Ok listeners, let’s settle this issue once and for all. The world must abide by your decision. Vote!
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Breast or leg?
January 7, 2010Now here is a hoot!
January 4, 2010** Click here for The Best of Answer Me This! 2009 – Part II **
Thanks so much everyone for all your lovely comments about our first proper radio show, Web 2009 with Helen and Olly. And thanks even more to the renegade YouTuber, who took one of our favourite bits of the show and did this with it:
Vocals by Joanna Neary. Videos by show-offs everywhere.
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Web 2009 with Helen and Olly
January 1, 2010** Click here for The Best of Answer Me This! 2009 – Part II **
Happy New Year, chums!
We saw out 2009 in pleasing and civilised fashion, and we hope you did too. But, thanks to pre-recording, on New Year’s Eve we also presented a radio show, Web 2009 with Helen and Olly. It was our first ever proper radio programme, and we would be ever so happy if you would listen to it; it’ll be available until Thursday 7th January, so CLICK HERE to do so via BBC iplayer, or download it as a podcast from the BBC website.
And if you wouldn’t mind telling your radio-and-internet-loving friends about it, tweeting it, or posting it up on Facebook, then we owe you a lollipop the next time we see you. Which, if you go to the same gym as Olly, is probably quite soon.
Links to all the nominees and winners are below – and another good link is THIS ONE to Martin the Sound Man’s free EP of songs about space. Give it a whirl!
Helen and Olly’s 2009 Web Awards went to:
David Schneider after winning our 'Tweeter of the Year' award
PUBLIC SERVICE OF THE YEAR
Our award for the sites that have become entirely essential this year. We never leave the house without them.
* Spotify *
– Google Streetview
– The Arts Desk
– Nicecritic
– DeathSwitch
WEB FEUD OF THE YEAR
Our celebration of the best online scraps of the year – the unfolding dramas of real, raw arguments that, thanks to the global public forum that is the internet, we can all enjoy.
* Megan Fox vs. the Transformers crew *
– Guido Fawkes vs. Derek Draper
– Stephen Fry vs. @BrumPlum
– Michael Chopra vs. Heather Swan
– Perez Hilton vs. Carrie Prejean
TWEETER OF THE YEAR
Our favourite short-form communicators of the past twelve months.
* David Schneider *
– John Prescott
– Phillip Schofield
– Richard Bacon
– Mrs Stephen Fry
TIME-WASTER OF THE YEAR
Useful as the internet can be, let’s not forget its primary function: frittering your time away. What has been the major enemy of productivity in 2009?
* My Very Worst Date *
– ’25 Random Things About Me’
– Cake Wrecks
– Letters of Note
– AnaFace
EPIC FAIL OF THE YEAR
Our award for those embarrassing moments that went viral in 2009.
* Gordon Brown on YouTube *
– The Baby Shaker iPhone App
– Kimberley Swann is fired
– John X from Cornell Business School
– Christian Bale’s on-set rant
ONLINE JAPE OF THE YEAR
In the olden days, pranks involved propping a bucket of water on the top of a door, or thrusting stinging nettles down someone’s pants. But the internet has opened up a whole new world of mischief…
* Ross Noble’s Twitterbomb Tuesday *
– upside-down YouTube
– Computertan.com
– renegade reviewers on Amazon
– Classic songs reinterpreted by Microsoft Songsmith
INTERNET SONG OF THE YEAR
Who was our Joe McElderry, and who will be our Rage Against The Machine?
* ‘United Breaks Guitars’ by Dave Carroll *
– ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by the Muppets
– ‘Goodbye Twitter’ by Miley Cyrus
– ‘Hot and Cold’ by Los Colorados
– ‘Poker Face’ by Walt Ribeiro
WEBLEBRITY OF THE YEAR
The award for the internet star to have shot furthest in the online firmament this year
* Jill and Kevin *
– Susan Boyle
– Tavi Gevinson
– Little Boots
– ‘Poo Girl’
And finally, the LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD went to 104-year-old Ivy Bean, the oldest person on Twitter and, quite possibly, the whole of the internet…
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Twelve days of WRONG
December 17, 2009** Click here for the Best of Answer Me This! 2009 – Part I **
Following Episode 120, in which we discussed whether ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ refers to an over-generous poultry lover or to a whole load of God Stuff, both Judy in San Francisco and Andrew in Southampton wrote in to tell us that whatever we said was a big plate of Wrong Pie. Their counter-evidence was this:
http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/music/12days.asp
OK listeners. It’s tug-of-love time. Whom do you love more, us or Snopes? Huh?
This could get ugly.
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AMT Colonies
December 14, 2009** Click here for the Best of AMT 2009 – Part 1 **
It’s almost exactly two years since we cracked Luxembourg, and therefore high time we set our sights on another country. But which one do you think we should go for? Andorra? Djibouti? Vatican City?
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Have you seen this manbag?
December 10, 2009
** Click here for Episode 120 **
This is a bit like those small-ads you see in the paper saying, “Saw you on the District Line, you were wearing a scarf, I was the girl who dropped my headphones. Drink?”, only non-romantic. James from Sheffield seeks like-minded individual for minor acquaintance or minor friendship:
I’m in my first year at the University of Sheffield, and on Registration Day (in September) I saw somebody with an Answer Me This bag. This came as a surprise, as I’m certain that there can’t be too many Answer Me This fans out there 😉 Unfortunately I was in a queue at the time so I did not have the opportunity to introduce myself as a fellow fan of the podcast.
So, taking a sort of non-romantic “Missed Connections” approach, would you please be able to give a shout-out to “the guy with the answer me this bag who was in the registration room for first year students at Sheffield university” and see if he responds to the shout-out? You would be providing a valuable public service, uniting Answer Me This fans across South Yorkshire!!
Readers! If you are that man – or you know that man – then please get in touch, and we’ll set you up on a playdate with James.
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bath-eating
December 10, 2009** Click here for Episode 120 **
Here’s a question we could not answer from Beckles:
Last Saturday I was listening to you whilst I was in the bath. When I was in the bath I treated myself to a little snack of corn on the cob. Weird I know but I’m fine with it. It did however make me think of a question to ask you.
So please Helen, Olly and Martin, answer me this; what is the most unusual thing you have ever eaten in the bath?
We polled ourselves, and the answer was NOTHING, because none of us are fans of combining eating and washing. Even though that’s cutting out valuable scoffing time. But listeners, you seem the kind of people who are comfortable with eating in the same room as a lavatory pan: tell us of your most outlandish bath snack in a comment below!
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EPISODE 120 – a cow is for life, not just for Christmas
December 3, 2009
This week Andrew asked what sort of chairs we sit on to do the podcast. Well, see above. Then click below for what happened when we sat on them to make Answer Me This! Episode 120:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
In which we speak of:
living rooms vs. front rooms
the voice of Jennifer Jason Leigh
the Flying Pickets
Rihanna
John Spilsbury
‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’
the Regent Street Lights, sponsored by A Christmas Carol
child brides
old man attire
and
Hamburg Port.
Plus: Olly defends the Citroen Pluriel against accusations of shitness; Helen decodes the Roman Catholics; and Martin the Sound Man preaches armchair socialism from a chair without arms. To make up for it, he has a new EP for all you chaps to download absolutely free – visit his Sound of the Ladies website for the complimentary goods.
Then, before you settle into your straw-lined cardboard box for three months’ hibernation, send us YOUR QUESTIONS, via answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, Skype ID answermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877.
See you next week, for the Best of Answer Me This! 2009 Part 1!
Helen and Olly
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Hurrah!
December 3, 2009
Psssst! Team AMT! We’ve got some good news we want to share with you……..
…no, we’re not preggo…
…and we haven’t won the lottery…
…or the football pools…
…but in fact:
We’ve got a radio show of our very own!
That’s right! Our hearts’ fondest wish granted, just in time for Christmas!
The show is called Web 2009 with Helen and Olly, and in it we’ll be looking back over the year online and handing out awards for the finest and funniest net moments of 2009. It’ll be airing on BBC 5Live on New Year’s Eve at 9pm – ie perfect entertainment if you prefer to see out the decade without too much razzmatazz, or alternatively the perfect hangover accompaniment the next day via BBC iPlayer.
We’re very very pleased about it. Now if Santa brings us each a Shetland pony, our lives will be complete.
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fake girlfriend: update
December 2, 2009** Click here for Episode 119 **
In Episode 119 young Ed from Market Harborough sought our advice regarding his fake girlfriend. They’d only been fake-going out for a week and a half at the time, and she was already causing trouble! We said he should dump the fake-bitch, or that he should say she dumped him.
I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT MY FAKE GF AND WHY I CAN’T DUMP HER!
1) IF I DUMP HER ILL BE A TOTAL PRICK FOR DUMPING HER!
Who cares, Ed – what’s the worst that can happen? Is her fake father going to come round to your house with a baseball bat?
2)IF I SAY SHE’S DUMPED ME THEN I’LL GET JEERED AT FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO KEEP A GIRL FOR MORE THAN A MONTH
Your friends are probably fresh out of jeers, having expended them all last week when you invented a girlfriend.
3)I CAN’T SAY SHE MOVED TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY BECAUSE SHE ALREADY LIVES IN JERSEY
Let’s not forget, Ed – YOU MADE HER UP! YOU put her in Jersey; YOU get her out of there! One of the numerous benefits of fake girlfriends is that they are highly portable, so invent her an interest in South American ferns and send her off to live in a remote part of Chile or something.
Buck up, young man: this is the only relationship you will ever have where she does exactly what you say. The only limit is the breadth of your imagination. Now, go away, and don’t you dare reject our sage advice again until you’ve stopped being such a silly sausage.
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Wrestlemania!
December 2, 2009** Click here for Episode 119 **
Oh dear. Olly’s answer to Dean in Peterborough‘s question about wresting last week caused quite the ruckus amongst listeners, who furiously wrote in to correct Olly’s pronunciation of Vince McMahon, his misapprehension of The Facts, and, essentially, everything. At considerable length. First up, Mike:
The history of pro wrestling becoming fixed you gave was as fake any wrestling match!
Unfortunately you’ve bought in to the “official” history as promoted by Vince K. McMahon and the WWE. The idea that Vince J. McMahon – the current Vince’s father – was responsible for the faking of pro wrestling is utter, total bullshit.
The fixing of Pro Wrestling matches dates back the William Muldoon in the 1880s who would have men under his employment go to towns, perform matches and build up the appearance of the champion Muldoon would then come into town, draw a big crowd and beat one of his men. In January 1890 the Police Gazette magazine reported that Muldoon and Evan ‘Strangler’ Lewis had “been giving wrestling exhibitions in Philadelphia” and in 1905 the same magazine stated “nine out of ten bouts are now prearranged affairs”.
The reason for it being fake is very simple – to avoid getting injured in order to have more matches and make more money.
I’d also raise issue with the statement at the McMahon’s took wrestling into major arenas and out of ‘dirty little clubs’. Pro Wrestling had been a regular fixture at Madison Square Gardens since the 1880s and in 1908 a match between Frank Gotch and George Hackenschmidt main evented at Chicago’s Comiskey Park in front of 30,000 people.
The government regulation issue you raised was almost correct. The McMahons announced that it was fake in 1989 to avoid the athletic tax in New Jersey, but they certainly didn’t make it fake at that time.
Maximilian sees Mike’s beginner’s guide to wrestling, and raises with the following tract:
Here is a quick history of fakery in the world of wrestling.
Let me just interject here: Maximilian is fibbing. Strap in for the duration!
Wrestling as a touring show began in the late 19th century in America and was originally distinct from the legitimate sport of catch wrestling. Carnival wrestling exhibitions would wow audiences with spectacular matches, colourful costumes and on-going feuds in much the same way as they do today. The term for the showy, fictional elements of a wrestling show, ‘kayfabe’ comes from this period. It is thought to be a contraction of the name Kaye Fabian which carnival workers would use when making a reverse charges call to loved ones at home. Upon hearing the name from the operator the person receiving the call would know the person had arrived and was safe, well and making money.
At this time though, most wrestling contests were still legitimate contests although most championship and big stakes matches were openly corrupt. The line started to blur more between these two forms after the retirement of catch wrestling legend Frank Gotch in the 1920s. With few big names in the sport, its popularity began to wane. In response to this, three wrestlers, Ed Lewis, Billy Sandow and Toots Mondt, known as the ‘Gold Dust Trio’, formed their own promotion and introduced many more showy elements from carnival wrestling into the professional wrestling world such as tag teams, distracting referees, bouncing off the ropes and of course, more pre-determined results. This is largely seen as the time when wrestling switched from mostly real to mostly ‘worked’.
Eventually this model of carnival style exhibition over legitimate contest spread to other countries like the Mexico, Canada, UK, Germany and Japan. The WWF (formally WWWF, now WWE) did indeed pioneer nationwide TV coverage of a single pro-wrestling product but then they also pioneered story lines involving incest and necrophilia and are by no means the leading lights in the great working class entertainment tradition that is professional wrestling.
It is important also to respect the distinction between the words ‘worked’ and fake. Wrestlers find the term fake offensive when applied to what they do because it implies that being suplexed or fallen on by a 25-stone man somehow doesn’t hurt. The outcome of matches is pre-determined but much of the action cannot be completely faked and performers risk their lives and their careers every time they enter the ring, injuries such as torn muscles, fractured bones, broken necks and shattered pelvises are commonplace. The term worked simply means the opponents are co-operating in creating the best possible story for that particular match and distinguishes it from a ‘shoot’ or legitimate wrestling contest.
The WWF and McMahon family can be said to have had, at best, a mixed effect on the form of entertainment they have popularised and do not require any more credit than they already have.
Thankyou, Mike and Maximilian, for that primer. I have learnt many things from it, primarily the word ‘suplexed’, and never to let Olly do research again for fear of the resultant tide of retribution.
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EPISODE 119 – a beautifully choreographed dance between two men in leotards
November 26, 2009***WARNING: This episode contains spoilers
about the 1994 Coen brothers film
The Hudsucker Proxy***
Undaunted? Then by all means listen on, but don’t complain to us when you get to the 19th minute and discover that 15-year-old plot twist:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
This week we bang on about:
Philip Larkin’s debut novel
the three second rule
Tom of Finland
Sir Patrick Mayhew
Jason and the Argonauts
Lorraine Kelly, record-breaker
Stephen Fry’s Paperweight
Sir Menzies Campbell
Rick Witter
the Milton Keynes Snow Dome
Vince McMahon
Porthos
urethral openings
raw chicken
Brewster’s Millions
and
travelators.
Also: how Olly breaks wind stealthily; how Helen’s congenital squint ruined Up for her; and how bananas work, according to Martin the Sound Man. You’d been wondering for years what secrets those little bastards were concealing, hadn’t you?
As ever we’re greedy for YOUR QUESTIONS, so ask ask ask via answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, Skype ID answermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877. We’re very grateful to all of you who shared your stupid nicknames last week – which everyone else can enjoy here; this week, you have the easy task of leaving a comment with your answer to Jorge from Mexico’s question, telling us what you would like to do for one day and one day only. Nothing too blue, please; the shock could kill us.
Also, if you are planning on doing any pre-Christmas Amazon orders, would you be a tremendous dear and log onto their site via this link
See you next week!
Helen and Olly
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Answer Me This! Podcast 