second date blues



Remember Joe from Seattle from AMT244, who wrote to us asking if he was being spurned by a girl after their first date? (Turned out he was.) It appears he has a recurring problem, for we recently received the following email:

It’s Joe in Seattle, trying to get a second date again.

I recently met someone at an open mic (we’re musicians), and we ended up back at my place. In the morning she gave me a very nice kiss goodbye and her number.

I texted “This is joe’s number :-)” that morning with no response, and the next morning texted, “Hey, wanna play some music this weekend,” something that we had discussed early in the evening.

Her response was, “hey sorry cant out of town most of the weekend,” with no alternative or counter offer.

Answer me this: should I be reading something into this?

Possibly. For a more definitive prognosis, maybe wait a week then text her again, saying that you’re going to a particular gig soon and would she like to join you? Casual. No pressure. If she still acts like she’s so busy she can’t even punctuate her texts properly, and doesn’t suggest an alternative meeting, then you probably should return to prowling the open mic circuit for new prey.

Let’s examine some alternative hypotheses:
1. You texted too soon. She found it a bit much.
2. She is a woman who does not care for smileys.
3. It was just a one-night stand for her.
4. That one night ran the whole relationship gamut for her. It was perfect as it is. She doesn’t want to dilute it with follow-ups. This is why in Before Sunrise they made that stupid arrangement not to write or call after their night together. (Yes, maybe in nine years she and Joe will bump into each other in Seattle and hit it off again. (And have another sequel nine years after that.))

However, maybe there’s something amiss with your dating technique. Comb My Very Worst Date to make sure you’re not on there.

Readers, if you can add more insight, please do so in the comments. Joe needs you. He can’t be a one-date-wonder forever.


2 Responses to “second date blues”

  1. The Talented Ms Ripley Says:

    Boohoo. I can’t even get a first date.

    Maybe you shouldn’t give it up on a first date. Having sex on the first date doesn’t really give the impression of being in for the long haul. Try leaving her wanting more, and give her a few opportunities to get to know you, and fall for your personality, rather than skipping ahead right to the end.

  2. catherinehirst Says:

    So this guy needs to start wondering if it’s him, methinks. He doesn’t mention whether the girl who came back to his was blind drunk or not, but let’s assume for the sake of argument that she wasn’t. He was obviously charming/attractive enough to get her back to his place sans pants. So something went wrong after the initial seduction. Either he becomes kind of a tool after he sleeps with a girl, or (and let’s face it, this is the more likely option), he’s rubbish in bed. If he’d given her a proper dicking (sorry) and also wasn’t an asshole she would have seen him again. As he doesn’t seem to be an asshole based on the admittedly limited perspective of his communications with AMT, I’m betting he’s crap in the sack. Sorry again.

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