Brace yourselves to witness a crushing defeat: in Answer Me This! Episode 375, Helen is stumped by a question. What could be the topic to outwit her and her googling powers? Must be something pretty major, right?
Riiight.
We also consider:
microwaveable eggs benedict
spaghetti bolognese crisps
online scratchcards
political pincushions
lucky tomatoes
Sherlock Holmes’s cocaine habit Vin Mariani
the Blue Peter appeal vs Kickstarter Emma‘s maybe murder vs Drew in Neighbours
noses vs penises
dryer balls vs drier balls
Future Probe
and
cleaning a sieve.
This month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – is a quick update on the Zaltzparents’ microwave situation. It’s hot stuff! Literally.
In The Modern Mann, Olly’s learning how to bust a fake psychic; in the Allusionist, there’s the surprising history of the word bisexual; and Martin the Sound Man’s 2018 diary of songs The Year of the Bird has reached the point where he’s relieved Helen didn’t die last year.
Helen and Martin will also be on at the London Podcast Festival, performing the new live Allusionist show No Title on 14 September and, earlier that day, a recording of the film podcast 90 Minutes or Less, including a screening of a film! Ticket links for all the fixtures are at theallusionist.org/events
This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, with which you can easily and quickly set up a good-looking website for your projects eg your Oscar-nominated documentary. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.
In order of appearance, here’s where we go during our Great British love-in (in which we play a couple FOR DEMONSTRATION PURPOSES ONLY):
• the Cerne Abbas giant, Dorset – the earliest known NSFW field in Britain! • Brighton, to hang out with drunkards. It’s a pretty sexy place – after all, George IV built his amazing personal shag-palace there. • The Assembly Rooms in Stamford, Lincolnshire. Didn’t score ourselves any husbands, though; the only man there was the old chap superintending the Saturday afternoon book sale. • The Heartwood School of Woodcarving in Port Talbot, Wales. If you want to carve your own spoon of love, or get someone else to do it for you, you can email spoon-carver extraordinaire Sharon LittleyHERE, or find out more about the traditional Welsh lovespoons in her book. • Boat trip up the River Thames, a very pleasant way to travel through central London if you’re not in a hurry. • Picnic at Penrith Castle, Cumbria – an unlikely thing to find in the middle of an ordinary-looking housing estate! • The Cumberland Pencil Museum in Keswick, Cumbria. Don’t go there if your pencil collection has an inferiority complex already. • The Museum of Surgery in Edinburgh, after which you’ll see we didn’t walk up Arthur’s Seat. • Punting in Oxford, thanks to the Magdalen Bridge Boathouse – who also very kindly lent us hats with which to accessorise this beautiful scene. • Grasmere in the Lake District. William Wordsworth’s signature restaurant can be found here. Apparently they only serve daffodils. • The Jane Austen Centre in Bath, where they hold the annual Mr Darcy Wet Shirt Contest. Ok, well we maintain that they should. • Chesil Beach, Dorset out of On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan. We hope this scene doesn’t give you nightmares. • The Eden Project, Cornwall, inspiration for Nelly’s hit ‘Hot in Herre’. • The London-Edinburgh sleeper train, which is a bit like North By Northwest only with a complimentary sponge-bag rather than Eva Marie Saint. • Glastonbury, Somerset, where we met the marvellous Jacqui Winn of the Witchcraft Emporium, approximately a cross between a herbalist’s and a branch of Ann Summers. If you’re keen to follow Jacqui’s advice, damiana is the herb you’re after, although we have yet to try it so can’t vouch for its effectiveness. Still, it’s a lot cheaper than fake Viagra off the internet! • And finally, we wind up in the Westmoreland Hotel, Cumbria, which is the first motorway services hotel we’ve ever been to where you could even contemplate having a romantic night.
We also need to bestow affection upon: Chay Allen for propelling our punt, because we sure as hell couldn’t have done it ourselves without injury; Jill Collinge, for showing us Stamford then standing politely by as Helen did stupid impressions of Beyonce;
and the loves of our lives, Tess Longfield and Rachel Aked of VisitBritain. If you love the UK as much as VisitBritain do, join the online love-in at their Facebook page at facebook.com/LoveUK.
Please return next Tuesday for Great British Questions Episode Four: Tea; and for more scenes from our romantic mini-break, peruse the photos below.
It’s been a long series and at this point we’re weary, trudging the podcast-path with just some Kendal Mint Cake and warm Lucozade to keep us going. So we’re taking a month off after next week’s episode – oh, don’t look like that! We’ll come back; we always do. And in the meantime, there’s Episode 97:
[ This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
In which we speak of:
Eraserhead
kilts
acromegaly
Portmeirion
what sperm and Tony Blair have in common Charley’s Aunt
ceilidhs
cannabinoids
toastmasters
HMP Loose Women
Matthew McConaughey
polari
and
the Evil Eye.
Also, Olly gives TMI about his urinary tract; Helen is sniffy about a psychedelic risotto; and Martin the Sound Man reveals the secret to his wisdom. It’s a real disappointment, frankly.
Before we head off on our holidays (or rather, before Olly heads off on a glorious roadtrip of the US and Helen and Martin sit tight in Crystal Palace), send us your QUESTIONS: call 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. ‘Twill give us succour during our darkest hours.
See you next week, when we will be telling you what our party plans are for our forthcoming 100th Episode, and how you can be a part of that party!
by Ian McEwan. We hope this scene doesn’t give you nightmares.
Answer Me This! Podcast 