revolving door policy


** Click here for Episode 177 **

Let’s tackle our second relationship dilemma of the day, this one from Luke:

I’m currently living in Argentina but will be returning to sunny England in July. This is sad news for me and my boyfriend as I’ll be leaving the continent and he’ll be heading back to Colombia, thus putting an end to our relationship.

I love my boyfriend; however, I was recently contacted by a Brazilian fling from my summer trip to Rio, and found myself neglecting to mention to him that I had a boyfriend, instead referring to him as my “friend”. This doesn’t seem to matter now, as we live in different countries; but I know that he, the Brazilian, will be coming to visit the UK once I’m back and so I didn’t want to burn any bridges.

So answer me this – is it morally wrong to start planning future romantic escapades with someone else whilst still in a relationship, if you know that you inevitably have to split up beforehand?

It’s not morally right, but it is pragmatic. I am a fan of pragmatism. But I’m also a fan of morals. So…conflicted… Readers, help me and Luke in our confusion by giving some good clear advice in the comments.

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4 Responses to “revolving door policy”

  1. Hope Says:

    Well as you both foresee that you’ll be parting ways soon I see no problem with it in this situation. What they don’t know can’t hurt them is usually pretty bad advice for relationships but seems to work in this case.

  2. Sally Says:

    I disagree, IF you have talked to your current boyfriend about the situation and you have made the decision to enjoy the rest of your time together and then break up, then you don’t have any obligation to break up with him now.
    You have lied to the old fling unnecessarily, why not be honest about your current situation? I don’t think your current boyfriend can reasonably expect you to not sleep with anyone once you’ve got back to England, but I think he can expect you to tell people who are interested in sleeping with you that you do have a boyfriend at the moment.

  3. LA Says:

    I’ve been in a similar situation, and I can say that lame duck relationships are the worst. If you think the break up with your current man is inevitable and you’re sure about that Brazilian guy, break things off now and spend your new-found free time fantasizing about the new guy.

  4. Zoe Says:

    You should break up with your boyfriend now since you know its not going to last. That way you can feel free to fantasize all you want about the other guy.

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