We’re really, really sorry, but after listening to Answer Me This! Episode 215, there’s a strong chance you will have an LMFAO song stuck in your brain, and it will make you want to stick a straw in your ear, suck that brain out of your head then spit it down the drain. But, hopefully the rest of the podcast doesn’t have that effect on you.
Today we mention:
Annie Hall
Joey Barton
the future of pubic hairstyles
Jessie J vs. indifferent radio professionals eating dinner
Will.I.Am vs. Simon and Garfunkel
‘Party Rock Anthem’ vs. ‘The Birdie Song’ Quentin Crisp Olly’s uncle
frigid North Hertfordshire
the scary Dalai Lama
the sexual misuse of animals
and the man with the box on his head.
Plus: Olly theorises upon why footballers sport such ridiculous barnets; Helen does not like her toast done on one side; and sadly we don’t have video footage of Martin the Sound Man’s first ever viewing of ‘Sexy and I Know It‘, but if we did, it would be right up there in the video commentary canon alongside this.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) is a two-course feast of questions: firstly one from Hannah about currywurst, then for pudding a question from Sammy in Falkirk about pineapple. We hope this combination does not give your ears indigestion.
If you want more ear-food next week, please send us a QUESTION: deliver emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis).
The unofficial theme of Answer Me This! Episode 212 is arousal. The arousal of certain men (it is usually men) by Viagra. The arousal of certain women (it is usually women) by Agas. The arousal of passers-by by joggers’ firm buttocks. Prepare for frissons aplenty:
Plus: Olly pretends he’s glad he spent his teenage years yearning after girls rather than actually getting to touch one; Helen manages to draw parallels between School of Rock and Before Sunrise; and after hearing the Aga was invented by a Nobel Prize-winning physicist, Martin the Sound Man sharpens his pencil and begins designing the next aspirational kitchen machine. Start saving up for his £3000 cast iron dishwasher, available soon in a range of Boden-compatible colours.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) concerns the distinction between The Hunger Games and Man Versus Food. It’s pretty simple, really: Adam Richman is Katniss Everdeen, and the giant burritos and twenty-egg omelettes represent the tributes from the other districts. It’s all very deep and meaningful, actually.
Don’t neglect to send us all your deep and/or meaningful QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis) and emails at answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
Saint David, you’ve been lucky to have your own Day for so long, but it’s time to move over, because you know what March 1st is? JUSTIN BIEBER’S 18th BIRTHDAY! His song has more than 700m views on YouTube; how many people saw your ‘greatest’ miracle? Which was what, again? Oh, yes – you created a new hill. In Wales. You managed to find the only bit of Wales that wasn’t already a hill, and turned it into a sodding HILL! Now the monks don’t have a flat cricket pitch! Thanks a bloody bunch. Sit the heck down, and don’t even dare complain while they turn your charming cathedral into a bouncy castle for Justin to play in on his Bieberthday.
Also happening today: Answer Me This! Episode 207.
Plus: Olly has a Celebrity Row over the controversial revamped Clissold Park cafe; Helen has a split personality, if the Myers-Briggs test is anything to go by; and Martin the Sound Man is the Voice of the Yoof, much to the sorrow of the Yoof themselves.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) is concerned with the plight of Ben from Durham, who has lost an eyebrow. Wax in haste, repent at leisure, as my grandmother never had to say because nobody would EVER have been so foolish in her day.
We always want your QUESTIONS, and this week is no different: email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave a voicemail on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis).
Happy Advent, Team AMT! Let’s open the first door of our advent calendar……..oh. It’s a bloody Robin Redbreast, like it is every bloody year. Better luck tomorrow, eh? At least there is the consolation of today’s other new surprise, Answer Me This! Episode 199:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Plus: Olly warns against handling screwdrivers with your buttocks when attempting DIY tasks; Helen says NO to Grandpa Joe; and Martin the Sound Man plans the toast-based timelapse video that will be going viral shortly after he’s finished his breakfast.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) is a question from Katherine about how to compile the perfect mixtape with which to woo her new boyfriend. We also learn how not to woo Olly’s mum, and how many Strangelove songs it is permissible to add to one compilation (clue: either one, or none).
We are VERY VERY EXCITED about next week’s episode, because it is of course going to be AMT200! It’s a milestone we never imagined we would reach, but by crikey, here we (almost) are. It will be a rather different affair to AMT100 – the party whistles are still ringing in our ears – but it’ll definitely be a bit special. And like every single one of the episodes preceding it, it will be based upon your QUESTIONS, so send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis).
As we’ve also mentioned, another AMT landmark lurks around the corner, namely our 5th BIRTHDAY, so help us celebrate by sending something suitable to the following address:
Since last we met, both Silvio Berlusconi and Justin Bieber’s not-babymomma have forsaken their respective meal tickets. They’ve got lots in common – dishonesty; revolting-sounding sexual encounters with minors – so maybe, now they’ve got all this free time on their hands, they should team up and make a podcast! There’s plenty room for another mixed-gender odd couple podcasting duo other than us.
But until they take the plunge, here’s Answer Me This! Episode 197 to keep you amused, although it is entirely lacking in bunga bunga and Bieber-boffing:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
On today’s slate are topics including:
garra rufa fish
Malcolm McLaren
the Boomtown Rats
hungover squash vs. hungover luge
Martin Scorcese vs. Caravaggio Jim Davis vs. Michelangelo
Sydney vs. Melbourne
New York City vs. Welwyn Garden City
the American Cinema Editors’ Union
chef’s chequered trousers
the Thames beach
Philip Green
existential angst in the H&M fitting rooms
and The Naughtiest Girl in the School.
Plus: Olly taps into the goldmine that is writing Garfield strips; Helen recalls the time when, for one night only, she was Oliver Reed; and Martin the Sound Man refutes the notion that the Sex Pistols were little more than four vomit-spattered Gareth Gateses.
This week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App concerns the Scarlet Pimpernel of fast food: that damned elusive McDonald’s McRib. They seek it here, they seek it there, but you may seek it on iDevices or Android.
Meanwhile, we seek your QUESTIONS: please deposit your inquisitive voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis) and email queries to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
Kaboom! Bangbangbang! Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Sizzle! It’s Bonfire Night this Saturday, but we’re letting off a rocket a couple of days early, in the form of Answer Me This! Episode 195:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Plus, in this week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App, Olly recounts a bad-taste wedding-day prank with tragic consequences. So if you want to ruin an upcoming wedding, fire up your iPhone, iPad or Android device to learn how. At least you won’t have to sit through the bride and groom’s honeymoon photo slides, since they’ll never speak to you again.
We will never speak to YOU again if you don’t send us your QUESTIONS, so you had better leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis) or send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Don’t make us send you to Coventry, OK?
We love you, you big diverse bunch. We love the fact that, in the space of Answer Me This! Episode 186, we go from a wannabe Olympian to a sexual Olympian (with a gold medal in Making Shit Up). With a meat-loving Aussie, an excitable pair in Harrods, and a crispy Dave from Smethwick in between:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Plus: Olly admits to having watched Eurosport without his eyes throwing up, but only because it reminded him of Jake Gyllenhaal films; young Helen was dazzled by Wingdings; and Martin the Sound Man is a pioneer of the Banjo Slap Bass Afrobeat genre – if you want to know what the hell that sounds like, click here to listen to the latest episode of his musical podcast. This week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available on iPhone and iPad, or Android) is a question from 16-year-old Joe from London. Despite his tender age, he has a very adult romantic problem: he can’t remember his new girlfriend’s birthday, but he knows it’s approaching fast, along with a ton of trouble if he forgets it. Pray for him.
We’re fully aware that the rest of you have problems of your own, so please send them to us and we’ll try to make light entertainment out of your pain. Leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis), or send emails answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
We, you, and everyone else in the world with functioning ears should be celebrating following the joyful news this week that the Black Eyed Peas are cancelling their subscription to What Sample? magazine, hanging up whatever contraption it is that makes their oeuvre so appealing to people who enjoy shit parties, and taking an indefinite leave of absence from generating that infernal racket.
Yes.
But if, for some reason, you start to miss the sound of puerile nonsense, simply fire up Answer Me This! Episode 183:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
No booms, pows or lumps, we promise; just conversation upon the following:
Christmas in July
BBC1’s Coast Shakespeare in Love
Queen Middleton’s off games excuse
sample groups
substitute swears
baseball
Caroline Quentin
Annabel Chong
Anna Paquin
Neal Street
Canadian cricket
verticals
and
Danny Baker’s Dozen.
Plus: had he not been thwarted by the onset of puberty, THIS could have been Olly; Helen gives Tesco some much-needed advice to raise their game or lose their festive glove market share; and Martin the Sound Man blackmails petrol stations with his bowel movements. Concede to his demands, or face the direst consequences on the forecourt.
This week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available on iPhone and iPad, or Android) is a question from Simon from Beddington, who has one problematic nipple. But which one? You have a 50% chance of guessing it correctly!
You have a 100% chance of sending us a QUESTION if you properly employ the usual means, which are leaving voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or find answermethis on Skype) or emailing to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Our new intern Apl.de.Ap looks forward to sifting through them all.
Thankyou for waiting patiently for Answer Me This! Episode 173 while Olly disports himself on a spa break. You’ll be pleased to know he is now fully refreshed, like a man half his age, albeit one with the hobbies of a woman twice his age. Anyway, without further ado, on to the episode:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Ruining the serene majesty of silence is chitchat about:
the 2011 census mystery
Nigerian spammers
the All Seeing I
Rapa Nui pissing contests
c@fes
the 1872 Licensing Act
Sir Neville Francis Fitzgerald Chamberlain
self-proclaimed Jedis
Mr Punch vs. fruit punch
prehistoric vs. historic
Buffy vs. rabbits
jujitsu vs. bridge
Pyramid Pool vs. Life Pool
i- vs. e- 2001 – A Space Odyssey vs. Snog Marry Avoid Kane Kramer
self-defence in Ikea
mobility scooters
outside toilets
and
the old man’s coconut.
Plus: if Olly ever decides to take a wife, the lucky lady in question must gird herself for a truly alarming musical interlude on their wedding day; Helen debases herself to try to wangle a replacement iPod; and Martin the Sound Man gives the worst advice we’ve ever heard about saving yourself being savaged by a dangerous dog. Barbara Woodhouse will be spinning in her grave. Happily, however, she’ll be jiving in her grave when she hears the song Martin has dropped on his latest podcast – go along to thesoundoftheladies.com then to listen to it! And go along to your own iPhone or Android device for this week’s Bit of Crap on the App, in which we go from snooker legend Robbie O’Sullivan to Hanson in two easy steps (those steps being the Searchers and the Zombies).
Now take a deep breath and enjoy some good news week – not only this latest addition to our wall of certificates, but also the recommencement of our Audible freebie offer! Go to answermethispodcast.com/audible to get yourself free and half-price audiobooks, because Audible seem quite keen for you to drain them dry. Ours not to reason why.
Having done that, please send us your QUESTIONSfor next week: leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or find answermethis on Skype) or send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Then take a refresher course in snooker ballshideous novelty songs of the 1980s:
The Secret Diary of Billie Piper concluded this week, so I guess it’s up to us to bring the sexy henceforth. So, bloated from too much Chinese takeaway, we belchingly waddle forth to present you with Answer Me This! Episode 172. Ring-a-ding-ding! Phwoar! Boinnnnngggg! Etc.
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Just like Billie’s character, we love variety; but instead of keeping ourselves amused with multiple hairstyles and myriad sexual partners, we merely talk a lot. About such diverse things as:
hiding the afikomen the Giant Koala
Leonardo DiCaprio
offensive T-shirts
bad taste vs. good taste
After Eights vs. Ferrero Rocher The Moldy Peaches vs. The Secret History vs. What Women Want
Ginger Spice vs. Scary Spice
moths vs. moobs
Stonehenge vs. the Easter Island moai
Digbeth Coach Station
Camden Market
the new Starbucks logo Time Team alternative endings Maria Teresa de Filippis
Slash in the Attic
and
the Jonathan Dimbleby octopus.
Plus: Olly’s habitual goodwill to all mankind finally shatters, all because of those godforsaken people with strong bladders; Helen reveals another fashion misfire from her youth (let’s face it, her youth was fashion misfire: 1000000, fashion fire: nil); and Martin the Sound Man gives Kylie Minogue the nod should she ever find herself in a dry spell. What an altruist that man is. This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for the iPhone or Android, appfans) is an insight into what Olly’s wearing. It’s pink! It involves trompe l’oeil! No, he’s not wearing Buffalo Bill’s skin-suit from The Silence of the Lambs…
We warn you that next week’s podcast will be a few hours late, because Olly’s going for a spa mini-break. But he’ll be thinking about your QUESTIONS the whole time he’s steaming his mannparts, so do ask them via voicemail on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or find answermethis on Skype) or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Then after you’ve done that, anoint yourself in unguents, wrap yourself in a bathrobe which has been worn by hundreds of people before you, lie back and relax.
This week, we learn how to arm yourself in the event of the outbreak of cyber-warfare. Start digging a hole in your virtual back garden for your Javascript Anderson shelter; lay down supplies of canned goods, water, batteries, masking tape and binbags (because even in an emergency you need to be able to cobble together a rudimentary fancy-dress costume), and load up your rifle with Answer Me This! Episode 168:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Conversational shrapnel includes:
Steamboat Willie True Grit
Alan Turing
Nicole Kidman News in Briefs
topless Kelvin MacKenzie
Sharon Stone’s dress-down Oscar-day
puntits
Victorinox
the Colosseum vs the O2 Arena
perfectly controllable semis
John Virgo
Marchesa
and
swim-gimps.
Plus: Olly’s not going to fall for your elaborate apple-tasting double-bluff, wiseguy; Helen will take out your unwanted small pets, no questions asked; and Martin the Sound Man swims like a middle-aged woman. This is almost as good a show as the Geekpop show he’s playing on 10th March, for which you can and should get tickets via geekpop.co.uk. There’ll be a taster of his new album, Songs from the Scientific Cabaret, at the end of the show next week, so let that be the bright point of light at the end of the tunnel that is the next seven days.
You can also enliven the next seven days by sending us QUESTIONS, which you can then pose to us in a voicemail to the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or findanswermethis on Skype) or an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And if you still find yourself with time to spare, you could squander a few more seconds on this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iPhone or Android), which contains further musing upon what the whole deal is with Snow White. What’s with them apples? Eh?
MISSING: 35-year-old man, answers to the name ‘Nelly’. Last seen wearing a backwards cap and a T-shirt 5 sizes too big for him. If anyone has information leading to the safe return of Nelly, please call 0800-555-RECENTWORKDIDNOTMAKEANIMPACTINTHEUKCHARTS.
Then, while you wait anxiously for news, listen to Answer Me This! Episode 167:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
It’s not just Nelly missing. Where’s Wally? Where’s Waldo? Where’s Walter? It’s an epidemic of missing men… But not missing podcast-topics, which this week include:
electoral register unfairness
fake tan lines
John Krasinski
D-locks Martin Handford
Lake Havasu City
TK Maxx vs. TJ Maxx
Walkers Crisps vs. the American War of Independence
the kingdom of Mercia vs. the kingdom of Wessex
Roger Federer vs. William Tell
Harry Potter vs. Queen Victoria
inappropriate poetry corner
massivesnouts.com passive-aggressive chairs
Soulwax the wrong London Bridge
the Ponte Vecchio
and
Mark Foster (whoooooo?).
Plus: Olly touches himself up – just in Photoshop, of course; Helen enjoys her own smutty courtroom drama; and Martin the Sound Man tells you what is cool – this is. So that’s 70s revival and spindly bridges on the style list for spring/summer 2011, OK?
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iPhone or Android) is a question from Ken in Brooklyn about the pickelhaube, one of the few headgear-styles yet to be revived by hipsters. Give them a few more weeks.
Now rack your brains for QUESTIONS, then send them to us in voicemail form to the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or findanswermethis on Skype) or as emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Then we can weave more podcasts out of them. Score!
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Answer Me This! Podcast 