Our next questioneer, Claire in Nottingham, is a lone wolf at her workplace, and would like to stay that way:
I currently have a conundrum concerning some workmates who constantly want to socialise with me. While I sometimes enjoy their presence during the odd lunch break, they have become increasingly annoying and sometimes even offend my sensitive nature (eg racist/sexist remarks).
As I have a variety of other non-work related close friends and a live-in partner, and one of these workmates doesn’t, I have indulged her need to socialise with a few cafe visits. Because of the reasonable frequency of these meet-ups, I now find it increasingly hard to wriggle out of them. I’ve even had a dinner invitation and desperately don’t want to go.
How can you politely decline without destroying your work life? ‘I can’t make it that day’ doesn’t seem to work for the permanently friendless.
There are various different approaches:
1. The reality TV deflection: ‘I’m not here to make friends.’ Underline the point by putting this as your email signature.
2. The boldfaced truth: ‘I don’t like to mix my work life and my non-work life. Remember when my brother turned up to the office one day as a birthday surprise, and I refused to see him? No exceptions.’ Underline the point by issuing a pan-company request that photos of loved ones on computer desktops be banned immediately.
3. The barefaced lie: ‘All my spare time is completely busy at the moment, because I’m doing an Open University degree/caring for my elderly mother/on day release from prison.’ Underline the point by getting an Open University degree/ordering mobility aids over the phone at work/wearing an ankle tag.
Readers, please add your helpful suggestions in the comments. The winner’s prize will be a full hour’s lunch with Claire (during which she is immediately called away for an emergency Skype conference with the Rotterdam office, and never returns).
Here’s a question of cash from Dave from Australia, where the banknotes are made of plastic so you don’t kick yourself for leaving a tenner in your trouser pocket when you put them through the wash. Dave says:
A mate of mine went on a holiday in the UK, when he returned he had a one pound coin in his jacket pocket.
He noticed this coin had some writing on the edge.
So answer me this:
What does this writing mean? Is it on all of your coins or just the one pound?
As all Brits are fluent in Latin, we know that the slogan ‘Decus et tutanem’* which appears on the edge of a pound means ‘An ornament and a safeguard’: the writing is ornamental, because otherwise the edge of the pound might look boring; and historically it was also a safeguard, as people used to shave metal off the edges and sell it on, back when coins were still made of precious metals. Though nowadays a pound coin is not worth that much, and a few tiny scrapings off the edge will not attract many bids on eBay, we still have not altered this system. It’s surely only a matter of time before there are advertising slogans around there.
There is only writing on the £1 and £2 coins, as the others are not thick enough to have much good reading around the sides. On the £2 coin it says ‘Standing on the shoulders of giants’, in tribute to the fourth album by that most British of bands, Oasis.
If you are enthralled by the subject of the £2 coin and crave more, I direct you to AMT166.
*Yes, Wales and Scotland, I know you have regional variants, but let’s not force Dave to run before he can walk.
Spring has yet to spring in our homeland, but the spring run of AMT is ready to spring into your ears right now. Spring into action and listen to Answer Me This! Episode 250:
Today we discuss:
pizza delivery
Billy Kennedy’s fluffy dice
lolliPopes
selling intangibles on eBay
papal pants Les Miserables, unabridged
musicals vs. literature
second-hand gravestones vs. serial killer memorabilia
the Littlewoods catalogue
and
the Vatican’s sauna.
Plus: Olly would rather be gifted olives than a car; Helen is not comfortable being on first-name terms with South By Southwest; and Martin the Sound Man is uncharacteristically quiet, which you can attribute to the presence of a bag of Cheetos.
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we speculate upon what name Kate’n’Wills are likely to bestow upon their impending royal spawn. Clue: it’ll be something more boring than any of these.
Not boring, on the other hand, are your QUESTIONS. We want lots of them for the new series, so don’t be shy: leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis; or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
Apropos of more things to listen to this week: click here to hear Helen on Jordan, Jesse, Go! And our free Audible audiobook offer is still open, but not for long! You have until midnight on 1st April to get yourself a free audiobook, so click here right now.
Here’s a sad question from Eddy from Colchester, aged 11:
My best friend I’ve been with since I was four years old.
Tomorrow is his birthday party and I’ve been to every single party since we were four. So now he has not invited me to this birthday party just because i don’t play Minecraft in the evenings with him.
So answer me this, is my friend being a dick?
Yes.
That’s not a comforting answer; nor is the fact that I doubt Minecraft is solely responsible for the schism. Perhaps you are growing apart. You’ve spent some 60 per cent of your lives as best friends; change may be upon you. You could test this by agreeing to play Minecraft with him and seeing if he becomes cordial again.
Whatever the reason, he’s still being a dick. Does Minecraft turn people into dicks?
A couple of friends and I are going on a “lads’ holiday” this summer. We have started talking about where we want to go and the consensus is an 18-30s all-inclusive with the sort of alcohol fuelled street of bars and clubs one sees on BBC3 doumentaries involving a teenager vomiting in the street and flashing various bodily parts at passing emergency service vehicles.
I am all for the idea of a lad’s holiday and would even like to double the laddiness of my holiday by seducing men. So, answer me this, do any of the famous libidinous holiday towns of “wahey lads” fame (suggestions currently being made are Ayia Napa and Magaluf) also have reasonable gay scenes?
I am ambivalent about chosing a holiday location on such a basis but having seen the BBC3 documentaries I am lead to believe that my two friends will spend the week endlessly tickling one lady’s tonsils after another’s. After such apparitions, I imagine I would want us to have a night or two somewhere I can experience the same cocktail of germs and STDs. Is this an achievable goal? Am I doomed to resent my friends or to go cottaging in Cyprus?
Hmm, not sure you’d have super holiday fun in Cyprus right now whatever your sexual orientation. Other than that, I have no knowledge at my disposal with which to help you; even back when I was a member of the 18-30 age group, a booze-fuelled week in Camp Chlamydia was the opposite of my idea of fun.
Fortunately for you though, Chris, Team AMT contains far more hedonistic members; so readers, travel to the comments and let Chris know whether there’s a destination that will provide myriad sexual targets for him and his friends, or whether Chris would be better off saving up to go to Fire Island or Sydney Mardi Gras while his heterofriends terrorise the Med.
I have written in recently inquiring about the intricacies of how to tell if somebody doesn’t want to go on a second date with me. Believe it or not, I have successfully had repeat dates in the past, sometimes for years on end. My most recent ex and I broke up last June and are still good friends, but recently she has been suggesting going on a trip together.
I have no objections to this except that I think it might be a disaster. I am worried that we might spend the whole time butting heads over both inane, pointless disagreements and larger assumptions that we thought we shared about what we would do on the trip. It’s a lot harder to deal with that when there’s no sex at the end of the day.
So answer me this: how do I tell her that I think this is a bad idea without hurtfully saying, “I don’t want to go on a trip with you”? I can’t keep dodging the question forever.
Readers, take a trip to the comments right now and advise Joe in Seattle as to the best rebuff. Based on one thing we already know Joe (he’s a musician), I’d suggest intimating to her that you can’t afford a trip right now (based on one thing we already know about most musicians – they’re rarely rolling in spare money). Based on another thing we know about Joe (he’s in the USA), I think he could alternatively pretend that he’s saving his vacation time for later (based on one thing we already know about most Americans – they are allowed about ten minutes’ annual leave).
I’m more curious to know why Joe’s ex is so keen to take a trip with him, anyway. The break-up is still a bit too recent for them to be recast as just good old friends, with no awkwardness or residual tension. Is she perhaps hankering after a Joe re-run?
And, do not forget, listen to Answer Me This! Episode 249 as well:
Today we discuss:
tweed
Michael Jackson’s umbrella
chopsticks
Gaelic warlords
pipe-smoking
tax trends
The Fugitive vs. fairytales
Harold Wilson vs. Gandalf
lockers
the goddess Ériu
Toronto, Kansas
chopsticks
and
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.
Plus: teenage Olly was the lovelorn Bard of txtspk; Helen is going to spend the AMTbreak in Scotland investigating The Mystery of the Missing Sweet and Sour Pork Balls; and Martin the Sound Man won’t sacrifice choice for convenience when it comes to the specific heat capaity of his toast toppings.
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android), we delve further into Chris from Lewes’s question about combining butter with other spreadable substances. Perhaps he’s just ahead of his time! Or perhaps he really is just unbelievably lazy.
You, however, ought not be so lazy that you fail to send us your QUESTIONS for the next series. Leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis; or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Give us something great with which to celebrate AMT250, because we can’t afford a marching band.
It’s always Wedding Season at AMT, and here’s a question of nuptuals from Jim from Tewkesbury
A couple of years ago a dear childhood friend of mine hooked up with an American broad working over here in the UK. They moved Stateside a few months ago to be near her family, and happily they are soon to be married. I have been asked to be Best Man, and while this is a great honour which I have accepted, I have recently been wondering if I should let him down.
The wedding is in New Jersey, and while researching flights and hotels I have discovered that holidaying in America is ferociously expensive. My girlfriend is currently out of work and we’re saving to buy a house, and although we have the money I don’t want to spend that much to go to a wedding at this time.
So answer me this; should we:
A. Carelessly splurge our savings now, miss out on the wedding and be a Very Bad Friend, or
B. Plan to go and visit them next year when my ladyfriend and I will hopefully be employed and solvent, and be able to spend some quality time with them?
I’m a bit confused by your options, Jim. If you’re missing the wedding in option A, on what are you splurging your savings? Why are neither of the options ‘Go to the wedding’? Because although we usually advise couples to be circumspect about the likelihood of friends from abroad making it to their weddings, if you’re such a good friend that you’ve been asked to be best man, you really should try to go. Even if your girlfriend has to stay home, and you’re couchsurfing while you’re over there.
Do talk it over with your friend, though. Perhaps he can suggest cunning money-savers, people you could stay with, and at the very least excuse you from expensive stag adventures or all the pricey pre-wedding jollies that the Americans have managed to invent.
In 2009 my haphazard income forced me to miss the California wedding of a pair of my favourite friends, and I still regret it. This may be skewing my response to this question, so readers, go to the comments and tell Jim where to go. As it were.
If you do decide not to go, Jim, suggest your friend replaces you with something even better than a best man, like this fellow did.
My daughter’s tooth fell out and is expecting a visit from the tooth fairy. When did this tradition start and what is the going rate nowadays?
Brush up on AMT229, Graeme, in which we already mulled over this topic then. However prices are rising all the time in these economically debilitated times, so readers: what IS the going rate? Head to the comments and tell Graeme, so he can arrange a PayPal transfer of the appropriate amount.
Remember Joe from Seattle from AMT244, who wrote to us asking if he was being spurned by a girl after their first date? (Turned out he was.) It appears he has a recurring problem, for we recently received the following email:
It’s Joe in Seattle, trying to get a second date again.
I recently met someone at an open mic (we’re musicians), and we ended up back at my place. In the morning she gave me a very nice kiss goodbye and her number.
I texted “This is joe’s number :-)” that morning with no response, and the next morning texted, “Hey, wanna play some music this weekend,” something that we had discussed early in the evening.
Her response was, “hey sorry cant out of town most of the weekend,” with no alternative or counter offer.
Answer me this: should I be reading something into this?
Possibly. For a more definitive prognosis, maybe wait a week then text her again, saying that you’re going to a particular gig soon and would she like to join you? Casual. No pressure. If she still acts like she’s so busy she can’t even punctuate her texts properly, and doesn’t suggest an alternative meeting, then you probably should return to prowling the open mic circuit for new prey.
Let’s examine some alternative hypotheses:
1. You texted too soon. She found it a bit much.
2. She is a woman who does not care for smileys.
3. It was just a one-night stand for her.
4. That one night ran the whole relationship gamut for her. It was perfect as it is. She doesn’t want to dilute it with follow-ups. This is why in Before Sunrise they made that stupid arrangement not to write or call after their night together. (Yes, maybe in nine years she and Joe will bump into each other in Seattle and hit it off again. (And have another sequel nine years after that.))
However, maybe there’s something amiss with your dating technique. Comb My Very Worst Date to make sure you’re not on there.
Readers, if you can add more insight, please do so in the comments. Joe needs you. He can’t be a one-date-wonder forever.
Following our discussion of London, Ontario last week, several of you have piped up about places that have the same name as another place but are not THE place. Says Emma:
I was just so excited that last week you mentioned Vancouver, Washington, and our struggle to differentiate ourselves from Vancouver, BC. I grew up in Vancouver, WA, and we had severe little dog syndrome. There are t-shirts in the local mall that read “Vancouver – NOT BC, Washington – NOT DC.” During the Vancouver winter Olympics we had loads of people trying to book rooms for the games in Vancouver, Washington. Idiots.
Actually, our Vancouver was founded before the one in Canada, but no one cares besides us.
To avoid such confusion, I’ve moved to New York City. Nobody asks which New York City you’re referencing.
Secondly, there ain’t no California Dreaming for Rebecca:
There’s a California in Great Yarmouth. That always used to make my childhood holidays sound more fun than they were.
NO DON’T TELL US. Tell nobody. Find that impulse that lurks deep within yourself to vocalise your opinions upon a matter so boring, so mundane, so underwhelming an indicator of anything interesting about your character; find it, then destroy it.
Then listen to Answer Me This! Episode 248:
Today we ponder upon:
Flu Camp
pregnancy disguises
Stevenage slush puppies (not a euphemism)
Ming Dynasty toilet paper
Joseph Gayetty
posh Pot Noodles
domestic rubbish vs. commercial rubbish
London, UK vs. London, Ontario
figure skating vs. Dancing On Ice
Tiny Toronto
and Sergey Brin hiding in the bushes.
Plus: Olly’s lukewarm about Google Glass, but looking forward to the installation of his Google Womb; Helen believes the empire waist to be an offence to waists (and empires); and Martin the Sound Man doesn’t like the principles of Ayn Rand, he just looks like he does.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) is a question from Poppy wondering why Skittles’ latest ad campaign is targeting the people-who-eat-bodily-growths market. Cheer up, Poppy; at least they’re not suggesting you wipe your bottom with Skittles then tell them about it.
Tell us your QUESTIONS, though: email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis. Then treat yourself to a free Audible audiobook as a reward. OK, you can have one anyway, for being so well-behaved (and because we receive a bit of lovely money for each of you who has one; let’s not be coy about it).
Answer Me This! Podcast 