Prepare yourself, because there’s a moment of extreme eldritch in AMT417. We weren’t ready. Can we truly be ready?
We also discuss:
massage products for bees fish-shaped soy sauce (here’s that 13-second vacuum video btw, comment if you find a full version) the oldest ballet dancers (hey listen to A Dancer Dies Twice) Stacey Solomon’s Sort Your Life Out shotgun knobstick weddings three line whips zero percent proof drinks what to do with 52 very similar baby photos what to do with 52 baby teeth?!?!!?* spuriously rebranding Bloomsbury our fave classic misbegotten hashtag and older names for AMT’s original home, the southeast London neighbourhood Crystal Palace.
That time we gussied up George Ezra’s song ‘Budapest’ was AMT373 by the way.
Send us your questions for new episodes, and your feedback on old ones for Answer Us Back, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com in writing or voice note, or leave a voicemail at 0208 123 5877 like the old days. Remember to include the formula “Helen and/or Olly, answer me this”, and let us know a name (pseudonyms are fine) and pronouns to use for you. AMT418 will be out 28 May 2026 and Answer Us Back on 14 May.
Become a patron at patreon.com/answermethis to get an ad-free version of AMT417 and a batch of Bonus Bits each month, plus our video livestreams Petty Problems. If you sign up at one of the higher Patreon tiers, you get access to an RSS feed with ALL the AMT stuff EVER, including our entire back catalogue, our six themed albums, the retro AMTs, and every Bit of Crapp from the AMT App. AND you’re keeping this show going!
Helen makes the entertainment podcast about language, The Allusionist, and she just made an appearance on the episode Word Wrangling of the science fiction sitcom podcast We Fix Space Junk.
Martin makes the weird experimental podcast Neutrino Watch, where each episode is a little different each day you download it. He also has a new album coming out soon, so get hyped for that by digging into the back catalogue of his songs, available via his Bandcamp.
This episode is sponsored by:
Saily, flexible eSIM data roaming plans for when you’re abroad. Download SAILY in your app store and use our code amt15 at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase. For further details go to saily.com/amt15.
The London Review of Books, the twice-monthly literary mag full of essays, reviews and more by excellent writers. Get a 6 month print and digital subscription for just £12 at LRB.me/answer.
Squarespace, the all in one platform for creating and running your online empire. Go to squarespace.com/answer, play around with the two-week free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, get a 10% discount on your first purchase of a website or domain with the code ANSWER.
getting attention at the post office short beds of yore sleeping sitting up open top bus victory/loser parades Emmerdale: Don’t Look Now! The Dingles in Venice scales falling from your eyes (metaphorically) snake-charming (content warning: cruelty to snakes) not learning from your mistakes, amateur tattoo-wise discovering you’re the biological child of the one of the most prolific sperm donors ever and trying to buy your neighbour’s house without looking too unscrupulous.
Coming up on 16 November at 22:00 UK time is the next edition of our video livestream series Petty Problems, where we answer your non-serious questions and you can chat with us while it’s happening – IF you’re an AMT patron, that is, for whose exclusive delight we do these videos. To become a patron, get on over to patreon.com/answermethis; and as well Petty Problems, you receive a monthly compilation of Bonus Bits, and an ad-free version of the episode, AND you’re funding the continuing revival of the show.
Got questions for us? Send them in writing or voice note to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or call 0208 123 5877 like the old days. Remember to include the formula “Helen and/or Olly, answer me this”, and let us know a name (pseudonyms are fine) and pronouns to use for you. Next new episode will land in your podfeed Thursday 27 November 2025 so if you have festive questions, send them in now, or hang on for another year.
This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, the all in one platform for creating and running your online empire. Go to squarespace.com/answer, have a play around during the two-week free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, get a 10% discount on your first purchase of a website or domain with the code ANSWER.
Thanks to Naked Wines for sponsoring AMT, and for providing bottles straight from world-class winemakers, cutting out the middleman, delivered to your door. Head to nakedwines.co.uk/answer to get a £30 voucher on your first 6 pack, including free delivery.
Plus: Olly details the specifications for choosing his new alarm clock, so set your own alarm clock to jolt you back into consciousness afterwards; Helen comes up with a Doctor Who reboot for Matt Smith and an amazing sit- for a sitcom, so TV commissioners, prepare a bucket of cash and call her in for a meeting; and Martin the Sound Man won’t let you through a gate until you give him a little somethin-somethin. APPROACH WITH CAUTION.
Today’s Bit of Crap on the App, Helen gets doorbell envy. To hear all about that grievous condition, push the button on your iDevices, Android or Windows gadgets.
No need to envy other people’s nice websites – now you can build your own through Squarespace.com, who not only kindly funded today’s show, but are also offering you a 10% discount off their services for a whole year if you use the code answer. We used Squarespace to build answermethisstore.com and it was even easier to set up shop than it is to set up this shop.
Keep us in business by sending in your questions: call the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
Back in a fortnight,
Helen & Olly
PS Get well soon, Dave from Smethwick!
AMT287 Child-Friendly Rating: 95%.
No unsuitable content, aside from the demystification of Hello Kitty. An F-bomb is detonated during the discussion of keyboard shortcuts, but thanks to the subject matter, there’s no way your kids will be paying attention.
Thankyou for waiting patiently for Answer Me This! Episode 173 while Olly disports himself on a spa break. You’ll be pleased to know he is now fully refreshed, like a man half his age, albeit one with the hobbies of a woman twice his age. Anyway, without further ado, on to the episode:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Ruining the serene majesty of silence is chitchat about:
the 2011 census mystery
Nigerian spammers
the All Seeing I
Rapa Nui pissing contests
c@fes
the 1872 Licensing Act
Sir Neville Francis Fitzgerald Chamberlain
self-proclaimed Jedis
Mr Punch vs. fruit punch
prehistoric vs. historic
Buffy vs. rabbits
jujitsu vs. bridge
Pyramid Pool vs. Life Pool
i- vs. e- 2001 – A Space Odyssey vs. Snog Marry Avoid Kane Kramer
self-defence in Ikea
mobility scooters
outside toilets
and
the old man’s coconut.
Plus: if Olly ever decides to take a wife, the lucky lady in question must gird herself for a truly alarming musical interlude on their wedding day; Helen debases herself to try to wangle a replacement iPod; and Martin the Sound Man gives the worst advice we’ve ever heard about saving yourself being savaged by a dangerous dog. Barbara Woodhouse will be spinning in her grave. Happily, however, she’ll be jiving in her grave when she hears the song Martin has dropped on his latest podcast – go along to thesoundoftheladies.com then to listen to it! And go along to your own iPhone or Android device for this week’s Bit of Crap on the App, in which we go from snooker legend Robbie O’Sullivan to Hanson in two easy steps (those steps being the Searchers and the Zombies).
Now take a deep breath and enjoy some good news week – not only this latest addition to our wall of certificates, but also the recommencement of our Audible freebie offer! Go to answermethispodcast.com/audible to get yourself free and half-price audiobooks, because Audible seem quite keen for you to drain them dry. Ours not to reason why.
Having done that, please send us your QUESTIONSfor next week: leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or find answermethis on Skype) or send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Then take a refresher course in snooker ballshideous novelty songs of the 1980s:
Answer Me This! Podcast 