I started listening to the podcast a few months ago when in my monthly scavenging of the internet for all things Zaltzman (I want to marry Andy*), I came across you guys and the rest was history.
The thing is that I listen to the podcast starting from the back episodes every night sleeping in the same bed as my girlfriend. Since she is very hot, we end up fucking almost every night and in the excitement, always fail to turn off the podcast.
It has therefore become the soundtrack to our love in a way that it induces Pavlovian responses every time I hear it in the day even which can result in fairly disconcerting scenarios.
Oh good grief. Usually we only hear what a boner-killer AMT is.
Couldn’t you just STOP listening to the show at bedtime? Listen to it at safely non-sexy times, such as in the waiting room at the verruca-burning clinic, or in a queue at a market stall to buy cut-price offal that’s been out all day.
(If you are somebody who actually finds those situations sexy, then you are too priapic to function in this world. But maybe you could get a job as a condom-tester, allowing you to hump all day in lab conditions.)
*Too late, ladies and gents: Andy is already married. Console yourselves with the knowledge that he’d never love you as much as he loves cricket.
Are we going to have to insert Jackass-style warnings into each episode of AMT, insisting that no one attempt to recreate of re-enact any stunt or activity performed on this show? Because we would NEVER have recommended anyone do what Richard in Finsbury Park did:
In AMT last week you talked about Snaffles Mousse, the 70s dish made from canned consommé, Philadelphia and curry powder.
I was morbidly fascinated by the suggested combination and had to make a batch. When it had set, my boyfriend and I had some on toast. It was without doubt the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten. On every level. I can still taste its foulness now.
Answer me this: what is the most revolting dish you have ever cooked up?
It was by accident, but I made paella with frozen elderflower cordial instead of chicken stock. In fact, because even that mouth-trauma did not teach me to label the contents of my freezer, it happened TWICE. Mark me, it is one of the very few circumstances in which elderflower cordial is NOT more palatable than chicken stock.
Readers, tell us in the comments about your own culinary horrorshows. Maybe then Richard in Finsbury Park will try them out, since he appears to have declared war upon his palate.
And as a fun game between courses, speculate upon the ingredients of this recipe, which I found in a cookbook yesterday:
•Little Atoms always makes me feel cleverer after listening, like I’ve read a good book. It was a particular treat to hear AMTpal John Grindrod on there discussing his recent book Concretopia, which makes mid-20th century town planning a thousand times more interesting than you thought it could be.
Fun fact: I fainted at John Grindrod’s book launch. Concretopia = the new Beatlemania! Luckily I did not faint whilst listening to the podcast, but I have decided not to attend any more book launches immediately after donating blood.
• Little Atoms presenter Neil Denny also tells a true story on the new Best of Spark London. (And if you didn’t hear me talking about my dead grandparents on another recent episode, I encourage you to click here to do so.)
• Congratulations to the Picturehouse podcast for reaching 200 episodes! The Picturehouse, Brixton Ritzy flavour, is my favourite cinema; don’t make me choose a favourite film podcast between Sam and Simon here and Mark and Simon. NB to make a great film podcast, at least one of you must be called Simon.
• Our friends at Maximum Fun have launched their annual donation drive. If you want to support independent creators of entertainment – and/or you enjoy such shows as Bullseye, One Bad Mother, Sawbones, Jordan, Jesse, Go!, Judge John Hodgman, International Waters and more – do chip in.
Listen to our regular gigs too:
• Catch up on AMT285 if you still haven’t heard whether Nora in Malawi accepted Greg in Baghdad’s proposal of marriage, or why AMT is only one step removed from Olympic gold medal glory (admittedly, that step is quite significant). • There’re all the retro AMT episodes (nos.1-170), plus our albums, available for a trifling price at answermethisstore.com. •Olly’s on LBC every weekday 1am-4am. If you’re an insomniac, a night worker, or in a time zone where those hours are compatible with waking life, tune in. • Every Saturday evening I’m on BBC 5 Live’s Saturday Edition, available subsequently as the podcast Let’s Talk About Tech. • Martin the Sound Man makes numerous other podcasts, including Brain Train, The Global Lab and The Sound of the Ladies.
No need to shout “Hey Mr DJ! Play my motherjeffing song!” like a twat; if you want to recommend a podcast for the Thursday Listening Party, do so in the comments.
MESSAGE FROM THE MOTHERSHIP:
If you downloaded AMT285 very soon after it was released, you may have ended up with a version that is rather longer or considerably shorter than the correct AMT285-length of 42 minutes 45 seconds. If so, please delete it and obtain the proper one, as linked to below. Thanks! HZ
In response to AMT284, the first few minutes of Answer Me This! Episode 285 are SO exciting, you should listen RIGHT NOW:
But do carry on listening beyond the first few minutes, to hear about:
‘Torn‘ by Natalie Imbruglia vs ‘Torn‘ by Ednaswap Randy Newman vs Tom Jones
the Recycle Bin vs Trash
rawl plugs vs wall plugs
Lizzy Yarnold
Magic FM
saloon doors
Mini Babybel
‘Hazard‘ by Richard Marx
the face of fistula
and
magnolia paint.
Plus, there’s a manliness contest between Olly and Martin the Sound Man. Which of these opposite-of-Titans is the least masculine? It’s a VERY close contest. Like a boxing match between a wet lettuce leaf and a fluffy sock.
There’s double Crap on the App this week, as Olly chooses chateaubriand over speakeasies (whither the gastrospeakeasy?), then says gardening’s for girls, even though he’s got a grow-your-own Alan Titchmarsh. Fire up the app on your iDevices, Android and Windows gadgetry.
Also fire up Squarespace.com, who have not only given us money to make this episode but are also giving YOU a 10% discount off their services for a whole year if you use the code answer3.
Back in a fortnight!
Helen & Olly
AMT285 Child-Friendly Rating: 52%. The topics aren’t unsuitable, but two f-bombs are detonated in the first ten minutes. Miscellanous other swears appear towards the end, when discussing the vile names Martin the Sound Man gives to computer things. So blame Martin for the defilement of your children if they hear this episode.
Another Anonymous Man has been in touch regarding Anonymous Man’s question in AMT284:
Great to hear a question about men wearing knickers – I love them myself, but my wife wouldn’t like it so very few people know.
I do wear thongs designed for men, but they just aren’t as slinky as ones designed for women. As you said, you need to be careful with the choice of design – so there’s enough room at the front!
Is it wrong to wear them when I go to the Doctors or Osteopath (both female)? – I expect they’ve seen everything before, but it is “fun”.
Unlike you, my instinct when dressing for medical inspections is to choose underwear with as much coverage as possible. I opt for a full set of Mormon undergarments with another full set of Mormon undergarments beneath, just to be safe.
But I’d hate to ruin your fun, so I can’t tell you your practice is wrong. But it does place you in the same sartorial school as Peter Stringfellow – click here for photographic evidence that is probably NSFW and definitely NSFLife.
As an avid consumer of podcasting over many years now it has become obvious that my relationship to podcasters follows a similar pattern to many relationships with actual people.
At first I might think they are quite amusing and or interesting and then I get to know them better and find they become quite loveable. Right up until the day when you realise that you can’t stand the sound of their voice and never listen to them again. My podcast page is littered with discontinued subscriptions for podcasts that once upon a time I actually looked forward to hearing.
Please answer me this: since I have been listening to you for about six months now, how much longer do you think we have?
Oh let’s not think about the future, Peter; let’s just enjoy this precious time we have together.
It seems we have the capability of ruining relationships we’re not even part of, judging by this email from Oliver:
Last night I was engaged in foreplay with a new partner, when without warning, one of the Answer Me This jingles became stuck in my head. I think it ruined the moment, because she informed me that she’s been seeing someone, and she didn’t want to have sex (thanks guys).
We apologise to Olympians, every Canadian alive, and listener David, who says:
Love the podcast, but must indulge some Canadian pride.* In the discussion about medalists in both Winter and Summer Olympics in AMT284, you didn’t mention** Canada’s own Clara Hughes – the only athlete to win multiple medals in each. She won two bronze in cycling in Atlanta in the 1996 summer games, and gold, silver and two more bronze in speed skating over three winter games (2002, 2006 and 2010). Very different than sprinter/bobsledders. Plus she is generally awesome in her own right. Some love for Clara please!
* Don’t worry, David, the two are not incompatible.
** Of course not – it was a question about sport, so frankly it is remarkable that any of us had anything to mention at all.
Here’s a fairly pressing query from Luke from Bristol:
Should I go on my trip to Moscow in 2 weeks’ time?
I’m interpreting Luke’s question as, “If I go to Moscow, will I be caught up in international brouhaha?” rather than, “Should I bother going to Moscow, or should I just stay home in my pants and watch five series of the American Office on Netflix?”
If it was the latter question, brilliant as The Office is, Luke should bear in mind that he can watch that when he gets home.
But I’m reluctant to advise on the former, so readers, travel to the comments and respond: would it be over-cautious to waylay a holiday to Russia at this time?
There’s a party in your ears and even Prince Charles is invited!
On alternate Thursdays when there’s no new episode of AMT, we have ourselves a listening party.
Noises from home*:
I’m on the latest episode of Guardian Media Talk with John Plunkett and Boyd Hilton. At the time of recording, the axing of BBC3 was still mere rumour. By the time of release, the blow had been dealt. So this podcast is a relic of a more innocent time. Click here to get it.
Also there’s a new episode of the Sound Women podcast. Ever wondered how breakfast show radio hosts do their jobs without becoming sleep-deprived suicidal wrecks? Or how to tell stories through toilets? Me too! Find out here:
Martin the Sound Man has been making musical noises again: this month’s Sound of the Ladies podcast is a cover of ’17’ by Youth Lagoon.
Noises from abroad:
• I don’t have children. I don’t have plans to have children. I have been filled to the brim with child-chat by family and friends who have had children. So I would not have expected myself to be keen to listen to a podcast about having children and raising children. BUT! I love the One Bad Mother podcast. If you don’t have children, it’s two people talking very entertainingly and frankly about important personal stuff; if you do have children, it’s a beacon of ‘Oh thank Christ it wasn’t just me who thinks that’. Get on it.
• When I want to blot out journeys on London transport but I really can’t decide what I’m in the mood for, the Dinner Party Download is perfect because it contains a bit of everything: chitchat, culture, history, facts, food, drink, interviews, etiquette, music… It’s the bento box of podcasts.
After seven years of this show, IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED.
THE question!
To whom is it being popped? To YOU? Find out immediately on Answer Me This! Episode 284:
[Wiping tears from eyes] Today we discuss:
Winter Olympics
Summer Olympics
Septuagenarian Olympics
Andrew Lloyd Webber vs classical music
Blenheim, Oxfordshire vs Blenheim, New Zealand
love vs drugs
Mo Farah vs Jamaican bobsleighers
car handles vs car wheels
men’s pants vs ladies’ pants
billowing shirts and billowing trousers
Darren Aronofsky’s Noah’s Ark film
Grand Theft Auto
Russell Crowe
balaclavas
Cinderella’s shoe
ice skating FlashForward ‘Kiss from a Rose’
and
Lion-ardo DiCaprio.
Plus: you’ll be relieved Olly isn’t allowed to fly planes, that Helen isn’t likely to bring out a live stage production of One Born Every Minute, and that Martin the Sound Man isn’t allowed to spice up the Winter Olympics biathlon.
This week there are twoBits of Crap on the App: the dazzling charisma of Torvill and Dean, and the suppressed opening of Disney’s Cinderella. Double-treat yourself via your iDevices, Android and Windows devices.
Treat us to your QUESTIONS, please: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and deliver emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
Thanks to Squarespace.com for funding this episode; use the code answer2 to snag a 10% discount off their services for a whole year.
See you in a fortnight!
Helen & Olly
AMT284 Child-Friendly Rating: 45%. Some swears. Some speculation about Seal’s drug references. Discussions of driving may prove tremendously boring for the under-10s.
English, common language for so many around the world, yet the source of so many unfathomable idiomatic variations. Here’s one tormenting the mind of Bill from Toronto:
Answer me this: What does it mean to be ‘fit’?
Here in North America, it means physically fit: someone who goes to the gym or jogs or does Pilates and has toned muscles.
In the UK it seems to mean something different, though. “She’s fit.” “He’s fit.” “Phwoar, you’re well fit!”
Does it mean ‘hot’? Where we’d say someone is hot, you’d say they were fit? Is there any connotation of physical fitness to being ‘fit’? Madonna has lots of muscles showing, but she’s just looking stringy, not hot. Adele doesn’t have muscles showing, but she’s definitely hot.
Readers, would you agree that Bill has pretty much answered his own question? If not, go to the comments and elaborate upon the exact specification of fitness as opposed to hotness. I’d say that while they’re approximately interchangeable, ‘fit’ does imply a certain amount of physical buffing that is not necessarily a condition of ‘hot’. But, as Bill suspects, not every fittie is a hottie.
Here’s a question of body adornment from Marek in Bangkok:
For the last two years and a half I’ve been living in Chongqing. It’s one of the biggest cities in China but somewhat behind when it comes to fashion trends. I’m currently in Bangkok enjoying my last days here before returning to China and I noticed something that I wanted to ask you about.
There are so many ‘alternative’ people in Bangkok, especially on Khao San road which is brimming with hipstourists, so I was wondering – what happens to your ear once you remove a tunnel from it? You know what I’m talking about, these weird pieces of jewelry that you put in your earlobe.
I was sitting next to a guy who had a tunnel in his ear and it was massive. I remember when I was leaving Europe to come to China people were also putting them in their ears, but tunnels were quite small. Apparently lots has changed since 2011…
Anyway, what happens to your ear once you decide you no longer want to look like you have Dyson’s new bladeless fan installed in your ear? I can’t imagine the hole in your ear just disappears. Or does it? Please help!
I’m no expert, and I’m still too queasy from the previous post to make a diligent effort to research, but I understand that once your flesh tunnel has been stretched beyond a certain dimension, upon removal of the ornament you’d be left with this earlobe situation:
You could have surgery to prune your excess earlobes; or you could keep them, so that when you’re old and saggy, you can hitch them to your waistband to keep your trousers up.
Answer Me This! Podcast 