EPISODE 135 – peace babies

May 13, 2010 by

Hello little chums,

It’s all very unsettling, this regime change and Conservacrat coalitions and so on; so let’s stick with things that are comforting and familiar. Corduroy, say, or those sweetie prawns you only get as part of pick’n’mix, or the face of Richard Madeley. All that and more things which aren’t the sour tang of political discomfort in Answer Me This! Episode 135:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Within we speak of:

the Dyson fan
gummy bears
onion cocaine
irresponsible science teachers
concentrated pigments
Mike Patton’s travel wash
Common’s dry hands
Daphne and Celeste
survival vs. the Red Hot Chili Peppers
FishMac
Heinz
the Whigs
Gideon Sundback
the mischief of tailors
Katie Melua
and
Hot Pittites.

Plus: Olly hates jelly babies despite their brilliant capacity for mischief; Helen finds an unlikely way for widowers to assuage their grief; and Martin the Sound Man violates Olly at the Sony Awards. Cheeky chappie. You can see and hear him being much better behaved on this educational video and the Bright Club podcast.

Since this is an interactive podcast, please interact with us by asking your QUESTIONS: do that with your voices, by leaving a message on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis; or do that with your words by emailing them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday!

Helen and Olly

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keys in cakes

May 12, 2010 by

** Click here for Episode 134 **

Last week Olly feigned surprise at the trope of files being baked into cakes to enable prison escapes. Sarah in Oklahoma ripostes:

You need to watch more cartoons, Olly! While Bugs doesn’t have a cake with a file he does have a pickaxe and map disguised as a loaf of bread.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMx_RlzR2Ro
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_House_Bunny

Evidently Olly not only needs to watch more cartoons, but also brush up on his Irish history, as observed by Stephen:

The controversial Irish politician Eamonn De Valera escaped from Lincoln Jail using a key smuggled in in a cake.

Thanks Sarah and Stephen! So we’ve now got pickaxes, map-bread and key-cakes, but still no files in cakes. Come on people, anyone know of one? Tell us in the comments! Alternatively you can tell us about the many ridiculous things you’ve tried to smuggle into prisons at one stage or another, but we don’t want anyone to get into trouble.

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Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | 4 Comments »

Dubai vs. Dubai

May 12, 2010 by

** Click here for Episode 134 **

Last week we suggested that Dubai sounds like hell on earth, on the grounds of it being a) super-hot; b) a permanent building site; c) full of drunk Brits with sunstroke. That argument still looks good to us. But not to some of you, least of all Louise in Dubai:

You are so wrong Dubai is brilliant.

Tell you what else is brilliant: commas!

I live here and love it and, helen, it isn’t sexist that much I think you are getting Dubai mixed up with saudi arabia where women aren’t even allowed to drive. Dubai isn’t that hot last winter it got down to 12C and last summer it got up to 60C and you can go back to the UK. It’s not Dubai’s fault that tourists don’t check the temperatures.

PLEASE can you apologize to the whole of Dubai.

I could. But it would literally mean nothing.

Then we received the following counter-argument from Joe in Dubai:

i thought i would pass on my knowledge after being in Dubai for 12 years.

1, The Burj Khalifa is an Armani hotel on the bottom, Spa in the middle and apartment on the top. The aquarium did leak due to the shitty building standards.

2,The shaped like a sail IS the Burj Al Arab.

3, Helen, it is A) really hot in the summer months, winter is heaven on earth.
B) it is modern in some places but the government has epically failed in trying to embrace western rules
C) IT IS the most sexist and RACIST place i have ever visited (and ive been to Louisiana)

Marting the sound man ( you are amazing by the way) IT IS a muslim state which is a complete nightmare.
Helen (again) all the brits DO come out here and get all drunk and sunburnt which is rather funny, and yes they do get arrested, and there is a HUGE debate about that in the papers over here.
I am a long time listener, and completely blown out the water that you talked about dubai.

PS it really is hell on earth dont ever come here because you will be ripped off and disappointed. 😀

Well, now we don’t know whom to believe! Mike in Dubai, your email is the tiebreaker:

Apropos your ill informed rant about Dubai last week:-

– stop right there, Mike! I think you’ll find our rant was addressed to stupid Brits going over to abuse Dubai and forgetting that they are still expected to remain civilised, even though it’s sunny there.

Answer Me This:
Have any of you ever been to Dubai?
If you should wish to venture here I will gladly show you the old preserved heritage areas; the two hotels, apartments and office in the Burj Khalifa and the freedom which women enjoy – both local and visitors.

It’s really not the most appealing holiday prospect to any of us, but ta ever so for the offer.

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Silver Sony surprise!

May 11, 2010 by

** Click here for Episode 134 **

Look, we went and won a prize!

That’s right, it was a prize for best photo.

Here’s what the Sony Radio Academy Awards judges had to say about AMT, if you’re interested (and don’t mind a few grammatical errors on your screen). Unfortunately we don’t get a big silver trophy in the shape of a Sony Walkman, but fingers crossed for next year.

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EPISODE 134 – it’s quite difficult to peel a dinosaur

May 6, 2010 by

Dear Listeners,

This week we caught not one but two Maypole dances! After the sight of a team of hail-lashed eight-year-olds cavorting around a giant phallic symbol, then a second helping of the same, anything’s going to seem anticlimactic. Except, perhaps, for Answer Me This! Episode 134:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Wherein we speak of:

Peppy the polar bear
Mint Imperials
ostrich meat
Claude Garamond
Roald Dahl
Microsoft whimsy
the Empire State Building
Australian superlatives
British teen pregnancy rates WIN
the Burj Al Arab
phone cake
Stanley Morison
the Mr Bean Diary
and
Kidderminster.

Plus: Olly emphasises the importance of proper hydration during hot hungover Hellenic hikes; Helen recalls her days as the Nadia Comaneci of Tunbridge Wells; and Martin the Sound Man poaches an old Pappy’s Fun Club joke, With Hilarious Results. Or similar. We also implore you to help out Ian from Florida with his dating profile; click here to see it and comment politely thereupon.

Apologies to any of you who couldn’t get through to our Question Line last week; it’s up and running as normal now, so don’t hesitate to leave your QUESTIONS on it by dialling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis; or, of course, emailing them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, in the classical style.

If you enjoy staying up all night listening to the radio, tonight you can hear us assisting Iain Dale on LBC from midnight-6am as the election results roll in; tune in on 97.3FM, Sky Channel 0124 or online via lbc.co.uk.

See you next Thursday!

Helen and Olly

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Ian from Florida seeks Jewish princess

May 6, 2010 by

As you will hear in Episode 134, we tried to help out Ian from Florida, who says he is bombing on JDate.

Using the fruits of your combined romantic wisdom, can you tell him why? Check out Ian’s profile HERE, then head to the comments on this post to give him constructive advice to find the girl of his dreams. Be pithy, be useful, be kind: Ian seems a very pleasant young man, and we’re keen to help him find a ladyfriend, so any meanies will feel our wrath.

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Posted in User-generated answers | 18 Comments »

Soviet success

May 5, 2010 by

** Click here for Episode 133 **

Here is a plea from Annabelle in Durham, North Carolina:

I am a junior in high school in the US. This summer, I am getting paid by the State Department to go to Russia for two months and learn Russian (I feel just like James Bond).

They have sent me various safety handbooks, mostly full of slightly scary things like “We are not saying to lie if you are gay and say you are straight while in Russia, we are just saying the Russian police like to brutalize pride parades” and “Dealing with misogyny and sexual harassment while in Russia”, as well as several things that don’t really affect me, telling us how much trouble we will be in for drinking or going to clubs.

Answer me this: is there any advice you would give to a teenage girl regarding being in Russia?

Well, when I was 15 I went to stay in a suburb of Moscow, where I learnt that to fit in with the native teenage girls you need to wear tinsel in your hair and be an enthusiastic advocate of Bon Jovi. But times have changed since 1995 – just ask the band Menswe@r – so if any of you have more up-to-date advice for Annabelle in her Russian adventure, please bestow it in the comments.

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Posted in extracurricular questions, User-generated answers | 3 Comments »

Use the subtitles must you!

May 4, 2010 by

** Click here for Episode 133 **

Last week we wondered how Yoda’s syntactical mischief is expressed in other languages. Tom from Battersea sheds light on the linguistic larkery:

Re: Star Wars in other languages, I couldn’t resist piping up, as I spent a year in my early twenties making replica light sabers in an Umbrian hill town. I was so poor I lived off stale panettone and coffee for weeks at a time, and it was so cold in my tiny flat that the oil set hard in my cupboard.

Wait right there, Tom – this sounds like a promising scenario for a rom com! Do any of you readers have an in with the greenlight guy at Universal?

Il Maestro Yoda does indeed fuck around with standard sentence structure in the same way as in English, sticking the verb at the end for wise effect. For example, instead of saying ‘TU HAI molta fretta giovane Jedi’ [you have much haste, young Jedi], he says, ‘Molta fretta HAI TU, giovane Jedi’ [much haste have you, young Jedi].

It is a different bloke who did the dubbing for the recent ‘prequel’ Star Wars films, but he tries to maintain the same sound as the bloke who dubbed the original films. In general, Yoda’s voice is less guttural in Italian than the English voice, less alien, and more wise old man, sort of thing – they’re trying to recreate an Umberto-Eco-after-six-hours-of-armchair-discussion at an Italian arts festival type of character, rather than the grumpy persona George Lucas originally went for.

Sounds much better than the original! Umberto Eco would certainly be a pleasing addition to the Star Wars oeuvre, although probably has less appeal than Yoda in the range of spin-off collectable dolls and backpacks.

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marriage and materialism

May 4, 2010 by

** Click here for Episode 133 **

Everyone, thankyou so much for your lovely messages regarding my betrothal to Martin the Sound Man. And apologies for taking him off the market.
We’ve no idea when or where the nuptials will take place as yet, but we’ve currently no plans for the cynical scheme suggested by Ben from Stafford:

When you get married could you guys have a MASSIVE wedding party somewhere in the country and invite all the Answer Me This! fans to wish you a happy life and charge people to get in to ease on your cost?

No chance, Ben; I’m not Jordan!

Naomi from France also has a suggestion:

At Helen and Martin’s wedding, you could play ALL the stuff they’ve ever said about marriage on AMTP, and then have a Big Brother type voice saying: ‘And look at them now!’

Again: NO.

Happily, we’re not the only new engagement; congratulations are in order for young CJ from Wales:

On the 23rd March I proposed to my now fiancee Emma-Lea who I love and would do anything in the world for! I love her so much and I trust her with my life, to prove this I have told her more about me than ANYONE else will ever know, I told her EVERYTHING I can think of and remember and then told her my facebook password because I love and trust her so much! She has told me everything and her facebook password too! We’re now in the position where we can tell each other everything and we have each other’s passwords to facebook which our lives are virtually on so Helen and Martin answer me this, do you or would you tell one another everything and share your passwords where by you could destroy the others life if you so wished but love and trust each other enough to know neither of you would ever do that?

Aaah CJ, when you get to our age it’s enough of a struggle just to remember your own password.

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EPISODE 133 – a horse doesn’t have a glovebox

April 29, 2010 by

ELECTION ELECTION WINEHOUSE’SBROKENBOOBS ELECTION ELECTION ELECTION KATONA. That’s all we’re hearing about this week, and frankly it’s wearing us down. Listeners, perhaps you feel the same; or perhaps you don’t live in Britain and therefore didn’t even know there was an election on. And now that you do, you couldn’t give a tortoise’s bra about it. But hopefully we can all agree to settle down and listen to Answer Me This! Episode 133, before returning to deface Tory pamphlets/whatever the hell you non-Brit-residents were up to:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

This week we speak of:

Tory tax breaks
Smith Kendon travel sweets
Kenneth Tynan
Scotney Castle
Birmingham Selfridges
Tate Modern
satnav wipes
sphygmomanometers
sexting vs. proper infidelity
Facebook vs. Friends Reunited
syntax vs. inflections
souvenir pencils
the Paris Expo
James
Citizen Kane
Sarah Kane
Hamlet II
In the Night Garden
and
Ozwald Boateng.

Plus: Olly yearns for the rural life, tilling the soil and raising livestock; Helen is shocked by the potty-mouth affecting Woman’s Hour; and Martin the Sound Man seems to know more about blood pressure than the average district nurse. And some news that might be more exciting to us than to you, and more exciting to our mums than anyone else.

You know what’s definitely exciting all round, though? Your QUESTIONS! So give us a thrill by sending them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, Skype ID answermethis or our question line 0208 123 5877. Our timbers are shivering in anticipation.

See you next Thursday!

Helen and Olly

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Olly models Helen's fake engagement ring

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bad dates

April 29, 2010 by

** Click here for Episode 132 **

I’m sure most hot-blooded ladies are turned on by the sight of Christian Bale running around with the chainsaw then talking to Willem Dafoe, but evidently not Emma, who says:

Some years back, when I was a singleton and American Psycho was in cinemas, I agreed to a date with a seemingly normal chap. When he called to arrange the data he was pretty insistent that American Psycho would make an ideal first date film. I did not agree. Somehow I feel that female mutilation, extreme violence and rape do not make the best start to a relationship. In the end I told him I would rather not go out with him at all and, after a few more phone calls to try and sell me the American-Psycho-ideal-first-date thing, he gave up. I still feel that I probably escaped a bit of a nutter.

So Helen and Olly please answer me this: What is the worst date you have ever been on, or almost been on?

It’s hard for any of us to answer this question: partly because we’ve all been in our respective relationships that dating seems a very distant memory; partly because we’re English and, back in our single prime, people here never went on dates – they just got drunk and molested each other. That was the native form, until internet dating came along and made people more courtly/completely perplexed by the whole process.

But hey, let’s kick off our own My Very Worst Date-style thread right here: readers, head to the comments and blab about YOUR own dating horror-stories. I could pretend it was for some noble purpose, but it’s obviously so we can all have a jolly chuckle at your expense. Go forth and enable.

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Mustard Creams

April 29, 2010 by

** Click here for Episode 132 **

Here’s a half-pound of foodular fun from Patrick:

I initially dismissed Wasabi Pringles as being an odd flavouring for a crisp, but after trying them, POW! I’m hooked. Wasabi flavouring and MSG seem to have a strangely euphoric effect on me, especially during times of stress…

So, Answer Me This… What strange flavourings or food combination have won you round?

Readers, since we at Answer Me This! have discussed the peculiarities of our palates enough – as evidenced by the fact that wasabi-flavoured Pringles seem like nothing but a sensible combo to us – it is time for you to share your own favourite wrong-snacks instead. Chutney-flavoured Mars Bars? Tea-flavoured Hula Hoops? Twig-flavoured Twiglets? Pray tell all in the comments!

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Posted in extracurricular questions, User-generated answers | 13 Comments »

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