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EPISODE 302: fundrum

November 13, 2014

ARE YOU READY for your AUDIO TROLLEY DASH? On your marks: you’ve got precisely 43 minutes and 46 seconds to listen to Answer Me This! Episode 302. GO GO GO GO GO!!!

Topics thrown into the trolley of our discourse include:

paperboys
Paperboy
David Bowie’s palms
TLC’s ‘busters’
decaffeinated Bob Geldof
sushi grass
the courtship of Cheryl & Ashley Cole
BB cream
trolley dashes
hamster funerals
sushi vs sashimi
hyperemesis gravidarum vs ginger biscuits
Twin Peaks vs Supermarket Sweep
Fire Walk With Me fanfic
Mario Mario
rice
and
the problem with Dale Winton.

Plus: Olly regrets doing this podcast instead of YouTube beauty tutorials; hypocrite Helen is shamed by her inability to pronounce American names correctly; and Martin the Sound Man would rather be sick than drink peppermint cordial to cure the sicks.

Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available for your iDevices, Android and Windows gadgets), Olly relishes funny fail videos along the following guidelines: being hit in the balls IS a funny fail, car crashes are NOT funny fails.

We would fail to make this show if you did not send in QUESTIONS, so please do it: call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And do make our acquaintance at facebook.com/answermethis or twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

Thanks very much to Squarespace.com for supporting this episode, and for giving you 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year if you use the code ‘answer’. So use the code ‘answer’. Why wouldn’t you? Don’t you want to treat yourself nicely? Of course you do!

We’ll be back with AMT303 on 27th November 2014; stay strong,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT302 Child-Friendly Rating: 76%. Just a couple of second-tier swears. Small amount of light bawdy content. Pet death may be cause for concern. •••

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Tags:1990s, 90s, ageism, animals, Ashley Cole, bamboo, BB cream, beauty, beauty industry, beauty journalists, beauty vloggers, bento boxes, Bills Bills Bills, Bob Geldof, buster, celebrities, celebrity hands, Charlotte Bronte, Cheryl Cole, Cheryl Fernandez-Versini, Cheryl Tweedy, childbirth, childhood, children, Coco, coffee, cosmetics, cult shows, cures, Dale Winton, David Bowie, David Dimbleby, David Lynch, dead mice, death, decaf, Destiny's Child, disposing of the body, doctors, Donkey Kong, employment, entertainment, erotica, fan fiction, fanfic, Fire Walk With Me, folk medicine, food, food presentation, game shows, games, ginger biscuits, hamsters, hands, horror of childbirth, hyperemesis gravidarum, illness, Japan, Japanese, Japanese food, jobs, Kate Middleton, Laura Palmer, leaves, Leslie Crowther, Luigi, make-up, Mario, Mario and Luigi, Mario Bros, medical, mice, Mulholland Drive, music, musicians, nausea, newspapers, nineties, Nintendo, No Scrubs, Olly's cat, paper round, Paperboy, paperboys, papers, peppermint cordial, pets, popstars, pregnancy, Prince William, Princess Middleton, products, puke, remedies, rice, Rochdale, Rock Circus, Royal Baby, royal wedding, sashimi, scrubs, sets, showbiz magic, sickness, skincare, slang, South Korea, Squarespace, Stars in Their Eyes, Super Mario, Supermarket Sweep, supermarkets, supernatural, sushi, sushi grass, telly, the disgusting miracle of childbirth, the owls are not what they seem, TLC, tourist attractions, Trocadero, trolley dash, TV, tv shows, Twin Peaks, Vanessa-Mae, video games, vloggers, vomiting, Wills'n'Kate, YouTube, YouTube tutorials
Posted in PODCASTS | 3 Comments »

All aboard for our NEW ALBUM

June 19, 2013

Pack your flippers, sunblock and emergency stomach medicine, because our new album The Answer Me This! Holiday is ready to depart!

It’s 58 minutes 3 seconds of all-new material – right down to the jingles – all about holidays, vacations, minibreaks, staycations, jaunts, sojourns, escapes; whatever you like to call them. In the usual AMT style, we tackle questions about such holidayish topics as:

things to do in New York City
summer reading lists
artificial insemination for pandas
dads’ embarrassing holiday-wear
what lies behind – or, more accurately, beneath – the scenes at Disney
Legoland sculptors
why the Spanish Steps in Rome aren’t Spanish
what to expect from a Chinese breakfast
stag parties abroad
and
why the Brits are lagging behind in competitive eating contests.

Also thrown in with your all-inclusive AMT Holiday package:

• A full range of holidaywear: clip-on sunglasses, short shorts, convertible trousers, Speedos, gilets, electroejaculators;
• Classic tourist attractions: the Staten Island Ferry, Downton Abbey, Disney’s utilidors, Burghley House, the Winchester Mystery House, Flambards and A Day at the Wells;
• Delicious holiday grub: satirical breakfasts, ‘world famous’ foods, congee, Sex on the Beach, the Heart Attack Grill, pork and its tasty friends, Economy Candy;
• Delightful holiday companions: Cara Delevingne, Eugene Levy, Nancy Mitford, Adam Richman, naked mole rats, Spagna;
• Fun holiday activities: the ‘bollocks’ game at festivals, drinking games, humiliating your fellow diners, being assaulted by Mexican shots girls, trying to remember your one-night-stand’s name.

The Answer Me This! Holiday is available right now for only £2.49 from iTUNES, AMAZON, or directly from us at the Answer Me This! Store

Want to try before you fly? Here’s a sample:

Big thanks to Amy Smith and Sam Pay for the jingles and Jenny Robertshaw for the cover – and speculatively to you for buying it, because your outlay helps fund Answer Me This! (and our actual holidays).

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Tags:abbeys, abroad, Adam Richman, air travel, alcohol, America, Americans, artificial insemination, Audrey Hepburn, australia, Austria, Babe: Pig in the City, bachelor parties, backpacking, bars, bartenders, bartending, beaches, behind the scenes, bollocks, books, booze, bratwurst, breakfast, breaks, brief encounters, Brits abroad, burgers, Burghley House, cafes, California, Cancun, candy, Cara Delevingne, Chico, China, Chinese food, city breaks, climate, clip-on sunglasses, clothes, clothing, cocktails, competitive eating, confectionery, congee, cool, Cornwall, country houses, customs, dads, deep-fried devils, dim sum, Disney, Disney parks, Donald Trump, Downton Abbey, drink, drinking, drinking games, drinks, eating, eating contests, Edinburgh zoo, Egypt, ejaculate, ejaculation, electroejaculation, Elf, embarrassment, endangered species, etiquette, Eugene Levy, Europe, eyewear, Facebook, fashion, fathers, festivals, fezes, films, Flambards, flights, flying, food, foreign travel, frat boys, Friends, full English breakfast, fun, gilets, Great Britain, habits, hats, Heart Attack Grill, hedonism, Highclere Castle, holidaymakers, holidays, Home Alone 2, hot dogs, humiliation, identity, islands, Italy, Japan, Japanese food, jaunts, jetlag, Judi Dench, King Kong, Las Vegas, Lego, Legoland, legs, leisure, living museums, locals, mac'n'cheese, Man V Food, Manhattan, manners, meals, meat, Merlin, Mexico, mochi, movies, museums, music festivals, naked mole rats, Nancy Mitford, New York, New York City, noodles, one night stands, Only Fools and Horses, overseas, package holidays, panda sperm, pandas, parents, period costume, Peter Sutcliffe, Piazza dei Spagna, Propofol, public displays of eating, public humiliation, publishing, pubs, reading, resorts, restaurants, rice, road trips, Roman Holiday, Rome, seasons, serendipity, sex, shame, short shorts, shorts, shot girls, shots, Spagna, Spain, Spanish Steps, Speedos, sperm-gathering, spring break, stag parties, stags, stately homes, Staten Island ferry, staying at home, summer, sun, sunglasses, sunshine, sweets, tallow, Tenerife, terms of endearment, Texas, The Hangover, theme parks, thighs, Times Square, Tom Daley, tourism, tourist attractions, tourists, tours, transatlantic, travel, traveling, trips, trousers, Tunbridge Wells, turkey, UK, USA, Utah, utilidors, vacation, Victorian England, Victorians, Vienna, visiting, visitors, visits, walking, Walt Disney, weather, Yorkshire Ripper, yoyos, zoos
Posted in albums, extracurricular activities, frippery | 12 Comments »

EPISODE 164 – children have got to learn that sometimes they’re WRONG

January 27, 2011

Dear fellows,

Are you keeping calm? Are you carrying on? Because this week, in Answer Me This! Episode 164, we wonder how a morale-boosting WWII poster spawned all of this shit (nb by ‘this shit’ we don’t mean the episode here):

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

But before we get onto that, we talk of:

the G6 Summit
Bruce Wayne’s toilet
Jingle All the Way
Muffin the Mule
bingo wings before bingo wings
kleftiko
Levi Strauss
Tinie Tempah
Club Med vs. opera
synergy vs. symbiosis
pranks vs. sexual harassment
Tape
the fresh air suburb
domesticity, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-style
Groupon’s discount slaves
Shingai Shoniwa cutlets
and
bat guano.

Furthermore: Olly sees what could have happened to X Factor alumni G4, given a Sliding Doors-style alternative existence; Helen scripts Downton Abbey without ever having seen it; and if you catch Martin the Sound Man scrutinising your crotch when you’re at a public urinal, don’t worry – he’s just conducting a survey. At least, that’s his story, m’lud.

And if that weren’t bad enough news for your genitals, this week’s Bit of Crap on the App is a cautionary tale of how if you go orienteering, you’ll most likely get a stinging nettle on your reproductive organs. Heed that warning on iPhone or Android. Those of you with elderly phones, just remember to keep your pants on AT ALL TIMES. For nature can be so cruel.

Happily, you don’t have to keep your pants on in order to ask us QUESTIONS: all you have to do is send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by dialling 0208 123 5877 or Skyping answermethis.

Actually, it would be better if you kept your pants on. Sorry. We’ve got such sensitive constitutions.

See you next Thursday!

Helen and Olly

PS. If you’ve ever done anything particularly G6-like yourself, by all means show off about it in the comments.

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Tags:accidents, actors, Arnold Schwarzenegger, babies, Batman, bats, Ben Affleck, bicycles, Big Smoke, bodily fluids, bonnets, branding, Bruce Wayne, Bullseye, bullshit, bureacracy, bureaucrats, business, business bullshit, butchery, car crash, carbon footprint, carpet, Celebrity Juice, choir, cleaners, cleaning, cloth, cohabitation, cosmetics, Crystal Palace, cuts, cycling, denim, documents, Downton Abbey, Emmerdale, environment, etymology, fabric, face cream, fashion, Fearne Cotton, flatmates, food, genitalia, Genoa, green pen, Groupon, Hampton Court, Holly Willoughby, Hugh Bonneville, infidelity, ITV2, jeans, lamb, language, law, lawyers, Leigh Francis, Lizzie Roper, London, Maldon, Martin White, material, meat, Michael Caine, moisturiser, music industry, nanny state, nicknames, Nimes, nuts, Old Smoke, penis, period drama, Pez, phrases, pregnancy, probability, products, puppets, red pen, red tape, ribbon, rice, Richard Linklater, San Jose, sayings, sex, slavery, slaves, smog, squirrels, teachers, testicles, the apprentice, Tolkien, Toy Story, toys, Trevor McDonald, trousers, Uncle Ben, Upper Norwood, urination, urine, USA, wings
Posted in PODCASTS | 7 Comments »

EPISODE 129 – intelligence is multiparametric

April 1, 2010

Praise be for the forthcoming long weekend (even though it’s all thanks to Jesus having copped the death penalty, and we’re not usually fans of capital punishment)! Anyway, if you can find the time between Easter egg hunts, drawing a comedy moustache on the Turin Shroud, or mopping up your stigmata, have a listen to Answer Me This! Episode 129:

On today’s dance-card are:

Mensa
waxed toilet paper
Harefield
Wario
Sharon Stone’s clever fanny
Supergrass’s supersideburns
pubic papercuts
Alex James and Betty Boo
Love Never Dies
annatto
Andre the Giant
Glenn Miller
Mr Darcy
the defilement of Jo Guest
Hymn-Singing for Dummies.
and
‘Bugger’s grips’.

Plus: Olly proves that putting him in charge of the 2009-10 Swan and Duck Census was not a wise decision; Helen looks like she has emotions, but it’s just a bad case of pins-and-needles; while Martin the Sound Man would never got his DPhil in walking along in a straight line without incident. Crash! Thwomp! Oh, Martin… Anyway, while he’s falling over nonexistant obstacles, you can listen to him doing an interview on the Rewind Podcast in which he talks about ~~the time he banged Tiger Woods~~ his music and stuff.

This week, we would like your ideas for a responsible revenge for Ky from Harrogate to wreak upon his Paypal fraudster; please take yourself to the comments on this post and chip in on the matter. Then, as per, please do ask us QUESTIONS, by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leaving a voicemail on Skype ID answermethis or our question line 0208 123 5877. That would be even more super-sweet than a Creme Egg with a sugar-lump shoved into the fondant.

See you next Thursday!

Helen and Olly

PS This week’s jingle challenge entries is one of Olly’s favourites, despite it featuring an enthusiastic rendition of an email address which we don’t actually possess. Nonetheless, take it away, Krista and Heather: