Questioneer Alex feels a lot like I did when I found out the chairman of Urban Outfitters had donated to Rick Santorum, meaning I couldn’t buy any of their nice patterned bedspreads any more. He writes:
I have a problem. I am a gay Orson Scott Card reader. For many years I devoured his books and it wasn’t a couple of years ago that I found out about his support of anti gay movements in the US.
These days I don’t buy new copies of his books, I borrow them from friends or libraries (whatever his personal beliefs, the man writes damn good science fiction).
The problem for me now is that my favorite sci-fi book of all time, Ender’s Game, is becoming a movie. I want to see it, but I’m not sure if I can buy a ticket knowing where a part of my money might be going.
So answer me this: Should I go to see the film at the cinema?
Pirating the movie seems counter-productive to me.
Why so – because you would be getting what you want, albeit illegally, without contributing to his wealth? Your strategy is rather inconsistent; I don’t want to upset you further, but authors receive royalties when their books are borrowed from libraries. To get around that, you could go to a bookshop, sit in one of the armchairs for the whole day, and read it there without buying it, but it is behaviour like that which sent Borders to the knackers’ yard (sorry Borders, it was mostly my fault. But it was silly of you to think I was ever going to buy all those copies of Interview Magazine).
But readers, what do you say Alex should do about seeing the film? Pay the money, grudgingly? Pay the money non-grudgingly, having decided to overlook Orson Scott Card’s personal beliefs? Wait for the film to come out on DVD then borrow it off a friend? Buy a ticket for a different film then sneak into the Ender’s Game screening instead? Or, avoid the film entirely, as adaptations of beloved books are so often crushingly disappointing?
If you’ve ever thought, “Jeez. I wonder what goes into making an episode of the incredibly effortless-seeming Answer Me This!,” then firstly, you should consider having more interesting thoughts. Secondly, you should check out our interview on Little Atoms podcast, in which host Neil Denny came to the AMT studio to peek behind the curtain to imspect the machinery behind it.
Click here to download the episode, but don’t do it if you were incredibly traumatised when you found out that the Wizard of Oz [SPOILER!] was just a normal middle-aged guy with good stagecraft and a penchant for hot air balloons. Hearing podcasters revealing the mechanics of podcasting might finish you off.
One aspect of AMT behind the scenes which we’re happy to reveal: our perennially sumptuous cheeseboard. Here’s Neil getting involved.
Happy Valentine’s Day, listeners! We know how you love to celebrate the feast day of the patron saint of plague, epilepsy and bee-keeping, so we’ve got a wonderful gift for you: A FREE AUDIOBOOK FROM AUDIBLE! Gallivant to answermethispodcast.com/audible right now to get it, then as a warm-up to your many hours of free audio content, listen to half an hour of free audio content, ie Answer Me This! Episode 246:
This week we consider:
the Chinese zodiac
the longest queue ever
Lemar
premium cinema seats
stop-motion water
baby clothes
asexual koalas
Mike Leigh vs. Red Dragon Les Miserables vs. Undercover Boss Mary Poppins vs. The Sound of Music
Pete Doherty vs. Peter Brame
and
the point of kissing.
Plus: Olly’s going to build his business empire on XXX fortune teller fish, whilst Helen’s looking into a range of mouth condoms for slimmers; and Martin the Sound Man is a shrivelled little short tongue man. But at least he’s not the only one.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) is further contemplation upon the masterwork of David Sneddon, star of Fame Academy series 1 and AMT245. It’s a song which bears many hours, nay months, of interpretation. This week’s lesson: what’s up with your sleeves, Sneddon?
Instead of whatever Valentine’s love token you were planning to give us, please send your QUESTIONS: email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis. (Although, when we say ‘instead’, we do mean ‘as well as’, if the token was heart-shaped boxes of Ferrero Rocher. Keep ’em coming.)
I’m pretty sure he is single and I know he is gay.
The only conversation we have had outside of ordering was about the linguistics paper we had done together last year and whether we were doing any others. We hadn’t spoken during the paper.
How do I maybe get it to the point where I could ask him out and stop spending $6.90 a day on juice?
Readers, go to the comments and help Dan out, before he is bankrupted by juice. Although maybe he is hankering after this guy in the hope that, if his affections are returned, he’ll get free juice?
Anyway, I think Dan should just be direct and ask him out – if straightforwardness is a problem, perhaps he could spell out ‘Will you go out with me?’ in fruit – because if his approach is rejected, he no longer needs to keep spending the $6.90 a day on juice either.
We hope you haven’t overdosed on romance, because here’s a lovely love question from Celia in France:
So, two people I’m friends with just liked my profile picture at the same time on Facebook and it occurred to me that they would get along very nicely (and possibly make a nice little couple?). They have similar taste in films and music and stuff. They also go to universities about an hour’s drive away from each other.
However they don’t know each other at all, and seeing as I don’t live in the same country as them at the moment, I can’t invite them both out clubbing with me and see what happens when they are both drunk.
So answer me this please: do I play Cupid? And if so, how??!??!?!?!1?!?!/!/!???12!
Also to bear in mind: I haven’t spoken to either of them for at least three months and would feel a little uneasy recommencing conversation with “hey, you should go out with this guy!!!!!” On one hand there’s no harm in asking and seeing if they want to try it out but on the other hand maybe neither of them want to be set up so I don’t know. Help me please.
Readers, go to the comments to guide Celia. Should she effect some long-distance meddling? Or keep the idea in abeyance until she’s back in the country, or even for ten or fifteen years until such time as her friends are both despairing of finding partners by themselves? Or, indeed, should she sit back and let fate take the reins? After all, these two both like her Facebook picture, so they’re obviously MFEO.
After last week’s podcast you probably rushed to book a Valentine’s trip to Loughborough. But Sam counsels against:
I can confirm that Loughborough is NOT sexy – see attached.
Yes, that is a cucumber in a condom, and yes it is broken.
This I saw in broad daylight, heaven knows what horrors await those who visit in the hours of darkness!
What are you objecting to, Sam? The fact that the cucumber is practicing safe sex – even though the prawn industry isn’t going to propagate the idea that you can still have sexy fun whilst using barrier contraception – or the fact that the condom is broken, and you’re worried the cucumber is risking STDs or even the pitter-patter of tiny gherkins?
What are the smells that trigger certain feelings or memories for you? Does the scent of a rose transport you back to eating Turkish Delight with your gran? Do exhaust fumes remind you of that trip to Rome where you lost your wallet but gained some minor STDs? Does cider bring back all too vividly that time you puked into your dad’s slippers?
Whatever the flavour of your nasal nostalgia, take a big sniff and listen to Answer Me This! Episode 245:
Today we speak of:
Annie Lennox
bouquet tossing uniformdating.com
the grapevine
the cheesy moon
the Earl of Grantham’s house before he moved into Downton Abbey Arrested Development vs. Arrested Development Phenom
sexy dill
wedding suits
Marvin Gaye: phone engineer
DVD/Blu-ray ordering
and
the lies of David Sneddon.
Also: Olly’s not a bad driver, it’s just his cursed jumper; Helen is abusing her magnificent brain, by filling it with shitcoms then hitting it with beer bottles; and Martin the Sound Man’s impression of Gregg Wallace is uncannilly shitty.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) is a question from Ellen in North Carolina about the Tim Tam Explosion. If you’re not sure what that is, imagine the Australian version of the Soggy Biscuit Game.
On the subject of sweet things, see the proof of Thorntons icing HERE. But this innocentish fun has a dark side, and we don’t just mean 70% cocoa solids dark. As you’ll find out in the episode, Thorntons are striking back! Ulp…
Assuming Thorntons haven’t shut us down by next week, send us your QUESTIONS: email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.
We won’t be wishing birthday boy Declan many happy returns after the day he had:
It was my birthday on Monday and it was dreadful. I had to do a statistics exam in the morning, which was bad enough; but then I had to catch the bus to get home. The bus was crowded and a few people were standing. One man, who had two seats to himself, suddenly stood up and rushed off the bus. I thought this was strange but I thought nothing more of it.
I then sat down in his seat to discover that the seat was warm and damp.
Answer me this: what are your worst birthday experiences? Mine is definitely sitting in another man’s urine.
Luckily I can’t equal or top that; but readers, can you? Go to the comments and make Declan feel less alone in his puddle of piss.
Following last week’s ‘black or blue?’ ink debate, we’ve received the following inkformation from Su:
I am a civil servant and, in the days before computers, it was mandatory to use black ink on all official documents. This was because black was the only colour that did not fade – over time other colours fade out so the text cannot be seen. Red could be used for amendments but that was only because the amendments would be included in a final documents written in black ink.
Aaron meanwhile sheds light on why green ink is the ink of madness – because it’s the ink of choice for people who are surrounded by all the drugs! He says:
I work in a hospital (in the UK) and noticed on a drug chart that the pharmacist had written over the chart in GREEN INK!!!!
Well, it turns out the profession of pharmacist have claimed green ink for their own pointless notes on a drug charts, such as ‘take with food’ ‘give slowly’ and ‘mix with water’.
Answer me this: are there any other professions or trades that feel they need to claim a colour for themselves?
Evidently the civil service – see above – but readers, if you’re in a profession which insists upon, say, violet ink, or allows only orange Rorschach tests, then let us know in the comments. Although typing in boring old black and white is probably anathema to you.
By the way, Aaron, I’m going to guess that the green ink is a sensible measure so the notes are visible against the other prevailing colours on the drug charts. Also I don’t think that ‘take with food’ and ‘mix with water’ are at all pointless, as anyone who has tried ibuprofen on an empty stomach, or attempted to ingest dry Lemsip powder, will know.
We’re pleased to hear from Joe in Seattle from AMT244, because he’s telling us we were RIGHT. Even though us being RIGHT means his love life went a bit WRONG. He writes:
I recently asked you if I was being blown off via text after a first date, and you answered in the podcast that my chances didn’t look good.
Here’s an update: I figured I had nothing to lose, so a week or so later I sent a second text, suggesting a possible time and place for a second date. No reply.
I’m going to go read alone in a coffee shop now.
Well, at least you’re in the ideal location to do that. Wrap yourself in flannel, crank up the Mudhoney, and hope that Bridget Fonda is your waitress.
Answer Me This! Podcast 