Archive for the ‘User-generated answers’ Category

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Amanda Palmer party

September 4, 2013

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT269 •••

Oh look – problems arise from musicians doing gigs in fans’ houses even when Pete Doherty is not there. See this missive from Alex:

I am a big fan of musician Amanda Palmer. She recently allowed fans to pay $5,000 (around £3,000) for her to come and attend a house party – she comes, plays music, hangs out with you and up to 50 people; much fun is had by all.

I attended one of these parties last week, and have just been approached by somebody else I know, who is holding one in October, and has a spare space if I want to attend. With the number of people attending, it will cost me £85 – an equal portion of the $5,000.

BUT, this $5,000 also includes a bunch of other merchandise – which was available to buy separately for a total of about £1,000.

I asked the person who paid for the party about this ‘extra merchandise’, and she informed me that she just kept all of the extra stuff, because she had paid for the package using her dad’s life insurance money. She deemed this fair because if he hadn’t died nobody would be able to go.

So, answer me this – is it right for her to do this? Essentially getting almost £1,000 worth of merchandise and tickets for free? Or am I right in thinking that, since the things were worth £1,000 she should do the same as the party I attended, and only charge the guests about £2,000 – costing about £40-50 each?

Readers, what do you make of this? Chip in in the comments.

“Is it right?” Eh… Not especially, but on the other hand, your friend took the financial risk of a $5,000 outlay without knowing that she’d definitely recoup most of it. Furthermore, I think that choosing to spend £1,000 on the merch is different to receiving merch worth £1,000 as part of a whole package you’re buying. In your friend’s mind, the £1,000 of merch is probably not worth £1,000 actual money. So the fair thing to do would be for her to divide the merch amongst the fifty gig attendees, wouldn’t it?

If, however, you feel that a segment of Amanda Palmer vinyl is not making up your financial shortfall: bear in mind your friend is supplying the party venue. Your challenge is to eat £1,000-worth of party snacks.

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“Cheer up love, it’ll grow back…”

August 28, 2013

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Questioneer Liz has lopped off her head-top femininity, and people are going apeshit about it even though we’ve seen the same many times over, from Audrey Hepburn/Michelle Williams/Halle Berry/Demi Moore/Miley Cyrus/’Stop’-era Posh Spice/bad-era Britney, right through to Joan of Arc.

She writes:

I recently decided to cut my hair into a short crop style (I am a 29 year old female doctor), and ever since have been astonished at the deluge of rude, inappropriate and frankly outright mean things that people have said to me. When I say ‘people’, I am mostly referring to men. One male friend’s first response was “Are you a lesbian now?” whilst another stated “I don’t like short hair on girls, you look like a boy”. I have been ordered to grow it long again, asked “What went wrong at the hairdressers?” and told “You will never get a boyfriend now”. In contrast my female friends have been highly supportive, stating it looks great.

So, answer me this: Why do men think it is OK to be mean to women with short hair? And are my female friends lying in saying it looks great? (which surely is the safe and socially accepted way to go – to be honest I’d appreciate more men taking this route!)

I’m not a man, but reader, if you are one, go to the comments and explain to Liz why her haircut might be causing upset. Since we don’t have photo evidence that the style doesn’t make Liz look like Jimmy Krankie rather than Winona Ryder, let’s assume that she does look nice with it. Let’s also assume that Liz’s primary purpose is not to look attractive to her male friends.

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glacé deer

August 27, 2013

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We’ll have even less reason to go near the Christmas cake, if Elon from Austin, Texas is reporting truth:

Your exploration of glacé cherries on the show this past week reminded me of a tale I was told growing up in Michigan. Michigan, I believe, is the world’s largest producer of what we call maraschino cherries. Traverse City, in the north of Michigan’s Lower Peninsula, is fond of touting itself the Cherry Capital of the World. H

The tale I was told is that when the farmers preserve the cherries they intend to sell to the maraschino cherry producers, they first dump their crop into large pools of chemicals for the winter. And since it doesn’t really matter what happens to the fruits due to the bleaching and candying process, these pools are often outside…essentially just big holes in the ground…which of course attract deer…which sometimes fall in…and get bleached and candied themselves.

The capper of this tale is the bit about how workers are hired in the spring of each year before the thaw completely sets in to fish out the candied deer carcasses and whatnot that falls in over the winter.

So answer me this please: is any of this true? Are health regulations in the US so poorly enforced that this could happen in this day and age? Yeesh!

Readers, if you have any inside knowledge on the candied deer phenomenon, reveal in the comments.

To me, it sounds like bulldeershit. People succeed in covering backyard swimming pools to stop crap falling in. If you had an open-air pool of fruit intended for human consumption, wouldn’t you at the very least put a net over it to catch the larger debris?

And if this is indeed how cherries are stored (rather than in, say, closed tanks), wouldn’t the Michigan climate keep them frozen for several months? Now a deer skating over a frozen pool of cherries, that I’d like to see.

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break-up playlist

August 22, 2013

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He wasn’t good enough for you! You’re better off without him! and other platitudes go out to Matilda in California, who writes:

My boyfriend and I just decided (somewhat mutually) that we needed to stop seeing each other, since I’ve just started a Master’s program, and he wants to move to New Zealand for an indeterminate amount of time. I still care about him very much, so this has been a little bit rough for me.

At night, when I’m not finishing a paper or making dinner, I have taken to spending my time watching sad movies about people who have broken up with each other, listening to sad songs, and weeping uncontrollably into a pillow.

So, answer me this: What has helped you during a breakup, and can you recommend any songs that I should add to my “End of Times” playlist?

Readers, get yourselves to the comments and compile the epitome of break-up playlists. NB Matilda, avoid listening to songs you might need in future years, because once you’ve recovered from the break-up, it can be unpleasant to return to the music that sustained you through the difficult times.





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bananas

August 21, 2013

Bananas

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT267 •••

I’m looking for a question that was as far as possible from the unpleasantness of the previous post. This question from Scott from Utah, living in Taiwan, does the job:

I’m not a huge fan of bananas, but they work well with my stomach (I have ulcerative colitis).

I’ve been buying them a lot lately and can’t seem to pick a good batch that will last me a week. They’ll either be too green, too ripe, too bruised, etc. Refrigerating them doesn’t keep them fresh, and nothing else seems to work either.

Answer me this: how does a person know which bananas to pick from the store and how in the world do you keep them fresh?? If there are any foolproof tips, please let me know because google hasn’t helped me.

PHEW. Nothing terrifying there. Readers: banana tips for Scott! Go!

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Become a friend-magnet, the AMT way

August 8, 2013

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We were delighted by this email from Terry, offering a marvellous bit of advice for people going to the Edinburgh Fringe this month:

Wear your AMT t-shirt, people will be much nicer to you.

Since I got my t-shirt at Christmas I’ve worn it in plenty of different places and been seen by many people, but only in Edinburgh have I got so much love.

On August 1st I was stopped by someone flyering for the show The Curse of Elizabeth Faulkner telling me that he followed me. I explained that I wasn’t you but it is nice meeting him.

When I arrived at the Assembly Rooms, the girl at the entrance was so pleased to see a fellow fan of the show she lead me all the way across the courtyard and to the door of the room I was heading for. I’m sure any other day I would’ve been pointed over there and left to it. However I would like to say sorry to her as on the way out she did ask how the show was but unfortunately I didn’t hear that and just smiled at her like a simpleton.

Later that afternoon I also met the very nice Jay Foreman who told us he has written some of the jingles for the show.

Anyway after such a nice day I will be ordering some more merch right away.

May I recommend the mug? Mine has survived nearly six years of service without a single chip; furthermore, it’s enormous, which means less time making teafills.

Have any of the rest of you had happy experiences whilst adorned with AMT merch? Of course none of you have had bad experiences. That time you were pelted with rotten eggs was NOT because you were carrying the AMT bag (100 per cent egg-proof, by the way).

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relationship disputes

August 7, 2013

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT265 •••

Oh no! The romantic relationships of our questioneers are in jeopardy…because of VERY IMPORTANT disagreements. Here’s Rebecca from Chesterfield‘s:

My husband and I got married in April and so far the worst argument disturbing our newly wedded bliss is this:

When I tell my husband that I am working “next Saturday” he will then be confused as to why I then make plans for the weekend coming.

He seems to think that “next Saturday” means the coming Saturday as in “the next Saturday.
I have told him that he is wrong. That would be “this Saturday”.

Please help settle this dispute.

Fine. Readers: vote.

And now, another life-or-death point of contention from Julia from Oxford:

My boyfriend, who lives in London, is of Californian origin. We’re both flying out there this month for a holiday and I’m really looking forward to it. The problem I have is this – he is *convinced*, having lived in both the US and the UK, that American bacon is objectively superior. I like American bacon (after all, it’s bacon), but I personally prefer the British style as it’s juicier and meatier than its States-side counterpart.

I understand that tastes differ and don’t consider either type to be better than the other in absolute terms. However, I just know he’s going to go on about the damn bacon while we’re out there and insist on asking me whether it’s better every time we eat it. He’s quite reasonable about most American/British divide issues, so why on earth is he so dogmatic about this particular foodstuff? Is bacon really that polarising??

Let’s just see, shall we?

And let’s not reignite the Bacon Wars between Canada and Denmark. So many young lives pointlessly lost…

While bacon appears to be a very emotional issue in this relationship, the question Julia should be asking instead is why her boyfriend has to be right – can’t he let this matter lie and just enjoy the bacon of whichever country he’s in? What’s really going on under there?

I’m relieved I don’t live next door to them, because I don’t want to be woken at 3am by screams of “But ours is CRISPIER, Julia!”

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signet rings

August 7, 2013

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A question of knuckle-ornamentation from Jack the Gryphon from Darlington:

Which is the correct way to wear a signet ring? Should the top of the signature be nearer to the wrist or the fingernail?

Jack, just wear it whichever way up seems easiest when you’re stamping the sealing wax on all those important covenants that cross your desk.

Unless…you’re wearing it purely for style rather than comms? In which case – readers, kindly go to the comments and advise Jack. I feel queasy if I think about signet rings too long; they remind me of my creepy euphonium teacher from when I was 11, as well as their celebrity spokesmodel Jimmy Savile.

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to spank or not to spank

July 25, 2013

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Our next question comes from a lady known only as A, who says:

I’m in a dilemma. I know this guy who I met at an event last year and he is way older than I am. We kept in touch but kinda lost touch for a few months. Then about a few months after that we bumped into each other and he and i got back in touch and started emailing each other. Those emails got quite intimate and personal.

We soon met up and had a quiet lunch in January. Then we kept emailing each other and pretty soon we both confessed that we want each other sexually but there’s a catch: he’s married and has a daughter and wants me the way it’s written in Fifty Shades of Grey. I am into that whole thing but just on paper and haven’t even tried that whole spanking and tying up bit.

He is heading abroad for a month and when he’s back we are planning to get busy. My gut is telling me not to do so, but my mind is saying something else as I have just started an awesome new job and have got my life in order.

What should I do? Should I just give into what he and I want or push him aside? We have been friends since day 1 so that seems to be out of the question.

It seems out of the question to you only because you’re so DISTRACTED BY THE YELLING OF YOUR LOINS.

I’m assuming from your penultimate paragraph that you’ve taken leave of your senses. You’ve just started an awesome job and got your life in order – so now would be the optimal time to mess everything up? For…karmic balance? Colour me baffled.

By all means go ahead and experiment with your BDSM fantasies, but choose somebody who is unattached with whom to do so. The Fifty Shades scenario is already one in which the man controls the woman; don’t tip it further to your disadvantage by enacting it with a married man, because you will have ever little dominion as time passes. And you should be especially cautious about enabling somebody else’s extra-marital funtime because you sound like you’ve already grown emotionally attached even before you’ve deployed the bondage kit.

Readers, if you have anything to say about A’s Fifty Shades of Folly, go to the comments and do so. But she’ll probably never read this post through her blindfold made of lust and neckties.

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cuckoo in the nest

July 24, 2013

Eddie friends

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We receive a lot of questions about the perils of cohabitation, and here’s a tricksy one from an anonymous man:

I am living in a flat with my fiancé and my best friend. The reason my friend is living with us at the moment is because he is unable to afford a place on his own.

My fiancé and I are looking to move into a house with each other, and when I told my friend he thought he is coming with us.

My fiancé is mad at me because I haven’t told him that he can’t come and I’m scared if I say this to him he will befriend me! What should I do and say?

You’ve got to just come out and say it. “So [friend], when we move into our new place, do you have an idea of where you’ll be going?” seems adequately tactful, but if you’re too wimpy even for that, then just tell him about the one-bedroom place you’re hoping to move to. If that doesn’t work, revise ‘one-bedroom’ to ‘bedsit’. And if that doesn’t work either, start banging on about the tiny house movement.

Readers, come to Anon’s assistance and offer your friend-ousting suggestions in the comments.

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tattoo washing instructions

July 17, 2013

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You wouldn’t throw an original Hockney into a swimming pool, but is body art more washable? Gemma asks:

How long do I have to wait after getting a tattoo to go swimming?

We’re not experts on tattoo preservation, but surely some of you readers have practical experience which can answer this question. Do so in the comments. The future blurriness of Gemma’s ink is down to you.

Presumably the reason why so many people have dolphin tatts is because they’re water-compatible. Right?

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Hoff hassle

July 16, 2013

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Uh oh, Hoff-based contention! Though he unites nations, he has divided our listeners. Gesine writes:

David Hasselhoff (our beloved hero) did not bring down the Berlin Wall by standing on it and belting out “I’ve been looking for freedom” – he did his New Year’s Eve gig AFTER the wall came down. He also didn’t stand on the wall – they got a crane in for him.

If he had tried to do it before November 9th 1989, he would have probably been shot. If he had come from East Berlin, he would have needed to navigate thousands of armed soldiers, barbed wire, dogs, trenches and the death strip. And even though he must have been pretty fit during his Baywatch heyday I doubt he could have climbed the 3-4m smooth concrete wall on his own.

If he had managed to come from West Berlin and climb the wall, he might have been shot as well because his blinking leather jacket must have been a pretty tempting target.

So enough ranting – Olly you can redeem yourself by answering me this – beside the ladies in red bathing suits, what made Baywatch so popular around the world?

IT WAS THE LADIES IN RED BATHING SUITS OF COURSE. What more do you need?

But Gesine, you don’t address a greater mystery, as contemplated by Neal from Crawley in West Sussex here:

Olly mentioned that Hoff’s popularity in Germany was due to his Berlin wall unification gig. However the reason he was on the wall in the first place was because he was already popular there. So. Why was he popular in Germany in the first place?

Any ideas, anybody? Go to the comments to cast light upon this mystery, although Gary rejects the assertion upon which it is based:

Normally, I am not the type to write to podcasts and express my discontent.

But I do want to clarify something about Germany and David Hasselhoff.

Yes, he had a big hit in Germany at the time the Berlin Wall, but that was the only hit. The rest is just hype and The Hoff’s PR team. Saying Germans love David Hasselhoff based on one hit is like saying Brits love Chumbawumba because of that Tub Thumping song.

Sorry to pick nits, but the truth need to be put out there.

Can it be? You’re smashing a lot of myths there, Gary…German readers, are you just going to sit there and let him defame your beloved Hoff? Or sit there and let everybody think you have mystifying taste in music?

I’d also be interested to hear from Japan-based readers about whether bands that are renowned for being ‘big in Japan’ really ever were big in Japan. Tell me: does the country have statues of Shampoo in every city, and a national holiday in honour of Corduroy?

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