Answer Me This! Podcast

** Click here for Episode 179 **

Here’s a question from Chris from Sunderland:

Someone told me they committed a prank in which they, amoung a large group of co-prankers, picked up this guy’s car, and hid it in his garage. When the guy then reported the car as being stolen, the police searched around the area, and discovered the car in the garage. They then thought he was playing a prank on them.

So answer me this: have you commited any japes, pranks, or serious shenanigans that have been a little over the score?

I’d put money on you readers having done so, so while I’m down at the bookie’s, tell everyone about your mischief in the comments. Meanwhile, Harry from Fleet is cooking up his own prank:

I was thinking up some good old-fashioned revenge ideas when I sprung upon the idea of urinating onto my father’s cake. This got me thinking whether you could make icing from wee.

Later on still, thinking along the same lines, I wondered if there could be any more practical uses for the stuff? With the increasing prices of water, perhaps could it not act as nature’s 2 for 1 deal on water?

I’m sure there are lots of wonderful uses for human urine, Harry, but I’m more interested to find out what it is your father has done to you to warrant being served up a lovely slice of piss-soaked cake. And whether all of his five senses are really bad enough for him not to notice your extra ingredient.

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** Click here for Episode 178 **

You know what we’ve always thought was missing from the confectionery market? Pharmaceuticals! Not really, but that’s because we’re not Sam from Manchester, the Willy Wonka of over-the-counter drugs:

When I was at university, I had too many essays to do in not enough time, so I came up with a new invention – chocolate-covered Pro Plus. It was perfect: an initial hit of chocolate followed by the long lasting effect of Pro Plus. It was so good I thought they should make it!

So answer me this: have you ever had an idea that you think should be taken into production? Obviously other than a national radio station taking up the show and paying you lots of money!

While I recover from the coughing fit brought on by the idea that radio pays lots of money, you readers must go forth to the comments and tell us about your own ideas of gaps in the market. Let’s get some of them into production, people! Ibuprofen jelly, how about it?

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** Click here for Episode 177 **

Over the years, we’ve noted a number of emotions which AMT stirs in its listenership: amusement, nausea, disgust, disappointment… But this is the first time we’ve been able to add ‘shame’ to the canon. Shamika writes:

I work for a global consultancy in the City. As I was walking out of the office on Friday (already with my headphones on), a director came up to me and asked what was I listening to. I’m a bit of a comedy freak so my phone is full of podcasts like the Bugle, Friday Night Comedy and of course AMT.

So answer me this: do I recommend AMT if he asks me again next week?

Readers, the woman’s on a deadline. Help her out. Have you found that listening to AMT has adversely affected your professional reputation (or your dignity in general)? And is there a podcast Shamika could namedrop which would guarantee her that promotion?

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** Click here for Episode 177 **

Let’s tackle our second relationship dilemma of the day, this one from Luke:

I’m currently living in Argentina but will be returning to sunny England in July. This is sad news for me and my boyfriend as I’ll be leaving the continent and he’ll be heading back to Colombia, thus putting an end to our relationship.

So answer me this – is it morally wrong to start planning future romantic escapades with someone else whilst still in a relationship, if you know that you inevitably have to split up beforehand?

It’s not morally right, but it is pragmatic. I am a fan of pragmatism. But I’m also a fan of morals. So…conflicted… Readers, help me and Luke in our confusion by giving some good clear advice in the comments.

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** Click here for Episode 176 **

Count your blessings, readers, as you peruse this email from beleaguered Susan from Queensland:

I’ve had a run of bad luck for the last year or so. Not loss of loved ones, but many minor incidents: car rear-ended twice in three weeks, the second a few days after the first repair; water pouring through the ceiling during torrential rain two days after moving into new house; the motor of a water pump burned out by lightning, replaced, then struck by lightning again; and lots of other stuff too tedious to list.

So answer me this: as an atheist of long standing apparently being picked on by a mischievous spirit – the only possible explanation (if you put aside the laws of chance) – how do I choose a deity to put an end to this unlucky streak? I’m willing to build a small altar, but I draw the line at any form of self-mutilation. Help.

Oh, there are other possible explanations: you were born under a bad star, you got out of the wrong side of the bed this year, karma’s a bitch and it KNOWS WHAT YOU DID… Also I’m not sure that if you become one of the Faithful, your chosen deity will agree to a one-on-one takedown of the mischievous spirit.

I do, however, feel sorry about your bad streak, so readers, go to the comments and help this unfortunate woman reverse the tide of misfortune through whichever means necessary.

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** Click here for Episode 176 **

Here’s a question from Rosie in Berlin:

I am fairly new to the podcast and have spent today listening to old episodes while I am tidying my bedroom. It is a beautiful day outside but my room is frankly a dump and my brother’s coming to stay next week. I hate tidying (hence the state of my room) and would much rather be sitting by the lake (although because this is Germany there are a lot of naked swimmer and sunbathers!).

Answer me this – how can I make tidying/cleaning fun?

Why are you asking me? My place is a hovel! There are even potatoes growing in the carpet. Instead, take guidance from the real expert (no, not Kim’n’Aggie):

Readers, if you think you know better than the Poppins, go to the comments to advise Rosie on how to achieve what I consider the impossible.

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** Click here for Episode 176 **

Here’s a question from Harriet from Camberley, who will be wearing wellie boots 24/7 henceforth:

I was recently in a lift at one of the underground stations when an old man stood right next to me. As there was only the two of us in the lift I was a little concerned. And concerned I should have been as he promptly urinated down his trouser leg and onto my sandals.

So answer me this: What is the correct etiquette when someone pisses on your shoes?

Alas our copy of Debrett’s does not offer guidance on this particular matter. As in all these times when the great bastion of British manners leaves us high and dry, the best reserve option of course is to crowd-source the answer from Team AMT. Readers, go to the comments and instruct Harriet on how to behave correctly if and when this situation arises again. Also we’re sure that tips for getting the smell of piss out of sandals would be greatly appreciated too.

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All the single ladies, all the single ladies – put your hands UP woah-oh-oh if you think you might like to go on a date with Tom, who writes:

During one inebriated night, I foolishly joined a dating agency which required a fairly reasonable, though still a little hefty, 6-month subscription fee.

So answer me this – should I lie like a (storm) trooper on my character profile to see if I can get a nibble and hopefully, by the time it comes to meet up with them, some of the lies would be true? Or should I concentrate on sorting my life out before getting back out there on the desperate dater’s scene (and make sure my credit card, laptop and whiskey are never in the same room again)?

It’s possible that a little lady-fun would give you the impetus to start sorting out your situation, Tom. But readers, what do you think? Go to the comments to sort out Tom’s live – its romantic side, of course, but also professional, domestic and pastoral. And don’t mince your words, because he needs the fillip.

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