Having been in the same relationships since the heyday of dial-up, none of us is qualified to answer the following questions; so if you’re a seasoned internet dater, we’d be very grateful to you if you’d shimmy over to the comments to advise the following questioneers.
Liam, 27, from London writes:
I’ve recently jumped back into the dating pool after having been in a relationship for the past 8 years, and like many people of my age group I’ve been using online dating to help me meet new people. Yesterday a girl that I’ve gone out with a few times (and gotten to know in the biblical sense) posted a picture on Facebook with one of her friends who I recognised as someone that only a day earlier I had matched with on Tinder.
So answer me this: What is the etiquette here? Should I tell the girl I’ve been seeing that her friend and I have both looked at pictures of each other and said “Yes I would?” Should I block the friend on Tinder in case things with this girl go well and hope that she doesn’t recognise me should we ever meet? Or should I gamble on the higher likelihood of them not making the connection together and just do nothing at all?
This doesn’t seem particularly controversial – or are we showing our Tinder innocence?
Daniel in West Sussex also requires your assistance:
Over the past few months after thinking about my current single status and lack of girls in my life I’ve reluctantly begun using the popular dating app Tinder.
Although I’ve made sure the pictures are the best they can be and had them approved by a friend and despite getting several matches over the past few months, I’ve not managed to have a two way conversation with any of them. I’ve tried saying the standard “Hi, how are you?” And even moved to the more imaginative, “Hi, great to meet you. How’s your day going?” I’ve had literally no response from any of these women. I think the trouble is I can’t really think of anything that I think might be appropriate to send that may get a response.
So answer me this: what could I say to someone on Tinder that might get a response and a conversation going? And is there anything I could possibly do to get more matches? Only had six in the past few months.
Go on. These people need you to be the Virgil guiding them through the nine circles of Tinder.
AMT324‘s question from Swapna about how to peel a hardboiled egg really got you going. Scores of you wrote to advise Swapna to add vinegar to the boiling water, or bicarbonate of soda, to soften the shell; or that she should use week-old eggs rather than fresh, so the once pert young albumen no longer clings to the shell; or that the water should be cold, or warm, or hot. Taleb recommends this brilliantly comprehensive post, Laurenthis episode of the (always delightful) Dinner Party Download. Here are a few of the many highlights from the eggstravaganza in our inbox: Read the rest of this entry »
There’s a new series afoot of Radio 4’s Digital Human, and listening to it is making me feel smarter, even though my brain is actually rapidly crumbling. I’ve also been happily blasting through FiveThirtyEight‘s podcast What’s The Point, which makes tech and stats and data stuff a lot more engaging and entertaining than you would expect from the words ‘tech’, ‘stats’ and ‘data stuff’.
Today’s questioneers have family troubles: troubles with their parents’ TMI; troubles with being an egg-peeling mother; troubles with having spawned a kid who’s a bit of an arsehole. Oh, the truth hurts.
You know what else hurts? Being a chicken at an 18th century fairground. Find out why in Answer Me This! Episode 324, in which we also discuss:
Disney jail
clock memes
peanuts vs monkey nuts
coconut shy vs cock shy
lard Oreos
omelette stations
oversharing parents
Yankee Doodle vs Pretty Fly For A White Guy
historical hipsters The Eggstractor (approach with caution)
boners
and
BONGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!
Plus: Olly delivers TMI about both breakfast buffets and boners (separately, not together, although we wouldn’t put it past him); even after 30 years, Helen is still in the grip of the Brownies’ indoctrination; and Martin the Sound Man has a new podcast, and the whole first series is OUT NOW at songbysongpodcast.com, so go and listen to it (after you’ve finished AMT324 first, of course).
In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iThings, Android and Windows devices – we wonder where all the diabolical pop covers of Yankee Doodle are. And before you say, “Careful what you wish for,” NB we are NOT wishing for this. Stand down, Pitbull. Zip it, Rednex.
However, there is no need to exercise such restraint when it comes to trying out today’s sponsor Squarespace.com. Use the code ANSWER to get 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year, which include a URL, loads of storage and 24/7 support. Go on, stop talking about it and start making the website of your dreams.
We’ll return on 15th October 2015 with AMT325. BONGGGGGGGG!!!!!!
Helen & Olly
••• AMT324 Child-Friendly Rating: 70%. We weren’t being especially vigilant about swears, but nor were we being particularly sweary. There is talk of boners, but in an educational more than XXX manner. •••
Since AMT322, we’ve been enjoying hearing how you found AMT – through us appearing on other shows like JJGo or Ian Collins or No Such Thing As A Fish, or mentions on 99% Invisible or The Bugle; or thanks to articles we wrote or were mentioned in; or because it was early 2007 and we groomed you on MySpace. Please tell us in the comments how you found us! But we’re guessing most of you found us by accident, or through word of mouth. Like these champs:
Davi from Boston (formerly Davi from Maryland): I started listening to it because of the recommendation of Becca from Chicago, of Andrew Lloyd Webber Ice Skating Question fame. I started in 2012 and haven’t missed an episode since!
Hannah: I discovered your podcast whilst suffering from a bout of insomnia and browsing the podcast library. The name caught my attention as did the bright yellow “cover art”. It quickly became a regular bed-time favourite.
But did it cure the insomnia or make it worse?
Alex in Glasgow: I actually found out about you guys through my friend, your longtime listener Eliot from Wrexham!
I think Eliot from Wrexham may have been a MySpace quarry, as aforementioned.
Verity from Oxford: I am a recent Oxford graduate who was introduced to AMT in July by my tutor, who helpfully suggested it as a distraction following my objectively-fine-but-slightly-disappointing finals results. I have since binge-listened to about a year’s worth of episodes.
I’m interpreting that to mean we’re part of the Oxford syllabus.
Charlie from Berkeley, CA, originally from Cleethorpes: I first found about about it from a friend of mine, Ken from San Francisco (featured in episode 261 with his This American Life-esque announcement). We were hanging out last summer, and I’d had a terrible evening, but Ken knew how to cheer me up – with a dose of Helen, Olly, and Martin the Soundman, of course.
As a British ex-pat, originally from Cleethorpes (and now, by some miracle of the British state education system, living in Berkeley CA and finishing up a doctoral degree in clinical psychology), I couldn’t help but be tickled by the podcast. I’ve been especially tickled by the fact that both Cleethorpes and the Bay Area have gotten several mentions, and cracked up on BART during the guest episode with Ian Collins who got lost after sleepwalking in a caravan park in Cleethorpes as a child.
We can never guess why AMT does it for you, but we’re definitely glad it does. Thanks for listening!
In AMT321, Daniel from Essex worried that reading a book during classical concerts would be a faux pas. Daniel, if you’re ever rumbled in the act, produce this permission slip from Lorraine:
I think it is definitely a thing for some concerts! Let me explain. A friend of mine once went to a harpsichord concert (why would she force that upon herself is a mystery to me), and was extremely surprised to see that they did not dim the lights at the beginning of the concert. She was even more surprised to see people taking out their books and starting to read! However, after about (that is not a joke) THREE hours of harpsichord concert, I bet she would’ve killed to have something to read.
So apparently it’s not always bad etiquette to bring a book to a classical music concert!
Alright, so books are OK; what are the rules about donning noise-cancelling headphones and a TV hat?
Retro feedback time! Jeff from Litchfield, New Hampshire has raised the spectre of mid-2013:
I was listening to episode 261 where someone asked how Casper the friendly ghost died. I have the answer.
According to issue #8 of Crazy magazine (December 1974) he was murdered by his abusive father after he watched his mother be stabbed to death. Later he got his revenge with Wendy the witch by letting his father’s new girlfriend burn alive and Wendy cast the the spell “Butcher knives fly like mad, and slice up Casper’s mean ole dad”.
I should mention that my mother bought me this issue when I was 6. I’m assuming she didn’t know this was in it.
And I’m assuming a 6-year-old didn’t clock that this is a parody, and Kaspar the Dead Baby is not canonical Casper the Friendly Ghost material. They have different names and faces:
Great material though. Abuse, murder, immolation – really LOLtastic.
What’s in your ears, dears? Recommend shows in the comments.
In AMT323, we learnt about Venetian gondolas, preparing snails for eating, and Olly’s ranking of the various versions of Coca Cola. Go to answermethispodcast.com/episode323 to catch up, slowpoke.
Olly has been gallivanting in Vegas for Guardian Tech Weekly, and I’ve been gallivanting at home to make the latest Allusionist. I’ll wager that it’ll be the only linguistics podcast containing werewolves AND Step Up 4 that you’ll hear. Find it at theallusionist.org/dance. Oh, and Martin the Sound Man’s new podcast, Song By Song, launches this weekend! Put on some clean undies and get ready for a Tom Waits earparty.
What is the greatest sorrow of being let go from a job? The loss of income? The blow to the self-esteem? The fear for the future? Or not even having tried the macho peas???
In Answer Me This! Episode 323, listeners wrestle with this problem and many more, such as:
Venetian gondolas
bendy straws
cheapskate dinner party cheats
the Queen’s Privy Council
snail-purging
Nando’s in the USA
Right Honourable Friends
coming out parties
the cola rankings
and
ironed underwear.
Plus: prepare to be FASCINATED as Olly shares his laundry workflow; Helen’s dad has failed to capitalise on Nando’s art collection; and Martin the Sound Man stops flirting and cuts to the chase – he’s starting a new podcast so prepare for launch.
In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iThings, Android and Windows devices – Martin recreates the Wicker Man out of straws and Helen inadvertently causes future mental scarring in her niece.
We are very grateful to Squarespace.com for supporting today’s show. Use the code ANSWER to get 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year, which include a URL, loads of storage and 24/7 support. That’s you covered.
We’ll return on 1st October 2015 with AMT324. Sprinkle yourself in spice mix and join us then.
Helen & Olly
••• AMT323 Child-Friendly Rating: 81%. Couple of swears, no other hazards. •••
As a chaser to the last post about dog-sitting, let’s check in on Carlee from Wellington who appeared in AMT316 to ask, as she had taken care of her flatmate’s cats for the majority of the previous nine months, how she could propel her flatmate to bequeath her (Carlee) the cats in the event of her (the flatmate’s) death during a business trip. Carlee writes:
Since AMT316, nobody has died, but I have moved out, and am enjoying a lifestyle that does not involve being woken up by someone else’s cats every night.
When I visited her recently the cats gave not one shit about me – didn’t show any sign of recognising me, let alone welcoming me back, so I retract my earlier intentions towards them.
Regardless of what that tells you about the emotional capacity of someone who can dispassionately and self-servingly contemplate the death of a flatmate, it certainly illustrates my suspicion that cats are sociopaths to whom all that human love is utterly meaningless. Olly, just try to prove otherwise.
I recently offered to look after my aunt and uncle’s dog while they are away on holiday. I’m a student, and my timetable for that week is really quiet, so I thought I’d be nice and offer to do it.
I had assumed, although it wasn’t discussed, that they would give me some payment in return for me taking a week of my time to do this. It would cost them at least £150 to put him in kennels, but they would never do that as they would be worried he’d get upset in kennels. They earn a decent wage, could easily afford to pay me something, and without me doing this they wouldn’t be able to go on holiday.
It has however became apparent that they don’t intend on paying me for this. My gran spoke to them and asked if I was getting paid, to which the response was, “Oh no, he offered to do it, why would we give him anything?” She feels I should be getting paid, but that it would be rude for her to suggest they paid me something. I feel that although money wasn’t discussed up front, a week of my time is at least worth something, and I shouldn’t need to ask about it.
So answer me this: am I being unreasonable to expect that I should be at least getting something for my time, and is there any way in which I can tactfully ask for them to pay me? My dad would probably do it, but I don’t really want to put him in an awkward situation. Or am I just being greedy?
This is why you always negotiate the finances up front!
It’s too bad your gran didn’t push a little further, since she’d already made some inroads. See if she’ll act as your agent, in return for a cut of the resulting fee. Maybe she can play hardball and not only push up the money, but also persuade them to throw in some deluxe snacks.
But it is awkward to talk about money and even more awkward to have the awkward money conversation with family members, since any unresolved awkwardness now will return with interest at Christmas. Readers, what would you do? Advise Anonymous Man in the comments.
The dangers of selfie sticks (and donkeys) are illustrated in this email from Wayne:
I’m listening to AMT322 where you talk about people with their wands of Narcissus taking photos of themselves with animals.
This reminded me of a recent trip to the New Forest, where we saw a young girl get done over by a juvenile donkey she was trying to take a selfie with. She got the poor animal in a headlock to take the photo, at which point the cute and cuddly equid head-butted her and then kicked her for good measure.
All three of us in the car (myself, my wife and my 8 year old son in the back) all said the same: “Well that serves her right.”
It amused us for the journey back to the camp site.
Have you ever had a dangerous close encounter with a wild beast? Or with an idiot who is having a close encounter with a wild beast? If it was non-fatal to all involved, step cautiously into the comments to tell us about it.
PS Here are some of the warning signs I saw around the geysers at Yellowstone National Park. THINK SAFETY, PEOPLE. Or, at the very least, think more than not at all.
Answer Me This! Podcast 