Where does all the money go from the Band Aid song? When you’re someone’s house guest, how long before you can have a wank? And what’s a penguin doing in a nativity scene? The answers to all these mysteries are in Answer Me This! Episode 357, as well as:
For the section about nativity scenes, listen to episode 329 to remind yourself of the shitting log tradition. And in episode 80, we talk more about the three wise men and the gifts they bring that no baby would want. This episode is usually only available from the answermethisstore.com, but RIGHT NOW for the next couple of weeks, it’s free on our feed as the current retro AMT! Subscribe to get it!
If you missed the retro episode, all of our back catalogue is available to buy from the AMT store, as are our special albums. If you’re not popping open the AMT Christmas album at least once this month, then you’re fucking up your December. Just get it. It’s holly jolly good. (And contains not just Christmas: there are also sections about Kwanzaa, Norse deities, reindeer nasal mucus, and ruined relationships.)
Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – concerns The One* That Got Away**
* bit of film merch
** from Olly.
Thanks to today’s sponsors: first direct, whose online banking services you can find at firstdirect.com; and those stalwarts of podcast support Squarespace. Have a go during the two-week free trial, then get 10% off Squarespace’s website-hosting and -designing services for a whole year with the discount code ‘answer‘.
How do you tell your mum that she is a STUPID WOMAN who is RUINING CHRISTMAS by buying you the WRONG GIFT? Plus other polite and classy problems compose Answer Me This! Episode 328, in which we contemplate:
Plus: Olly plans never to get married, but maybe he’ll change his mind purely to have the themed wedding of his Jennifer Connelly-starring dreams; Helen turns her profound laziness into creative tips; and Martin the Sound Man puts the beats into his favourite Christmas carol.
In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App, available for iThings, Android and Windows devices, Olly reveals the surprise hair inspiration of his mid-1980s barnet: Princess Diana.
Feeling festive yet? Click here to read about and then buy the Answer Me This! Christmas album; and click here to get the delightful Christmas podcasts from today’s sponsor Dobbies Garden Centres – and there’re plenty of Christmas tips and decorations to buy at dobbies.com and in store.
••• AMT328 Child-Friendly Rating: 60%. No bawdy content, but there are a few swears, and the possible demystification of the machinations behind Christmas presents IF YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN. •••
Victoria Beckham’s jumpsuit, from listener Bee’s collection
Hi listeners,
Above is a sacred relic from the 90s: Victoria Beckham’s jumpsuit, from the post-Geri era of the Spice Girls. It’s also a sacred relic of the 90s, in that it’s from Answer Me This! Episode 290, which is here:
Plus: Olly teaches a child empathy, through Robbie Williams; Helen comes up with a strong concept for the Spice Girls’ fourth album; and Martin the Sound Man reckons going up Anish Kapoor’s Olympic Meccano-crash would be cheap at a third of the price. What IS a bargain is Squarespace.com, who are offering you 10% off for a whole year if you use the code Answer when plumping for their website-building and -hosting services. And the great thing about the 90% you pay is that some of it ends up supporting independent podcasts like this one! Hurrah all round.
In today’s Bit of Crap on the App, Olly voices his disappointment over the ubiquity of Emeli Sandé. Our app is almost as readily available for your iDevices, Android or Windows gadgets.
••• AMT290 Child-Friendly Rating: 95%. Pretty clean – possibly even entirely free of swears – although there is a fleeting reference to a Wenlock and Mandeville sex toy towards the end. •••
Apologies to Gina G for the theme in Answer Me This! Episode 289. YOU WERE ROBBED, GINA! The injustice smarts as much now as it did in 1996! Neva 4get!*
On today’s agenda:
Pret a Manger
ladies ‘freshening up’
homecoming queen
wood-panelled station wagons
red Solo cups 60 Minute Makeover
the Mosquito Alarm vs turds
stealing leftovers
Olly’s schoolboy politics Marlene from Neighbours Four Weddings and a Funeral vs The Inbetweeners vs Trainspotting
Skype calls with your parents
pebbledash (again!)
the cloakroom
Peter Andre’s career
and
Nigella Lawson’s handbag condiments.
Plus: abandoned milkshakes bring all the Olly Manns to the yard; Helen tries to become the Barbara Woodhouse of effusive emailers; and please excuse Martin the Sound Man, he’s just off for a ‘bio-break’.
We’re talking brown sludge in this week’s Bit of Crap on the App, albeit not the same kind of brown sludge as covering the lawns at the beginning of this episode, or being emitted by ladies under the cover of Euphemisms. The tide of not-effluent is available for iDevices, Android or Windows gadgets.
There’s also a shitload more bonus material here – the full-length interviews we did with podcasters including Marc Maron, Roman Mars, Night Vale, Keith and the Girl, Dan Savage and the Bugle for our Radio 4 documentary Podcasting: The First Ten Years. So head over there if you’re interested in hearing Helen talk shop with other podcasters; Olly’s interviews will be added to the playlist shortly.
Many thanks to Squarespace.com, who have not only funded today’s podcast, but also offer you 10% off their services for a whole year if you use the code Answer when making your website-building dreams become reality.
Make our question-answering dreams become reality for the 290th time: call the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And you are of course welcome to join us at facebook.com/answermethis and/or twitter.com/HelenAndOlly to discuss your findings following this episode.
Until AMT290 on 22nd May, farewell,
Helen & Olly
••• AMT289 Child-Friendly Rating: 68%. Early scatchat. A few strong swears. Largely harmless overall. •••
*We’re sure Gina G is reading this from the secret clubhouse where she, Sonia and Love City Groove retreat to shoot spitballs at a cardboard cutout of Katrina and the Waves.
Happy Special Guest Episode day, listeners! For today, in Answer Me This! Episode 252, we are delighted to be joined by Isy Suttie:
With Isy we discuss:
allowable celebrity shags
A Level revision tips (caution: may not work)
buying condoms
slapping your thighs with mirth
emu pasta
Twitter by osmosis
clean-up dogs
neighbourly mysteries
the curious habits of Seann Walsh Dans le Noir
cheese vs. butter
online bingo vs. offline bingo
otters vs. bears vs. gummy bears
the ‘Roseanne Barr type’ beetle drives
and
Roald Dahl’s Magic Finger.
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we learn more about the pitfalls of fantasy crushes – especially when they’re on Isy – then address a question from James about why girls wear school ties when adult women rarely wear ties (Diane Keaton and Janelle Monae notwithstanding).
If this episode makes you wish for more Isy, her new series Love Letters is on Radio 4 Extra and will be on Radio 4 at the end of April; the latest and last series of Shameless is airing on Channel 4; her recent Sky Living musical comedy Miss Wright is still available on your Skyboxes; and Peep Show is always worth a rewatch.
It’s always worth sending us your QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis; or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Furnished with those, we shall return next Thursday with AMT253.
Over the years, one question has kept us awake at night (other than, “Did I remember to turn the oven off?” and “How can the next-door neighbours like listening to Duffy this much?”): where do all the spurned Build-A-Bear bears go? Do they end up in a bear workhouse, or are they turned out onto the streets to survive by turning tricks and picking pockets?
Thankfully, no. After Answer Me This! Episode 179 we will, at last, be able to sleep the deep sleep borne out of the relief that the poor orphant bears do find a good home:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
In today’s episode we also consider:
Co-op Funerals
doll hospitals
the mystery of Glenn Miller
McCain’s Pizza Rollers
office toys
cycle helmets
the most striking aspect of Jordan’n’Dane Bowers’ sex tape
reality TV vs. reality
Dame Bruce Forsyth Chris Cooley’s cock (NSFW!)
Ruth Badger
the Black Eyed Peas’ next hit (shudder)
20p
Gwyneth Paltrow in Glee
symbolism in ET
and
toff prison.
Plus: Olly sees right through posh Findus Crispy Pancakes to the publicity stunt beneath; Helen surmises why seminal movie scenes such as this are not set in Business Studies lessons; and Martin the Sound Man pipes up in favour of hot goo. Yes, he does.
Please join us next week for episode 180, in which we will do a full 180 on everything we’ve ever said so far, apart from one thing which will remain forever true: we want you to send us your QUESTIONS, by leaving voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or find answermethis on Skype) or sending emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Gimme gimme gimme.
RT @KatharineS93: Passed this in the car and now can’t stop singing it to the tune of ‘5 Star Hotel...’ much to the delight of my family al… 5 days ago
RT @HeladoDelFuego: @HelenAndOlly There is a great bible joke/pun. “Peter, the rock upon which I will found my church.” His name was Rock (… 1 week ago
