Here’s a question of pongs from Tom from Yerevan, Armenia:
I have recently given up smoking and as a result my sense of smell and taste have begun to return, which is bloody wonderful.
I am also dating a lovely Iranian woman who I like very much. However, there is one tiny problem. She wears perfume every day. In fact she wears a lot of perfume every day. Back when I was smoking I didn’t really notice and in fact I quite liked how she smelled, but now I have started to notice with my heightened senses that the scent can be a little overpowering at times.
Furthermore, the perfume she wears is a very popular brand where we live in Yerevan (Armenia) and many older women also wear it.
I don’t want her to stop wearing perfume altogether, but I think I would be happier if she wore less, or maybe switched to something that is a little different to what she wears now.
So please answer me this: How can I tell my wonderful Iranian girlfriend that she smells like an old Armenian woman without causing upset or some sort of difficult diplomatic situation??
First tip: avoid using the phrase ‘smells like an old Armenian woman’.
If my creaking old memory serves, we’ve addressed this problem before – I think one of you had an overly scented grandmother? – and solutions included 1) buying her a watered-down version of the same fragrance, eg the eau de toilette versus the full-power perfume; 2) pretending to be allergic to it by sneezing/painting on a rash. Readers, what would you do? [RWWYD?]
3. The ‘Burnout’ episode of StartUp podcast. Gimlet Media, the guys behind StartUp, are some of the most successful in the business, with the additional advantages of funds, skills, and This American Life stamp of approval; so if even they find podcasting a real slog, the rest of us should be sobbing in a heap by now.
But we’re not! We’re still churning out podcasts! Viz:
• Have you heard AMT306yet? You haven’t? With its hymn to chicken Kiev and Ainsley Harriott? Well, you know what you need to do.
• Here’s a new(ish) episode of Pappy’s Flatshare Slamdown, featuring me and Holly Burn. I say newish: we recorded it last August late at night at the Green Man Festival, but it has only just been released, so the summer festival vibe feels very distant to me as I sit here typing with sock gloves on my hands.
• In the new episode of The Allusionist, BuzzFeed senior editor Tom Phillips what linguistic sorcery he uses to goad you into making posts go viral. And there’s a cameo from AMTpal Roman Mars complaining that we’re all using the word ‘viral’ incorrectly anyway. SO THERE.
• Remember, Martin the Sound Man makes numerous other podcasts, including Brain Train about clever things, The Global Lab about smart cities and stuff, and The Sound of the Ladies music podcast. He’s about to add a couple more shows to his roster. Wait for us to catch up, Martin!
What have you been listening to this week, you treasures?
Fire up your podblasters; Answer Me This! Episode 306 has arrived:
Today we consider:
Ainsley Harriott
Extreme Wink Murder
standing desks
Britney Spears’s haircare range
Barry Norman’s pickled onions Paul Simon’s chicken and eggs
yellow dusters
skateboarding and similar activities
having ‘a bit of fun’ on Tinder
and
Chicken Kiev.
Plus: Olly’s madeleine is the Bernard Matthews Mini Kiev; Helen is sitting all the way to skating glory; and Martin the Sound Man preaches discretion when encountering colleagues on Tinder. Got something to confess, Martin?
Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App is another Stanley Mann Special, this time how he’s way ahead of his time with fashion trends. Full of surprises, that Mann. Hear on your iDevices, Android and Windows gadgets.
We welcome your questions with open arms and legs. Ask them by leaving voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – or sending emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Do not bother to ask them via facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly, because we might forget about them when it comes to the fortnightly question-harvest; but we do love to hear from you there nonetheless.
Thanks very much to Squarespace.com for supporting this episode, and for giving you 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year if you use the code ‘answer’. WHERE’S THE ALL THE SHIT HIDING??? WHERE IS IT, I ASK YOU? Nowhere! No shit there at all! If only all of life were more like shitless Squarespace…
We’ll be back with AMT307 on 5th February, return then.
Helen & Olly
••• AMT306 Child-Friendly Rating: 47%. Quite a few swears. Some crudity towards the end, involving One Direction’s bodily fluids, polishing wood, and Tinder. •••
Tom from Derby is trying to friend zone an actual friend. He writes:
How do I break up with someone that I’m not in a relationship with? I have an acquaintance that I have nothing in common with and find conversation with him to be very difficult but he wants to go everywhere with me and invites me everywhere and basically comes on too strong. I think I might be his best friend but I don’t consider him more than an acquaintance and that makes me quite sad.
I tried getting to know him a bit better but I definitely don’t enjoy his company. I’ve tried ignoring his daily texts, Facebook messages and emails but they don’t dry up. I’ve tried avoiding him but he knows my haunts and is often there too.
My “friendship” with him is putting a strain on my real friendships and relationship as he keeps turning up the places that we go. He’s not a horrible person (and neither am I) but we just have nothing in common. I don’t want him to be lonely but I don’t want to see him several times a week for the rest of my life and wish he would pursue other friendships with more like-minded people.
We are both straight men – in case you jump to conclusions.
That’s a tricky one, Tom. I think you’re right to avoid engaging in his frequent comms, but it’s possible your aloofness is making this person even more eager to win your affection – like when you ignore a golden retriever, so they bounce all over you at every opportunity rather than playing it cool.
Readers, what would you do? Advise Tom in the comments. But remember to keep your emotional distance.
Charlie in North Wales writes:
My dad lives in a relatively urban area north east of Birmingham.
Recently we were clearing out the garden when we discovered a concrete slab in the ground, and during its removal we found what appeared to be a small and apparently bottomless hole, around 50cm in diameter.
As anyone would, we decided to investigate, and after looking online at council records and in the deeds to the house, we found no sign of any hole ever being recorded.
With a weight and a piece of string, we discovered it was over 21m deep, bricked all the way, and possibly deeper, due to a thick and wet mud at the bottom that we could not get past. Concerned about the fates of any animals or children who met their demise at the bottom, I have concluded my only hope is you.
So, answer me this: how can it not be recorded, should I be worried and what should I do?
What should you do? Concentrate on not falling down it, Charlie. That’s the main thing.
Should you be worried? That depends on whether you’ll overlook the obvious explanation – that it’s an old well, surely? – in favour of a worrying one, like it’s a vortex ready to suck the West Midlands into oblivion.
Chicken and egg recipes keep rolling in. Robbie from Santa Barbara, California says:
I read about a Moroccan dish, which I can’t wait to try…it sounds delicious! Two ingredients in pastilla, sometimes called bastilla, are chicken and eggs, each being the main ingredient in one of the layers of this complex dish. Here’s a recipe.
Henrik writes:
Since AMT305, I’ve had a think about dishes with chicken and eggs on them, and in the Philippines we have at least one: chicken galantina, which is essentially stuffed whole chicken, with a hard boiled egg inside. And some versions of our adobo (a quintessential Filipino dish where meat is cooked in vinegar, garlic, peppers and soy sauce) has some hard boiled eggs in it. But then I had one more thought: what about dishes that have chicken and eggs that are not from chickens? Like quail egg. I’ve seen dishes with chicken and quail egg. Does it make things less morbid?
Good question, Henrik. I maintain that poultry doesn’t really go with eggs, texturally or flavourwise; but if you’re eggsperimenting, why not venture further afield? Say a dish of chicken and dinosaur egg? What do you reckon? Come on readers, I know at least one of you has tried it…
On an etymological tip, I listened to this episode of Slate Working interviewing a lexicographer about her job, and it really made me quite relieved that in 2003 the OED rejected me for my dream job as a lexicographer so I had to become a podcaster instead. Seems like a lot of admin.
Also, if you are fans of The Conspiracy Theories of Olly Mann, you may well enjoy this episode of Reply Allabout One Direction conspiracy theorists. That’s a next level hobby…
Remember to update your Media Podcast feeds tomorrow, for Olly will be back hosting a fresh new episode.
• Catch up on AMT305, in which we contemplate a questioneer’s unusual lITerature-inspired tattoo, argue about olive-theft, and reflect upon our lack of audiobook-reading jobs. •AMT episodes 1-170 and the special AMT albums are all available at answermethisstore.com, and if you buy any of them you’re bankrolling the podcast, for which we are extremely grateful. •Olly’s on LBC every weekday 1am-4am. Chug that caffeine to join him. • I host the monthly Sound Women podcast. • Martin the Sound Man makes numerous other podcasts, including Brain Train about clever things, The Global Lab about cities and stuff, and The Sound of the Ladies music podcast.
Welcome to the ninth year of AMT! Before we get stuck into Answer Me This! Episode 305, care to guess which literary work is the inspiration for this questioneer’s tattoo?
Plus: Olly likes to hang loose, even in his gloves; Helen’s going to have to work on her offensive foreign accents if she wants a career narrating audiobooks; and Martin the Sound Man’s morals go to shit around olives.
In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App Olly discovers the one type of present his dad Stanley IS happy to receive. Give yourself this gift by getting the app for your iDevices, Android and Windows gadgets.
Thanks very much to Squarespace.com for supporting this episode, and for giving you 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year if you use the code ‘answer’. You want a nice website, don’t you? DON’T YOU? Thought so.
We’ll be back with AMT306 on 22nd January, so be ready.
Helen & Olly
••• AMT305 Child-Friendly Rating: 80%. Maybe we’ve forgotten something, but we think both language and content were pretty above-board today. Moments of parental concern may have occurred during the discussions of Stephen King’s It, and Carmen Electra. •••
Here’s an email from Joe that must have got lost on its way to Penthouse Forum:
Do you think that Vanna and Pat ever had sex with each other?
I’m a fairly handsome and charming man and whenever I work closely with a woman, we end up having sex at least once. There’s something about working together and building a rapport that, in my experience, make banging each other a foregone conclusion. So long as she’s somewhat attractive, this is going to happen.
What’s worse, I’m in the army surrounded by men and this never fails to happen when I work with a female lieutenant.
I know Vanna married someone else, but since they’ve been working together for decades, surely she’s at least tossed him off.
I don’t know Vanna or Pat. But I do know that in eight years of working together and building a rapport, Olly and I have succeeded in never having sex or tossing each other off. You may not believe us, Joe, but this was not in the least challenging. So maybe Vanna and Pat also managed to keep it professional.
Ben in Edinburgh is not speaking our language (our language being the sound of rolls of squidgy lazy flesh slapping against one another):
I am into obstacle course running: tough mudder, rat race etc.
I am due to compete in an event this year called ‘The Unknown‘, a 48-hour event which is basing itself on telling the competitors nothing about what will be expected, and whose aims are ‘to get you to quit before the end’ thus the psychological element of the event is huge.
I am fit and train regularly for 20-mile obstacle course events!
So, answer me this…
How can I train for an event whose obstacles, events, skills required etc are completely unknown and how can I prep myself mentally for such an event?
GUESS WHAT? We are totally unqualified to advise on how to prepare yourself for the Krypton Factor minus the fun! But we’d imagine a lot of readers have put themselves through such events, and/or are currently planning to with the early January fitness fervour. Run (up a cliff, through a snakepit and over embers covered in broken glass) to the comments to advise Ben.
Here’s a question from Ed from Colchester:
A while back, I visited Essex University to take part in a science convention with selected other students. Prince Charles was there, but I didn’t really care as all the stalls had freebies!!!! These ranged from glow in the dark pens to slices of bread.
So answer me this: what are the greatest freebies you have ever retrieved from fairs, conventions, hotels etc???
Olly gets all kinds of good shit because he’s a gadget columnist, but how can free phones and iPads compete with Ed’s FREE SLICES OF BREAD?
Readers, go to the comments and boast about your greatest ever achievement in freebies! (Legal ones. The time you shoplifted from the post office does not count.)
I was listening to your podcast and Olly mentioned that he had had afternoon tea – a treat he clearly enjoyed.
I love afternoon tea but my husband just doesn’t get it. He has said that next time I want to go I should take a friend instead, but I want to share the experience with him! How can I help him to ‘get’ how amazing afternoon tea is so we can keep on sharing the experience?
Thanks very much for your help – this is a very pressing problem in our relationship as you can no doubt tell!
The three of us all are afternoon tea fans, and obviously, Lou, we are all strongly on YOUR side. Your husband is lucky you’re standing by him, despite this absolute perversion of his. Such a monster doesn’t DESERVE afternoon tea. You could try showing him the saga of Olly’s conversion to tea in this video we made. Or perhaps you could jazz up his hot beverages with this tip from listener Chris:
In your Best Of, Martin commented about how he’d buy a breakfast with a dick’n’balls drawn in tomato sauce.
I live in Melbourne and sometimes Courtenay from Cup of Truth will draw me a dick’n’balls in my morning coffee:
![guatemala-hole (5)[2]](https://answermethispodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/guatemala-hole-52.jpg)
Answer Me This! Podcast 