Archive for the ‘PODCASTS’ Category
September 10, 2009
Good morning, fellows,
Answer Me This! Episode 108 is one for the record-books! Why? Is it the world’s fastest-ever podcast? No. Is it the world’s fattest-ever podcast? Possibly… Oh, shut up. Actually, the superlative achievement we refer to is this: in today’s episode, we read out our longest-ever question. Yes! You excited? Tarry no longer:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
As well as the behemoth question, we talk about:
Lady Sovereign
the Romans
cuttlefish
head ushers
pierced kidneys
Coinstar machines
sex in tents
Sinitta
Brian Wilson
Mr Bean
and
groats.
Furthermore, Olly displays a surprisingly delicate sensibility towards the bare-chested ladies of Page 3; Helen blames a broken mirror for her sub-par exam results, rather than the fact that she was too lazy to do any revision; and Martin the Sound Man will soon be auditioning for a new Best Man – mint-condition applicants ONLY, please; he’s not taking anyone else’s cast-offs.
This episode also comes with illustrations! Like Storyteller magazine – ‘ting!’ when you turn the page, etc etc – only in this case, your cue is when you hear us talking about grisly piercings, at which point you may want to view these pictures (SFW, don’t worry).
If you have any unusual body-art you feel compelled to share with us – or, preferably, you have some QUESTIONS for us, please get in touch: email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, or croon them into the ear of Skype ID answermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877. Plus if you’re a cheapskate with a bit of advice for William from Larne’s student budget, please leave it in a comment below (don’t worry, it’s totally free).
See you next week!
Helen and Olly
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Tags:adornments, air travel, camping, dilemmas, etymology, festivals, friendship, hygiene, manners, money, penises, pets, piercings, public indecency, romance, sex, sleeping, Stanmore, superstition, swimming, weddings
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September 3, 2009
It’s a car-centric episode this week, as Helen tries out some technical car words, we find out what cowboys have to do with the front passenger seat, and Martin the Sound Man stands up for the innocent victims of doggers. But don’t worry, pedestrians, cyclists and pilots; there’s still more than enough material to suit you! Including stuff about canal boats. Ok? Here you go:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Aside from the aforementioned transportation flimflam, we discuss:
21 Grams vs. the Dawn of the Dead remake
Paul Merton’s mic technique
Big Bird
Cath Kidston
Al Jolson
Michael Caine’s teeth
skewering Cheryl Cole in the face
the late Pizza Piazza
Dead Set
munchkins
Worcestershire Sauce
puffer fish
Planes, Trains and Automobiles
Mont Sleet
and
celebrity cocks.
Plus: Olly admits his desire for Janice the Muppet; Helen finally realises why the Zaltzman family never took holidays; and Martin’s immense knowledge about everything ever even extends to the speed limit on Britain’s inland waterways. We also give Vitamin Water the kicking it deserves. Yeah! We know you’re probably just as eager as we were to slate Vitamin Water, but if you can restrain yourself for just a mo, send us your QUESTIONS: email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, or speak them to Skype ID answermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877.
Vitamin Water, schmitamin water!
Helen and Olly
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Tags:cars, drinks, emasculation, fancying, genitals, gestures, horror, movies, refreshments, romance, sport, zombies
Posted in PODCASTS | 2 Comments »
August 27, 2009
Hey, pissheads!
As the age of economic belt-tightening continues tiresomely, listener Alex from Nottingham has kindly lent us his cunning way of getting drunk on the cheap. If you want to know what his budget route to fast-track inebriation is – involves both do-gooding and personal risk! – then just bend your ear to Answer Me This! Episode 106:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
And on today’s dance-card:
Brighton Pavilion
Jennifer Lopez
We Are Klang’s furniture
the asymmetry of marriage
London vs. York
Tallahassee vs. Martin’s sanity
Puritans vs. decor
Ann Widdecombe vs. the Jonas Brothers
double-barrelled surnames
the antiques of the future
Olly’s grandmother’s wallpaper
Helen’s father’s gullibility
and
the dragon in Shrek
Plus: Olly’s Big Blood Giveaway is ruined by alternative medicine; Helen is defeated by mere wallpaper; and Martin the Sound Man brings someone back from the dead, or at least wakes them up after a moderate thwack to the head. He’s a miracle-weaver! Bring your children to Answer Me This! Towers and he will bless them for £20 a head. 10% discount for two-headed babies.
Aaaanyway, if you have a problem concerning your two-headed baby, or perhaps another query of some kind, let us know! Send your QUESTIONSto answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, or speak them to Skype ID answermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877.
Right, we’re off to nab the last remaining blackberries in Crystal Palace park before the birds shit on all of them, but we’ll see you next week. Bye!
Helen and Olly
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Tags:affairs, Andy Zaltzman, collections, cricket, decor, DIY, fashion, geography, hobbies, household, interviews, jobs, lavatories, marriage, medical, money, names, royalty, shame, siblings, war
Posted in PODCASTS | 3 Comments »
August 20, 2009
Salutations, listeners!
Today’s the start of Ramadan, so best of luck with that, Muslim listeners; we’d imagine a daylight fast would be considerably easier at a time of year when the days weren’t still so damn long, but maybe Answer Me This! Episode 105 will help take your mind off it:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Therein we talk upon the following matters:
lunch dates
Danelectro guitars
Greek GCSE (ancient, not modern)
sodium hydroxide
Noah’s ark
North Dublin
Dyson Ball
Helen’s granny’s anecdotes (granecdotes?)
evolution favouring Agatha Christie
Michael Palin
and
East Croydon.
Plus: had he not liked TV so much, Olly could have been a priest by now; Helen invites you all to take a turn in Martin the Sound Man’s beard; and Martin the Sound Man manages to analogise Girls Aloud to crisps, albeit unconvincingly.
Also, because we are Vampires feeding off the Misery and Failure of others, if you have managed to do a massive fuck-up in a job interview like Neal from Crawley, please tell us all about it by posting a comment below; and as ever, send us your QUESTIONS in the form of an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or a voice message via Skype ID answermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877.
Oh and if you’re a fan of buying stuff, you might enjoy some of our new Merch from www.cafepress.com/answermethis. If you like looking at Martin the Sound Man’s face, you might covet one of these; or if you like sitting on our faces, how about this?
See you next week!
Helen and Olly
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Tags:children, cohabitation, death, etymology, facial hair, faux pas, Girls Aloud, greed, jobs, Michael Jackson, money, parties, poetry, romance
Posted in PODCASTS, User-generated answers | 15 Comments »
August 13, 2009
Hideho, listeners,
It’s this time of year where we find it difficult to do much beyond faffing, time-wasting and procrastinating. But fortunately we managed to rise from our couches of sloth long enough to bring out Episode 104:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
Wherein we speak of:
armchair geography
the mockery of medical students
brie
Olly’s missing kidney
the Observer Food Monthly celebrity shopping-basket critiques
big bully Russia
bunk beds
Dr Gunter von Hagens
Terry Wogan
and
what Big
and the army have in common.
Furthermore, Helen busts out an unexpected St Etienne cover, Olly reveals his wish to dress like a 4-year-old girl in a nativity play, and Martin the Sound Man says he hates to dent Olly’s ego although he clearly does NOT hate that AT ALL.
Our complaints department also rumbles into action, so we’d just like to reiterate that if you send us a question and it doesn’t get answered, it’s nothing personal, ok? We love you all equally! Read our FAQ to see our various excuses for not keeping up with every question you donate; keep the faith, and keep sending us your QUESTIONS in the form of an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or a voice message via Skype ID answermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877. We can’t promise to answer, but we’ll do our best! (Although we will do our better best if you slip us a brown envelope full of tenners…)
See you next week!
Helen and Olly
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Tags:aviation, children, cleaning, cohabitation, complaints, corpses, death, entertainment, food, former USSR, internal organs, linguistics, medical, music, puppets, romance, semen, siblings, sleeping, teenagers in love, vegetarianism
Posted in PODCASTS | 3 Comments »
August 6, 2009
Good day to you, listeners,
Today’s podcast comes to you in association with Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Or rather, through a mulch of Krispy Kreme doughnuts; if only we had heeded our grandmothers’ insistence upon not talking with our mouths full. So we suppose Answer Me This! Episode 103 is a bit like dancing on granny’s grave, only without the danger of stubbing our toes on a headstone:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
On today’s conversational rota:
Status Quo vs. Status Quo
Fuck Buttons vs. mini-golf
port
Architects in Helsinki
America’s Best Dance Crew
quesadillas
King Charles II’s prophylactics
Take That’s long-running association with lube
Victorian hair jewellery
True Blood
sweetie cigarettes
and
the George Darte Funeral Home.
Plus: Olly tries to get by in Spanish; Helen’s childhood hobbies are some Benjamin Buttons shit; and Martin the Sound Man was, by the sound of it, abducted by aliens and forced to participate in some giant scat pool party. We also warn off the other Oliver Mann and the other Answer Me This.
Moreover! If you stick around till the end of the episode you will hear how Luke from Cambridge set us the challenge to find an apt collective noun for Answer Me This! listeners; if you have any good ideas for such (keep it clean, now!), please comment below; and as ever, do send us your QUESTIONS by sending an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leaving a voice message via Skype ID answermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877.
Au revoir,
Helen and Olly
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Tags:confectionery, contraception, dancing, death, hair, holidays, linguistics, movies, parenting, revenge, royalty, school, sex, siblings, Spain, vampires, war
Posted in PODCASTS, User-generated answers | 41 Comments »
July 30, 2009
Well, what a splendid week it has been, what with this and that, and now the cherry on the cake, the ketchup on the potato waffle, the skin on the cocoa: Answer Me This! Episode 102!
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
This week we discuss such grave matters as:
the perils of pylons
The Mousetrap
Piz Buin vs. L’Oreal
happy-slapping
Dennis Hopper snorting tractor-fuel
The Crying Game
cucumbers
sunbathing in World War II
minicabs
and
Heathrow Terminal 5.
Plus: Olly yet again proves himself way ahead of the curve, having managed to produce a viral song in 1991; Helen stands up for her religious boundary-crossing relationship; Martin the Sound Man has nobody to play with in the swimming pool; and, unknowingly, Inspector Morse comes to our rescue in a matter of correct spelling. Such a gent.
Despite our recent chart-nontopping success, we’re still staying close to our roots and imploring you to send us your QUESTIONS for future episodes. You can submit them in the form of an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or a voice message to Skype ID answermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877; we’re not fussy.
See you next week,
Helen and Olly
PS. Anyone who doesn’t believe in the festival of the summer, the Peasenhall Pea Festival: below is photographic evidence!
-
-
Martin the Sound Man gets ready to rock the Peasenhall Pea Festival
-
-
There are more brilliant puns where this came from, would you believe
-
-
Look, it hadn’t started yet, alright?
-
-
Indeed.
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Tags:crime, festivals, linguistics, movies, neighbours, peas, school, spelling, spoilers
Posted in PODCASTS | 2 Comments »
July 23, 2009
Dear space cadets,
It’s been 40 years since the moon landings, can you believe! Well, we’re sure you can; those things were bloody AGES ago. But can you even believe it’s been a whole week since AMT100? Not as impressive a quantity of time as has elapsed since men got space-dust on their shoes, to be sure; but it’s somewhat relevant here because it means it’s time for Episode 101:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
In this episode we wag our chins about:
Fanny Hill
Waitrose
Juicy Couture
the cakewalk
Paul Merton vs. George Orwell
Mr Kipling and his maverick ‘Like This, Try This’ feature
Animal Cops Houston
Adrian Mole’s diet
shell suits
Manor House
nuptual napery
Crocs
and
omelette.
Plus, Olly explains fusion food for plebs; handicrafty Helen offers tips for DIY contraceptives; and Martin the Sound Man turns out to be the only sentient being under the age of 70 to enjoy a dry fruitcake. Of all the cakes in all the world, he just has to go for the crap ones.
You know what we would ALL like more than inedibly dry fruitcake though? Your questions! Thwack them at top speed into our question-basket by sending an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leaving a voice message by Skypeing answermethis or calling 0208 123 5877. Furthermore, please leave a comment below if you can name the album cover that Callum is so keen to identify.
If you are all worn out after that and crave some musical compilations to listen to as you recuperate on your chaise longue, you could check out our inaptly named Celebrity Playlist on iTunes. It works even if you don’t actually have a chaise longue. Fancy! While you’re reclining you can also listen to Helen on the Richard Bacon Show on BBC Live tonight from 11pm-1am, discussing the most pressing topics of the day and trying to stay awake past her bedtime.
That is all for now, so we shall see you next week!
Helen and Olly
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Tags:cake, cohabitation, cookery, crime, dancing, finance, heartbreak, jews, music, romance, sartoria, weddings
Posted in PODCASTS | 1 Comment »
July 16, 2009
Fanfares please, readers! For against all odds (given that we expected to be fully estranged WAY before completing the century), Answer Me This! has hit 100. Right in the face. Wallop!
Of course we couldn’t let such a landmark pass in normal fashion; so instead of kicking about in our home studio in Crystal Palace, we trotted across town to the historic Roundhouse in Camden, and recorded the episode in front of an audience of fans and Olly’s extended family as part of the iTunes Live Festival. Technically we were La Roux’s support act, although she was probably cheerfully unaware of this.
To get a fuller sense of the occasion, conjure up a few of the following images to accompany the audio experience:
1. circular room in the bowels of the Roundhouse, that was rather like the innards of a compass
2. balloon animals
3. party bags, including sweeties, cheap plastic toys, sudoku and VERY LOUD party whistles
4. Kanye specs and foil hats.
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
From the folds of our sparkly centenary cloaks we whipped out such topics as:
i-mutation
dislocated hips
sweaty necks
Dodie Smith
filofaxes
Fortnum’n’Mason
chimichangas
Neo’s address
palindromes
George Orwell
Olly’s Mum
and
a fake egg.
Plus: how the podcast began! What’s really going on with Martin the Sound Man! The practicality of coming out on a podcast! And the future of AMT! Joining us for this cavalcade of fun were Josie Long, Alex Thomas, Tommy Herbert, Matthew Crosby; and joining Martin the Sound Man on bass, uke and drums was Richard Acton of the band Limn. We must also thank Alicky Ashby and Julie Wang for the photos, because I doubt we will make another such visually arresting podcast for quite some time.
We hope you enjoy the festivities; but next week the show is back to normal, so we will of course be requiring YOUR QUESTIONS: please email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, phone 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis (Skype seems to have been playing up a bit lately so make sure you elocute to the max).
See you next week, for palindromic prime episode 101!
Helen and Olly
Tags:Arizona, coming out, cookery, dogs, eggs, gay, parents, romance, surgery, work
Posted in PODCASTS | 10 Comments »
July 9, 2009
Welcome to the new series, listeners!
And welcome to the last episode before we hit triple figures. Next week’s podcast will of course be our Live Super-Festive Snazzy Centenary Extravaganza at the iTunes Festival, but until then there’s Not-Live Non-Festive Moderately Snazzy Nonanovantian Normalaganza, Episode 99:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
To limber up after the month off, we contemplate:
Stanley Kubrick’s stationery
Paul McCartney’s flatmate potential
spreadable butter
sleeve tatts
onion bhajis
Apple Barn
Dannii Minogue
Jackass
this unconvincingly world-famous restaurant gimmick
messy Kate Nash
and
flesh tunnels.
Plus: Olly talks utter balls about balls; in a tortoise vs. hare-style victory, Helen’s book beats the internet in a race to be informative; and Martin the Sound Man finally builds up a bit of resistance to basic innuendo, although not without some false starts.
We may be getting on, but our tastes haven’t changed: we want YOUR QUESTIONS, and we want them now! Well, not now, but soonish, for the new series. So please gather them and email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, or deliver with your voice into our answering machine on the other end of 0208 123 5877 or Skype id answermethis.
See you next week, when we will score a podcasting century!
Helen and Olly
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Tags:celebrities, cohabitation, dancing, Dustin Hoffman, etymology, Fern Britton, inebriation, Julia Roberts, Ministry of Sound, school, tertiary education, Tom Hanks
Posted in PODCASTS | 3 Comments »
June 4, 2009
Listeners, we’re afraid that the day has come: it’s the last episode of the series! We’re sure you can cope; you seem like an emotionally sturdy bunch. And if our absence does prove too hard to bear, check out Episodes 1-40 for another 15+ hours of our company. Or, alternatively, our Early Learning Curve will make you miss us a lot less.
Anyway, on with today’s show, which is of course Episode 98:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
In which there are:
party whistles
big bands
pot pourri
Ben Folds
‘Happy Birthday’
oestrogen
the Nottingham Eye
glottal stops
Michelle Pfeiffer
TGI Friday
cat grass
and
The Ivy festivity FAIL.
Plus: in trying out the kind of etymological web-research that Helen usually does, Olly finds himself in a whole world of Rude; Helen gives some surefire tips to repel potential flatmates; and Martin the Sound Man generally behaves himself, probably distracted by the fact that he has a new live EP out and you lovely chaps can download it for FREE from thesoundoftheladies.com/music
This being Episode 98, I’m sure the mathematical among you have clocked that our 100th episode is fast approaching. Naturally, we will not be letting our passage into triple figures go unmarked, and at the end of the episode we reveal how we’re celebrating it. Our Facebook Fanclub alone will be privy to how you too can be with us for the party of the century day, so join it stat!
Other than that, please do stay in touch while we’re away by sending us your QUESTIONS for the next series: call 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And even though we’re giving our voices a rest, we’ll still be putting bits and bobs up on this website throughout our break, so do come visit; and we’ll see you back here on July 9th for Episode 99!
Love,
Helen and Olly
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Tags:appendix, Arabic, B&Q, birthdays, cats, Catwoman, cohabitation, diets, DIY, embarrassment, emergency surgery, etiquette, exes, household, Kristin Hersh, pets, petty grievances, prolapse, Scarborough, sex, TGI Fridays, tourist traps, university
Posted in PODCASTS | 2 Comments »
May 28, 2009
Greetings and salutations, listeners,
It’s been a long series and at this point we’re weary, trudging the podcast-path with just some Kendal Mint Cake and warm Lucozade to keep us going. So we’re taking a month off after next week’s episode – oh, don’t look like that! We’ll come back; we always do. And in the meantime, there’s Episode 97:
[
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
In which we speak of:
Eraserhead
kilts
acromegaly
Portmeirion
what sperm and Tony Blair have in common
Charley’s Aunt
ceilidhs
cannabinoids
toastmasters
HMP Loose Women
Matthew McConaughey
polari
and
the Evil Eye.
Also, Olly gives TMI about his urinary tract; Helen is sniffy about a psychedelic risotto; and Martin the Sound Man reveals the secret to his wisdom. It’s a real disappointment, frankly.
Before we head off on our holidays (or rather, before Olly heads off on a glorious roadtrip of the US and Helen and Martin sit tight in Crystal Palace), send us your QUESTIONS: call 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. ‘Twill give us succour during our darkest hours.
See you next week, when we will be telling you what our party plans are for our forthcoming 100th Episode, and how you can be a part of that party!
Helen and Olly
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Tags:Albert Hall, allergies, asparagus, aunts, Berlin, Berocca, cake, cinema, dancing, David Lynch, drugs, egg puns, eggs, expenses, fertilisation, folk music, food, health, homosexuality, hygiene, Jane Austen, Jared Leto, Kerry Katona, munchies, Paul O'Grady Show, peacocks, puns, revenge, Riverdance, romance, Science Museum, Steve Miller Band, superstition, techno, teenagers in love, The Prisoner, Ting Tings, tourism, trains, weddings, Worzel Gummidge
Posted in PODCASTS | 6 Comments »
Answer Me This! Podcast 