Answer Me This! Podcast

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Well, listeners. It’s taken forty-four episodes, but it’s finally happened. What do you mean, what do we mean? Not us finally infiltrating the UK iTunes Top 10 (although that has happened!); not us at last giving our views on estate agents (although that has happened too!); but Martin the Sound Man getting his own podcast. Fortunately it’s not an Answer Me This! spin-off in which he only fields questions about physics or microphones, but a monthly showcase for the pretty music he makes in his spare time as one-man band The Sound of the Ladies. Download it via www.thesoundoftheladies.com, or subscribe via iTunes.

But fear not, Martin the Sound Fans: despite having gone a bit Artsy he’s still gracing Answer Me This!, as you will see if you listen to EPISODE 44, in which we’re getting all talky about such topics as:

the Nokia theme
battle-dress
wanky house-floggers Foxtons
exam technique
historical lies
Miss Marple
ex-council properties
burglars’ bowels
Podwatch
St Albans
and
Toys’R’Us.

Furthermore, Olly sheds light on Ladies’ Times Of The Month; Helen regrets her wasted youth; and Martin gets very very excited about the Francesinha sandwich. (Seriously, they taste much better than that particular combination of ingredients should allow.)

If YOU’VE got questions for us to answer in future episodes, call up our Question Line on 0208 123 5877, Skype us on answermethis, or email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Apologies to anyone who has indeed done this yet is angrily awaiting a response; we’ve got a bit of a question backlog at the moment, but that doesn’t stop us wanting more. More! MORE!!!!!*

See you next week, cuties!

Helen and Olly

* If YOU in fact want a bit more Helen this week, you can watch her giving her views about things and stuff on Sky News tonight at 7.30pm, or listen to her in Radio 4’s Transatlantic with Rory Bremner and Andy Zaltzman (no relation).

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Big sweaty greetings to you, listeners! It’s tax return time, so if you’re busily trying to self-assess before the Inland Revenue come and break down your door at the strike of midnight on the 31st, have a listen to Episode 43 of Answer Me This! to cheer yourself up as you try to work out how to claim a wheel of brie and your mum’s birthday present as business expenses. In this week’s show:

Guylian
the Buggles
Bruce Springsteen
gay Dumbledore
Mannequin
bacteria
Buffalo Bill
Weightwatchers
Chloe from 24
Steve Lamacq
phones in the loo
and
gorgonzola.

Also, Olly rants about Lilliputian sweets, Helen suggests keeping eating and shitting separate, and Martin the Sound Man signs up to the Sound Man Foreign Exchange Program but finds the grass is not always greener.

Anyway, if YOU have got questions, let us have them! Leave them with your voice on our Question Line by dialling 0208 123 5877 or typing Skype ID answermethis, or email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, and with any luck we’ll provide a sensible and entertaining solution in a future episode.

Bye!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Howdedo, friends!

It’s the start of the Seville orange season today, so we expect you’re too busy sterilising jars and boiling up a huge saucepan of marmalade to be reading this. However we can certainly recommend listening to Episode 42 of Answer Me This! as you go; it makes preserves set better. Amongst the jammy goodness, such topics as:

My Two Dads
jaffa cakes
parties
cucumbers
Sainsbury’s sturdy bags
Pepsi Max
huggable Helen
embarrassing parents
potato waffles
and
Bono

Moreover, Helen suggests an inventive recipe for Babycham, Olly rebels against Fancy Coke, and Martin the Sound Man says something gloomy about cancer and something filthy about Halfords.

That notwithstanding, there’s yet more excitement at Answer Me This! as this week Helen and Olly made their joint TV debut on Sky News, talking about their Luxembourg jape (probably the first time Luxembourg’s made it onto the news in quite a while). So if YOU want to book Helen and Olly to talk about a thing on your TV show or at your bar mitzvah, or to cut the ribbon at the opening of a branch of Londis, then GET IN TOUCH via our Question Line 0208 123 5877 or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. They’ll even bring their own scissors.

See you next week!

Helen and Olly

PS. For all the people who’ve been asking where we got the Answer Me This bags we’re sporting in the Luxembourg film: have a browse in our Superstore.

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—

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Happy New Year, pals! So much has happened since we saw you last: we went to Luxembourg; we wrote an article, which appeared in the Saturday Telegraph; we got a shiny new graphic at the top of the website; and…well, that’s all the interesting stuff covered, anyway. But our excitement is bubbling over to such an extent that Episode 41 of Answer Me This! is our biggest ever episode! It’s a bumper start to 2008, featuring:

Jimmy Bond
Gentle Ben
brown sugar vs. white sugar
Kanye West
throwing cars down hills
Plopsiland
chainsaws
Attention Deficit Disorder
The Magus
the European Space Centre
zombies
The Princess Bride
and
Haribo Tangfastics

Plus: Olly says some inflammatory things about Wales; Helen chides Ginster’s pasties; and Martin the Sound Man mostly stays quiet because he’s busy daydreaming about one day owning a pair of THESE. Takes all sorts.

Answer Me This! has just had its first birthday, but rather than bestowing upon us presents of pewter tankards and tiny hats, we’d love it if you send YOUR QUESTIONS to our Question Line 0208 123 5877 or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next week!

Helen and Olly

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Ho ho ho, listeners! Ho ho and verily ho again!

Yes, despite our Jewiness, we’re really getting into the Christmas spirit here at Answer Me This!, and have crammed Episode 40 full of festive treats, much like a Fortnum’s hamper or a Cadbury’s selection box. There are not one but TWO Amazing New Songs! Our dress a dog competition! And a brand-new Hairbrained Scheme!

This week we are holding forth about:

suffocation tips
Tom Baker’s books
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito reunited
Joan as Policewoman’s saucy striptease
Judi Dench
Fox, Cox and their pet Ox
Marky Mark Wahlberg
Holly Hunter’s boobs
Dita von Teese’s scones
Lenny Beige
and
burnt breast implants.

You may also notice something very beautiful-sounding towards the end of this episode; it’s all thanks to super-troubadour Gavin Osborn, who has an album out called In the Twee Small Hours which would make a great Christmas present for absolutely anyone unless they have a heart made of spanners or no ears. So buy it from his record label or Amazon, or the Osborn himself if you happen to bump into him.

In addition, particular thanks must go to this week’s questioneer Dovy, who upon hearing us call for a listener to do what we are too lazy/incompetent to do ourselves and set us up a Bebo profile, did just that. Which was extremely kind of him. Unfortunately, proving that we are indeed too elderly for Bebo, in the process of editing our birthdate Helen managed to delete it. Shame on her. Thankyou for trying, Dovy, and sorry.

In better news, however, we’re Podcast of the Week in the Radio Times this week!

In bad news again, this is the last proper episode of Answer Me This! until 17th January. But in good news: for the next fortnight you can instead enjoy The Best of Answer Me This! 2007, with all our funniest fun bundled up into two commute-sized packages. Don’t let that stop you sending in QUESTIONS for us to get stuck into in the new year, though – leave a message on our Question Line 0208 123 5877 (Skype name answermethis) or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next week, for some clip-show fun!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Top of the morning to you, homies!

It’s a great big love-fest at Answer Me This! this week, as delightful messages from you beloved listeners make Helen and Olly all warm and runny inside. Unfortunately their supper has a similar effect on Olly and Martin, but at least their intestinal gustiness stops things getting too soppy round the place.

The cud that we are chewing this week includes such topics as:

Jerusalem artichokes
camping (Olly’s unlikely fondness for)
Astigmatic Aid
Domino’s pizza (free)
the cinema-going habits of teenage boys
the Socialist Worker
porn and dry cleaning
baby carrots
eunuchs
Des O’Connor’s massive cucumber
vershtinkiner
shanks
and
baby oil.

Also Olly shows off his bilingual singing skills, Helen does her best Dervla Kirwan impression, and Martin the Sound Man analyses the survival habits of the middle classes in the wild. Watch out, David Attenborough!

As ever, remember to send YOUR QUESTIONS to our Question Line 0208 123 5877 (Skype name answermethis) or email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com; and once you’ve done that, get on with decorating your dog for our competition which we unveiled in Episode 38 , and if you need yet further entertainment in the evenings, pop along to see Helen keeping quiet and doing embroidery in Josie Long’s ‘Trying Is Good’ at the Soho Theatre.

See you next week!

Helen and Olly

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It’s a lovely fragrant episode this week, as Helen and Olly try out bottom-of-the-line knock-off perfumes Live On Air and get high as kites in the process. They sure are wild for the rock’n’roll lifestyle! Luckily even all this dangerous living doesn’t stop them getting on with Episode 38, preoccupied with such assorted subjects as:

haggis
Condoleezza Rice
Waitrose Cow Sphincter
Hillary’n’Barack
McDonald’s
McDavid’s
Sean (Mc)Bean
square roots
King Solomon’s Mines
Thanksgiving
Pizza Hat
Alanis Morissette
Terry Pratchett
and
Glasgow.

Also, Olly’s dreams of a career in quantum mechanics are crushed, Helen hints that she may need some psychological counselling, and Martin the Sound Man holds the team together like a big hairy mother hen.

If that episode doesn’t already seem chock-full enough to you, listen up! There’s a competition afoot! Since we’re so excited about our sweet new Answer Me This! merch, and particularly this little chap –

– we’re really keen to see some Real Dogs wearing Answer Me This! clothes (even though dogs wearing clothes is completely obviating the fur Dame Evolution gave them). So we’ve decided to award one of these super-duper messenger bags –

– to the listener who sends in the best picture of a dog wearing an Answer Me This! dog t-shirt, from our Superstore or, even better, a HOME-MADE version thereof! If you can’t get hold of a real dog, then a dog substitute like a fluffy toy dog or dog-shaped loaf of bread will suffice.

The competition closes on New Year’s Day, so hurry up and start styling those hounds, and send your photos, as well as questions, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com; and as usual phone in your queries, problems and quibbles to our Question Line 0208 123 5877.

So long, farewell, and see if you can spot Macy Gray namechecking Cilla Black in the video to ‘I Try’. Olly swears she does. She’s quite eccentric so anything is possible, I suppose.

Bye!

Helen and Olly

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Hello there, pals!

We’re all kinds of keen to present Answer Me This! Episode 36 to you. However our hosting company is being a cock – as is its wont – so if you have problems getting hold of this or any other of our episodes, we suggest you storm down to their head office and demand to see the manager.

Tripping forth from our dainty gobs this week are noises in the shape of:
Noel’s House Party
blowing up the world
back hair
entropy
Aerosmith
Zadok Zaltzman
Dexter Fletcher out of Press Gang
Princess Tiaamii Jordan-Andre
ceilidh
bearskin hats
Fergie (both kinds)
the B’n’B sandwich
and
personal topiary.

Now, we know it’s nearly the end of this post and you must be getting tired, but keep your attentive face on for another minute or two because we have two very exciting bits of news to share with you. Get ready, ‘cos here they come!

Bit the First: WE HAVE MERCH!!! To find out all about it, check out the Answer Me This! Podcast Superstore page, where all will be revealed about what podcast-related tat you can smash open your piggy-bank for. Or if you’ve already spent all your money on sweets, at least you can enjoy the pretty pictures.

Bit the Second: for next week’s episode (number 37, for those of you who have trouble with maths) we will be joined by almost-award-winning comedy team Pappy’s Fun Club! Following their recent appearance on the Annie Mac show on Radio 1, they now feel ready to come and duke it out with the big guns… So if you have a QUESTION that you think Helen and Olly might not be equipped to answer and would rather pose it to Pappy’s Fun Club instead, send it to the Question Line 0208 123 5877 or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and perhaps wannabe question-answerers Matthew, Brendan, Ben and Tom can sort out all your troubles.

See you next week, for the results of AMT v. PFC – let’s hope it’s a pleasing collaboration, like Nick Cave and Kylie Minogue, rather than Posh Spice and Dane Bowers.

Helen and Olly

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Phew! Hallowe’en is finally over, so you can turn that wizened pumpkin into a nice soup and once again open your front door without fear of rampaging sweet-lovers (if only they thought to buy their OWN sweets, they wouldn’t have to waste all that money on rotten eggs and toilet paper! Tschhh). But brace yourself for some spooks and frights in Answer Me This! EPISODE 35.

This week we are Freaking the Hell Out about:

the loobrary
Nottingham council’s wacky measures
Interview magazine
the terrors of Thorpe Park
junkie animals
summer pudding
pennyfarthings
Office Angels vs. nepotism
actuaries
Pudsey Bear
James Blunt corrupting Sesame Street
Alcatraz mugs
Babylonian sexagesimal mathematics
Jeff the Jeffing Jeffers
Gropecunt Lane
and
snakebite ‘n’ black

Furthermore, Olly shows his blokey side , Helen pretends her childhood out-of-body experiences were COMPLETELY NORMAL, and Martin the Sound Man invents the finest slogan the Jobcentre could ever have. There’s also a bit of nasty crackling, which is no doubt Paranormal Activity and not because something got a bit bummed up technologywise.

Now, we’re stocking up on questions for winter like a squirrel hiding nuts in a tree, so if YOU want to help keep us busy, please send us YOUR QUESTIONS by phoning them into the Answer Me This! Question Line 0208 123 5877 (Skype name answermethis) or emailing them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Until next week, when some Exciting Shit will go down, bye!

Helen and Olly

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