We apologise to Olympians, every Canadian alive, and listener David, who says:
Love the podcast, but must indulge some Canadian pride.* In the discussion about medalists in both Winter and Summer Olympics in AMT284, you didn’t mention** Canada’s own Clara Hughes – the only athlete to win multiple medals in each. She won two bronze in cycling in Atlanta in the 1996 summer games, and gold, silver and two more bronze in speed skating over three winter games (2002, 2006 and 2010). Very different than sprinter/bobsledders. Plus she is generally awesome in her own right. Some love for Clara please!
* Don’t worry, David, the two are not incompatible.
** Of course not – it was a question about sport, so frankly it is remarkable that any of us had anything to mention at all.
Here’s a fairly pressing query from Luke from Bristol:
Should I go on my trip to Moscow in 2 weeks’ time?
I’m interpreting Luke’s question as, “If I go to Moscow, will I be caught up in international brouhaha?” rather than, “Should I bother going to Moscow, or should I just stay home in my pants and watch five series of the American Office on Netflix?”
If it was the latter question, brilliant as The Office is, Luke should bear in mind that he can watch that when he gets home.
But I’m reluctant to advise on the former, so readers, travel to the comments and respond: would it be over-cautious to waylay a holiday to Russia at this time?
There’s a party in your ears and even Prince Charles is invited!
On alternate Thursdays when there’s no new episode of AMT, we have ourselves a listening party.
Noises from home*:
I’m on the latest episode of Guardian Media Talk with John Plunkett and Boyd Hilton. At the time of recording, the axing of BBC3 was still mere rumour. By the time of release, the blow had been dealt. So this podcast is a relic of a more innocent time. Click here to get it.
Also there’s a new episode of the Sound Women podcast. Ever wondered how breakfast show radio hosts do their jobs without becoming sleep-deprived suicidal wrecks? Or how to tell stories through toilets? Me too! Find out here:
Martin the Sound Man has been making musical noises again: this month’s Sound of the Ladies podcast is a cover of ’17’ by Youth Lagoon.
Noises from abroad:
• I don’t have children. I don’t have plans to have children. I have been filled to the brim with child-chat by family and friends who have had children. So I would not have expected myself to be keen to listen to a podcast about having children and raising children. BUT! I love the One Bad Mother podcast. If you don’t have children, it’s two people talking very entertainingly and frankly about important personal stuff; if you do have children, it’s a beacon of ‘Oh thank Christ it wasn’t just me who thinks that’. Get on it.
• When I want to blot out journeys on London transport but I really can’t decide what I’m in the mood for, the Dinner Party Download is perfect because it contains a bit of everything: chitchat, culture, history, facts, food, drink, interviews, etiquette, music… It’s the bento box of podcasts.
After seven years of this show, IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED.
THE question!
To whom is it being popped? To YOU? Find out immediately on Answer Me This! Episode 284:
[Wiping tears from eyes] Today we discuss:
Winter Olympics
Summer Olympics
Septuagenarian Olympics
Andrew Lloyd Webber vs classical music
Blenheim, Oxfordshire vs Blenheim, New Zealand
love vs drugs
Mo Farah vs Jamaican bobsleighers
car handles vs car wheels
men’s pants vs ladies’ pants
billowing shirts and billowing trousers
Darren Aronofsky’s Noah’s Ark film
Grand Theft Auto
Russell Crowe
balaclavas
Cinderella’s shoe
ice skating FlashForward ‘Kiss from a Rose’
and
Lion-ardo DiCaprio.
Plus: you’ll be relieved Olly isn’t allowed to fly planes, that Helen isn’t likely to bring out a live stage production of One Born Every Minute, and that Martin the Sound Man isn’t allowed to spice up the Winter Olympics biathlon.
This week there are twoBits of Crap on the App: the dazzling charisma of Torvill and Dean, and the suppressed opening of Disney’s Cinderella. Double-treat yourself via your iDevices, Android and Windows devices.
Treat us to your QUESTIONS, please: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and deliver emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
Thanks to Squarespace.com for funding this episode; use the code answer2 to snag a 10% discount off their services for a whole year.
See you in a fortnight!
Helen & Olly
AMT284 Child-Friendly Rating: 45%. Some swears. Some speculation about Seal’s drug references. Discussions of driving may prove tremendously boring for the under-10s.
English, common language for so many around the world, yet the source of so many unfathomable idiomatic variations. Here’s one tormenting the mind of Bill from Toronto:
Answer me this: What does it mean to be ‘fit’?
Here in North America, it means physically fit: someone who goes to the gym or jogs or does Pilates and has toned muscles.
In the UK it seems to mean something different, though. “She’s fit.” “He’s fit.” “Phwoar, you’re well fit!”
Does it mean ‘hot’? Where we’d say someone is hot, you’d say they were fit? Is there any connotation of physical fitness to being ‘fit’? Madonna has lots of muscles showing, but she’s just looking stringy, not hot. Adele doesn’t have muscles showing, but she’s definitely hot.
Readers, would you agree that Bill has pretty much answered his own question? If not, go to the comments and elaborate upon the exact specification of fitness as opposed to hotness. I’d say that while they’re approximately interchangeable, ‘fit’ does imply a certain amount of physical buffing that is not necessarily a condition of ‘hot’. But, as Bill suspects, not every fittie is a hottie.
Here’s a question of body adornment from Marek in Bangkok:
For the last two years and a half I’ve been living in Chongqing. It’s one of the biggest cities in China but somewhat behind when it comes to fashion trends. I’m currently in Bangkok enjoying my last days here before returning to China and I noticed something that I wanted to ask you about.
There are so many ‘alternative’ people in Bangkok, especially on Khao San road which is brimming with hipstourists, so I was wondering – what happens to your ear once you remove a tunnel from it? You know what I’m talking about, these weird pieces of jewelry that you put in your earlobe.
I was sitting next to a guy who had a tunnel in his ear and it was massive. I remember when I was leaving Europe to come to China people were also putting them in their ears, but tunnels were quite small. Apparently lots has changed since 2011…
Anyway, what happens to your ear once you decide you no longer want to look like you have Dyson’s new bladeless fan installed in your ear? I can’t imagine the hole in your ear just disappears. Or does it? Please help!
I’m no expert, and I’m still too queasy from the previous post to make a diligent effort to research, but I understand that once your flesh tunnel has been stretched beyond a certain dimension, upon removal of the ornament you’d be left with this earlobe situation:
You could have surgery to prune your excess earlobes; or you could keep them, so that when you’re old and saggy, you can hitch them to your waistband to keep your trousers up.
Listener Tam has written in with a home-grown alternative to accessories made from sharks’ teeth or ivory or whalebone. Take a look at the picture. Can you tell what the pale-coloured beads are made from? No? Read on to find out:
In an earlier podcast, you were discussing a mother saving her baby’s teeth and whether it was appropriate or not for her to share this with friends. Helen commented in a joking manner that, “What was the mother going to do? Make jewelry out of them?”
Of course she could. I had foot surgery several years ago for a condition called hammer toe. My toes were all bunched up and curled under my foot, making it painful at times to walk. So, to fix this issue, a surgeon cut all of the tendons under all off my toes, and then, on five toes, had to remove the middle toe knuckle; three on the left foot, two on the right. I was awake for the two surgeries and watched the entire process. It only took about a half an hour for each foot, they put me in a surgical boot and I walked right out.
However, I thought that it would be wonderful to have a unique souvenir to show for my trauma. So I kept the knuckles. Once I came home, my husband boiled them to get the meat off, and drilled them for me. My mum gave me some rather fitting beads to make a lovely necklace.
So you see, baby teeth are really no big deal. It’s all in perspective.
That’s right – in perspective of having to BOIL YOUR HUMAN FLESH off your OWN BONES. Did you get the idea from Jeffrey Dahmer’s Etsy store?
As well as the above picture of the finished necklace, Tam kindly included photos of the process prior to completion. Because I don’t want to make casual browsers puke till next Tuesday, you’ll have to click through if you wish to see Tam’s foot pre-surgery, her blood-soaked post-operative appendage, or her disembodied toe-knuckles.
Listeners, over the years you’ve treated us to pictures of your necrotic legs, infected piercings and Satanic effigies. Not wishing to seem ungrateful, but you ARE welcome to send us pictures of things that aren’t leaking pus and blood.
On alternate Thursdays when there’s no new episode of AMT, we have ourselves a listening party. Tell us: what have you been piping into your ears, dears?
• If the imminent end of the Winter Olympics has you jonesing for MORE SPORT, treat yourself to the AMT Sports Day.
• I tell a true tale of DEATH, FAMILY BETRAYAL and TYPOS on the Spark London podcast, available on iTunes and Mixcloud:
• For more true stories, check out Radio 4’s Short Cuts, hosted by star of AMT84 Josie Long.
• And if you have the thirst for even more true stories, quench with Lea Thau’s Strangers.
• The Savage Love podcast is always educational. This week I’ve learnt what a ‘unicorn’ means. I’ve led such a sheltered life.
• Jessica ‘Lucille Bluth/mad Misty from Play Misty for Me/Malory Archer’ Walter on Bullseye? Yes please.
Hey! Listeners! What are you doing here? Throw your internet devices to the floor and sprint to Chelmsford in order to be second in the queue (behind this week’s questioneer Melanie) at the new Dunkin’ Donuts opening tomorrow in Chelmsford!
Or if you don’t give many shits about that, sit tight and listen to Answer Me This! Episode 283 instead:
Today we speak of:
coffee beans
giving people ‘the tour’
Terry’s Chocolate Orange
Bruno Mars
sushi vinegar
C3P(ost)O(ffice)
close-up Christopher Lee
Red Hot Chili Peppers
red hot chilli peppers IHOP vs NASA
the Duracell Bunny vs the Energizer Bunny
Barbie vs Bratz
sad second-rate Sindy
and
the politics of Polly Pocket.
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (install it on your iDevices, Android and Windows gadgets), we wonder why Heston Blumenthal has not yet mass-produced a meat-filled chocolate orange. Not that we want one.
We do want your QUESTIONS, though: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and deliver emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
Thanks to Squarespace.com for funding this episode; use the code answer2 to snag a 10% discount off their services for a whole year.
We’ll be back on 27th February; in the meantime, listen to Olly on the now-national LBC and Helen on the international-despite-the-name Spark London podcast and Martin on his intergalactic noise-platform.
Byeeee!
Helen & Olly
AMT283 Child-Friendly Rating: 38%. Some swears. Olly talks about his burning genitalia. Speculation about Mrs Pepperpot’s sex life, but in terms a child hopefully won’t fully understand. Intermission features colourful semen. Reference to a Prince Albert that you may have trouble explaining to your youngling.
I must warn you that this post contains trigger subjects, as well as the following conundrum from Ed from Oxford :
I like the work of Eric Gill. Maybe you do too? Maybe you like his carvings, like Ariel on Broadcasting House, or his typefaces, like Gill Sans. Maybe. In any case, if you live in England (or read printed text) you’ve probably seen some of his stuff; he was pretty prolific.
He was also, it turns out, an awful man, with an energetically and eclectically abusive sex life that included his daughter and his dog.
So answer me this: when is it OK to enjoy the great art of awful people? (Or the Operation Yewtree version of the question: the mediocre art of allegedly awful people.)
‘When is it OK’? Do you mean times like when I’m looking at the BBC logo, or official written matter from the British or Spanish governments, or the cover of a classic Penguin paperback, and I think, “I sure am relieved they used Gill Sans rather than Comic Sans, even if dude was a self-confessed sex criminal”? Surely the question is: “Is it OK to enjoy the great art of awful people?” And is there a sliding scale where the greater the art, the more awful acts the artist can get away with?
A few years ago I visited a farm in Kenya where they had turkeys. The turkey-keeper, who seemed a trustworthy man, told me that turkeys change colour when they are angry or stressed, and if they are killed in this state of distress their meat will be poisoned. Because of this, turkeys have to be calmed down before they are killed.
I have just told this (what-I-considered-to-be) fact to some friends while eating a roast dinner. None of them believed me, so I turned to the internet, but failed to find anything substantial to evidence this. Please can you answer me this: is the meat of angry turkeys poisoned? Please say yes so I can prove my friends are the fools rather than me.
Now I KNOW that, amongst the diverse AMT listeners, there is at least one turkey farmer. Even if the turkey-slaughter takes place off-site, surely turkey farmers still have a wealth of information to share with us about turkeys’ emotions and the toxic potential thereof; so I beg any turkey farmers, or other turkey experts, to go to the comments to illuminate.
A fishmonger in Sydney fish market once informed me that if a fish feels pain or distress in its final moments, its flesh becomes flooded with adrenaline, which makes it less tasty. Maybe turkeys have taken this a step further. If the turkey goes, it’s taking its enemies down with it.
Although this is one of AMT’s resting weeks, we wouldn’t leave you with only the sound of silence* to listen to. You can always hear us doing our regular radio gigs: Olly on LBC every weekday 1am-4am, me on BBC 5 Live’s Saturday Edition every weekend, or whenever you want in its subsequent incarnation as the podcast Let’s Talk About Tech.
Here’re some other noisy things for you:
In this month’s Sound Women podcast, Isy Suttie and Caroline Raphael let me peek under the petticoat of radio comedy:
Here’s the latest music podcast from Martin The Sound of the Ladies Man:
On Stand Up Tragedy‘s ‘Tragic Beginnings’, I talk about one of Britain’s most underwhelming military campaigns, with backing music from AMT jingleer Jay Foreman:
Answer Me This! Podcast 