** Click here for the Best of AMT2010 Part 1 **
You seemed to enjoy this Bond question a few weeks ago, so here’s another one, from Jonathan aged 20 and a half:
A work colleague recently told me that he collects model cars – not just any cars though, he collects the GE Fabbri-published “The Official James Bond Collection”, which he has received fortnightly for a little over 3 years (on a side note the magazine was originally meant to run for 40 issues but has been continuously extended to a final run of 110, meaning he has spent over £900 on James Bond model cars).
Once people began noticing his newfound love of James Bond cars, they started to theme all of his Christmas and birthday presents around James Bond. Unfortunately he doesn’t actually like James Bond. When I asked why he collected them he said, “I had a bit of spare cash from some contract work and I thought it would be a good investment; when they extended the run I couldn’t stop buying them because otherwise the collection would be worthless”.
He recently started seeing a lady (oooooh), who immediately noticed the boxes and boxes of James Bond-themed model cars and the attached magazines in his spare room. When looking on Amazon for Christmas present his “recommended for you” was entirely James Bond-themed, leading him to suspect that his new girlfriend was looking for, or has already bought him, a James Bond Christmas present, by which he is inundated year upon year.
So ANSWER ME THIS!! How can he break it to his girlfriend that he doesn’t like James Bond without risking slagging off his unreceived present and damaging his new relationship, and how can he tell his friends and family, without looking like a dick who has hated all of the presents he’s received in the last 3 years?
P.S. His FORMER Girlfriend was so angry that he was spending so much money on these shitty models he had to have them delivered to his mum’s house and sneak them in at night in boxes. It was a contributing factor in the end of their relationship.
Look, if he went to the trouble of nocturnally smuggling his Bond loot, he must like it a bit, because you’d never be so stealthy about something you really had bought for investment alone, like stocks or Krugerrands. Moreover, if only he’d been honest with his nearest and dearest from the beginning, stating clearly that his accumulation was for fiscal rather than emotional fulfillment, they wouldn’t be wasting their money on more Bond shit which he’s too chicken to put on eBay.
It’s too late to save this fellow from further Bondage this Christmas, but here’s a plan to take care of future presents: he should just casually mention to family and friends that he’s thinking of selling his collection. They will ask why, whereupon he can unassumingly say what he should have said years before: that it was all for money, not interest. They will feel a bit bashful at not understanding their dear friend better. Although obviously they will think he is a tit as well.
Readers, I hope you never get yourself into this sort of mess, but like this fellow, EVERYbody needs to know how to escape a series of wrong presents. Donate any advice you have on the matter in the comments; or just tell us how, thanks to someone else’s false assumption, you got given Power Rangers merch for seven years on the trot.
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