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Archive for the ‘User-generated answers’ Category

Put your hands in the air like it’s just not appropriate

November 25, 2009

You remember Episode 115, right? In which we talked about Mexican Waves? Well, Doug from Leicester certainly does:

I remember well (literally) dragged by my then girlfriend to the Royal Albert Hall to see Enrique Iglesias in 2004, and about halfway through he asked us all to get waving, Mexico style. Well, we did, but the Albert Hall isn’t as huge as Wembley, plus it’s got a massive fucking stage in the middle of one wall, so it really was more of a Mexican petering-out as the wave waved round a bit, then stopped stage left, and then started up again stage right in four places at four different times, before we all got bored and sat down again. It was my personal highlight of two interminable hours as 5,000 women of a certain age waited for him to sing ‘Hero’ to sublimate the pain of their own insignificant lives.

So answer me this: what is the most inappropriate or unimpressive place you’ve ever seen a Mexican Wave?

Go on, readers – tell us about all your lacklustre or misbegotten Mexican Waves in a comment on this post. I’ll start: Grandad’s funeral.

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Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, User-generated answers | Leave a Comment »

Jews and booze

November 5, 2009

** Click here for Episode 115 **

We at Answer Me This! were rather underimpressed by this year’s display of Halloween garments. Given a one-night-only opportunity to walk around in public wearing absolutely anything, 90% of Londoners chose to dress up as slags! And most of the other 10% just sprinkled a bit of fake blood onto a shirt and called that a costume. NO NO NO! Fancy dress requires effort and/or ingenuity. And now, please lend yours to Christine from San Diego:

I have been invited to a friend’s 23rd birthday and the theme is “Jews and Booze”. I am completely confused and stumped by this theme. The birthday boy is Jewish, but also a fun-loving party animal, so I guess the theme is appropriate, but what do you wear to seem Jewish-themed and yet pretty? Yarmulkes? Star of David-printed hotpants? Do you have any sensible suggestions? I am severely lacking in knowledge of what to wear to a fancy dress party and of Jewish culture and I need help! I have nightmares that I will show up as a female Nazi in the mode of Prince Harry and ruin the party.

Readers, please put your Jews and Booze suggestions in a comment below! We recommend suiting up as King Herod with a cocktail umbrella sticking out of your collar.

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Tags:booze, fancy dress, jews, sartoria
Posted in frippery, User-generated answers | 5 Comments »

A thimble of sweet sherry

October 21, 2009

** Click here for Episode 113 **

Here’s a question from Sarah:

I’m hoping that you guys are booze connoisseurs…

Sarah has evidently not heard the episode in which the AMT! Team’s favourite grown-up drink is a mug of hot Ribena with brandy.

…because I need some help. In a couple weeks my friend is turning 17, and she’s never had anything other than church wine [LAME], so my best friend Tyler and I are planning on getting her mildly trashed.

Tyler and I aren’t sure what to give her that won’t feel like a kick in the face when she wakes up the next morning. Tyler drinks vodka straight and I got drunk for the first time at new year in Edinburgh and nearly died, so our first drinking experiences aren’t helping us out.

What can we buy that’s fun, tastes okay [enough so that it wont scare her away from drinking forever], but will get the job done?

Obviously we cannot answer this question because underage drinking is of course ILLEGAL. But if you have a suggestion for what refreshment the young lady might enjoy in a year’s time, then please put it in a comment below!

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Tags:booze, drinks
Posted in extracurricular questions, User-generated answers | 17 Comments »

Cinema armrests: Falkland Islands 2.0?

October 7, 2009

** Click here for Episode 111 **

Call the UN – borders are being disputed! A great many of you have written to us with the following question, so it is evidently very very important:

Which armrest is yours at the cinema?

We ~~couldn’t be arsed to devote even a second of thought to this problem~~ have decided to throw this one out to you:

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Tags:movies
Posted in extracurricular questions, Rock the Vote, User-generated answers | 8 Comments »

EPISODE 105 – www.sanctimoniouspartybags.com

August 20, 2009

Salutations, listeners!

Today’s the start of Ramadan, so best of luck with that, Muslim listeners; we’d imagine a daylight fast would be considerably easier at a time of year when the days weren’t still so damn long, but maybe Answer Me This! Episode 105 will help take your mind off it:

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Therein we talk upon the following matters:

lunch dates
Danelectro guitars
Greek GCSE (ancient, not modern)
sodium hydroxide
Noah’s ark
North Dublin
Dyson Ball
Helen’s granny’s anecdotes (granecdotes?)
evolution favouring Agatha Christie
Michael Palin
and
East Croydon.

Plus: had he not liked TV so much, Olly could have been a priest by now; Helen invites you all to take a turn in Martin the Sound Man’s beard; and Martin the Sound Man manages to analogise Girls Aloud to crisps, albeit unconvincingly.

Also, because we are Vampires feeding off the Misery and Failure of others, if you have managed to do a massive fuck-up in a job interview like Neal from Crawley, please tell us all about it by posting a comment below; and as ever, send us your QUESTIONS in the form of an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or a voice message via Skype ID answermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877.

Oh and if you’re a fan of buying stuff, you might enjoy some of our new Merch from www.cafepress.com/answermethis. If you like looking at Martin the Sound Man’s face, you might covet one of these; or if you like sitting on our faces, how about this?

See you next week!

Helen and Olly

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Tags:children, cohabitation, death, etymology, facial hair, faux pas, Girls Aloud, greed, jobs, Michael Jackson, money, parties, poetry, romance
Posted in PODCASTS, User-generated answers | 15 Comments »

Schools lottery

August 18, 2009

** Click here for Episode 104 **

Help us out, please, listeners! We’ve had a question from Chris from Aldershot which we can’t answer, because none of us know shit about these matters. But perhaps you do, so we put it to you:

Our son is 2, we live in a bit of a scabby area (Aldershot) but want him to attend a better school which is in Farnham.

Answer me this: At what time should we think about putting his name down for the better school in Farnham to stand a better chance of getting him in?

Any ideas, chaps? Comment below!

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Tags:school
Posted in extracurricular questions, User-generated answers | 7 Comments »

tits in headphones

August 12, 2009

** Click here for EPISODE 103 **

Cast your minds back, listeners, all the way to Episode 101 and this question from Callum from Colne Engaine: “I remember seeing an album cover with something like a man with headphones on (the big ‘cans’ type) with only half of his face on the album cover. I think he may have been wearing a beanie. Do you know whose album it was?”

Well, Ben in Cardiff might:

Not 100% sure if this is correct, but it could be the cover of ‘The Sound of the Cosmos’, a 3 disc mix by Tom Middleton. He is wearing a beanie (or equivalent skull cap) and there is only half of his face on the cover, but he’s not wearing headphones. And he’s full of cosmos.

What do you reckon, Callum?

If that’s not it, maybe this from Keith in Bradford will provide you some consolation:

Hi Helen,

I was trying to find the answer to your posed question of which album cover has a man with a pair of earphones……

However, I did stumble upon this picture which I thought was quite funny, and something with which which you have to endure – a pair of tits in headphones.

LOL

Tits in headphones

Indeed, a common sight around the Answer Me This! studios, although we rarely look quite so cheerful about it…

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Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, User-generated answers | 3 Comments »

EPISODE 103 – Guerrillas in the Mist

August 6, 2009

Good day to you, listeners,

Today’s podcast comes to you in association with Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Or rather, through a mulch of Krispy Kreme doughnuts; if only we had heeded our grandmothers’ insistence upon not talking with our mouths full. So we suppose Answer Me This! Episode 103 is a bit like dancing on granny’s grave, only without the danger of stubbing our toes on a headstone:

On today’s conversational rota:

Status Quo vs. Status Quo
Fuck Buttons vs. mini-golf
port
Architects in Helsinki
America’s Best Dance Crew
quesadillas
King Charles II’s prophylactics
Take That’s long-running association with lube
Victorian hair jewellery
True Blood
sweetie cigarettes
and
the George Darte Funeral Home.

Plus: Olly tries to get by in Spanish; Helen’s childhood hobbies are some Benjamin Buttons shit; and Martin the Sound Man was, by the sound of it, abducted by aliens and forced to participate in some giant scat pool party. We also warn off the other Oliver Mann and the other Answer Me This.

Moreover! If you stick around till the end of the episode you will hear how Luke from Cambridge set us the challenge to find an apt collective noun for Answer Me This! listeners; if you have any good ideas for such (keep it clean, now!), please comment below; and as ever, do send us your QUESTIONS by sending an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leaving a voice message via Skype ID answermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877.

Au revoir,

Helen and Olly

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Tags:confectionery, contraception, dancing, death, hair, holidays, linguistics, movies, parenting, revenge, royalty, school, sex, siblings, Spain, vampires, war
Posted in PODCASTS, User-generated answers | 41 Comments »

Toyboy

August 5, 2009

** Click here for EPISODE 102 **

Readers, it’s time to get your oar in to this romantic dilemma from Amelia from London:

I have recently started going out with this really nice guy. He is funny, smart and not a generic prat like most of the teenage boys I know.

But there is one problem: he is in the year below me and I keep getting called a cradle snatcher, amongst other things so offensive I dare not put them in this email for fear of upsetting Martin the sound man. So answer me this, What do I do?

Courage, Amelia; we think if you go for option 3, the potential teasing will abate pretty quickly – show no shame, and the haterzzzz really won’t have a great deal to go on. And actually, their reaction might be less bad than you think: thanks to Halle Berry, Demi Moore et al, being a cougar is all the rage these days!

But readers, what do you think? VOTE!

We’ve got an alternative suggestion too, if none of the above work: tell everyone he is in fact two years older than you, but was held back in school because he is very stupid.

And at least the whole affair is considerably less transgressive than this very modern romance.

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Tags:romance, school, shame, teenagers in love
Posted in User-generated answers | 10 Comments »

You may now kiss the bride…if her faceful of bees doesn’t put you off.

July 27, 2009

** Click here for Episode 101 **

In Episode 101 Helen sounded off about the homogeneity of wedding photos on Facebook. Then she felt a little bit guilty about it, until an ambassador of the Lord Almighty emailed in to confirm her jaundiced views – Adrian, a priest from Belfast:

I completely agree with your determination that, no matter the details, most weddings are basically the same! Obviously it’s part of my job, and weddings are really great things to be part of; but so far there’s been very little that has made any weddings at which I’ve officiated different from the others, special though each one was.

So, in order for me to appropriately advise couples in relation to their approaching nuptials, Helen and Olly, answer me this: what on earth can anyone do to make their wedding interesting and different without making it a gimmick-laden waste of time for all involved?

Well of course everyone in the whole world has given this wedding gimmick the thumbs up; and I doubt one would forget the ceremonies of these brave chaps or this possibly friendless groom. But readers, let’s consider couples who don’t see themselves as dancers or zoophiles: what other charming ways can you think of to distinguish one’s nuptials from the rest? Please comment below! And no, splashing out on the napkin rings will NOT cut the mustard…

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Tags:romance, weddings
Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, User-generated answers | 2 Comments »

Amanda Huggenkiss?

May 28, 2009

** Click here for EPISODE 96 **

The Britain’s Got Talent final looms, and you kids are getting somewhat overwrought about it. Firstly, Mark (14):

What is all the fuss about Susan Boyle?! Yes she can sing, but why do the papers only refer to her as “Susan Boyle: the virgin” as if it’s her defining feature?

So many questions, Mark, in one brief missive. My guesses are:
a) who can resist a woman who looks like a whiskery Happy Face biscuit singing showtunes?
b) the media hardly ever get to write about virgins, so it’s a rare treat from them.

Now here’s some strong stuff from Carla from London Town:

I was watching Su Bo on YouTube do her latest performance but that Amanda Holden woman was crying which put me off the whole thing. She looks to me like one of those girls who was in the year above and enjoyed sneering at anyone who wasn’t as attractive as she was.

Is there anyone- ANYONE- A single one of your listeners who likes her? I would love to know whether there is one speck of humanity who finds her bearable.

As a BGT-ignorer, I have no opinions at all about this Holden creature, so must instead impeach you lot to share your feelings upon the erstwhile Mrs Les Dennis bearable.

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Posted in extracurricular questions, User-generated answers | 5 Comments »

Impulse buys

April 29, 2009

** Click here for EPISODE 92 **

Lately we’ve very much enjoyed putting questions to you lot, so here is another one, from Holly:

Me and my friend Ciorstan are currently on our gap year living and teaching in China! We bought a pet rabbit, even though I live on the 4th floor, don’t have a cage and don’t actually want a rabbit. Answer me this: What’s the worst thing you’ve ever bought on impulse?

Sadly, our impulse buys are all pretty boring – all those unhandsome clothes at the back of the wardrobe; hair products that smell of worming medicine; pork scratchings; Paul Weller CDs – but we’ll put 50p on YOURS being far more amusing. Share your shopping follies in the comments below!

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Tags:crap, paul weller, pets, rabbits, regrets
Posted in extracurricular questions, User-generated answers | 7 Comments »