A smidgeon more information on ‘She’ll Be Comin’ ‘Round the Mountain’.
Judgement day was sometimes a metaphor for freedom.
Jesus sometimes had the secret meaning of Harriet Tubman, who would lead the slaves to freedom.
It was all right for slaves to be found singing spirituals, but not all right for them to be plotting or hoping for freedom out loud.
This song grows ever more interesting! But still not at all dirty like our questioneer thought. That was all in her mucky mind.
Here’s more feedback on the musical elements of AMT266, from Rebecca from Letchworth:
Musicals are my favourite thing in the world and seeing as I am a drama student, I am constantly singing songs from musicals and going to see musicals in the West End.
I don’t think you should sing along when you go and see musicals on stage – you’re paying a lot of money hear trained professionals do it. Also, the seating in some theatres is very tight, you are practically bumping shoulders with the people either side of you. My advice would be that if you really cannot control your need to sing along (and sometimes you really can’t control it), you should simply mouth the words.
I do this when I go and see a musical, because you feel like you’re singing along and if you get your timing just right, you can pretend in your head that the actor’s voice is actually yours. That way you are having a little sing-song to yourself and you’re not disturbing anyone around you.
Very considerate, Rebecca – unless you’re also silently dancing along, and elbowing your seat-neighbour in the face when you do jazz hands.
In the words of Neely O’Hara, Answer Me This! Episode 266 is all ‘Boobies boobies boobies’: surgically enhanced ones, natural ones, milky ones, Kelly Brook’s ones…
Plus: Olly specifies where his ashes are to be scattered; Helen doesn’t care if her craft legacy dies with her; and despite all his singing skills, Martin the Sound Man doesn’t have the range to sing in Aspects of Love. He’ll never get to be Michael Ball (ball!).
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App, which is available for iDevices and Android, a revival of Olly’s beloved Hunting of the Snark might become a reality? Come on, Mike Batt – make a young Mann’s lifelong dream come true!
And you – make our combined dream come true by sending us QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
See you next Thursday,
Helen & Olly
AMT266 Child-Friendly Rating: 70%. References to the songs of Peaches. Question about dead bodies. Discussion of boobs, natural and cosmetically altered. Very little swearing aside from an f-bomb.
We were delighted by this email from Terry, offering a marvellous bit of advice for people going to the Edinburgh Fringe this month:
Wear your AMT t-shirt, people will be much nicer to you.
Since I got my t-shirt at Christmas I’ve worn it in plenty of different places and been seen by many people, but only in Edinburgh have I got so much love.
On August 1st I was stopped by someone flyering for the show The Curse of Elizabeth Faulkner telling me that he followed me. I explained that I wasn’t you but it is nice meeting him.
When I arrived at the Assembly Rooms, the girl at the entrance was so pleased to see a fellow fan of the show she lead me all the way across the courtyard and to the door of the room I was heading for. I’m sure any other day I would’ve been pointed over there and left to it. However I would like to say sorry to her as on the way out she did ask how the show was but unfortunately I didn’t hear that and just smiled at her like a simpleton.
Later that afternoon I also met the very nice Jay Foreman who told us he has written some of the jingles for the show.
Anyway after such a nice day I will be ordering some more merch right away.
May I recommend the mug? Mine has survived nearly six years of service without a single chip; furthermore, it’s enormous, which means less time making teafills.
Have any of the rest of you had happy experiences whilst adorned with AMT merch? Of course none of you have had bad experiences. That time you were pelted with rotten eggs was NOT because you were carrying the AMT bag (100 per cent egg-proof, by the way).
Oh no! The romantic relationships of our questioneers are in jeopardy…because of VERY IMPORTANT disagreements. Here’s Rebecca from Chesterfield‘s:
My husband and I got married in April and so far the worst argument disturbing our newly wedded bliss is this:
When I tell my husband that I am working “next Saturday” he will then be confused as to why I then make plans for the weekend coming.
He seems to think that “next Saturday” means the coming Saturday as in “the next Saturday.
I have told him that he is wrong. That would be “this Saturday”.
Please help settle this dispute.
Fine. Readers: vote.
And now, another life-or-death point of contention from Julia from Oxford:
My boyfriend, who lives in London, is of Californian origin. We’re both flying out there this month for a holiday and I’m really looking forward to it. The problem I have is this – he is *convinced*, having lived in both the US and the UK, that American bacon is objectively superior. I like American bacon (after all, it’s bacon), but I personally prefer the British style as it’s juicier and meatier than its States-side counterpart.
I understand that tastes differ and don’t consider either type to be better than the other in absolute terms. However, I just know he’s going to go on about the damn bacon while we’re out there and insist on asking me whether it’s better every time we eat it. He’s quite reasonable about most American/British divide issues, so why on earth is he so dogmatic about this particular foodstuff? Is bacon really that polarising??
Let’s just see, shall we?
And let’s not reignite the Bacon Wars between Canada and Denmark. So many young lives pointlessly lost…
While bacon appears to be a very emotional issue in this relationship, the question Julia should be asking instead is why her boyfriend has to be right – can’t he let this matter lie and just enjoy the bacon of whichever country he’s in? What’s really going on under there?
I’m relieved I don’t live next door to them, because I don’t want to be woken at 3am by screams of “But ours is CRISPIER, Julia!”
A question of knuckle-ornamentation from Jack the Gryphon from Darlington:
Which is the correct way to wear a signet ring? Should the top of the signature be nearer to the wrist or the fingernail?
Jack, just wear it whichever way up seems easiest when you’re stamping the sealing wax on all those important covenants that cross your desk.
Unless…you’re wearing it purely for style rather than comms? In which case – readers, kindly go to the comments and advise Jack. I feel queasy if I think about signet rings too long; they remind me of my creepy euphonium teacher from when I was 11, as well as their celebrity spokesmodel Jimmy Savile.
If, like today’s questioneer Paul, you want to allow a cool breeze to circulate around your nethers, but without the hazard of being charged with indecent exposure, we recommend you wear one of these around the house. The pockets are really useful too, for carrying cooling ice-packs and emergency underpants lest you receive an unexpected guest.
Also useful, though providing no modesty coverage, is Answer Me This! Episode 265:
Today we discuss:
Amazon
Amazons’ boobs
Amazon’s Eye
penile hygiene
straitjackets
Dire Straits
(ham)burgers
tartar vs. tartare sauce vs. the Tatars
chips and gravy vs. poutine
political speech spoilers The Bridge
Jeff Bezos
and
the Midlands swing vote.
Plus: Olly thinks one of the world’s biggest online retailers caters especially to his ego; Helen improves upon Ed Miliband’s cigarette packet zingers; and Martin the Sound Man explains why Sylvia Plath ate her mince raw.
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App, which is available for iDevices and Android, we come up with a more fitting name for the Shakespeare play that so nettled Olly in last week’s episode. Look out for a production of Much Ado About Vagina at an outdoor theatre near you.
Our podcast would be much ado about nothing without your QUESTIONS, so please send them to us: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
See you next Thursday,
Helen & Olly
AMT265 Child-Friendly Rating: 30%. Mention of ripe topics including boobs, suicide, politics, fellatio. A few swear-bombs.
Jason, 28, from Seattle has observed the example of Paul Daniels and wisely exercised more caution:
Recently I’ve become a member of a choir that gives several performances over the year. In the very beginning of our first rehearsal series, I began flirting with a girl from across the room during rehearsals. After a few weeks of this, I finally got the courage to speak to her one night.
We casually chatted about rehearsal, and other random things, until I eventually I asked what she did for a living. She told me she was between jobs. I thought nothing of this, since she seemed pretty well put together, probably in college, and assumed her life was just in transition at the moment. We really only had a minute or two to chat, so we didn’t get into many more details about one another. I was feeling very good about myself, and excited to see her the next week.
During the week however, through some social media investigations, I discovered that this girl is actually still in high school, and 16 years old! I had assumed she was in college, which explained her flakey job answer, and knew she was younger by maybe 5-6 years, but definitely not that young!
I know this girl is off limits and don’t wish to pursue anything further. But my flirting before finding out this information has put me in an awkward situation. I really can’t quit this choir and I now have to attend these rehearsals with her still giving me the flirty eye! Looking back, she was clearly making an attempt to hide her age from me, so I’m not entirely sure how to act around her now.
What do I do?! Should I just pretend it never happened and move on, or let her down easy? Can you think of any other options?
Yes, pretend it never happened! What’s the problem? Avoid one-on-one conversations with her and just style it out. You say you spoke to her for only a minute or two, so you hardly committed yourself there. And she’s sixteen. She’ll get over it, if she was ever even under it.
Here’s a question of table manners from Ben from Taunton:
I absolutely love eating noodles but am unable to savour this delight as every time I do the soup splashes everywhere and creates a mess. It goes over the sofa, over my body (which sometimes burns) and if I have company I am simply too afraid to eat it in case they see what a slob I am.
Please answer me this: how do I eat noodles without creating mess and pain?
1. Wear a rain poncho during meals.
2. Liquidise the soup and noodles together, then drink out of a baby’s sippy-cup.
3. Eat at a dining table, sitting on a chair. Sofa posture will not help you save yourself from the soup-noodle menace.
Another option is not to fight your noodle mess, but to embrace it (not literally, Ben, we don’t want you to scald yourself again). Here are some inspirational materials for you:
Naomi from Birmingham is one of a multitude of people asking us the following question this week:
With the birth of bonny Prince George, I was wondering if there are any contingencies in place for the eventuality that a future monarch is born with a learning disability of some kind? Also what about developmental disabilities such as autism?
I work with children with learning difficulties and am all for inclusivity and accessibility, but I have been wondering what actions and plans would be taken if this were the case?
Historically, if a monarch has been deemed incapable of ruling, they will be subbed by their regent, the next in line to the throne. So if – heaven forfend! – anything happened to our glorious majesty, Prince Charles would step in. (And just imagine the suspiciously fragrant smoke that would subsequently stream out of the bathroom window at Buckingham Palace.)
Today, in Answer Me This! Episode 264, we pretend to remember the most beloved 20th century canine entertainer. No, not Lassie! No, not Rin Tin Tin. No, not Columbo’s Basset hound… Alright, one of the Top 40 (give or take) most beloved 20th century canine entertainers: Schnorbitz.
Plus: Olly is a human salad, with the Body Shop providing the dressing (but don’t put any strawberries in it!); Helen makes things other than podcasts; and Martin the Sound Man resolves to suspend his scepticism. We’re sure that’ll last more than 0 minutes.
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App, which is available for iDevices and Android, we consider the Bacardi Bat and its similarity to Captain Birdseye. Certainly if we were choosing one of them as the voice of a joke Twitter account, we’d go for the one that can at least communicate in words. Sonar doesn’t translate well to tweets.
If you would like us to translate your QUESTIONS into podcast, send them to us as voicemails deposited on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – or emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
See you next Thursday,
Helen & Olly
AMT264 Child-Friendly Rating: 50%. Bit of swearing, short discussion about sex, plus a section about a dead dog. Children do get upset by dead dogs.
Our next question comes from a lady known only as A, who says:
I’m in a dilemma. I know this guy who I met at an event last year and he is way older than I am. We kept in touch but kinda lost touch for a few months. Then about a few months after that we bumped into each other and he and i got back in touch and started emailing each other. Those emails got quite intimate and personal.
We soon met up and had a quiet lunch in January. Then we kept emailing each other and pretty soon we both confessed that we want each other sexually but there’s a catch: he’s married and has a daughter and wants me the way it’s written in Fifty Shades of Grey. I am into that whole thing but just on paper and haven’t even tried that whole spanking and tying up bit.
He is heading abroad for a month and when he’s back we are planning to get busy. My gut is telling me not to do so, but my mind is saying something else as I have just started an awesome new job and have got my life in order.
What should I do? Should I just give into what he and I want or push him aside? We have been friends since day 1 so that seems to be out of the question.
It seems out of the question to you only because you’re so DISTRACTED BY THE YELLING OF YOUR LOINS.
I’m assuming from your penultimate paragraph that you’ve taken leave of your senses. You’ve just started an awesome job and got your life in order – so now would be the optimal time to mess everything up? For…karmic balance? Colour me baffled.
By all means go ahead and experiment with your BDSM fantasies, but choose somebody who is unattached with whom to do so. The Fifty Shades scenario is already one in which the man controls the woman; don’t tip it further to your disadvantage by enacting it with a married man, because you will have ever little dominion as time passes. And you should be especially cautious about enabling somebody else’s extra-marital funtime because you sound like you’ve already grown emotionally attached even before you’ve deployed the bondage kit.
Readers, if you have anything to say about A’s Fifty Shades of Folly, go to the comments and do so. But she’ll probably never read this post through her blindfold made of lust and neckties.
We receive a lot of questions about the perils of cohabitation, and here’s a tricksy one from an anonymous man:
I am living in a flat with my fiancé and my best friend. The reason my friend is living with us at the moment is because he is unable to afford a place on his own.
My fiancé and I are looking to move into a house with each other, and when I told my friend he thought he is coming with us.
My fiancé is mad at me because I haven’t told him that he can’t come and I’m scared if I say this to him he will befriend me! What should I do and say?
You’ve got to just come out and say it. “So [friend], when we move into our new place, do you have an idea of where you’ll be going?” seems adequately tactful, but if you’re too wimpy even for that, then just tell him about the one-bedroom place you’re hoping to move to. If that doesn’t work, revise ‘one-bedroom’ to ‘bedsit’. And if that doesn’t work either, start banging on about the tiny house movement.
Readers, come to Anon’s assistance and offer your friend-ousting suggestions in the comments.
Hello listeners,
Answer Me This! Podcast 