Posts Tagged ‘organs’

rules of retraction

February 27, 2013

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You may not feel much sympathy for tall, young, lithe questioneer James, but stick with his question because he needs your help (or the help of one of those sinister adverts in the back of magazines for mail-order penis pumps):

I am a 6’3″, 16st, muscular, fit and healthy, 25-year-old male. It would also be fair to say that I haven’t been “short changed” in the trouser department.

So… Helen and Olly, answer me this:

Why is it that after I exercise my penis resembles a small acorn?

For around an hour after I exercise, my penis decides to retreat. Most wouldn’t see this as a problem, or even noteworthy. However, it turns post-workout showers into a very shy affair, compared to pre-workout showers where I can hold my head up high.

Is there a biological reason for this? If so, please put my mind to to rest.

Biologists! Physiotherapists! Gym instructors! Penis experts! If you’re reading this, please go to the comments and offer James your opinion. Are his exercises perhaps causing his muscles to retract and withdraw his gentlemanly organs? Does he need special gym-pants? Or should he just stop worrying about the shower-gawkers? Help him: his penis self-esteem is in your hands.

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EPISODE 239 – Reich Krispies

November 29, 2012

Hi listeners,

So that unfeasibly rich child from Two and a Half Men says you should not watch Two and a Half Men because it is pisspoor FILTH and THE ENEMY’S PLAN.

As usual there’s some mild FILTH in Answer Me This! Episode 239. Can’t disclose the enemy’s plans; you’ll have to interpret them yourself when you listen:

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Today we consider:

The Queen 4 Harry Styles
Australian Xmas
chocolate crispy cakes
immoral i-spying mums
helmets vs. head injuries
AMT1-120 vs. THX 1138
Simon Cowell’s corruption
beleaguered Morrisons mums
sweeties from Firebox
Oxford Street Marmite lights
the Royal Variety Performance
Heston’s Food Panto
wedding politics
pants photosynthesis
and
being microwaved to death.

Plus: Olly blows bubbles out of his bum; Helen calls for tougher gum laws; and Martin the Sound Man is pleased you all seem to like his package.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) is more hot air from Olly, as he recounts how he burped into a stranger’s face. Luckily, because Olly couldn’t hear it at the time, it DID NOT COUNT.

Your QUESTIONS definitely do count, so please email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 209 – the William the Conqueror Suite

March 15, 2012

Hello, beloved listeners,

It is the 75th birthday of Maltesers, so in Answer Me This! Episode 209 we’re celebrating by berating their current advertising campaign for being sexist. Although we similarly spent Grandad’s 75th birthday party berating him for his unreconstructed chauvinism. Can’t trust these septuagenarians to say the right things.

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On the agenda this week:

Trojans
buskers
aerated foods
Debra Winger
Stephen Fry’s cab
organ donation
pink newspapers
Boots
Christian barbecues
Arne Jacobsen‘s arse
and
hearses.

Plus: Olly lets yet another brilliant enterprise go to waste, but there’s nothing stopping any one of you future billionaires taking it onto Dragon’s Den; Helen finds the world’s best busker – catch him before he goes up in flames; and Martin the Sound Man may be a science whiz, but even he can’t get his macaro(o)ns to work.

It’s quite a literal Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) this week, as we address a question from Volker from Germany who likes to enjoy himself in the workplace lavvies after lights out. And if this, plus the final question of the episode about WCs, has ramped up your curiosity about matters lavatorial, our video masterwork upon the subject can be viewed at the bottom of this post.

We’re also moonlighting on episode 7 of Ian Collins Wants a Word
, the new podcast by star of AMT149 Ian Collins. Click here to get a dose of it.

Next week will be our last episode before we go on a little holiday, so hurry to send in your QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis) and email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. We’ve got a bit of a treat for you while we’re on our break, though, so be sure to join us for AMT210 to discover what that is. A packet of Maltesers each? NO. Not until those tasty little bastards start treating us all as EQUALS.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 121 – ‘flange’ was a bad choice of word

January 7, 2010

Welcome, listeners, to the first Answer Me This! of 2010:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

In which we speak of:

the Next sales
Sherlock Holmes
sweetbreads
condominiums
the son of Sam
Golden Wonder
Stanley Kubrick
the Queen’s Speech
Scotch woodcock
Johnny Carson
snake lungs
Anne Frank
and
the best public lavatories in Balham.

Furthermore: Olly manages to draw comparison between Lolita and Match of the Day; Helen manages to draw comparison between estate agents and kidnapped children; and Martin the Sound Man manages to draw comparison between a suitable Christmas present for his girlfriend and a DVD boxset about serial killers. Let’s hope he didn’t buy it for research purposes.

We’ve a list of chores for you to do this week:
1) click here to get yourself a free Audible audiobook;
2) share your neuroses, like shark-fearing questioneer Bunty did, in a comment on this post;
3) decide for the world whether humans are red meat or white meat by voting in this poll
4) if you’re still steaming about Walkers Crisps’ packet colours (and frankly, we aren’t), sign the petition;
5) listen to Martin the Sound Man’s latest music podcast;
6) and, of course, send us YOUR QUESTIONS for future episodes, via answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, Skype ID answermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877.

So, after you’ve done all those, we’ll see you next week for Episode 122!

Helen and Olly

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