Posts Tagged ‘no’

puke on toast

March 25, 2014
A page from an actual recipe book I own. Frankly this is one of the least unappetising recipes.

A page from an actual recipe book I own. Frankly this is one of the least unappetising recipes.


Are we going to have to insert Jackass-style warnings into each episode of AMT, insisting that no one attempt to recreate of re-enact any stunt or activity performed on this show? Because we would NEVER have recommended anyone do what Richard in Finsbury Park did:

In AMT last week you talked about Snaffles Mousse, the 70s dish made from canned consommé, Philadelphia and curry powder.

I was morbidly fascinated by the suggested combination and had to make a batch. When it had set, my boyfriend and I had some on toast. It was without doubt the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten. On every level. I can still taste its foulness now.

Answer me this: what is the  most revolting dish you have ever cooked up?

It was by accident, but I made paella with frozen elderflower cordial instead of chicken stock. In fact, because even that mouth-trauma did not teach me to label the contents of my freezer, it happened TWICE. Mark me, it is one of the very few circumstances in which elderflower cordial is NOT more palatable than chicken stock.

Readers, tell us in the comments about your own culinary horrorshows. Maybe then Richard in Finsbury Park will try them out, since he appears to have declared war upon his palate.

And as a fun game between courses, speculate upon the ingredients of this recipe, which I found in a cookbook yesterday:



‘character-building’ baby names

November 19, 2013



As babies continue insist on being born, and the law insists those babies are given names, we receive plenty questions about baby names. Here’s one from Andy from Wimbledon:

My best friend and his lovely wife are expecting a baby boy in the new year.

However, on the issue of names, my friend has decided that the boy child is to be named “Tyrion”, after Tyrion Lannister, the dwarf from Game of Thrones.

Now I’m only halfway through the first season of GoT, but already I’m concerned that naming a child after a dwarf who has a penchant for booze and whores might not be the best option.

Furthermore, this being Game of Thrones, it’s no spoiler to presume that at some point the character in question will be involved in something hideously despicable/incestuous/immoral which could well tarnish the name (i.e. you don’t see many birth announcements in The Times for boys named ‘Adolf’ anymore).

So answer me this – how do you go about telling someone that their choice of baby name isn’t perhaps appropriate? Or should I, like everyone else, just keep quiet and coo over the baby and its ‘lovely’ name once the thing is born?

Yes. That. Regardless of whether you voice your (reasonable) objections, if your friends love that name, they’re going to bestow it upon their boy. So don’t add a black mark to your permanent record when it won’t help the baby anyway. About the furthest you can go is leaving a newspaper in their loo, casually folded open upon an article about how naming a child after a current big TV series is a bit tacky.

Anyway, the impending baby Tyrion might have got off lightly, if this tale from Sam in Langbank is to be believed:

My friend, Hannah, told me her friend Craig’s mum was working in a maternity ward at a hospital somewhere in Glasgow. She was asking a new mother to write down on a form the name of her new baby girl. The mum then wrote this: ‘La-a’. Craig’s mum then said “Oh, that’s an unusual name”. To which the woman replied, “Yeah. Ladasha.”

This is possibly the best name I’ve ever heard.

Answer me this what is the oddest name you have ever heard of?

PS my biology teacher also taught someone called Princess-Jamie-Babes Brown.

People at my school claimed to know a girl called Autumn Dawn Forecast. And a friend at university swore she had known a boy called Norman Conquest. Let’s face it: if your surname was Conquest, you’d be a fool to resist that opportunity.


marriage and materialism

May 4, 2010

** Click here for Episode 133 **

Everyone, thankyou so much for your lovely messages regarding my betrothal to Martin the Sound Man. And apologies for taking him off the market.
We’ve no idea when or where the nuptials will take place as yet, but we’ve currently no plans for the cynical scheme suggested by Ben from Stafford:

When you get married could you guys have a MASSIVE wedding party somewhere in the country and invite all the Answer Me This! fans to wish you a happy life and charge people to get in to ease on your cost?

No chance, Ben; I’m not Jordan!

Naomi from France also has a suggestion:

At Helen and Martin’s wedding, you could play ALL the stuff they’ve ever said about marriage on AMTP, and then have a Big Brother type voice saying: ‘And look at them now!’

Again: NO.

Happily, we’re not the only new engagement; congratulations are in order for young CJ from Wales:

On the 23rd March I proposed to my now fiancee Emma-Lea who I love and would do anything in the world for! I love her so much and I trust her with my life, to prove this I have told her more about me than ANYONE else will ever know, I told her EVERYTHING I can think of and remember and then told her my facebook password because I love and trust her so much! She has told me everything and her facebook password too! We’re now in the position where we can tell each other everything and we have each other’s passwords to facebook which our lives are virtually on so Helen and Martin answer me this, do you or would you tell one another everything and share your passwords where by you could destroy the others life if you so wished but love and trust each other enough to know neither of you would ever do that?

Aaah CJ, when you get to our age it’s enough of a struggle just to remember your own password.

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