Answer Me This! Podcast

255 questions answered in 2007!

EPISODE 40
aired 6th December 2007

Barrie the tinytrucker: which is better, cremation or burial?

Doug: who was the best Dr Who?

Sophie: who would make the perfect Dr Who assistant?

Cherry: why the hell do I fancy a guy only after one of my lesser close friends is going out with them? Before they started going out, I never noticed him; now I think he is really hot and can’t stop looking at him.

Dovy: do you think there is life on other planets?

Stuart: why on earth is burlesque coming back, and what can be done to stop it?

Jason: are Innocent smoothies, especially the Breakfast Thickie variety, actually healthy for me, or am I being suckered by The Machine controlled by The Man?

EPISODE 39
aired 29th November 2007

Barrie the tinytrucker: why is fart humour so funny?

Laura: why are supermarket own-brand wet wipes called “baby wipes” when most of the people using them aren’t babies?

Josie: my mother sends me things constantly in the post which are inappropriate – for example CDs of Danielle Steele adaptations from the Daily Mail. How can I tactfully explain that I never want to receive another Daily Mail package in my entire life?

Michael: why does Hollywood insist on ruining interesting, original films by cutting and editing them according to a moronic, drooling test audience?

David: a friend and I were having a debate about what would be better to lose – your voice or your penis and balls. One thing that came up in this serious quandary was that eunuchs, according to history, always have high-pitch voices as a result of their lack of sacks. Why have a voice and no nuts when you end up sounding like a wedgied choirboy?

Harry: what the fuck is up with the French language? Why do they have to have five ways to say a table?

Alex: why do shops offering key-cutting services invariably also offer shoe repair?

EPISODE 38
aired 22nd November 2007

Adam Spratt: which character from which novel do you see yourselves and each other as being?

Dovy: why is the number 13 so unlucky?????

Holly: what happened to Macy Gray?

Clare: as someone who is generally in favour if niceness and equality for everyone, who should I be rooting for in the battle for the Democratic nomination: women or black people?

Matt: After my post-uni plans went arse over tit I have been forced to take a job in a call centre. It is situated in the centre of Glasgow so the range of places to buy lunch from is extensive; however most the members of staff who are from countries where Mcdonald’s/Subway etc are not as ubiquitous are utterly obsessed with the Western junk food outlets and buy lunch from them every single day. Just what is it that makes people so excited to try, and then find enjoyable, ground up cow sphincter?

Jonny: is it free to Skype your question line?
What is the point of the imaginary number “i”? I have been doing homework on it and i cannot see the point of its existence! How can you use it in real life?

Stuart: do you make any money out of the podcast?

EPISODE 37
aired 15th November 2007

Billy from Featherstone: in your opinion, what is the greatest weapon of all time in any video game?

Alex: why is love so hard? Also why are girls so hard to read emotionally?

Robin: where did hip-hop go wrong?

Tom: when people watch movies based on prisons or correctional institutes (Shawshank Redemption, Mean Machine, Scum and countless others) we are induced into liking inmates (or at least most of them) who have supposedly done wrong in society and then we are made to despise the prison officers who are given the tough job of controlling these people. Am I meant to feel sorry for these people that have ended up in prison?

Polly: what is the role of ball bearings in a bicycle?

Marcus: what makes poo so smelly?

Holly: how have some branches of wimpy survived for all these years? I thought the chain closed down?

Jon: how do you get an audio file onto a rss file to make it a podcast?

Will: why do I get headaches in stormy weather?

Hugo: my girlfriend and I spent £17.50 on food while at the cinema this week. Is this a record?

Ali: why does the programme The Weakest Link exist?

Holly: does the phrase ‘he who smelt it dealt it’ stand up in a court of law?

Ying: why do people fancy cheese so much when I don’t fancy it at all?

Jonny: how on earth do we know that we actually exist?

EPISODE 36
aired 8th November 2007

Alex: why do we get hot ears?

Sam: why do women remove their body hair and men don’t?

Anna: Is there a reason that at least 20% of all the girls who are 16 this year are called Sophie, when three years ago there weren’t any and they were all called Kayleigh?

Polly: would the guards outside Buckingham Palace be more efficient if they looked in different directions?

Dan: have you ever noticed that whenever some little scrote gets caught by a person of authority for doing something that they shouldn’t be doing, there reply to any question is ‘I didn’t do nothing’? ‘I didn’t do nothing’ is clearly an expression of guilt because if you didn’t do nothing then it was clearly something you were doing, it being a double negative and all.

Pappy’s Fun Club: can we come on your show?

EPISODE 35
aired 1st November 2007

Anna: a log flume has been erected at the end of my road. Is it wrong to really really want to have a go? I am 30 in six months’ time.

Polly: is being a careers officer actually not a very good career in itself?

Jim: why is rosé wine generally considered a ladies’ drink?

Adam Spratt: how can a person be beside themselves, as in ‘he was beside himself with grief/anger’?

Wendy: why are there 360 degrees in a circle? Wouldn’t it be more logical for there to be 100, and divide it up that way? 360 seems a rather random number to me.

Chris: how the fuck do you get out of the Crystal Palace Maze?

EPISODE 34
aired 25th October 2007

Doug: I notice that you are giving Martin the Sound Man more airtime. Is he going to turn into one of those sidekicks who steals the show, like Sideshow Bob or Diddy Kong or Fall Out Boy or even Yoshi from Super Mario World?

Barbara from Dumfriesshire: what causes ladies of a certain age to suddenly start sprouting awful thick hairs – especially white ones which are a bugger to pluck out!? I am told it is stress, hormones (too many, too few). I am a victim of this awful “disease” and have tried everything from plucking, bleaching, buffing, electrolosis; but, at last, the most costly cure of all has hit me! LASER!! To get all my fuzz orf my face will cost me around a grand; please reassure me that this treatment will be worth it – I just feel so bloody guilty at spending such a fortune.

Nick: on sandwich-packets they never, ever mention that there’s a slice of raw, evil, Satan’s vomit tomato in the middle. Why the hell is that?

Ali: I hate children, and never plan to have any. Whenever I tell anyone this, they feel it is their duty to convert me into a child-lover, and lecture me on the ‘joys of parenthood’. I REALLY hate kids, and would prefer to have lots of dogs – when I tell people this they usually think I’m a bit mad, and try even harder to convert me (ie, bore me to tears with stories about pregnancy and babies). Do you have any tactics to help me deal with these annoying fuckers? I have considered telling people I’m infertile, but I don’t want to have lots of awkward conversations about IVF and have to pretend that I really want kids.

Vincenzo: where’s the pride in London Pride?

EPISODE 33
aired 18th October 2007

Hugo: would you rather have an upside-down nose or ears on your cheeks?

Phil (13): even though some English people say I look older than I am, I definitely don’t look 18. So why do Americans think I am 18, while English people think I’m 14?

Holly: why is it bad luck to say ‘Macbeth’ in the theatre, and where does this tradition come from?

Frances: is it normal for practically all the air to escape from my bike tyres when I unscrew the pump, or am I just really bad at inflating my tyres?

Rachel: why do some women feel it is acceptable public toilet etiquette to squeeze one out whilst making all manner of sighing and straining noises, when all that is separating them from another human being is a 2cm-thick partition with a gap at the top and bottom?

Nico: I’ve been listening to your podcast a lot recently, but while listening I find myself unable to concentrate on other tasks, like reading magazines or surfing the internet. I like to call this state of mind ‘podcastinating’. So answer me this: what do you think of my new word?

EPISODE 32
aired 11th October 2007

Beth: what is it about facts that makes them so incredibly interesting and exciting to some people but completely uninteresting and dull to others? Is this ambivalence learned, innate or for show?

Nico: what does snot smell like? What do teeth taste like?

Jenny: why is it that sometimes you get an itch and no matter how much you scratch it, it won’t go away?

Holly: where does the word ‘sub’ come from, as in ‘cheese and salami sub’?

Polly: why can’t I stop myself from reading the Daily Mail online, and do they get more money every time I do so? I would never buy a paper copy, so am I being unethical?

EPISODE 31
aired 4th October 2007

Sarah: how and why did high heels ever become a fashion item?

Clare: what is the worst thing that a stranger could find in your bin?

Dan: a friend and I were once discussing techniques for asking out people we fancied once. We arrived at the idea of turning up outside the house of one’s desired girl/boy dressed in an animal suit, before asking them out in costume. The idea is/was to move their heart by emphasising your willingness to suffer ridicule for them. And to give them a giggle I suppose. Helen, as a woman, please answer me this: is the animal suit idea (a) stupid, or (b) inspired? Also, which animal would be most alluring?

James: why can’t Microsoft Office products do similar things in the same way?

EPISODE 30
aired 27th September 2007

Nathan: during a recent Cluedo game my over-competitive side kicked-in. How do I control this as the resulting flurry of facial tics seems to disturb my fellow Cludites?

Robert from Dumfriesshire: when I was at school, we had to stand up when a teacher entered the class. Does this still happen and what are the origins of this tradition?

Benjamin Partridge: Why do foreign tourists go the fake Globe theatre on London’s South Bank? A couple of weeks ago I went to see Othello there and it was obvious that half the audience had no English at all. When I go to a foreign country I don’t go to see long wordy plays in a language I can’t speak, especially not in a version of that language that was spoken over 400 years ago! While I’m pleased that they’ve chosen London as a tourist destination, why don’t they go somewhere more useful, like the Trocadero centre?

Toria: regarding David Cameron saying he’s ‘pro-family’ – what would that really mean? Is anyone anti-family?

Brendan: what the hell is that in the sink after using Dentyl mouthwash? Am I to believe the product’s claims that it is the “causes of bad breath & plaque”, or is it in fact dissolving the inside of my head?

EPISODE 29
aired 20th September 2007

Kimon: Helen, like you I have an unusual surname. Unlike you, I also have an unusual first name, and often book restaurants under an assumed name to save spelling my name on the phone, which I think is ok. However recently I have also started using an assumed name when meeting people I suspect I might not see again. Is this likely to get me into trouble?

Hugo: recently I received a soaking courtesy of a rain shower while cycling to work. My top was fine, but I had forgotten waterproof trousers, so I bought some replacements and left my own trousers to dry at work. At the end of the day, I took the new trousers back for a refund. Is this morally wrong, or am I justified in my actions?

Ali: what do you think the next reality/horror tv show will make a load of idiots do for a bit of money?

Vince: was John Major a sexy Y-front boy or was he just misunderstood?

Robert from Dumfriesshire: Helen, you know those “crazy” fluffy jesters hats seen at festivals and soccer matches? Have you ever owned one? Not wanting to stereotype, but you just seem the type.

Philip: why the hell am I listening to Rihanna, Umbrella? And why do I have it on my computer anyway????? And come to think of it, why do I have Gwen Stefani on there as well???????? HELP NEEDED!!!!!!

EPISODE 28
aired 16th August 2007

Sasha: my dad wants to know why it costs at least ten pounds for a pizza which is really made of bread when you can get a whole bucket of chicken for the same price?

Polly: why did men stop wearing nightshirts?

Jo: what’s the scariest or most disturbing fairy tale?

Dovy: why do you hate sport so much? Are there any sports you do like?

Neal: can popcorn count as one of your five fruit and veg a day?

Angela: why is there so much rain?

Jonny: how much money do you need to earn before you become too rich and you lose all your friends?

Holly: is there really no such thing as a free lunch?

Polly: is Jeremy Kyle a redeemable human being?

Polly: does the moon influence madness, violence and my menstrual cycle?

Izzy: what kind of leisure activities could be employed when trying to stick to a budget of £30 a week?

Nicki: what if the Hokey Cokey is really what it’s all about?

Charlie: what are those things called that you use to separate your shopping from someone else’s on the supermarket checkout conveyor?

Penny: who was Flamin’ Nora?

Hugo: what is the difference between Blu-tack and White Tack?

Helen: if a car battery is so large, how big would that of a plane be?

Dan: why is the hard shoulder of a motorway called ‘the hard shoulder’?

EPISODE 27
aired 9th August 2007

Anonymous: why are we so mental?

Jonny: why are our brains in our heads? Wouldn’t it make more sense if the brain swapped places with the stomach?

Mark: is it better to be wined and dined or pubbed and laid?

The Big Question: how did the world begin?

Polly: is it OK to walk through tourists’ photos if you’re in a hurry?

Matt: what is the attraction of toys that piss?

EPISODE 26
aired 2nd August 2007

Nathan the Work Experience: how can I impress people at interviews?

Robert from Dumfriesshire: why is it that when irresponsible people that blare out music at unacceptable levels (either in a car or at a drunken barbeque) said music is always shit? Generally mid 90s crap house or some Mary J Blige random warbling. You never hear Dvorak or Rufus Wainwright.

Miranda: how can I stop everyone I’ve ever met bugging me to join Facebook?

Polly: what are your top ten most indifferent things ever?

Jason: what is best for getting the grass stains out of the arse of my shorts and just what is the brown stain next to it?

EPISODE 25
aired 26th July 2007

Hamish: is Irn Bru really made out of girders, and if so, how do they get them in the can?

Jesca: why does every Channel 5 documentary make me want to kill myself?

Tommy: should brothers and sisters be allowed to marry? Obviously they shouldn’t really have children; but if they’re not hurting anyone and are consenting adults, should other people feeling icky about it stop them from getting together?

Holly: has YouTube effectively eaten You’ve Been Framed?

Polly: why do otherwise competent men not realise that Freemasonry is a pile of bollocks?

Mark: is it actually hygienic to drink your own piss? I know people say it’s sterile, and other people say it’s good for you, but surely if it’s a waste product you shouldn’t be drinking it again?

EPISODE 24
aired 19th July 2007

Ali: is food the way to a man’s heart, and if so what’s a good meal to cook for a bloke you’re about to give bad news to?

Anna: I have just spent 8 hours staring at the backs of heads of eighty-two English literature students and not even been allowed to read or draw or anything and now I think I may have gone completely mad. I am NEVER EVER agreeing to invigilate exams again. So answer me this, Helen and Olly, and perhaps make me feel better about getting myself into another fine employment-based mess: what is the worst job you have ever had to do?

John: why is it that people from France are French, people from Germany are German, but people from Holland are Dutch?

Dovy: how can I pass the school holidays enjoyably?

Ann: is a good actor a good liar?

EPISODE 23
aired 12th July 2007

Nick: in today’s state of being constantly aware of potentially offending any race, religion or social group, is the fact that I’m eating a ham bagel going a step too far in anti-semitism?

Ann: why is it that contestants on X-Factor and shows of this ilk can’t see that they have absolutely no talent and are in complete shock when this is pointed out to them?

Penny: when I was first on the internets, many years ago, a friend and I played a game where we looked on a (pre-Google) search engine for amusing things to see if they would turn up. Most of these things were sexual and did indeed return links. Man having sex with a goat on fire. Woman shagging an eel (there was video, it was nasty). We couldn’t find anyone making love to an owl, though. The internet is now a lot bigger and scarier. Does owl bestiality porn exist? Please do the research I can’t bring myself to do.

The Big Question: why do bad things happen to good people?

Jon: I’m currently in Incheon airport in Korea, halfway to Australia. I’m already pretty jeg-lagged and its only going to get worse with the next leg. What’s the best thing to do to avoid having a psychotic episode due to simply not understanding what the utter motherfuck is going on and, if said episode were deemed to be unavoidable, what would be your air-rage mental-protest of choice?

EPISODE 22
aired 5th July 2007

Hugo: how can I recreate the festival atmosphere in my office, given the fact that I’m not going to any real festivals this year?

Jonathan: should people feel it is ok to launch a personal attack if following the sentence ‘Don’t be offended, but…’?

Tom: this afternoon I went for a nap at work, and I found myself having a vaguely erotic dream in which I was lying in bed between Helen and Martin the Sound Man, and they were fondling me. So please answer me this: is the word ‘fondle’ always sexual, or is it possible to fondle something without sexual connotations?

Polly: why do news programmes cover sport?

EPISODE 21
aired 28th June 2007

Fran: why doesn’t my energising shower gel make me feel in the least bit energised? Have I fallen prey to some “advertising guru”?

Puppet Head: at Piccadilly Square, while walking along at ‘London Speed’ in a crowd, Jennifer was singled out by a gentleman from about 20 yards away. Said gentleman rushed over and handed Jennifer a pamphlet, which advertised a tourist attraction. How did the man know that Jennifer was a tourist? Nothing about her dress would have led to that conclusion….so how did he know?

Annie from Switzerland: how do I politely inform my neighbour (whom I hardly know at all) that the apartment block we live in is not soundproof and I can hear her having very loud sex?

Jonathan: what’s is the best game to play on long car journeys?

Clare: early 90s Scottish band Airhead put it best when they sang “Funny how the girls you fall in love with never fancy you. Funny how the ones you don’t, do”. Helen and Olly – why is this so often the case?

Josh: why do people care what shape pasta they eat?

EPISODE 20
aired 21st June 2007

Tim Scullion: my new pop group Hong Kong In The 60s have our first ever gig on the 29th of June at the Good Ship in Kilburn. We are a new band and are largely friendless, so how can we avoid the manager’s wrath by filling the venue with nice people?

Nick: where does the word, or maybe even the substance, “muesli” come from? I can’t imagine a culture where all that oat and rusk crap is so readily available, and would come up with a word like “muesli”.

Jonathan: Olly, which of the following would you marry, which would you have sex with and which would you push off a cliff? Dr Gillian McKeith, Christine Hamilton and Cheryl Baker. Helen, your three are Garry Bushell, Roy Chubby Brown and Bill Oddie.

Helen: where did you come up with the idea for the podcast? Was it just a random conversation that turned into more? My friend and I were considering branching out into the audio world, so any tips on how to start?

EPISODE 19
aired 14th June 2007

Anna: living in a shared house, I find the only opportunity to listen to music far too loud is via a personal stereo on the way to and from work. I often enjoy a little walk-dance, a hop, skip and jump up onto a curb, and an occasional arm gesture. How much walk-dancing is too much?

Fran: what do ice-cream men do in winter?

Dave and Jo: if your partner died during sex, would it be rude to finish?

Phil: Can electricity be held down by gravity?

Polly: if dolphins are so intelligent and gentle, do they look after less able dolphins, and, if so, have they become a bit immune to natural selection?

EPISODE 18
aired 7th June 2007

Mark: If offered a mainstream radio show, would you reject it to stay ‘underground’?

Neal: What is a Facebook?

Helen: Who is Larry? What has occurred to make him so happy?

Jonny: How can we prove that the world is round?

EPISODE 17
aired 3rd May 2007

Nick: why is this nobwit talking about his bowels so loudly on the train?

Robert from Southend: what is the point of people announcing they have ‘Baby On Board’?

Hugo: what is the point of everyone from the National Lottery to pub quizmasters saying ‘Good luck’ to everyone who participates? Surely that utterly defeats the idea of wishing anyone luck in the first place?

Anna: is it ever a good idea to run away with the circus?

EPISODE 16
aired 26th April 2006

Annie from Switzerland: why oh why do the French translate easy film titles – eg ‘Music and Lyrics’ = Le Comeback, ‘Coyote Ugly’ = Coyote Girls, etc – and then fail to translate the really complicated ones, eg ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’?

Benjamin Partridge: is Bremen in Germany a weird place to want to go on holiday?

Mark: when sitting in a cafe in India, I was surprised to hear people openly discussing their bowel movements in indescribably frank detail. When does it become acceptable to discuss the otherwise unacceptable like it’s the weather?

Ali: is the Top 40, particularly Radio 1, fixed or not?

Robert from Southend: why does Helen, whom we know not to be a lesbian, sound like one?

EPISODE 15
aired 19th April 2007

Ben: I was just clearing my spam folder and, as usual, was confronted by the usual penis enlargement emails. As I am such an innocent, and am scared to click on such links, how on earth do they enlarge penis girth by 20%?

Russell: do devil worshippers, when they die, get sent to heaven or hell?

The Puppet Head: why can’t I quit smoking?

Will: when I was at school, I was taught that towns that end in -cester, -chester or -caster were named that way by the Romans. If this is the case, why aren’t cities in Italy or other parts of the former Roman Empire also named things like ‘Worcester’ or ‘Winchester’ or ‘Doncaster’?

Jonny: Are computers about to take control of the human race?

Polly: Will sherry ever be fashionable?

Colin: Is pay as you go road tax the answer?

Whoop Whoo: Why did Tom Cruise ever bother to become an actor?

Russell: Why don’t international novels get several translations like plays do in theatre?

Sarah: If oranges are called oranges because they’re orange then why are more fruits not named after their colour?

Jonny: Are we all gonna die?

David: What is the best language for swearing in?

Richard: Is there really a ghost on the Kennington loop, and, if so, who is he/she?

Polly: What’s the difference between ‘learnt’ and ‘learned’?

Tom: In all the photos of Keith Moon I have ever seen he has an oddly surprised look. Why do you think this is, perhaps a side effect of the buckets of illicit substances he was ingesting?

Waleed: Why is the husband of a countess, who directly outranks a viscount, and presumably once ruled a county, called an Earl?

Adam: When you learn something new, does your brain have to forget something else in order to accommodate the new memory?

Olly to Helen: can I buy a Young Person’s Railcard the day before my 26th birthday?

Helen to Olly: what never fails to make you happy?

EPISODE 14
aired 12th April 2007

Polly: why do conversations about baby names always go on much longer than other boring and speculative conversations?

Nick: why do you never see the Three Musketeers with a musket? In popular representations, they always fight with what I suspect to be rapiers.

Chip: what’s the deal with washing-up bowls? Is there something wrong with putting the plug in and filling up the kitchen sink? I can understand it if your sink’s massive; but if the bowl fits pretty snugly into it, what’s the point?

Anna: with the recent world domination of the internet, is there any need for the Yellow Pages any more? What alternative uses could we put it to?

Tom: why do I still have nightmares that I’m in school and late for a lesson, despite the fact that I left school almost nine years ago and was rarely, if ever, late for a lesson?

Olly to Helen: what’s the worst work experience you’ve ever had?

Helen to Olly: does anyone really believe in the Lynx Effect?

EPISODE 13
aired 5th April 2007

Rick: where do people find time in their day to sit around listening to podcasts? Are your entire audience students who have gracefully forsaken Neighbours to listen to you for a bit instead?

Lauren: why do rappers change their names to release songs, eg Snoop Dogg and 50 Cent? Shaggy’s real name – Orville – was fine for me! I’m sick of hearing what stupid name they’re going to come up with next when, in fact, ‘Martin’ would have done.

Nick: why do people consistently repeat things that are patently wrong? Why are people much more inclined to believe something their friends tell them, rather than something that actually makes sense?

Jonny: what’s the difference between nuclear fission and fusion, apart from the spelling?

Emma: what’s the best way to go about finding a suitable soulmate?

Nick (not the same Nick as above): my friend Zac has a big spot problem; what would you suggest to cure him?

Helen to Olly: why do I hate clapping so?

Olly to Helen: is breakfast really the most important meal of the day?

EPISODE 12
aired 29th March 2007

Miranda: who’s your favourite serial killer of all time and why?

Tim: what’s the optimal length for a handshake?

Josie: I love to write on my hands, and have done so for about fifteen years now. What damage am I actually doing to myself?

Jesca: why is age discrimination against the young acceptable?

BK: why is the smell of your own (one’s own, not yours specifically) farts generally much less offensive than other people’s?

Amy: when you are doing Answer Me This!, does it feel like when you were 10 and you made tapes where you pretended you were doing a radio show?

EPISODE 11
aired 22nd March 2007

Rosie: why did people invent emoticons?

Lauren: why is my mum scared of gay men and lesbians?

Erin: why is it that the slowest drivers on the road always end up in the fast lane going twenty miles an hour, and when you’re in a hurry you always get stuck behind them?

Katie: why do embarrassing recollections make it difficult to sleep?

Olly to Helen: do I have some sort of brain damage rendering me unable to concentrate upon sports news reports?

Helen to Olly: why is Joss Stone’s new album called Introducting Joss Stone when it’s her third album?

EPISODE 10
aired 14th March 2007

Tom: why has [sic!] my cupboard have sand in it?

Jack: why are you always mean to Martin the Sound Man?

Polly: why is holding music always really crackly, even when the company is a telecommunications expert?

Jonny: why don’t we paint all the grey squirrels red?

Anna: why am I unable to successfully buy shoes without my mother being there?

Nattan: where do chairs come from?

Olly to Helen: why do I keep self-harming?

Helen to Olly: is it unladylike and unseemly for me to swear all the time?

EPISODE 9 – Food Special
aired 8th March 2007

Becky: I bought a red pepper in Sainsbury’s not long ago, and there was a little Sainsbury’s sticker on it that said: “Red Pepper: as seen on TV”. What could this sticker possibly be referring to?

Polly: how does popcorn work?

Jonny: does eating crusts make your hair curly?

Angela: when having afternoon tea with friends, is it appropriate to cut off the crusts of the sandwiches or (as they are friends) would it be acceptable to leave them on?

Hugo: in order to eat a banana, most people seem to partly peel it and use the skin as a holding device. I, however, skin the whole thing before I start scoffing my face. Is this wrong?

Ben: as we all get stuck in food loops (ie buying almost the same food each week and just making the same meals on different days), what is the strangest food loop that either of you have ever been stuck in?

Helen and Olly to audience: what crazy food loops have YOU had, where you ate the same things for weeks on end?

EPISODE 8
aired 1st March 2007

Charlie: how do people with bad BO not notice how smelly they are?

Nicola: am I a bad person for not being very fond of the Beatles, and what is the most overrated song ever?

Sam: when, if ever, is it alright to use ‘whom’?

Doug: is it normal for a goldfish to be able to survive on dry land for so long, or is my fish slightly more evolved than others?

Steve: why and when did humans stop evolving?

Olly’s Mum: why are so many people saying “Take care”?

Olly to Helen: what with Red Nose Day coming up, how much can I raise for Comic Relief by selling my unwanted Sainsbury’s Basics Christmas Pudding on ebay?

Helen to Olly: how can I reclaim handicrafts from the Guardian’s attempts to make them hip and cool?

EPISODE 7
aired 22nd February 2007

Jonny: what is the most embarrassing name you can think of?

Annabel: is Humpty Dumpty really an egg?

Penny: why is urinal cake pineapple-flavoured? And do you know anyone who has ever used a curry-flavoured condom or a vibrator purchased from a pub vending machine?

Dave and Jo: what does ‘sic’ mean when journalists use it to try and be really clever in newspapers?

Olly’s Aunty Ann: why do British people say ‘sorry’ when they nearly bump into someone in the street – is it that we are polite, or frightened?

Jamie Madge: why do you get a runny nose whilst eating spicy food?

Helen to Olly: what can we do to stop the podcast ruining our friendship?

Olly to Helen: did I do the right thing in spending £140 on a pair of pillows?

Helen and Olly to audience: have you got a weird physical reaction to eating or drinking a product?

EPISODE 6
aired 15th February 2007

Miranda: when you write it, what will your autobiography be called?

Anna: why, in American TV programmes, does the last – and only last – actor get billed as ‘So-and-so as So-and-so’, when everyone else just gets their real name and no further clarification?

Nick: knitting looks really complicated, but you see old ladies doing it all the time – a demographic not known for their concentration abilities. What the hell?

Hugo: if you woke up one day and everyone had disappeared, what would be the first thing you’d do in your brave and lonely new world?

Paul: why do all girls hate me?

Becky: why does everyone like cats so much, when they always scratch and bite you?

Olly to Helen: why do my sneezes smell so bad?

Helen to Olly: why can’t I get anything done without an immediate deadline?

EPISODE 5
aired 8th February 2007

Kins: How can I treat a flaky scalp?

Miranda: How long is it acceptable or polite to keep birthday cards displayed after the big day?

Nick: Why do I keep getting colds?

Katie: Why do American dollars smell of money, and how do they achieve this?

Ken Mustard: Isn’t the Comet Sale a particularly sneaky way of selling off space debris?

Eloise: Why does Vegemite taste so revoltingly different to Marmite, and yet people insist that it is the same thing?

Helen to Olly: Why is it that you can be looking fine a fraction of a second before someone takes a photo of you, but always look terrible in the photo itself?

Olly to Helen: Do I smell like a public convenience?

Helen and Olly to audience: What absurdly sexual cocktail names have you seen lately?

EPISODE 4
aired 25th January 2007

Ben: Was the wheel really such a clever invention?

Olly’s dad: Why do you need to tip?

Holly: Why are wisdom teeth called wisdom teeth?

Tommy: Do your aunts and uncles continue to send you a tenner each Christmas, despite you now being in your mid-twenties? Have you begun to feel guilty about never getting them anything?

Bianca: Why are aunties compelled to comment on the natural progress of a child’s growth?

Polly: Why don’t Radio 4 play something a little more rousing than ‘Sailing By’ before the Shipping Forecast?

Olly to Helen: Have you heard the Lloyd’s TSB advert on commercial radio?

Helen to Olly: Why do people make such a fuss about whether the toilet seat is left up?

EPISODE 3
aired 18th January 2007

David Goo: in this day and age, do you think it is more beneficial to be deaf than capable of hearing?

Kins: Why don’t people curtsey any more?

Hugo: Do spaceships have windscreen wipers?

Ali: What is the best way to deal with chuggers (charity muggers) without hitting them (and other randoms who ask about your hair/if you’ve visited a dentist recently)?

Nadia: How can i humanely catch a mouse without a mousetrap?

Holly: Why are people referred to as ‘late’ when they’re dead?

Olly to Helen: What is the point of, and does anyone actually like, Christmas Pudding?

Helen to Olly: How can I earn money?

EPISODE 2
aired 11th January 2007

Clare: What really is the best thing since sliced bread?

Amy: Why is New Year’s Eve always such a let-down?

Brendy: What’s the difference between ‘flammable’ and ‘inflammable’?

Alistair: If God is a DJ, life is a dancefloor and love is the rhythm, how on earth did ‘You’ come to be the music?

Alicky: If you took your intestines out, how far would they stretch?

Hugo: What’s your favourite fact?
Why is it that while people will happily eat any type of food for lunch and dinner, breakfast is restricted to a fry-up or cereal?

Helen to Olly: What should I do instead of ironing if I don’t like ironing?

Olly to Helen: Does pomegranate and apple-flavour Sparky Superjuice taste of fish?

Helen and Olly to audience: What’s the oddest place you’ve listened to Answer Me This! podcast?

EPISODE 1
aired 2nd January 2007

Claire: Why, when I am constipated, am I unable to think of anything else?

Alistair: Do you believe in life after love?

Mr Smeam: Why did eugenics go out of fashion so suddenly?

Karen: How can I explain to the vast majority of people, without seeming anal or rude, that the code for London is not 0207 or 0208 but 020 and has been for nearly 7 years so they really should have got the hang of it by now, especially as they seem otherwise rational and intelligent?

Luke: How can one achieve respectability with the minimum of fuss?

Leander: Why was The Truth About Cats And Dogs not a bigger success?

Greg: Why is it I feel like I am part of the birth of something exciting?
Have you now solved your sound problem from before, where Oliver sounded a lot further away from the mic than Helen?

Olly to Helen: What should be in the Answer Me This! mission statement?

Helen to Olly: Who left me an answerphone message at 6.27am on 17th December 2006?

Helen and Olly to the audience: How did Helen get a bruise shaped like a cock and balls on her arm?

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