Answer Me This! Podcast

Answer Us Back: agar gel and Primal Scream

April 2, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

** Click here to listen to EPISODE 51 **

We’ve had some delightful feedback regarding Episode 50, firstly from Dr Ruth:

After hearing of Jonathon Roberts’ lamentable predisposition to eating his hair gel, I felt compelled to reply with my own version of this affliction. I work in a lab, and we use agar gel for growing bacterial colonies. I LOVE the smell of agar gel (a sort of malty aroma), although others find it repulsive. I did once try some, and although it was really quite revolting to taste, I still find myself wanting to eat it whenever I smell the damned stuff, even though I now know that it would not satisfy my taste buds!

Don’t be frightened, kids – Dr Ruth’s not snacking on some mysterious ectoplasm. Agar is a derivative of seaweed, and is used instead of gelatine in various foodstuffs, so is quite edible and non-toxic. But it’s also a laxative, so watch out, Dr Ruth!

On another Episode 50-related matter, Flash from Dublin writes:

When I heard you talk about funny places to fall asleep I just had to share mine. I was at a music festival in Japan and at some point between Primal scream and New Order my friends found me asleep on a low branch of a tree. No Idea what Happened as I usually don’t even like going uphill, never mind the effort of tree climbing!

Gosh, the amazing adventures of the somnolent Flash! However I suspect that you were trying to escape the sound of Primal Scream by stuffing your ears with bark. Even when asleep, humans’ instincts for self-preservation are remarkable.

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Technical Bulletin

March 31, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

** Click here to listen to EPISODE 51 **

Hello listeners!

We’re having a bit of a technological spring-clean this week, so if you notice anything odd, like your iTunes doing something uncharacteristic with your Answer Me This! collection, panic not. Normality shall be restored very soon. Promise!

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EPISODE 51 – like Supermarket Sweep, but with death

March 27, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, pretties,

Many* of you have written to us in distress** to ask why Episode 50 didn’t appear on iTunes last week. We’re not quite sure – just some tiny glitch at the mighty iMothership, we gather – but it seems to be there now.
*one or two
**in a mildly irked state

Anyway, as far as we can tell there are no such problems concerning Answer Me This! Episode 51. This week’s discourse features such diverse elements as:
No Country for Old Men
Taco Bell
Olly’s Great Cinema Swindle
White Dwarf
Michael Winner
George and Lynne from the Sun
testosterone
boobs vs. manboobs
locksmiths
KFC hats
Green Shield Stamps
and
our dads’ underpants.

Moreover, Olly confesses to being a rotten pilfering varmint; Helen has a surprising amount in common with Axl Rose; and Martin the Sound Man teaches us all a lesson about etiquette for swingers. Ugh.

Now, in two episodes’ time we’re taking a month off, so if you’ve got a QUESTION, hurry the hell up and send it to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or our Question Line on 0208 123 5877 (Skype answermethis).

See you next week, yes? Yes!

Helen and Olly

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Answer Us Back: Super Mario and lethal injections

March 25, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

** Click here to listen to EPISODE 50 **

Following Episode 50 and questioneer Oli asking, “If Nintendo is a Japanese company then why is its star character (Mario) supposed to be Italian?”, several of you have written in to offer solutions to this mystery.

Luke from Birmingham suggests: “I believe that they made him Italian to match his look (hat and ‘tache). The reason they gave him the hat and the moustache was because they were easier to animate than hair and a mouth back in those days.”

Sounds plausible enough. But what of this hypothesis from JC of japanmanship.blogspot.com: “The story, which may be apocryphal, is that when Mr. Arakawa was setting up Nintendo of America they had this warehouse and when the time came to give Jumpman from Donkey Kong a name they were being hassled by their landlord, an Italian American named Mario. The plumbing angle is a mystery though.”

Hmm. The plot thickens… So let’s add a real-life Italian’s opinion to the mix, courtesy of Rachele from Naples: “I always assumed Mario and Luigi were Italian-American rather than just Italian. I don’t know why, but that’s the vibe I got…also surely the stereotypical plumber nowadays is Polish?”

Well, now we don’t know what to believe! So let’s divert ourselves with an answer to the unanswered question from Episode 49, “Why do they sterilise the needles for lethal injections?” Take it away, Billy from Featherstone:

“The answer is that sterilising the needles makes sure that the person administering the injection doesn’t catch anything if they were to accidentally catch themselves.”

Thanks, Billy from Featherstone! It’s always a pleasure when you lot do our work for us… Also regarding Episode 49, a number of you have written in voicing your anguish at being denied Martin the Sound Man‘s response to Dovy’s cribbed-off-the-internet question: “Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?”

This is what you were missing: humans are naturally curious, and if there’s a way to find out the answer to a question for themselves, they’ll do it (ie sticking their hand onto a freshly-painted fence) rather than relying upon other people. However in the case of stars, people have no practical way of testing this for themselves, so just have to take it as read.

I suppose that seems plausible, Martin, but if as you say people tend to find out the answers to questions for themselves, what the heck would we talk about in this podcast, eh?

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EPISODE 50 – filth falls from the sky

March 20, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

Well zipadee doodah, zipadee day – Answer Me This! turns 50 today!

We can’t believe we’ve reached a half-century; imagine, if we’d taken up a more lucrative hobby 15 months ago, such as gold-panning or selling mint-condition Dinky cars on ebay, then… Actually, let’s not think about that after all, because we don’t want to cry on this special day. Marking this momentous occasion, such topics as:

blue ice
radiation
Durham Cathedral
Selfridges
the George Foreman Grill
Skins
plumbing, Italian-style
liquitabs
the Gherkin
French kissing
Body Shop Body Butter
and
octodogs.

Plus: Olly plays with his Special Button; Helen gets Turned; and Martin the Sound Man is the very personification of a sexy jester man. But you all knew that already.

Well, I’m sure we can all agree that the first fifty Answer Me This!es have been a veritable rollercoaster of fun, so if you want to be a part of the next fifty, send us a QUESTION by calling our Question Line on 0208 123 5877, Skypeing answermethis, or emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And eeh by Lordy, we’ll be a hundred before you even know it.

Bye!

Helen and Olly

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EPISODE 49 – but who wakes up the town crier?

March 13, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

Please get your calculators and workbooks out, because it’s time for Episode 50 minus 1, Episode 7 times 7, Episode 40 plus 9…

Oh, why the blank faces? Come on, it’s not that hard, class! Are you all asleep? It’s EPISODE 49 of Answer Me This!, of course!

And what awaits therein? Well, such folderols as:

Bono’s stupid sunglasses
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me
Ronald McDonald
ACME, the old-fashioned Argos Online
curtains
curls vs. combs
circadian rhythms
cockerels
and
the
Coxsackie virus.

Also, Olly sticks his spectacles where the sun don’t shine, Helen calls upon her dad to answer one of the greatest mysteries of our times, and Martin the Sound Man gets no love from the Philippines. So if you’re from the Philippines and you want to send Martin a little consoling love-note – or if you’re from anywhere and want to send us a question – then email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or call our Question Line by dialling 0208 123 5877 or typing answermethis into Skype.

In other news, we’re having some issues with our bandwidth and have therefore had to bench half our old episodes temporarily. But if for whatever madcap reason you are desperate to hear them, you still can via our Archive Jukebox. It isn’t as snazzy as a Wurlitzer, but it’ll do for now.

See you next week, for Episode 50! Blimey!

Love,

Helen and Olly

PS. Both Helen and Olly are on Sky News next week, Helen on Tuesday at 11.30pm, Olly on Wednesday at the same time. Tune in, if it’s not past your bedtime!

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Digestives and the funny bone

March 10, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

* Click HERE to listen to EPISODE 48 *

We like it very much when you listeners get in touch elaborating upon subjects in previous podcasts – even though it shows us up as being about as well informed as a pint of frogspawn. So we were delighted to receive the following email from Lewis from Kent, regarding Marie’s bashed elbow in Episode 48 and Mark’s biscuity mess in Episode 46:

I was listening to your last podcast, and I thought I might just point out that the funny bone is not actually a bone, but a collection of nerves, which is why your elbow feels numb when you bang it. Also I was just thinking about when you were discussing digestives, and their inability to fit into normal cups, but! I have a cup that fits a whole digestive! I would send a picture but at the moment I’m emailing from my iPod touch.

Lewis, I don’t suppose your big cup is by any chance the same as this one from our household? I don’t have a digestive biscuit with which to demonstrate the scale (because digestive biscuits are horrid), but this mug is almost big enough to dunk a whole grapefruit into.

However, much as I like a sizeable cup of tea, the main reason I bought this mug was because the supermarket had labelled it ‘Big Cock Mug‘. Fnarrr!

Oh, come on – why’re you all looking at me funny?

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EPISODE 48 – oh shit, I’m married to Ted Bundy

March 6, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

Yo there, champs,

After tackling a question in Episode 48 concerning Young Einstein, we found ourselves wondering: whatever happened to its splendidly-named star/director/producer/writer, Yahoo Serious? It’s a whole twenty years since that magnificent film came out, and yet Mr Serious’s CV has been looking rather sparse of late. Perhaps a clue to his recent whereabouts lies in this nugget from IMDB:

Some news reports have confused Yahoo Serious, whose real name is Greg Pead, with the antiques dealer in Sydney named Greg Pead who accused the former Royal butler Paul Burrell of having an affair with him in the 1980s. The two are not the same person nor are they related.

Frankly, the prospect of being confused with someone who actually WANTS people to know he romanced Paul Burrell would be enough to send anyone into hiding for as long as the world’s supply of tinned food can keep them.

But what to listen to while you’re hiding in a remote cave while your reputation is ruined by a former-butler-fancier? Why, Answer Me This! Episode 48, naturellement!

And keeping old Yahoo company this week are topics including:

the Essex University bunny cull
homophones
stereotypical students
old-fashioned romance
My Super-Sweet 16
John Candy
sorbitol
regal philately
2 Unlimited
weapons of mass destruction
and
Ruth Badger.

Plus, Olly looks an umbrella-bearing gift-horse in the mouth; Helen releases her girly side; and, if you thought Martin the Sound Man’s beatboxing sucked, wait till you hear his attempts at techno.

Many thanks to all of you who’ve sent us QUESTIONS; and if YOU want to follow their example, get in touch via our Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis; or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. There’s a dear.

See you next week, for Episode 49!

Love,

Helen and Olly

Yahoo Serious

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Answer Me Late: kangaroos, Jaffa Cakes and messy bedrooms

March 4, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

** Click here to listen to EPISODE 47 **

Thanks ever so much to all of you who’ve been sending us questions. It has been a great treat, and very vexing for us that we haven’t been able to answer them all in the podcast. So here are a few in non-audio form, starting with one from Chris in Kansas:

In your January 9th YouTube, Helen, you were working away with knitting needles in the car. So, Helen, Please answer me this…What were you knitting?

Well spotted, Chris! Indeed I was passing the time on the way to our Amazing Adventure In Luxembourg by knitting a kangaroo for my niece’s Christmas present. It turned out something like this:

And if you fancy making your own woollen marsupial, the pattern is in World of Knitted Toys by Kath Dalmeny.

Meanwhile, David in Maldon asks:

I want to know how come my 13-year-old daughter can spend hours getting her hair and make-up just perfect but her room always looks like an explosion that blew up a branch of Claire’s Accessories inside a New Look store. How can I make her keep her room tidy?

If bribery and pleading have thus far not worked, try taking all her possessions away. That should do it.

In other questioneering, George from London wonders:

Jaffa Cake: Cake or Biscuit?

This is a highly contentious issue, given the Jaffa Cake‘s cakey texture but biscuity dimensions and appearance. However in the 1991 court case of McVitie’s vs HM Customs and Excise, Jaffa Cakes were ruled to be cakes not biscuits, on the grounds that like a cake they go hard when stale, whereas biscuits go soft. Which leads us to a question from Sean from Paris:

Why when you leave bread out does it go hard and why when you leave biscuits out do they go soft???? I have been agonising over this for years and at last the route of enlightenment may be ahead…

Get ready, Sean, for the mystery of your life to be solved! This phenomenon arises because biscuits are designed to be hard, with the moisture baked out of them; thus they have lower water content than the surrounding atmosphere, from which moisture infiltrates an uncovered biscuit, rendering it uncrunchy. In contrast, bread (likewise cake) is moister than the air, so if you neglect to use your bread-bin, the water will evaporate leaving a big bready brick.

There. We’ve all learnt something, and it’s barely even lunchtime.

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EPISODE 47 – cock on toast

February 27, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

Hello there, dear people!

We fervently hope none of you were squished in the earthquake that shook the UK the other night. And that your favourite mug didn’t fall off the shelf or anything. We were very touched to receive the following email from Matthew in New Jersey, USA:

I’ve just seen on BBC there was an earthquake in UK. Helen and Olly and Martin the Soundman answer me this: ARE YOU OKAY?! I will refresh my itunes constantly as I nervously await your reply.

Bless you, Matthew. Although we were very confused when the sofa started trembling beneath us, all three of us are fine, and hence in fine fettle to bring you Answer Me This! Episode 47. Shaking our foundations this week are such topics as:

Absolute Balderdash
the real Cliff Richard
sharia law
Connect 4
Dr Ruth
Sylvester Stallone vs. Sylvester Stallone
Jesus vs. The Colonel
Lauren Bacall and Kathleen Turner vs. the ageing process
bucks vs. books
Aretha Franklin’s boobs
and
Bostonian trends of the 19th century.

Furthermore, Olly gets browned off, Helen gets dirty, and Martin the Sound Man gives the lowdown on the new Mariah Carey album.

As we’re still rather behind in answering all the lovely QUESTIONS you’ve been sending us, we’ll be responding to some of them on this very website in the coming days and weeks. But do not be deterred from sending us yet more! You can call our Question Line 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis, or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, and consider it Doing Your Bit.

‘Til next week, bye!

Helen and Olly

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EPISODE 46 – do you know what a goth looks like?

February 21, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

Howdy, pals! We trust you are well. No? Well, why the hell not?? Pah and calumny, we were starry-eyed fools to trust you…

We’re fine and dandy, thanks for asking. We put it down to a diet rich in kiwi fruit and fried breakfasts; and, of course, to the vitamin-enriched goodness of Answer Me This! Episode 46. It’ll give you strong teeth and bones, glossy pelt, and lustrous innards, but only if you play it RIGHT NOW. Like the dried fruity bits of a healthy serving of muesli, Episode 46 is enlivened by such topics as:

Keith Chegwin
Combat 18
Meat Loaf
stripy cardigans
Jonathan Ross
Rich Tea biscuits
Disneyland
Terry Pratchett’s Mort – adult version
acupuncture vs. voodoo
Poirot vs. battery hens
Weepy Fearnley-Whittingstall
and
Eric Morecambe.

Meanwhile, Olly fails to express his dark side, some of Helen’s cheapskate beauty tips backfire all over one teenage listener’s face, and Martin the Sound Man leaves off the sodding beatboxing just long enough to bust out his latest lovely little bit of song. (And if you like that, you should have a listen to his monthly musical podcast via his website.)

Now, even more than we enjoy potato waffles – which we enjoy a heck of a lot – we enjoy receiving YOUR QUESTIONS. We’re still a bit behind in answering a lot of them, but nevertheless we can’t help ourselves wanting MORE. So please send yours to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or our Question Line 0208 123 5877 (Skype ID answermethis). Together, we can crack the fundamental mysteries of life! Or at least think about them for a few moments before accidentally saying something vulgar about bottoms instead.

Until next week, bye-bye!

Helen and Olly

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EPISODE 45 – tears contain urea

February 14, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

Happy Valentine’s Day, listeners! We are, as per usual, feeling approximately as romantical as a potato waffle; but our former-English-student brains are pleased to discover that the whole thing was made up by Chaucer anyway. What a merry prankster. Those medieval poets were the Punk’d of their day.

Anyway, ain’t no trick to say that Episode 45 of Answer Me This! is waiting in its corsage and best frock for you to take it out for a spin, so don’t keep it waiting – and cluttering up the place like a three-feet-high teddy bear holding a loveheart are topics including:

crocodile tears
cut-price chocolate
the Norman Conquest
the secret lives of Michael Portillo and Diane Abbott
this fool
scampi’n’lemon Nik Naks
Jimmy Nail
Pudding Norton
jewfros
Judy Garland vs. Eva Cassidy
and
halitosis.

Plus, Helen reveals her youthful experiments with acid, Olly warns of his German singing doppelganger, and poor old Martin the Sound Man’s got a bad back. So, if any of you know a good osteopath, then hurry up and get in touch by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or calling our Question Line 0208 123 5877 (Skype ID answermethis). Which are also the appropriate means via which to send YOUR QUESTIONS, even if you haven’t got any information to impart about backs, bad, Sexy or otherwise.

Until next week, bye!

Helen and Olly

PS.If you’re keen to hear a bit more from Olly this week, and see his face at the same time, then be sure to catch him on Sky News at 7.30pm on Tuesday 19th February.

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