We love to hear back from questioneers we have answered in previous episodes, so what a treat to receive a new problem from Andrew from Melbourne, whose mother’s creepy collection of dolls popped up in AMTs 360 and 361! Hear his new difficulty in Answer Me This! Episode 382, as well as:
hotel bed stains
hotel bed graffiti
other uses for the cardboard Kylie cutout albatross experiences
Ngorongoro Conservation Area
figure skating music
armpit fart music
a spare Book of Mormon
monks’ hairstyles
life coaching
and
fake wild animals.
In this month’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows – we choose the songs for our Olympic ice skating routine, and yes, Martin the Sound Man is 100% That Wanker.
Valentine’s Day strikes next week, so get yourself in the mood with the AMT Love album: one hour of questions about sex and love and problems therewith, such as squirting, sexy clothes for your mum, and multiple penis holes. It, and all our special albums, and AMT episodes 1-200 are all available at answermethisstore.com.
Hear our other work!
Helen makes The Allusionist, an entertainment show about language, and Veronica Mars Investigations, recapping every episode of Veronica Mars from the beginning. They just completed season one.
Martin just released a bumper new album, which you can hear palebirdmusic.com, on the Pale Bird podcast, and on Spotify etc. You can also join him in contemplating the work of Tom Waits in Song By Song, which has just got to the end of Black Rider.
This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Visit squarespace.com/answer and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the discount code ‘answer‘.
Good news! Well, good news for Olly and everyone worried that his nocturnal job was causing him to collapse in on himself like a dying star: he’s got a new job on LBC, presenting a show 8-10pm Fridays and 6.30-10pm Saturdays. The first one is tomorrow, so tune in! Meantime, listen to Answer Me This! Episode 311:
Therein:
the Queen of Starbucks (scroll down to the bottom of the post for the NSFW original Starbucks logo)
the Hollywood Walk of Fame (apply here for a star)
a bowling alley in your home
the dangers of being a stock photo the other Michael Jackson the other Harrison Ford
the real struggle in Moby-Dick
Buddha vs Budai Night Nurse vs Night Nurse
lazy Barbra Streisand critiquing your dick pics (link extremely NSFW)
and
the first known waterbed.
Plus: Olly would rather that rats do not accompany his sexytimes; Helen is still laughing about the typo on her grandmother’s gravestone; and and Martin the Sound Man enjoys his own parallel version of AMT.
In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available for iThings, Android and Windows gadgets) we realise why it’s probably for the best that we don’t have a spare £200,000 to install a home bowling alley. Just imagine the bloodshed…
We’ll return on 16nd April 2015 with AMT312, joiiiiiiin ussssssssss,
Helen & Olly
••• AMT311 Child-Friendly Rating: 40%. Strong swear word very near the beginning. 10 minutes in, there’s a question about nudie photos that you may wish your younglings to avoid. But after that, it’s pretty safe. If you start listening around 15 minutes in, it’d be at least 80% child friendly. •••
This week, listener Melvyn from Israel got in touch to ask whether we have a system for identifying AMT episodes which are suitable for his children to listen to. So from this point forward*, each episode will have a rating so you parents/children are aware of the incidence of blue language and depraved material. Answer Me This! Episode 260 scores a Child Friendly Rating of 70% (mild swearing/bawdy talk and one question about dicks).
Today we discuss:
Wagon Wheels
jalapeños
disappointing Oxford Circus Loose Women‘s stools (not as in bowel movement stools)
tuk tuk drivers
Fentimans
The Pammy vs. The Governess
Lord Adonis
helium
and
dressing to the left/right.
Plus: Olly has a simple but cunning method for hiding his Special Racy Magazines; Helen is a fan of neither Buckfast nor Red Bull; and the only thing bigger than Martin the Sound Man’s head is his…ego?
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we discuss Desert Island Drugs. We may be squares in our normal lives, but leave us to die alone on a desert island and we’ll give any intoxicants a whirl.
Thanks to Emma from Perth, Australia we can take an imaginary peek under holy skirts:
In episode 250 you had a conversation about whether the cardinals and the Pope wear any kind of underwear under those elaborate robes. Well, I just had to write in and tell you. I recently went on a Buddhist retreat, and the head abbot, a really funny guy with a great sense of humour named Ajahn Brahm, was asked this very question about Buddhist monks.
The questions were written anonymously on little bits of paper that he read out in front of a crowded hall. Some cheeky person asked him if they wear underpants, and if so, are they a special kind of holy underpants just for monks. Ajahn Brahm replied that the best thing about being a monk in Australia is that no, you don’t have to wear underwear beneath those robes and it’s really cool during the hot weather.
So there you go.
There we go, and there they go, swinging freely in the breeze.
We’re really, really sorry, but after listening to Answer Me This! Episode 215, there’s a strong chance you will have an LMFAO song stuck in your brain, and it will make you want to stick a straw in your ear, suck that brain out of your head then spit it down the drain. But, hopefully the rest of the podcast doesn’t have that effect on you.
Today we mention:
Annie Hall
Joey Barton
the future of pubic hairstyles
Jessie J vs. indifferent radio professionals eating dinner
Will.I.Am vs. Simon and Garfunkel
‘Party Rock Anthem’ vs. ‘The Birdie Song’ Quentin Crisp Olly’s uncle
frigid North Hertfordshire
the scary Dalai Lama
the sexual misuse of animals
and the man with the box on his head.
Plus: Olly theorises upon why footballers sport such ridiculous barnets; Helen does not like her toast done on one side; and sadly we don’t have video footage of Martin the Sound Man’s first ever viewing of ‘Sexy and I Know It‘, but if we did, it would be right up there in the video commentary canon alongside this.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) is a two-course feast of questions: firstly one from Hannah about currywurst, then for pudding a question from Sammy in Falkirk about pineapple. We hope this combination does not give your ears indigestion.
If you want more ear-food next week, please send us a QUESTION: deliver emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis).
Answer Me This! Podcast 