After last week’s podcast you probably rushed to book a Valentine’s trip to Loughborough. But Sam counsels against:
I can confirm that Loughborough is NOT sexy – see attached.
Yes, that is a cucumber in a condom, and yes it is broken.
This I saw in broad daylight, heaven knows what horrors await those who visit in the hours of darkness!
What are you objecting to, Sam? The fact that the cucumber is practicing safe sex – even though the prawn industry isn’t going to propagate the idea that you can still have sexy fun whilst using barrier contraception – or the fact that the condom is broken, and you’re worried the cucumber is risking STDs or even the pitter-patter of tiny gherkins?
What are the smells that trigger certain feelings or memories for you? Does the scent of a rose transport you back to eating Turkish Delight with your gran? Do exhaust fumes remind you of that trip to Rome where you lost your wallet but gained some minor STDs? Does cider bring back all too vividly that time you puked into your dad’s slippers?
Whatever the flavour of your nasal nostalgia, take a big sniff and listen to Answer Me This! Episode 245:
Today we speak of:
Annie Lennox
bouquet tossing uniformdating.com
the grapevine
the cheesy moon
the Earl of Grantham’s house before he moved into Downton Abbey Arrested Development vs. Arrested Development Phenom
sexy dill
wedding suits
Marvin Gaye: phone engineer
DVD/Blu-ray ordering
and
the lies of David Sneddon.
Also: Olly’s not a bad driver, it’s just his cursed jumper; Helen is abusing her magnificent brain, by filling it with shitcoms then hitting it with beer bottles; and Martin the Sound Man’s impression of Gregg Wallace is uncannilly shitty.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) is a question from Ellen in North Carolina about the Tim Tam Explosion. If you’re not sure what that is, imagine the Australian version of the Soggy Biscuit Game.
On the subject of sweet things, see the proof of Thorntons icing HERE. But this innocentish fun has a dark side, and we don’t just mean 70% cocoa solids dark. As you’ll find out in the episode, Thorntons are striking back! Ulp…
Assuming Thorntons haven’t shut us down by next week, send us your QUESTIONS: email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.
We won’t be wishing birthday boy Declan many happy returns after the day he had:
It was my birthday on Monday and it was dreadful. I had to do a statistics exam in the morning, which was bad enough; but then I had to catch the bus to get home. The bus was crowded and a few people were standing. One man, who had two seats to himself, suddenly stood up and rushed off the bus. I thought this was strange but I thought nothing more of it.
I then sat down in his seat to discover that the seat was warm and damp.
Answer me this: what are your worst birthday experiences? Mine is definitely sitting in another man’s urine.
Luckily I can’t equal or top that; but readers, can you? Go to the comments and make Declan feel less alone in his puddle of piss.
Following last week’s ‘black or blue?’ ink debate, we’ve received the following inkformation from Su:
I am a civil servant and, in the days before computers, it was mandatory to use black ink on all official documents. This was because black was the only colour that did not fade – over time other colours fade out so the text cannot be seen. Red could be used for amendments but that was only because the amendments would be included in a final documents written in black ink.
Aaron meanwhile sheds light on why green ink is the ink of madness – because it’s the ink of choice for people who are surrounded by all the drugs! He says:
I work in a hospital (in the UK) and noticed on a drug chart that the pharmacist had written over the chart in GREEN INK!!!!
Well, it turns out the profession of pharmacist have claimed green ink for their own pointless notes on a drug charts, such as ‘take with food’ ‘give slowly’ and ‘mix with water’.
Answer me this: are there any other professions or trades that feel they need to claim a colour for themselves?
Evidently the civil service – see above – but readers, if you’re in a profession which insists upon, say, violet ink, or allows only orange Rorschach tests, then let us know in the comments. Although typing in boring old black and white is probably anathema to you.
By the way, Aaron, I’m going to guess that the green ink is a sensible measure so the notes are visible against the other prevailing colours on the drug charts. Also I don’t think that ‘take with food’ and ‘mix with water’ are at all pointless, as anyone who has tried ibuprofen on an empty stomach, or attempted to ingest dry Lemsip powder, will know.
We’re pleased to hear from Joe in Seattle from AMT244, because he’s telling us we were RIGHT. Even though us being RIGHT means his love life went a bit WRONG. He writes:
I recently asked you if I was being blown off via text after a first date, and you answered in the podcast that my chances didn’t look good.
Here’s an update: I figured I had nothing to lose, so a week or so later I sent a second text, suggesting a possible time and place for a second date. No reply.
I’m going to go read alone in a coffee shop now.
Well, at least you’re in the ideal location to do that. Wrap yourself in flannel, crank up the Mudhoney, and hope that Bridget Fonda is your waitress.
We knew we could count on you to send us sweary Thorntons products, you bunch of chocolate-loving pottymouths! This has to be one of the best slews of feedback we have ever had. It also contains Swear Words so the rest of the post is after the jump. (more…)
Answer Me This! Podcast 