sweeney, which will be broadcast on at 11pm on Christmas Eve, repeated 4pm on Christmas Day, or, if you want to listen at a more sensible time, it’ll be available on the 5 Live website straight after.
• You can hear us discussing Christmas gadgets and songs on Steve Wright in the Afternoon on BBC Radio 2 on 20th December. UPDATE: Here’s the link to the item on iPlayer.
• And we wrote some bits for the Celebrity Juice Christmas Specials; part one is already on ITV Player and part two will follow on tonight.
We hope you have very happy festivities, and we’ll see you next year!
Helen & Olly
PS if you need more noise to drown out the sound of sleighbells and Wizzard, direct yourself to our Jubilee and Sports Day albums, as well as AMT1-120.
Over the AMT years, we thought we made it clear that we are not keen on the idea of joining the Mile High Club. We cannot feel sexy on planes because we are too busy thinking about death/trying to stop our eyeballs drying out/watching as many 2.5-star films as we can. Plus plane lavatories, the traditional location for an exquisite and classy act of mid-air copulation, are disgusting.
But despite all this, Lauren in Canada is undeterred:
So I am from England and my boyfriend is Canadian. We are currently living together in Canada but we will be flying over to London to spend this Christmas with my family.
Our plane takes off just before midnight and will be a nice night flight. I am thinking this is the perfect opportunity to try and join the mile high club, you know just for a laugh. The lights will be dimmed, and most people will be trying to sleep, so should be easy enough to sneak off to the bathroom.
I am aware that it’s not going to be mind blowing or romantic, I just want to have the experience. Id even be happy with some heavy petting under the complimentary blankets!!!!
However, the boyfriend isn’t too keen on the idea and told me that it’s a ‘federal offence’. I think he is scared at being marched through Heathrow in handcuffs whilst meeting my Dad for the first time.
So Helen and Olly, answer me this: Can we really get into actual serious trouble?
AND
more importantly, how can I pursuade him to give it a try!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First question first: realistically, unless you’re doing something VERY depraved and disruptive to others, your punishment is likely to be no stronger than a frown and a polite admonition from the flight attendants. But technically it could be a legal transgression, depending upon the laws of the country of take-off, the country of landing, and the country you’re flying over at the time. So choose your moment carefully, Lauren, because if you get caught over Greenland, they’ll feed your genitals to a polar bear.
As for your second question, reread the opening paragraph, Lauren. We cannot overcome our horror to help you. However, perhaps our disgusting and unhygienicracy and adventurous readers can assist? Go to the comments and suggest to Lauren how she can convince her reluctant boyfriend to let her ring his jingle bells at 30,000 feet.
Answer Me This! Podcast 