Praise be for the forthcoming long weekend (even though it’s all thanks to Jesus having copped the death penalty, and we’re not usually fans of capital punishment)! Anyway, if you can find the time between Easter egg hunts, drawing a comedy moustache on the Turin Shroud, or mopping up your stigmata, have a listen to Answer Me This! Episode 129:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
On today’s dance-card are:
Mensa
waxed toilet paper
Harefield
Wario
Sharon Stone’s clever fanny
Supergrass’s supersideburns
pubic papercuts
Alex James and Betty Boo Love Never Dies
annatto
Andre the Giant
Glenn Miller
Mr Darcy
the defilement of Jo Guest
Hymn-Singing for Dummies.
and
‘Bugger’s grips’.
Plus: Olly proves that putting him in charge of the 2009-10 Swan and Duck Census was not a wise decision; Helen looks like she has emotions, but it’s just a bad case of pins-and-needles; while Martin the Sound Man would never got his DPhil in walking along in a straight line without incident. Crash! Thwomp! Oh, Martin… Anyway, while he’s falling over nonexistant obstacles, you can listen to him doing an interview on the Rewind Podcast in which he talks about the time he banged Tiger Woods his music and stuff.
This week, we would like your ideas for a responsible revenge for Ky from Harrogate to wreak upon his Paypal fraudster; please take yourself to the comments on this post and chip in on the matter. Then, as per, please do ask us QUESTIONS, by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leaving a voicemail on Skype IDanswermethis or our question line 0208 123 5877. That would be even more super-sweet than a Creme Egg with a sugar-lump shoved into the fondant.
See you next Thursday!
Helen and Olly
PS This week’s jingle challenge entries is one of Olly’s favourites, despite it featuring an enthusiastic rendition of an email address which we don’t actually possess. Nonetheless, take it away, Krista and Heather:
Even though all three of us are spinsters (sob!), we enjoy you asking us about weddings. We were, however, very surprised when Xavier sent us one such question, seeing as he has more matrimonial experience than all of us combined. He asks:
I have been married 4 times already despite never ever asking anyone to marry me, and ending up with some really evil fuckers. I have finally met someone really special and am thinking of asking her to marry me,
I have previously been married in a church, a registry office, on a beach in a foreign country and at Gretna Green, my questions is this where do i get married now that would be different?
I see you haven’t done a Vegas wedding yet, but seeing as they all seem to have a fairly short time limit, we think it’s best avoided. We also note that you’ve done church, but not synagogue; perhaps it’s time to explore some other faiths, just to add cultural variety to your nuptual history.
Between us we’ve been to some very jolly weddings beneath a waterfall, on top of a hill, in museums and in a zoo; and we do enjoy those pictures in the tabloids when couples get married underwater with scuba gear, or jumping out of planes, or in the joinery aisle of B&Q. But as we don’t know whether the future Mrs Xavier V is aquatic/adrenaline-chasing/Handy Andy, we can’t give you a solid plan. But perhaps YOU can, readers? Head to the comments and tell Xavier where to have his fifth wedding! The person with the best suggestion gets to be a bridesmaid.
Seems Canada survived Olly’s recent skiing trip intact, but did Olly himself? Did you have a sweepstake on just how long he would succeed on the slopes? Find out whether he was a natural snowMann or pisspoor on the piste in Answer Me This! Episode 123 [or just ask his doctor]:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Wherein we talk of:
Pinocchio’s nose: logical tool or moral tool?
the pain of childbirth The Wedding Banquet one SICK PUPPY (mildly NSFW, unless you are happy for your colleagues to think you are a bit of a perv)
keratin
driving with Homer Simpson
cod liver oil
bums vs. sharks
the wrong way to achieve the work/life balance
and
fugu.
Plus: Olly finds himself uncharacteristically bashful at being the centre of attention; Helen outlines the original sense of ‘no glove, no love’; and Martin the Sound Man thinks that a really intelligent question is one about pissing into a jug. Incidentally, last week he was setting exam questions for Physics undergraduates; so if you happen to be sitting one of Dr Austwick’s papers, by that standard you should sail through.
Now, don’t be upset, but this is the penultimate episode in the current series of Answer Me This!; we’ll be back on 4th March with renewed question-answering vigour. But tune in next Thursday for Episode 124, in which we have a very exciting announcement. No, none of us our pregnant. Guess again. No, we’re not undergoing gender reassignment either. Shut up.
So until then, chop chop and get your free Audible audiobooks HERE – and please ask all your friends and enemies to take up the offer as well! You could also tell them to ask us a QUESTION for next series, by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, or leaving a message with Skype IDanswermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877. And in return we’ll…um…dedicate a bench to you?
See you next week!
Helen and Olly
PS As promised, this is for all you toenail fetishists out there:
Answer Me This! Episode 108 is one for the record-books! Why? Is it the world’s fastest-ever podcast? No. Is it the world’s fattest-ever podcast? Possibly… Oh, shut up. Actually, the superlative achievement we refer to is this: in today’s episode, we read out our longest-ever question. Yes! You excited? Tarry no longer:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
As well as the behemoth question, we talk about:
Lady Sovereign
the Romans
cuttlefish
head ushers
pierced kidneys
Coinstar machines
sex in tents
Sinitta
Brian Wilson Mr Bean
and
groats.
Furthermore, Olly displays a surprisingly delicate sensibility towards the bare-chested ladies of Page 3; Helen blames a broken mirror for her sub-par exam results, rather than the fact that she was too lazy to do any revision; and Martin the Sound Man will soon be auditioning for a new Best Man – mint-condition applicants ONLY, please; he’s not taking anyone else’s cast-offs.
This episode also comes with illustrations! Like Storyteller magazine – ‘ting!’ when you turn the page, etc etc – only in this case, your cue is when you hear us talking about grisly piercings, at which point you may want to view these pictures (SFW, don’t worry).
If you have any unusual body-art you feel compelled to share with us – or, preferably, you have some QUESTIONS for us, please get in touch: email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, or croon them into the ear of Skype IDanswermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877. Plus if you’re a cheapskate with a bit of advice for William from Larne’s student budget, please leave it in a comment below (don’t worry, it’s totally free).
In Episode 101 Helen sounded off about the homogeneity of wedding photos on Facebook. Then she felt a little bit guilty about it, until an ambassador of the Lord Almighty emailed in to confirm her jaundiced views – Adrian, a priest from Belfast:
I completely agree with your determination that, no matter the details, most weddings are basically the same! Obviously it’s part of my job, and weddings are really great things to be part of; but so far there’s been very little that has made any weddings at which I’ve officiated different from the others, special though each one was.
So, in order for me to appropriately advise couples in relation to their approaching nuptials, Helen and Olly, answer me this: what on earth can anyone do to make their wedding interesting and different without making it a gimmick-laden waste of time for all involved?
Well of course everyone in the whole world has given this wedding gimmick the thumbs up; and I doubt one would forget the ceremonies of these brave chaps or this possibly friendless groom. But readers, let’s consider couples who don’t see themselves as dancers or zoophiles: what other charming ways can you think of to distinguish one’s nuptials from the rest? Please comment below! And no, splashing out on the napkin rings will NOT cut the mustard…
It’s been 40 years since the moon landings, can you believe! Well, we’re sure you can; those things were bloody AGES ago. But can you even believe it’s been a whole week since AMT100? Not as impressive a quantity of time as has elapsed since men got space-dust on their shoes, to be sure; but it’s somewhat relevant here because it means it’s time for Episode 101:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
In this episode we wag our chins about:
Fanny Hill
Waitrose
Juicy Couture
the cakewalk
Paul Merton vs. George Orwell
Mr Kipling and his maverick ‘Like This, Try This’ feature Animal Cops Houston
Adrian Mole’s diet
shell suits
Manor House
nuptual napery
Crocs
and
omelette.
Plus, Olly explains fusion food for plebs; handicrafty Helen offers tips for DIY contraceptives; and Martin the Sound Man turns out to be the only sentient being under the age of 70 to enjoy a dry fruitcake. Of all the cakes in all the world, he just has to go for the crap ones.
You know what we would ALL like more than inedibly dry fruitcake though? Your questions! Thwack them at top speed into our question-basket by sending an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leaving a voice message by Skypeing answermethis or calling 0208 123 5877. Furthermore, please leave a comment below if you can name the album cover that Callum is so keen to identify.
If you are all worn out after that and crave some musical compilations to listen to as you recuperate on your chaise longue, you could check out our inaptly named Celebrity Playlist on iTunes. It works even if you don’t actually have a chaise longue. Fancy! While you’re reclining you can also listen to Helen on the Richard Bacon Show on BBC Live tonight from 11pm-1am, discussing the most pressing topics of the day and trying to stay awake past her bedtime.
That is all for now, so we shall see you next week!
It’s been a long series and at this point we’re weary, trudging the podcast-path with just some Kendal Mint Cake and warm Lucozade to keep us going. So we’re taking a month off after next week’s episode – oh, don’t look like that! We’ll come back; we always do. And in the meantime, there’s Episode 97:
[ This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
In which we speak of:
Eraserhead
kilts
acromegaly
Portmeirion
what sperm and Tony Blair have in common Charley’s Aunt
ceilidhs
cannabinoids
toastmasters
HMP Loose Women
Matthew McConaughey
polari
and
the Evil Eye.
Also, Olly gives TMI about his urinary tract; Helen is sniffy about a psychedelic risotto; and Martin the Sound Man reveals the secret to his wisdom. It’s a real disappointment, frankly.
Before we head off on our holidays (or rather, before Olly heads off on a glorious roadtrip of the US and Helen and Martin sit tight in Crystal Palace), send us your QUESTIONS: call 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. ‘Twill give us succour during our darkest hours.
See you next week, when we will be telling you what our party plans are for our forthcoming 100th Episode, and how you can be a part of that party!
Answer Me This! Podcast 