Posts Tagged ‘stupid’

EPISODE 229 – the Pubes Fairy

September 20, 2012

Hello listeners! Refreshed by a month off, we return with an episode bursting with fresh new questions. Well, fresh except for the one about the Spice Girls, which we maintain IS fresh as long as you fell into a coma in the summer of 1996 and only just woke up. If that is your situation, we’ll help you catch up on what you missed. We hate to be the ones to break it to you, but Kate Moss and Johnny Depp split up. And things have been awfully quiet on the Meg Mathews front lately.

Everyone else, put Answer Me This! Episode 229 into your ears:

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Today we discuss:

self-pleasure on the Eurostar
the madness of Mel B
rave Adele
reclining vs. lounging
Tom vs. Jerry
My Little Eye (mild spoilers! (but the film is ten years old (so that’s OK)))
Richard III’s corpse
stomach tombola
revisionism of Mammy Two Shoes
Too Good to be True
keeping the spontaneity in the Soggy Biscuit Game
dying for a Wii
the equally hateable successors to the BT couple we won’t stop hating till BT installs fibre-optic broadband in their joint grave
and
digestive biscuits.

Plus: Olly is terrified of his own pubes (until they start paying rent for their residence upon his body); Helen’s attempt to trick the Tooth Fairy backfired right into her bank balance; and Martin the Sound Man dreams about how, in an alternate universe, Simon and Garfunkel would have replaced ‘The Sound of Silence’ with the sound of cartoon hammers.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) is a question from Ginger Paul about toilet attendants, bog butlers, lavatory landlords, ablution assistants – whatever you want to call them, the principle is the same, but what’s with all the lollipops? Loo-lipops? Lolli-poops?

Our new series will be running all the way to Christmas, but only if you send us QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (Skype answermethis or dial 0208 123 5877) or send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday!

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 206 with special guest Jackie Mason!

February 23, 2012

Answer Me This! Episode 206 is an exciting one, because we’re joined by legendary comedian and erstwhile rabbi Jackie Mason!

We snuck backstage to talk to him at the Wyndhams Theatre, where he’s performing his farewell show Fearlessclick here to find out more about it and buy tickets – and we learned many things: real people are better to watch than Caddyshack II; Lucozade has yet to break America; and Madonna is a sick person (well, we did have an inkling of that already).

For more wisdom, listen:

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Before you get to hear Jackie, though, you have to listen to us waffling on as usual, about such matters as:

legless frogs
the legal smoking age limit
litotes
sex vs. Buckaroo
Roman numerals
Snog Marry Avoid?
proxy servers
and
heirloom gobstoppers.

Plus: Olly exposes The Artist complainers as FRAUDS; Helen’s inner Russell Brand is unleashed; and before you ask, the reason Martin the Sound Man didn’t come with us to meet Jackie Mason is NOT because no goys were allowed, but because he had to go to work! Science waits for no man.

There’s more Jackie in this week’s Bit of Crap on the App, where he holds forth upon the upcoming US election and Harry Redknapp’s dog, so fire up your iDevices or Android.

AMT is back to its normal guestless state next week, but we’re not alone so long as we have your QUESTIONS; so leave a voicemail on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis) or send an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 135 – peace babies

May 13, 2010

Hello little chums,

It’s all very unsettling, this regime change and Conservacrat coalitions and so on; so let’s stick with things that are comforting and familiar. Corduroy, say, or those sweetie prawns you only get as part of pick’n’mix, or the face of Richard Madeley. All that and more things which aren’t the sour tang of political discomfort in Answer Me This! Episode 135:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Within we speak of:

the Dyson fan
gummy bears
onion cocaine
irresponsible science teachers
concentrated pigments
Mike Patton’s travel wash
Common’s dry hands
Daphne and Celeste
survival vs. the Red Hot Chili Peppers
FishMac
Heinz
the Whigs
Gideon Sundback
the mischief of tailors
Katie Melua
and
Hot Pittites.

Plus: Olly hates jelly babies despite their brilliant capacity for mischief; Helen finds an unlikely way for widowers to assuage their grief; and Martin the Sound Man violates Olly at the Sony Awards. Cheeky chappie. You can see and hear him being much better behaved on this educational video and the Bright Club podcast.

Since this is an interactive podcast, please interact with us by asking your QUESTIONS: do that with your voices, by leaving a message on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis; or do that with your words by emailing them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday!

Helen and Olly

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fake girlfriend: update

December 2, 2009

** Click here for Episode 119 **

In Episode 119 young Ed from Market Harborough sought our advice regarding his fake girlfriend. They’d only been fake-going out for a week and a half at the time, and she was already causing trouble! We said he should dump the fake-bitch, or that he should say she dumped him.

I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT MY FAKE GF AND WHY I CAN’T DUMP HER!

1) IF I DUMP HER ILL BE A TOTAL PRICK FOR DUMPING HER!

Who cares, Ed – what’s the worst that can happen? Is her fake father going to come round to your house with a baseball bat?

2)IF I SAY SHE’S DUMPED ME THEN I’LL GET JEERED AT FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO KEEP A GIRL FOR MORE THAN A MONTH

Your friends are probably fresh out of jeers, having expended them all last week when you invented a girlfriend.

3)I CAN’T SAY SHE MOVED TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY BECAUSE SHE ALREADY LIVES IN JERSEY

Let’s not forget, Ed – YOU MADE HER UP! YOU put her in Jersey; YOU get her out of there! One of the numerous benefits of fake girlfriends is that they are highly portable, so invent her an interest in South American ferns and send her off to live in a remote part of Chile or something.

Buck up, young man: this is the only relationship you will ever have where she does exactly what you say. The only limit is the breadth of your imagination. Now, go away, and don’t you dare reject our sage advice again until you’ve stopped being such a silly sausage.

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