In regards to your recent podcasts about domain names I thought you would find it interesting to hear about my husband’s experience. A few months back, he received an offer of $500 for his company’s domain name. He turned it down as it wouldn’t be worth the time and effort to reestablish a new name as he has used the same one for the last 16 years.
A few days after he turned this down, he got another offer and this time it was $5000.00. He asked which company was interested and although the broker wouldn’t tell him, he managed to do a little online sleuthing around the area code of the broker and the initials of his company’s name and it appears that a very large US gaming and casino company is involved!
He told the broker that it would take a lot more money to get him to give up the domain name and we are waiting to hear their counter offer! $$$$$$
How much should we hold out for?
You could do some research into similar cases and the amounts large companies paid for domains. Or you could think of a pleasing amount of money, then double it, then add another decimal point or two to compensate your husband’s business for the hassle it would cause to change it.
Henry in Vancouver, Canada thinks he’s some kind of rebel:
Hearing your notice not to send in zombie questions last week naturally made me think of some sort of check-mate scenario in that regard. With that in mind, Olly, answer me this, what is the plan for your cat in some sort of Zombie-centric emergency?
NO, HENRY. NO. NO.
And now there’s Joel:
Do the BBC and other such channels have actually have a system for a nationwide crisis, such as a zombie attack?
The answer to the sensible portion of your question is ‘Yes’. My response to the latter part is NO, JOEL, NO NO NO NO NO FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
Our last questioneer was rescued from herself by a friend; but our latest correspondent Anon cannot face doing the same for his/her friend:
I’m a pretty big nerd and pretty much all of my friends are the same. We’re not totally without social graces, but there are a few quirks among our group and as someone who hangs out with the general “nerdy” type I’ve come to accept or ignore most of them. But one of my closest friends has a foible that I have a harder time with.
This person speaks LOUDLY. In general conversation they have a voice that carries, and while this isn’t so bad, when they get even remotely excited about something (which is often) they are practically screaming.
Now, this person isn’t doing it to be rude or strong arm the conversation. They are generally one of the nicest and most considerate people I know. But when we are in a small area like a car or small room this often hurts my ears, and I’ve seen other people react subtly but similarly to it. Out at restaurants this quirk gets us annoyed stares, and depending on our subject matter, worse.
I have once or twice tried to nicely say “Ooh we’re (or you’re) getting loud and excited we should quiet down”, but this doesn’t seem to stick and I feel like an asshole for saying it because I know this person is a little bit sensitive. I’ve also tried speaking lowly to try and model or encourage this person to lower their voice, but it hasn’t worked.
I have no idea how else to handle this, or even if it can be handled. I really love my friend, but I’d really like to be able to communicate this to them without hurting their feelings. I know I’d like to know if I did this. Answer me this: is there a way to deal with this problem and not offend my friend?
You have already tried the gentle approach and, while it didn’t offend your friend, it didn’t shut them up either. If you’re still not willing to broach the subject directly with them, entreat one of your bolder mutual friends to do it instead. Alternatively, here are some options:
1. When your friend gets loud, ostentatiously put in earplugs. If that doesn’t register, upgrade to large noise-cancelling headphones. Eg the kind that people wear whilst chainsawing.
2. From a theatrical prop supplier, buy some of those wineglasses that are safe to smash. With your nerd-friends, rig up a gadget so you can smash the glasses remotely. When Captain Shouty gets shouty, detonate.
3. Contract laryngitis, then give it to your friend.
4. Pay somebody to dress as a librarian and follow your friend around. Whenever your friend exceeds a certain volume, the librarian disapprovingly shushes them. After a couple of weeks, the message should have sunk in.
Bitchy Resting Face has been one of the success stories of the year, but it’s not proving so successful for Leah:
Last weekend whilst discussing my historic lack of success with menfolk, my friend commented that I can’t complain as I do have a “massive fuck-off vibe”.
I’m not denying this for a moment. I spent the entirety of my teenage years carefully cultivating an attitude that I hoped was halfway between Morrissey’s supposed asexuality and Destiny’s Child’s ‘Independent Woman’, as a way, I guess, to hide the fact I was a bit scared of all that funny business.
The thing is, this has kinda stuck and as I approach my twentieth birthday I realise I have absolutely no clue of how to not give the impression that I would rather eat my own vomit than talk to the person trying to chat me up.
It sounds ridiculous, but answer me this: how do I make myself seem more approachable after years of trying to do the exact opposite?
TOO LATE. The wind changed and your face has stuck that way*. By the grand old age of 20, all habits are so deeply ingrained that it’ll be IMPOSSIBLE to change them. Enjoy dying alone, Leah!
Oh, don’t look at me like that, Leah – I’m just joshing, no need for the Murder Stare! By recognising the problem, you’ve already begun to tackle it. Practice in non-pulling situations. For instance: when in the company of other humans, try to arrange your features in such away that they don’t appear hostile. Replicate the open body language of less forbidding characters than you. Learn to ask people a few polite questions about their lives. Feign interest in the answers. If you puke in your mouth, disguise it behind a welcoming smile.
That’s for starters. Readers, what would you recommend Leah try next in her deMorrissification program? Advise in the comments.
*Seriously though, does anyone understand what that expression is about?
At the time of recording Answer Me This! Episode 270dicksmack.org*, the domain name bandied around in last week’s episode, was still available. But within minutes of today’s episode becoming available, it seems one enterprising listener snapped it up. If it’s any comfort, dicksmack.com is still available…
* Apologies to any listener called Dick S. Mack for any upset all this may have caused
On today’s agenda:
ostrich eggs
symmetrical balls
gorilla balls
the ‘guess the price of the scarves’ game
book blurbs
jam vs conserve
supernatural forces vs scientific forces Zara vs Liberty
Rick Stein’s signature vs George Orwell’s signature
Frankenstein’s monster’s education
celebrity community service the LingerieLegends Football League
the We’re the Millers trailer
and
zombies.
Plus: Olly’s binders full of women are very well organised; Helen insists on having a Pocket full of articles to keep her diverted during boring shopping trips; and Martin the Sound Man finally reveals what his PhD was in. Wait – he didn’t just buy it off the internet?
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) includes Olly’s impression of every Stephen King film ever. Has to be heard to be believed.
Please be so kind as to send us your QUESTIONS (unless they’re about zombies, in which case don’t): leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
Oh, and if you want to buy a signed copy of the AMT book, and to support a terrific independent bookshop by doing so, ask Bookseller Crow for one.
See you next Thursday,
Helen & Olly
AMT270 Child-Friendly Rating: 36%. F-bomb detonates within first minute of the show, followed by discussion about dicksmack.org, and the dick-related things that site could potentially contain. Several swears. Early question about testicles. Safe waters in the middle of the show, but ends with a question about a sport that is essentially fap-material.
We thank the many of you who sent in very knowledgable-sounding feedback upon last week’s topic of pianists’ page-turners. As well as some very informative comments about the system, our inbox has received so many emails that it was difficult to choose which to present to you here; but we ended up choosing this one from Cassandra because she sounds so cheerful:
Greetings!! I am parked outside the Cheesecake Factory restaurant in Fairfax, Virginia listening to your episode on page turners for pianists and orchestras. I was so excited I knew the answer I had to hold off on buying cherry cheesecake until I could answer it.
I can help!! I am a violinist and in an orchestra the string players are always grouped by twos: two musicians to a music stand where they share the music.
When it comes to the point of the page turn, it is the “inside player” who does the page turning. This means that the musician who is closet to the audience/edge of stage always continues playing while the inside person pauses for a few seconds, flips the page, and then continues playing. This ensures no break in the music. It is essentially universal, this method.
However, I teach high school orchestra students and there is usually a pretty lengthy “debate” on who has to turn pages, meaning “I am a senior and you are a freshman and I don’t care that you are the outside, you are turning my pages, blah blah blah.” It’s amusing to listen to and then correct them that no, you really do need to turn the pages for the freshman since you are on the inside.
BTW – my younger sister has turned pages for a pianist before, harder than it looks as you have to turn them EXACTLY when they indicate and you have to be able to read music (she played piano herself), or they swear at you under their breath 😉
Now I need cheesecake.
You go get that cheesecake, Cassandra! Thanks for the information. And thanks also to Adam for suggesting something to watch whilst gobbling the cheesecake:
Did you ever watchThe Page Turner? It was a very boring movie about some lesbian pageturner who started an affair with a pianist wife of a family.
I didn’t; and now you’ve told me what happens, and that it’s very boring, I will continue to not watch it.
Oh look – problems arise from musicians doing gigs in fans’ houses even when Pete Doherty is not there. See this missive from Alex:
I am a big fan of musician Amanda Palmer. She recently allowed fans to pay $5,000 (around £3,000) for her to come and attend a house party – she comes, plays music, hangs out with you and up to 50 people; much fun is had by all.
I attended one of these parties last week, and have just been approached by somebody else I know, who is holding one in October, and has a spare space if I want to attend. With the number of people attending, it will cost me £85 – an equal portion of the $5,000.
BUT, this $5,000 also includes a bunch of other merchandise – which was available to buy separately for a total of about £1,000.
I asked the person who paid for the party about this ‘extra merchandise’, and she informed me that she just kept all of the extra stuff, because she had paid for the package using her dad’s life insurance money. She deemed this fair because if he hadn’t died nobody would be able to go.
So, answer me this – is it right for her to do this? Essentially getting almost £1,000 worth of merchandise and tickets for free? Or am I right in thinking that, since the things were worth £1,000 she should do the same as the party I attended, and only charge the guests about £2,000 – costing about £40-50 each?
Readers, what do you make of this? Chip in in the comments.
“Is it right?” Eh… Not especially, but on the other hand, your friend took the financial risk of a $5,000 outlay without knowing that she’d definitely recoup most of it. Furthermore, I think that choosing to spend £1,000 on the merch is different to receiving merch worth £1,000 as part of a whole package you’re buying. In your friend’s mind, the £1,000 of merch is probably not worth £1,000 actual money. So the fair thing to do would be for her to divide the merch amongst the fifty gig attendees, wouldn’t it?
If, however, you feel that a segment of Amanda Palmer vinyl is not making up your financial shortfall: bear in mind your friend is supplying the party venue. Your challenge is to eat £1,000-worth of party snacks.
Here’s some intportant intformation about the runt of the litter of the seven original major web domain suffices. Int’s from David:
Last week you talked about the original Internet top-level domains, and wondered who on earth would buy a .int domain.
Well, I used to work for the International Network for Bamboo and Rattan (INBAR), whose website is http://www.inbar.int. A guy there told me that only recognised intergovernmental organisations, such as INBAR or the UN, are allowed to have websites ending in .int.
So no-one can simply buy a domain ending in .int (check GoDaddy, it’s not one of the options when you try to register a new domain) — you first need to set up a globally-recognised intergovernmental organisation.
So, answer me this: how does one go about setting up an intergovernmental org?
You think if we knew how to do that, we’d be still be trifling around with podcasts? Readers! Go to the comments to tell David how he can get to play with the big guns (the big guns being the International Network for Bamboo and Rattan, of course. What could possibly be bigger?).
You know, sometimes I worry about the advice I dole out on Answer Me This! – though I was pretty sure about the particular nugget which Rupert has written to endorse:
Having only just caught up with Episode 268 (the holiday podcast backlog causing its usual chaos), I heard the bit about not blacking up children and was brutally dragged back to one of the most embarrassing incidents of my life…
I was an awkward child of 8 or so, up in Edinburgh for our annual Christmas stay with my Aunt, Uncle and cousins. For some reason that year, the traditional panto included The Black & White Minstrels (this was about 45 years ago, o tempora, o mores, etc.).
The highlight of the show was the opportunity to get blacked up like a Black & White Minstrel (remember, 45 years ago). My hand shot up, and I was invited up on stage. What I had forgotten was that we had been dressed up in our finest clothes for this treat, which for me – for reasons I have never fully understood, since I was English and lived in Hampshire – meant wearing a kilt.
Having blacked up my face, like the others, they then had to black up my knees – to the great derision of the rest of the audience, who seemed to regard this as the most ridiculous thing they had ever seen. It probably was, but childhood wounds run deep. I have never worn a kilt again.
So I just wanted to endorse the wise advise you handed out: do not black up children.
Indeed. Do not. Not ever. Not even for kiddy productions of Othello.
Trolls have been in the news a lot lately – the online tormentor kind, but not the toys that used to be so popular. Why is that? Did people finally take a clear-eyed look at those dinky little plastic haemorrhoids and realise that they disobeyed William Morris’s dictum regarding beauty/usefulness? Has there been a worldwide shortage of neon hair?
No. Find out the true reason for trolls’ recent retirement from the limelight in Answer Me This! Episode 269:
In which we also learn about:
wicker furniture
family holidays
murder houses
Ray Winstone vs. June Whitfield
indoor-outdoor space
the Lindbergh baby
the seven generic top-level domains
pianists’ page-turners Thomas Dam
and
Yoshi.
Plus: Olly gets to talk about cats, and their glands, and their necks, and their cheeks, and their adorable bums; if Helen were the subject of a Thomas Harris novel, it’d be The Silence of the Chairs; and Martin the Sound Man is indignant at the idea of a male dinosaur laying an egg through his urethra.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App features a humdinger of a tale: Olly has alphabeticised his spice rack. For reals! Hear all about it, and how Helen has organised her spice rack, on your iDevice or Android.
Also, if you want to have a holiday that is more enjoyable than questioneer Pat from Canada’s, try the AMT Holiday album – no family rows or screaming kids, just one hour of us jabbering on into your ear. What could be more paradisial and relaxing than that?
Don’t be so relaxed that you forget to send us your QUESTIONS, though. Leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
See you next Thursday,
Helen & Olly
AMT269 Child-Friendly Rating: 78%. Some swearing, one attributable to Olly channelling Ray Winstone. References to feline sexual delight. Detraction of possibly beloved-by-children Troll dolls.
PS Oh, HERE’s where all the Trolls disappeared to. (Aside from all the ones that have been hiding out here.)
Questioneer Liz has lopped off her head-top femininity, and people are going apeshit about it even though we’ve seen the same many times over, from Audrey Hepburn/Michelle Williams/Halle Berry/Demi Moore/Miley Cyrus/’Stop’-era Posh Spice/bad-era Britney, right through to Joan of Arc.
She writes:
I recently decided to cut my hair into a short crop style (I am a 29 year old female doctor), and ever since have been astonished at the deluge of rude, inappropriate and frankly outright mean things that people have said to me. When I say ‘people’, I am mostly referring to men. One male friend’s first response was “Are you a lesbian now?” whilst another stated “I don’t like short hair on girls, you look like a boy”. I have been ordered to grow it long again, asked “What went wrong at the hairdressers?” and told “You will never get a boyfriend now”. In contrast my female friends have been highly supportive, stating it looks great.
So, answer me this: Why do men think it is OK to be mean to women with short hair? And are my female friends lying in saying it looks great? (which surely is the safe and socially accepted way to go – to be honest I’d appreciate more men taking this route!)
I’m not a man, but reader, if you are one, go to the comments and explain to Liz why her haircut might be causing upset. Since we don’t have photo evidence that the style doesn’t make Liz look like Jimmy Krankie rather than Winona Ryder, let’s assume that she does look nice with it. Let’s also assume that Liz’s primary purpose is not to look attractive to her male friends.
On the most part my fiancée and I get on really well, but there’s one sticking point that drives me crazy: she refuses to watch movies I am passionate about showing her, especially the Steven King classic Stand By Me.
Answer Me This:
1. Why is she doing this to me and 2. how can I persuade her to watch Stand By Me?
1. Maybe she doesn’t want to be bullied into watching? Or perhaps she is enjoying toying with your feelings thus.
2. Compromise is key. I suggest you effect a semi-regular arrangement of watching double bills, for which you have each chosen one film. You have to watch each other’s film without prejudice, and your own film without pointing out all the things you want the other to notice about it. Afterwards, you may have a reasoned, dispassionate discussion about what you have seen, but if neither of you can be trusted to do that, then keep your opinions to yourselves and talk about something else instead.
Another option is to accept that in relationships, you’re allowed to like and dislike things your partner does not. If you try the double bill plan and your fiancée subjects you to Danny Dyer film after Danny Dyer film, this will be a good backup choice.
Answer Me This! Podcast 