Whatever happened to aerobics on morning telly, the corpse of Henry VIII, and cummerbunds? In Answer Me This! Episode 372, we crack these mysteries and more, including:
the Pete Best of the Spice Girls the Magic Castle dress code
fish death
taxi radio
Mr Motivator
‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ at the football Man of La Mancha
books as gifts
mummified monarchs
borrowing clothes from Switched On Pop
and
cummerbunds.
In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – our conversation about kings’ corpses turns to a surprisingly thoughtful contemplation of burial and shivah. And then away from that to Scooby-Doo.
Prepare yourselves, New Zealand and Australia, for an influx of Helen and Martin: the Allusionist live tour is coming to you. Check theallusionist.org/events for shows in Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch, Sydney, Canberra, Melbourne and Adelaide; more dates will be added soon.
Also! Listen to Olly’s new series about diets and body image, Tip the Scales, and it’s ready and waiting for you if you’re an Audible subscriber in the UK and a handful of other countries (commiserations, USA). You AMT listeners in the UK can get a free trial of Audible for a month at answermethispodcast.com/audible – or, if you’ve had such a thing before, you can get a spell of half price membership! And remember: 1. for each of you that takes up the trial, Audible gives us a little bit of money, even when you cancel without paying a thing; 2. you can keep your free audiobooks forever. Hear a sample of Tip the Scales HERE, then get your free Audible trial HERE then hear the whole series HERE.
Sing along to Martin the Sound Man’s gap year diary of songs: his new 40-track mega album The Year of the Bird, complete with illustrations and diaries about each song, is being released at palebirdmusic.com.
This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, with which you can easily and quickly set up a good-looking website for your projects eg your Oscar-nominated documentary. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.
Happy news! AMT325‘s Beckie, who was worried who was worrying about having chosen the baby name ‘Aoife’ because her family were being dicks about it? On Tuesday, the baby was born! And she has been named….Aoife! Good for you, Beckie, and welcome to the world, Aoife. All together now: aaaaaawwwwwww.
Let’s change some more lives in Answer Me This! Episode 326 shall we? Or at least deal with a range of minor to moderate problems, concerning such matters as:
Gogglebox
crying vs fart machines
sport vs Helen’s love for her family
sport vs Andrew Lloyd Webber
the haka the Crystal Palace dinosaurs
matryoshka spy dolls
Queen Victoria
and
the likely successor to The Human Centipede.
Plus: Olly has the equivalent of a shy bladder but for sneezing (which you already know is a problem for him); Helen has to choose between her family and her dislike of sport; and Martin the Sound Man’s cup of Earl Grey is full of tears.
In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iThings, Android and Windows devices – rugby brings the rest of Helen’s family joy, but also forces her brother Andy to tell the biggest lie of his life.
Olly’s so fecund at the moment! Birthing out babies and podcasts all over the place. You can find his new show The Modern Mann at modernmann.co.uk, as well as on iTunes and Pocketcasts and the various other podcast-getting places.
Helen is currently releasing new doses of The Allusionist EVERY WEEK (wilts) because Radiotopia is raising funds. Love any of the shows? Donate at radiotopia.fm! And join in her Reddit AMA at 7pm GMT today.
Finally, Martin the Sound Man’s Song By Song podcast is now embarking upon Tom Waits’s Heart of Saturday Night. Not a difficult second album, a cracking second album! (Except for the bits which sound like dinner jazz, which are sub-cracking.)
We’ll return on 12th November 2015 with AMT327.
Helen & Olly
••• AMT326 Child-Friendly Rating: 30%. No bawdy content, but there are swears all over the place. •••
Plus: Olly is on equal celebrity footing with Jason Donovan; Helen would LOVE it if you could chip in for the Radiotopia Kickstarter (read why here); and Martin the Sound Man brings physics into coin design, because anything and everything can be made less fun with physics.
Along with every episode, there’s a Bonus Bit of Crap on the App, so get it for your iDevices, Android and Windows gadgets. And if you want to get 10% off our benevolent sponsors Squarespace.com for a year, deploy the code ‘answer’.
Victoria Beckham’s jumpsuit, from listener Bee’s collection
Hi listeners,
Above is a sacred relic from the 90s: Victoria Beckham’s jumpsuit, from the post-Geri era of the Spice Girls. It’s also a sacred relic of the 90s, in that it’s from Answer Me This! Episode 290, which is here:
Plus: Olly teaches a child empathy, through Robbie Williams; Helen comes up with a strong concept for the Spice Girls’ fourth album; and Martin the Sound Man reckons going up Anish Kapoor’s Olympic Meccano-crash would be cheap at a third of the price. What IS a bargain is Squarespace.com, who are offering you 10% off for a whole year if you use the code Answer when plumping for their website-building and -hosting services. And the great thing about the 90% you pay is that some of it ends up supporting independent podcasts like this one! Hurrah all round.
In today’s Bit of Crap on the App, Olly voices his disappointment over the ubiquity of Emeli Sandé. Our app is almost as readily available for your iDevices, Android or Windows gadgets.
••• AMT290 Child-Friendly Rating: 95%. Pretty clean – possibly even entirely free of swears – although there is a fleeting reference to a Wenlock and Mandeville sex toy towards the end. •••
We hope you enjoyed the Best of Answer Me This! 2012 – Part I last week. If you did, you’ll also enjoy The Best of Answer Me This! 2012 – Part II, and if you didn’t, maybe you’ll prefer The Best of Answer Me This! 2012 – Part II. Either way, you should listen to The Best of Answer Me This! 2012 – Part II:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just £1.99 at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Wherein we meet again our auld acquaintances:
Phantom of the Opera
Hamlet Hamlet
Prince Philip’s bladder Killer Net
Angela Lansbury fantasies
R Kelly’s fancy parties
the birthplace of the Industrial Revolution
Devon vs Cornwall scone wars
sex Jenga
the Owl and the Pussycat
the 21st-century Sweeney Todd
Olly’s solo sex tape
Helen taking an off-brand fruit into the Apple store
and
Charlie’s Angles.
And there are more previously unheard bits of AMT, which you can have more of every week if you posess the AMT App, available for iDevices and Android – on which you also get our Best Of episodes from the past five years, if you trawl through diligently enough.
Please be generous with your QUESTIONS for AMT in 2013: email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.
We’ll be back on 10th January 2013, but you can still hear plenty of us before then:
• We’ll be running through the year’s biggest online events on Saturday Edition, BBC 5 Live 8pm 29th December or available shortly after as the Let’s Talk About Tech podcast.
• Olly will be Manning the microphone on LBC 97.3 FM, 1-4am most nights from Xmas Eve to Jan 3rd – check lbc.co.uk for the schedule, and rouse yourself from your festive stupor to give him a call and keep him company.
• Helen will crop up on BBC 5 Live’s Radio Review of 2012, hosted by Jane Garvey and Mike Sweeney, which will be broadcast on at 11pm on Christmas Eve, repeated 4pm on Christmas Day, or, if you want to listen at a more sensible time, it’ll be available on the 5 Live website straight after.
• You can hear us discussing Christmas gadgets and songs on Steve Wright in the Afternoon on BBC Radio 2 on 20th December. UPDATE: Here’s the link to the item on iPlayer.
• And we wrote some bits for the Celebrity Juice Christmas Specials; part one is already on ITV Player and part two will follow on tonight.
We hope you have very happy festivities, and we’ll see you next year!
Helen & Olly
PS if you need more noise to drown out the sound of sleighbells and Wizzard, direct yourself to our Jubilee and Sports Day albums, as well as AMT1-120.
Hello listeners! Refreshed by a month off, we return with an episode bursting with fresh new questions. Well, fresh except for the one about the Spice Girls, which we maintain IS fresh as long as you fell into a coma in the summer of 1996 and only just woke up. If that is your situation, we’ll help you catch up on what you missed. We hate to be the ones to break it to you, but Kate Moss and Johnny Depp split up. And things have been awfully quiet on the Meg Mathews front lately.
Everyone else, put Answer Me This! Episode 229 into your ears:
Plus: Olly is terrified of his own pubes (until they start paying rent for their residence upon his body); Helen’s attempt to trick the Tooth Fairy backfired right into her bank balance; and Martin the Sound Man dreams about how, in an alternate universe, Simon and Garfunkel would have replaced ‘The Sound of Silence’ with the sound of cartoon hammers.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) is a question from Ginger Paul about toilet attendants, bog butlers, lavatory landlords, ablution assistants – whatever you want to call them, the principle is the same, but what’s with all the lollipops? Loo-lipops? Lolli-poops?
Our new series will be running all the way to Christmas, but only if you send us QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (Skype answermethis or dial 0208 123 5877) or send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
OK listeners, lots of admin to get through this morning, so pay attention:
1. We have a new album out! Click here to learn more about/buy The Answer Me This! Sports Day. Clue: it’s all about the Olympics sport.
2. We’re interviewed on the latest episode of the marvellous podcast Getting Better Acquainted, which you can hear here.
3. We’re also on Answer Me This! Episode 222, as you might expect.
4. If we sound a bit maniacal to you in the episode, it’s because of the sugar rushes provided by the AMTfans at Roly’s Fudge. Sooooo many sweeties… We’ll have a little lie-down while you listen:
Today we consider:
the definitive version of ‘Hallelujah‘ Brighton Pavilion
campfire guitar war
the Cornwall vs. Devon clotted cream war
universally compulsory therapy
Disneyland Battersea Giraffe
Sir Giles Gilbert Scott
Dr Richard Russell’s seawater cure
energy drinks
Emily Woof A Handful of Dust
afternoon tea strategy Muse phoning it in
and
an extremely traumatising image of calamari.
Plus: Olly almost allowed Lynda La Plante to steer his destiny; Helen shares her psyche with the ship from Dark Star; and we discover Martin the Sound Man find crumbs deeply upsetting. He’s really too delicate for this cruel world.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App takes the episode’s prevailing theme of afternoon tea and heads straight for the cucumber sandwiches. Fire up the iDevices or Android to hear, and if you try the Cucumber Supercrunch Megasandwich, let us know if it is pleasant.
It is definitely pleasant to send us QUESTIONS; please do so by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leaving voicemails to the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis).
The Secret Diary of Billie Piper concluded this week, so I guess it’s up to us to bring the sexy henceforth. So, bloated from too much Chinese takeaway, we belchingly waddle forth to present you with Answer Me This! Episode 172. Ring-a-ding-ding! Phwoar! Boinnnnngggg! Etc.
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Just like Billie’s character, we love variety; but instead of keeping ourselves amused with multiple hairstyles and myriad sexual partners, we merely talk a lot. About such diverse things as:
hiding the afikomen the Giant Koala
Leonardo DiCaprio
offensive T-shirts
bad taste vs. good taste
After Eights vs. Ferrero Rocher The Moldy Peaches vs. The Secret History vs. What Women Want
Ginger Spice vs. Scary Spice
moths vs. moobs
Stonehenge vs. the Easter Island moai
Digbeth Coach Station
Camden Market
the new Starbucks logo Time Team alternative endings Maria Teresa de Filippis
Slash in the Attic
and
the Jonathan Dimbleby octopus.
Plus: Olly’s habitual goodwill to all mankind finally shatters, all because of those godforsaken people with strong bladders; Helen reveals another fashion misfire from her youth (let’s face it, her youth was fashion misfire: 1000000, fashion fire: nil); and Martin the Sound Man gives Kylie Minogue the nod should she ever find herself in a dry spell. What an altruist that man is. This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for the iPhone or Android, appfans) is an insight into what Olly’s wearing. It’s pink! It involves trompe l’oeil! No, he’s not wearing Buffalo Bill’s skin-suit from The Silence of the Lambs…
We warn you that next week’s podcast will be a few hours late, because Olly’s going for a spa mini-break. But he’ll be thinking about your QUESTIONS the whole time he’s steaming his mannparts, so do ask them via voicemail on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or find answermethis on Skype) or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Then after you’ve done that, anoint yourself in unguents, wrap yourself in a bathrobe which has been worn by hundreds of people before you, lie back and relax.
Director David Cronenberg welcomes you to Answer Me This! Episode 165, AKA the Body Horror episode. In it, we take a close look at Prince Alberts, alkaline vaginas and the arse of Jo O’Meara from S Club 73. Cross your legs and here we go: This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Come back! There’s good clean fun as well, in the shape of:
nativity plays
pyjama trousers
candyfloss
Bellowhead
whisky mac
Hardy Amies
Damian Lewis
Nuramol Looxcie
the Polyphonic Spree Legally Blonde the Musical
Joan Holloway/Harris
Jessica Rabbit vs. Geri Halliwell
Barack Obama vs. babies Doug Malloy
King Herod Stephanie Seymour & Son
security tits Saturday Toilet
and
Benito Mussolini’s bell-end.
We realise that that list gets less clean as it goes on, but no less fun. Further fun: Olly’s Machiavellian side thrusts itself to the fore as he wishes to distort the telly-watchers of the UK into a massive army of Olly Manns; Helen nags you to eat breakfast, else you’ll be all cranky by 11am AND you’ll never conceive a girl-baby; and Martin the Sound Man would like you to know that if your name’s not down, you’re not coming in. At least not until he’s finished his bag of foam shrimps.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (appless? Then hurry up and get it for your iPhone or Android device) is a little nugget of showbiz slang. Ever heard of a ‘kinell’? No? Well, you’re not showbiz, are you? Unlike this week’s app bonus footage.
RT @HelenAndOlly: 🎵I gotta question
📧Email your question
Our inbox closes TODAY for our Easter special. If you've been sitting on a questi… 2 weeks ago
vs. 
vs. 
Answer Me This! Podcast 