Posts Tagged ‘yuk’

EPISODE 129 – intelligence is multiparametric

April 1, 2010

Praise be for the forthcoming long weekend (even though it’s all thanks to Jesus having copped the death penalty, and we’re not usually fans of capital punishment)! Anyway, if you can find the time between Easter egg hunts, drawing a comedy moustache on the Turin Shroud, or mopping up your stigmata, have a listen to Answer Me This! Episode 129:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

On today’s dance-card are:

Mensa
waxed toilet paper
Harefield
Wario
Sharon Stone’s clever fanny
Supergrass’s supersideburns
pubic papercuts
Alex James and Betty Boo
Love Never Dies
annatto
Andre the Giant
Glenn Miller
Mr Darcy
the defilement of Jo Guest
Hymn-Singing for Dummies.
and
‘Bugger’s grips’.

Plus: Olly proves that putting him in charge of the 2009-10 Swan and Duck Census was not a wise decision; Helen looks like she has emotions, but it’s just a bad case of pins-and-needles; while Martin the Sound Man would never got his DPhil in walking along in a straight line without incident. Crash! Thwomp! Oh, Martin… Anyway, while he’s falling over nonexistant obstacles, you can listen to him doing an interview on the Rewind Podcast in which he talks about the time he banged Tiger Woods his music and stuff.

This week, we would like your ideas for a responsible revenge for Ky from Harrogate to wreak upon his Paypal fraudster; please take yourself to the comments on this post and chip in on the matter. Then, as per, please do ask us QUESTIONS, by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leaving a voicemail on Skype ID answermethis or our question line 0208 123 5877. That would be even more super-sweet than a Creme Egg with a sugar-lump shoved into the fondant.

See you next Thursday!

Helen and Olly

PS This week’s jingle challenge entries is one of Olly’s favourites, despite it featuring an enthusiastic rendition of an email address which we don’t actually possess. Nonetheless, take it away, Krista and Heather:

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Get your summer beach reads sorted early!

March 24, 2010

Following on from Episode 127, let’s enjoy some horrible scenes from books! Many of you have left a marvellous selection yon, and here are a few more:

Shannon: Allow me to add to your collection of scenes in literature that make one doubt man’s humanity:
1. Trimalchio’s feast in
The Satyricon by Petronius: Who doesn’t love an excrement fight with their gang rape? And the dis-memberable poetry reading in the last chapters is inspired.
2.
Blindness by José Saramago: More gang rape and excrement, topped off with a scene in which a man is brutally stabbed through the neck while engaged in an act that leaves an unusual mixed aftermath on his partner’s face.

Kate from Corfe Mullen: The most gruesome scene from a book that I have ever read was from David Mitchell’s Number9dream. Part of the book was set in the criminal underworld in Japan and a torture method was to place people in a cavity at the end of a ten pin bowling alley so that their heads were sticking out. The gang members would then bowl ten pin bowling balls at them.

Peter from Chicago: The most terrifying thing I ever read was a work of non-fiction by William Bradford Huie, Three Lives for Mississippi. The book tells the story of the murder of three civil-rights workers in Mississippi during “Freedom Summer” of 1964. Huie begins the book by re-telling the story of what happened in Birmingham, Alabama in 1957. Six men from a local chapter of the Ku Klux Klan gathered to decide who deserved a promotion to a higher rank within the group. One of them wanted the promotion, and to prove he deserved it, he was willing to get “blood on his hands.” They kidnapped a local Negro man, castrate him, and dumped him by the side of road.

The first time I read that section my knees slammed together and I kept my legs pressed together for almost ten minutes.

Thank god for a little palate cleanser from Colin from Newton Aycliffe, County Durham:

The song that was number one on the day I was born was Elvis Presley’s ‘Are you lonesome tonight’, which I think is quite ironic for a twice-divorced Singleton.

Just be glad your birthsong was not ‘Psycho Killer’ then, Colin.

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EPISODE 127 – an exotic beast in an unlikely place

March 18, 2010

Hello there, chums!

We know you’re probably still watching the new Lady Gaga video that you clicked on last Friday, but when you need a break from [SPOILERS!] all the killing, the Kill Bill Pussy Wagon, and Beyonce’s impassive acting [/spoilers], then Answer Me This! Episode 127 is right here waiting for youuuuuu:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

On this week’s agenda:

Charles Fey
San Francisco special bread
McDonald’s apple pies
steak on a stake
Apt Pupil
malaria
killer whales
Steve Coogan vs. Rednex
Snoop Dogg vs. the UK
gambling machines vs. Canadian homosexuality cures
and
American Psycho.

Furthermore, Olly angers Jesus by using his Gideon’s Bible for nefarious purposes; Helen ponders the fugitive crayfish of Tunbridge Wells; and Martin the Sound Man can get you a nice Geiger counter if you slip him £50, no questions asked. Oh, you’ve already got one? Say no more. Plus, we solve the total non-mystery of what happened to former AMT flatmate Matthew Crosby, for the 0.001% of you who are curious.

As always, we enjoy it ever so much when you ask us QUESTIONS, so please do so by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leaving a voicemail on Skype ID answermethis or our question line 0208 123 5877. In addition, if you have an opinion on what is the world’s grimmest book scene, express it in the comments – but please, keep any descriptions euphemistic, for we and many of our readers are of delicate constitutions. Also we already get more than enough Weird Googlers as it is.

See you next Thursday,

Helen and Olly

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Reason #5000000 not to like the Stereophonics

February 26, 2010

** Click here for our Jingle Challenge **

Two doses in one day of parents making kids feel uncomfortable? Why the hell not! Here’s a distress call from Heather from Manchester:

My mum’s boyfriend says things to me like “Do you want me to come and rub your back for you in the shower?” and “Do you want to play strip poker with me?” I find this to be really inappropriate and pervy. My mum doesn’t seem to think there is anything wrong in what he says so answer me this: is he a perv or am I being unreasonable in thinking this? Also how can I stop him saying these sorts of things to me?

By the way I am 15 and he is in his late 50s.

Of course tone is important, but written down he does look a bit pervy to us; so readers, if you have any ideas to help Heather to get him to stop, please outline them in a comment below. Better yet, if you work in Social Services, pack your bags – we’ve got a little job for you in Manchester…

Seeing as we’re on this uncomfortable subject, let’s also address this question from Oliver from Cambridge:

I was listening to the Stereophonics album Language. Sex. Violence. Other? and there’s a great song on there called “Lolita”.

After wikipedia-ing the song, I found out that Kelly Jones, the lead singer, actually named his daughter Lolita – that’s right, after the sexually promiscuous 12-year-old girl in the Vladimir Nabokov novel and associated films. This struck me as a spectacularly awful name to call your daughter.

So answer me this: what children’s names have you heard that you think are terrible?

A couple of years ago, Olly met a little boy who appeared to have been named ‘Cunty’. That’s right! If you can beat that, write a comment below, and if we get enough, we’ll charter a coach to take all the unfortunates to the deed poll office.

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Nice hot cup of hamster

January 19, 2010

Better late than never, eh? Both for me posting this feedback from listener Stuart, and for finding out your family pet has been hiding inside your kitchen equipment. Harking back to Episode 119, Stuart says:

Listening to your story about the cat falling into the pot of stock reminded me about a guy I knew a few years back. His kids had a hamster that went missing, and despite searching the house high and low, they just could not find it. Eventually they just stopped looking and got on with their life.

They did eventually did find it some time later when they filled their kettle by taking the lid off instead of just filling it through the spout.

There was the bloated body of the hamster, having been boiled numerous times a day for about two weeks.

I found it hilarious at the time and it still makes me smile.

This is the British version of those American horror stories about finding an alligator in your lavatory, isn’t it?

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EPISODE 116 – like a little canine Houdini

November 5, 2009

Oh dearie dear. Our coverage in Episode 115 of Reggie’s epilepsy dog/girlfriend dilemma seems to have resulted in a resolution – but not a happy one. You lot voted, while Reggie’s girlfriend voted with her feet. Commiserations, Reggie, although you’ve still got the cat to comfort you, eh?

Anyway, let’s hope that we don’t destroy any more relationships in Answer Me This! Episode 116:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Wherein we discuss:

Tesco Finest creamy fish pie
Hugh Laurie’s face trumpet
our Helge Rubinstein campaign
Maidstone
Stingy Jack
things to do in Rye
Russell Howard vs. William Hague
salmonella
politicised Peter’s Friends
freestanding baths
Bliss Magazine
Harry Potter
and
the world’s grossest bikini.

Plus: Olly has a novel method of keeping those trick-or-treaters away; Helen blurts out the Sensational Secret that her family revealed just 29 1/2 years ago; and Martin the Sound Man sets a challenge for the Olympic Committee. He’s got pluck, it’s true.

As well as sending us YOUR QUESTIONS – which you can do by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or voicemailing Skype ID answermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877 – this week we also want to hear your stories of your finest ancestors and your own best moments of fame. Dazzle us all by posting a comment below!

Over and out,

Helen and Olly

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