I was listening to the question about Tetris when Olly talked about Tetrominoes and wondered why not do it with 5 or 6 squared shapes.
When I was in primary school in the mid-1980s, our teacher Mrs Doubleday taught us a game called Pentominoes, where you had 12 shapes cut from squared paper (all the possible combinations of 5 squares) and you had to make a larger shape – usually just rectangles of varying dimensions (if 4 lines is a “Tetris” would 5 be a “Penis”?) from the pentominoes as quickly as possible. It was actually quite a lot of fun, and even subliminally educational.
I guess she didn’t jump on the bandwagon and try to licence it to the Soviet government because a) she was about 70, and b) one of the pentominoes was called “The Stinker” and was invariably the piece that was hardest to fit in – it would have been the cause of millions of smashed gameboys had she ever taken it public.
X
X X X …X
That’s the shape of The Stinker.
What a shame Mrs Doubleday wasn’t commercially minded, because there must have been scores of Tetris addicts wanting to move onto the harder stuff, stinky or not.
Here are the rest of the Pentomino shapes, in case you had a hankering to make your own cut-out-and-keep Penises (?):
It seems you lot have mixed experiences of cheap dates. Jess, 21, from West London, seems quite positive:
In AMT290, Alan from Dublin asked about the use Groupon Vouchers on dates. I thought I’d throw in my two cents as someone who likes to feel like they’re being made a fuss of, but also like they’re not taking the piss – make it clear it’s a groupon voucher, but go for something a bit wacky date-wise! “How would you like to go Go-Karting this weekend? I got a groupon voucher and I thought it would be fun” type thing. That way it doesn’t sound cheap and it comes across as a more inventive date than the run of the mill “dinner and a movie” type crap.
Gen from Adelaide, however, is not so keen:
You talked this week about the appropriateness of using vouchers to purchase two-for-one meal deals on dates? We have similar schemes here in Oz, and can be quite handy, if a group of friends are going out for a meal. My sister sent me on a blind date with one of her colleagues a few years ago, and the ‘gentleman’ in question took me to a semi-posh cafe for lunch. He said he would pay for the meals in a kind of a ‘aren’t I the magnanimous one’ way and then proceeded to pull out his voucher book.
Hmmm, I thought, that’s unusual. Then, to avoid any awkwardness, I went up and got the drinks, and also paid for the coffees at the end, which cost about $30. I won’t bore you with the in-between bits, suffice to say that I had to listen to the guy talk about himself non-stop for two hours.
At the end, I happened to glance at the receipt from the meals, and realized that he’d only spent about $18. By the time we got back to my house, it was all I could do to stop myself jumping out of the car and running inside and locking all of the doors and windows – he was clearly expecting a little ‘afternoon delight’ – and unsurprisingly we never met again. So, if you want to impress a woman on a first date, I say a definite ‘no!’ to the use of restaurant vouchers.
It’s a bit unfair to blame that on the vouchers rather than the boring talk – but perhaps that is a valuable lesson to absorb: even if the meal is heavily discounted, the chat action should still be 100%.
Also, producing a voucher BOOK is far from suave. In the same non-sexy vein as pulling out a pocket calculator to determine your exact share of the bill.
Readers, answer me this: what IS the best way to impress somebody on a cheap date? I’ll buy 30% of a coffee for the person who gives the best advice.
Here’s an email from a mystery listener who is a little frustrated:
I’ve only recently got into Tinder, but since I did I’ve been addicted and just can’t stop.
HOWEVER.
I just found a very attractive man and, as you may know, Tinder displays your mutual Facebook likes. and what did this attractive man like on Facebook?? ANSWER ME THIS PODCAST.
Unfortunately, I was looking through all this photos, but accidentally pressed the ‘back’ button whilst swiping through his photos, and……… swiped him left and he’s gone into oblivion.
My only hope is that maybe he might listen to the podcast??? He did like you on Facebook after all. Although his bio said that ‘most of his likes are things he thought were funny 4 years ago’. The only other one I remember was Salem the cat from Sabrina, so between that and you guys, this guy sounds like my ideal man already.
His name was Frederic so if there are any attractive man listeners named Frederic, who probably hail from the south-east ish area of England (or were there at some point) and like Answer Me This and Salem (and I think Franz Ferdinand??) on Facebook, maybe he wants to go out for a drink or something. unless he already swiped me to the left in which case this is awkward.
But work with me.
Reader. Are YOU Frederic off Tinder? Did you find this podcast funny four years ago? Are you a fan of the cat below? Please get in touch!
If you can hear heaving sobs issuing from the AMT bunker, it’s because one of our favourite podcasts, the Guardian’s Media Talk, is coming to an end. (Unless one of you is a generous benefactor and fancies having Media Talk in your own entertainment stable? Save Media Talk!) I was on the last episode. But, in a ‘Clap if you believe in fairies’ moment, there may be a glimmer of hope for its future… Read here to find out.
As one podcast ends, another begins: Leila Johnston from Shift Run Stop has launched a new podcast, Hack Circus, and for its inaugural episode she and I (and her dog) met up in a pub and had a big old chat, which you can hear on iTunes or not-iTunes. Or right here:
Further audiotainment:
I love a bit of true crime, so I’ve been blasting through the newish podcast Criminal. Counterfeiters! Murderous owls! Polygraphs! Flytrap thieves! The production is classy and the show is very interesting and fun (funteresting?).
Remaining on the crimey theme: Unfictional is perennially excellent but the ‘Murder In Jersey’ episode was particularly excellent. It involves two brothers looking into their grandfather’s murder, unsolved since 1970. The episode is no longer on the main feed, but you can still find it elsewhere eg here and here.
Frankly, I haven’t felt this bereft since I watched Dear Zachary (which you can watch here if you are in the mood for Devastating Emotions).
After all that sorrow and tragedy, I’m hitting RISK! for a bawdy pick-me-up, and I suggest you do too.
Ibiza club anthems are NOT welcome at the Thursday Listening Party, but your spoken word entertainment recommendations ARE welcome. Please share them in the comments.
Victoria Beckham’s jumpsuit, from listener Bee’s collection
Hi listeners,
Above is a sacred relic from the 90s: Victoria Beckham’s jumpsuit, from the post-Geri era of the Spice Girls. It’s also a sacred relic of the 90s, in that it’s from Answer Me This! Episode 290, which is here:
Plus: Olly teaches a child empathy, through Robbie Williams; Helen comes up with a strong concept for the Spice Girls’ fourth album; and Martin the Sound Man reckons going up Anish Kapoor’s Olympic Meccano-crash would be cheap at a third of the price. What IS a bargain is Squarespace.com, who are offering you 10% off for a whole year if you use the code Answer when plumping for their website-building and -hosting services. And the great thing about the 90% you pay is that some of it ends up supporting independent podcasts like this one! Hurrah all round.
In today’s Bit of Crap on the App, Olly voices his disappointment over the ubiquity of Emeli Sandé. Our app is almost as readily available for your iDevices, Android or Windows gadgets.
••• AMT290 Child-Friendly Rating: 95%. Pretty clean – possibly even entirely free of swears – although there is a fleeting reference to a Wenlock and Mandeville sex toy towards the end. •••
Welcome to the first AGM of the mutual appreciation society, members: us, and Sarah from Oakland, California:
I am the owner and designer of a small leather accessory line based in Portland, Oregon, and Oakland, California. I have recently discovered your awesome podcast and have passed the long hours of getting ready for upcoming trade shows with your wonderful humor. In response to how much I love your show, I would love to send a thank you gift to all three of you.
And she bloody well did! Here we are, modelling the beautifully handcrafted leather passport wallets from Sarah’s line:
Louis Vuitton, we ARE available to front your A/W 2014 print campaign if Michelle Williams has a change of heart.
To gawk Sarah’s wares without our stupid mugs getting in the way, head to the website for Martine Satchels. Now that my passport is looking so smart, I’m saving up to be able to clothe every single one of my possessions in matching encasements.
NOTE: this is not a paid endorsement, but a thank you note to Sarah for sending us lovely gifts.
Following our homecoming queen election speculation in AMT289, here’s more Americana feedback from Mark from Virginia:
The reason it’s called “homecoming” is that the high school football team always plays a string of away games — i.e., not at the home field. Then when they finally have a home game again, that’s “homecoming”. There’s a parade before the game, there may be some events during halftime, and the homecoming king and queen are announced.
It’s not just that there is “often” a football game. Rather, the whole thing is based on football.
That is all 🙂
IS it all, though, Mark? What is the queen really FOR? Why does sport require monarchs? Here in the UK, our royal family has already had to cut back quite a bit, and they can’t go around crowning somebody every time there’s a home footsport game. Prince Edward barely gets a look-in as it is.
We’ve had a huge response to AMT289, and nearly all of it concerns cups! Firstly, many of you got in touch, from places as diverse as Wales, the South of France and Windsor to inform us that there ARE proper china cups in Pret a Manger. So file Pret cups under ‘Things we didn’t believe in because we haven’t seen them with our own eyes’, along with the dark side of the moon, Argentina and Emmerdale.
Pret cups: photographic evidence
Numerous correspondents were also moved to write in regarding red Solo cups, those essential vessels of America. Although still nobody provided an answer for why they are almost always red (with occasional forays into blue). WHY ARE THEY RED, AMERICA, WHY???
Anyway, while we wait for the White House to supply that important information, here are some additional Solo cup facts. Kyle from West Lafayette, Indiana is a red Solo cup expert, because:
I am currently a member of a fraternity, and we use red Solo cups for multiple reasons:
-They are extremely cheap and can be found anywhere in the United States.
-For absolutely no charge, some marketing companies will provide us with red Solo cups with movie logos printed on them. All we have to do is take pictures of people partying with the cups, and the company keeps sending more.
-Standardized cups make drinking games like beer pong and flip cup easier because the players have had a lot of practice on them before.
-Each solo cup has indentations marking the size of one shot, one glass of wine, and, at the very top, one glass of beer.
Elaborating upon the last point, Eric from New Jersey writes:
The ubiquitous American red Solo cup is interesting because the lines on the cup are markers for different servings of alcohol. The bottom line is a shot of liquor (1 ounce), the middle line is a glass of wine (5 ounces) and the top line is a glass of beer (12 ounces). The company that makes Solo cups has said these lines are unintentional but accurate. This makes it very easy to serve people in a party setting. So, answer me this: do the knock-off brands in the UK also have these volumetrically accurate markings?
Having bought some for a picnic the other day, I can confirm that indeed they do, Eric. Though divided by an ocean, our nations are not so different.
The last time I had to think of brownie law, I was aged seven and being sworn into my school troop. But following AMT289, Conal has supplied an update:
I’m afraid that your listener who considered taking an unopened brownie from Pret would have committed theft by finding if they had taken it.
However, they may have had an excuse to avoid getting arrested (not in the real world would they ever be arrested!) if they had made reasonable steps to return the Brownie to the rightful owner.
British law uses the word “reasonable” quite a lot, so you’d just have to show that you looked around a bit and maybe asked staff if they had seen the person leave.
Well, Tori has been back in touch to tell us what did happen:
I DID take the brownie.
I waited a full 15 minutes before moving the tray it was on onto my table, putting my my rubbish on the tray, then sneakily used the brownie to mark a page in my book, then slipped the book into my bag after a minute.
I hate to see food wasted – it definitely would have gone in the bin since it was under loads of other wrappers. Pret brownies are too good to waste.
It may not be the sort of ‘reasonable’ that stands up in court, but it does seem reasonable. Is Paul from Wimbledon similarly reasonable, though? He writes:
I was in a London wine bar with a friend, enjoying some wine. A couple at the next table were doing the same but also had a platter of cheese. They left, and about 45 minutes later we noticed that they had left most of their tasty cheese platter. We decided this was fair game and tucked in, polishing the whole lot off. They’d also left half a bottle of wine so we snaffled that as well.
You’ll never guess who then came back? That’s right – the rightful owners of the cheese and wine. My friend grasped the initiative and decided we should leave (after all, we didn’t have any wine or cheese left – which was ours). I quickly paid the bill and we legged it.
Do you think what we did was ok? Surely after 45 minutes you forfeit the right to said cheese and wine?
It certainly seems optimistic to think that you can ditch it for that amount of time, because surely a member of staff would clear it away and give the table to someone else. In fact, if you’re in an establishment where they leave the tables festering for so long, do you really want to eat the cheese? OK, further question: if you eat someone else’s abandoned food and then suffer from food-poisoning, can you complain to the premises where you ‘reasonably’ stole it? Wannabe freegans, you need to brush up on the law before you get started.
Then, in the May edition of the Sound Women podcast, I reflect upon My Brilliant Career coughspluttercough, and also learn about prison radio, headed notepaper campaigns, and how YouTube stars are made (talking about hair, apparently):
Further audiotainment:
I’ve spent much of this week doing a large and very fiddly drawing with a tiny dip pen last used by my grandfather at school. My eyes were busy, but my ears were not, so it was an optimal time redress how lately I’ve been slacking on This American Life-listening duties – so many other shows are influenced by This American Life, it made me take the actual This American Life for granted. But blasting through several episodes, including this week’s Call for Help, brought me right back in. I’ll never leave you again, This American Life!
I chased this with an episode of TLDR featuring Alex Tew, who in 2005 created the Million Dollar Homepage whilst sitting around waiting to go to university. Nowadays the site is a bit of a joke for being a relic of a past internet age, and for being more than 20% dead links – but to me, it’s incredible that it is still nearly 80% undead, and still hauling in money. While I was waiting to go to university, I learnt Italian, which earnt me zero dollars and I’ve since forgotten nearly 100% of it. You win this round, Alex Tew!
Drawing with a dip pen takes a REALLY long time, so I also blasted through two series of Radio 4’s The Ideas That Make Us, which is the kind of radio show that makes you feel cleverer as you listen (like In Our Time) whilst being very fun (unlike In Our Time). (Sorry, In Our Time. Melvyn Bragg, please don’t enact revenge on Bettany Hughes for my offence.)
Recently Woman’s Hour ran a belter of a fashion special, featuring such legends as Celia Birtwell, and Grayson and Philippa Perry; there was the serious business of sustainable clothing and the Rana Plaza disaster, and the less serious business of stripes and how they used to be the pattern of the devil. The more you know, eh?
Requests are welcome at the Thursday Listening Party. No need to dance sexily next to the DJ booth hoping to be noticed, just recommend shows in the comments.
Enya, winning at Hide and Seek for the 4000th game in a row
I’m not sure we’ve EVER had a question about Enya, and certainly not one that is URGENT. So mark this day on your AMT Bingo card (we should make AMT Bingo cards!) and then apply yourself to the following question from Nicole from Santa Barbara, California
My almost three-year-old son loves Enya – he’s even slept with his Paint the Sky With Stars CD. He has the same birthday as her (May 17) and worked so hard to make her a birthday card (I wrote the message on the top, which he said that he wanted to write to her).
I don’t want to send it to the record company and have it just be destroyed, and I know she’s had some stalker issues, so the only way to get this to her is with your help.
Please, please answer me this: How can I get this card to Enya?
Gosh, it’s difficult! Enya does not appear to be on Twitter. There are no contact details on her official site. And it would be a bit expensive for Nicole and son to fly last minute from Santa Barbara to Dublin, locate this ‘crack cocaine hell hole’ and visit every posh-looking house within a few hundred yards in order to track down Enya. Clue: this is the house you’re looking for.
Therefore, readers, I appeal to you on behalf of Nicole and particularly her Enyaraptured son: can you use your contacts/detective skills/long-term friendship with Enya to track her down and give her this card, ideally by or on Saturday?
Kid sure loves Enya
Awww looooooook he’s HUGGING THE CD! Come on, Enya; there’s a whole new generation of tiny fans out there for you.
UPDATE: Thanks to the machinations of listeners, the card is on its way!
Answer Me This! Podcast 