Answer Me This! Podcast

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello friends!

How nice to see you again (in an abstract way). In response to all of you who enquired: yes, thankyou, we very much enjoyed our month off. No, we did not go anywhere nice on a holiday. Although we did take a trip to Croydon to buy Martin the Sound Man a new swivel chair. But we have it on good authority that the experience was at least 70% similar to a fortnight at a Sandals resort.

Anyway, to business! Firstly, we were utterly overjoyed to see how eagerly you lot took to our Camcorder Challenge. The competition closed last Friday night, and you can read all about it HERE, as well as listen all about it in Episode 70.

And what sort of things have shot out of us after a month of podcastly abstinence?

Minesweeper
sexual politics of yesterdecade
Frubes
the shamelessness of animals
Jackie Mason
Harvester
the fascist bastards of the Chelsea Flower Show
the Boston Bean
best men
the Queen’s chewing-gum
surprise parties
Selfridges
this sort of thing
and
the joke that will be funny forever and ever.

And that’s not all! Olly recreates his first ever podcast; Helen admits to a relative who DOESN’T go in for swearing; and Martin the Sound Man tries to mimic a drumroll sound and just coats the AMT! studio in spittle. Cheers, Martin.

As well as asking us some lovely juicy QUESTIONS for the new series, by Skype-ing answermethis, phoning 0208 123 5877 or emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, please leave a comment on this post revealing what your first words were. Ours were ‘wank’ (Olly), ‘”they’re”, NOT “their”!’ (Helen) and ‘Higgs boson’ (Martin the Sound Man), or at least should have been, rather than the fairly prosaic stuff we did apparently come out with.

We look forward to reading your outpourings, and we hope you enjoy listening to ours over the Michaelmas series! It’s delightful to be back.

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free.)

Phew, it has been a LONG series of Answer Me This!; at this point we’re no more capable of answering a question informatively than we are of running 100 metres in under a minute and a half. But we’ll be back recharged on October 1st, and in the meantime you MUST have a go at Helen and Olly’s Camcorder Challenge! You must also listen to Episode 69, wherein lie such topics as:

IMPORTANT LAVA LAMP ADVICE
the instant garlicinator
bouquets vs. Burtons
dogs vs. the various things they can tear apart
Demi Moore
Spin the Bottle
evil tactics of the Girl Guides
the wrongness of conducting relationships via MSN
inappropriate things to do with mashed potato
biological clocks
Buddhism for Kids
and
George Clooney.

And as for other entertainments:
• On Wednesday 27th Olly was guesting on the Richard Bacon show on BBC Radio Five Live – click here to listen to it!
• Martin the Sound Man has a new EP and for a limited time only you can download it for FREE via his website – do that!
• On Thursday 28th, Channel 4 broadcast a Comedy Lab starring friends-of-the-podcast Pappy’s Fun Club – you have until 4th September to watch it online!
• And if you want to torture yourself by listening to Olly’s favourite Billy Joel song, ‘All for Leyna’, click here! (Although we really can’t recommend it.)

We’ve still got an enormous heap of questions that didn’t make it onto the podcast, and we’ll be trying to answer some of those in written form on here during our month off, so check back here often! And of course please do keep adding to our question pile so that we’ve got a festival of excitement to come back to in the new series: send questions to our phone line 0208 123 5877, Skype account answermethis or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Stay in touch! We’ll be back before you know it!

Helen and Olly
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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Greetings, chums!

We hope you have a super-duper bank holiday weekend (or just weekend, if you’re reading this from Abroad). If you can find a window between the traditional bank holiday activities of sitting on a rain-soaked beach, punching your beloved over your half-assembled Ikea wardrobe, or wondering why the mayor in The Dark Knight is wearing SO much eyeliner, have a listen to Episode 68.

And with what sort of guff are we filling the time this week? Well:

Chaka Demus and Pliers
Most Gay Haunted
Candyman
Khan’s Bargain Superstore
Christina Aguilera vs untidy bedrooms
salad dressing
gay dads
Hulk merch
platonic soulmates
and
the grimmest breakfast in Christendom (apart from the guy on Come Dine With Me who made a Full English Breakfast curry. Heeeeeave!!!!).

Plus: Olly shares the secret of undintable happiness; Helen reveals the hidden perils of marrying a non-Jew; and Martin the Sound Man shows how Guns’n’Roses made him the man he is today – although that seems up for some debate.

Now the last episode of this series of Answer Me This! is only a week away (or considerably less away than that if you factor in that it is all pre-recorded), so hurry hurry HURRY and send in your questions to our phone line 0208 123 5877, Skype account answermethis or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Last one there’s a curried egg!

But during the podcast’s month of vacation, we’ll be leaving you with an Exciting Challenge – so make sure you check in next week to find out what it is!

See you then, then,

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Dear listeners,

We hope you are enjoying the grouse season. If not, then you might as well listen to Episode 67. Lurking like lead shot in the gravy are topics including:

snakebite
Graham from Canada = the Leigh Bowery of Canada?
slant rhymes
Cheese Inspector Wexford
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day
Sue Barker
Stratford vs. Stratford
Eeyore vs. Esau
Barry Norman vs. Paul Newman in the battle of the condiments
recessive genes
Shirley Manson
and
leotards.

Yum.

As there are only two more episodes left of the current series of Answer Me This!, get your questions in! Phone 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, and we’ll endeavour to apply our weary wits to them before we toddle off for a month’s recuperation. This podcasting stuff really takes it out of you…even though all it actually involves is sitting on a chair and talking until your lower jaw has to be tied back on with a bungee cord.

Peace out!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, old timers,

Wave your walking sticks, it’s Episode 66! Then turn up your hearing-aids to 11 and listen to Episode 66. And, sprinkled therein, like digestive biscuit crumbs down the front of your cardigan, are such topics as:

AMT as the basis of the post-Julian calendar system
Cornwall in April
Jewish matchmakers
Cheese! The Musical
the attractions of York
sugared almonds
‘Radio Gaga’
Henry Clay Work
medical emoticons
drunk-dialling
crumpets
serrano ham
the hazards of deviating from wedding traditions
and
the Creaky Buttocks.

Plus! Helen gets herself into a crossword; Olly gets himself into the Condescenders’ Club with an octogenarian matchmaker; and Martin the Sound Man does a pun that almost slips under the radar, but instead splatters the radar with Category 4 wordplay. Furthermore, we attempt to help with the love-lives of various young listeners, as if they shouldn’t be saving all that romantic stuff until they’re at least thirty-five. However if YOU have a love-life (or issue of any other kind) that you wish us to go sticking our oars into, please send us an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com
or leave a message on 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis. We might just have the answer you’ve been hoping for all these years! Although we’ll probably disguise it behind a curtain of stupid banter as ever. What. A. Service.

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

So, Answer Me This! has this week reached its sixty-fifth episode; altogether there’s more than thirty hours of it, which is about the same as the working week of a lazy person; and yet it’s only now that clownfishes’ vaginas have been alluded to. What the hell have we been doing all this time?

Whatever it is, here’s some more of it. And though we were almost passing out in the boiling-hot studio, we remembered to include such important points of order as:

President Schwarzenegger
Richard Attenborough’s Ghandi vs. Richard Attenborough as Ghandi
virgin slugs
Ouranos
Letchworth swimming pool
the cast of Hollyoaks
old men’s scrotums
The Pier
the Cincinnati Foreskins
the declining stamina of Craig David
and
the greatest pun of the New Romantic era.

Plus: Olly has the waist of a girl; Helen makes some spooky noises; and Martin the Sound Man attempts a rap. Cover your ears.

This week’s simmering weather is somewhat blunting our question-answering skills, but if you have some questions for us to attempt in – hopefully colder – future episodes, then please send them to 0208 123 5877, Skype ID answermethis or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Flipmode!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

‘Fiddlededee, biddlededee, will you still need us, will you still feed us, when it’s Episode 64?’

Jeez, stop being so needy! And stop running around after us with a hearty bowlful of porridge, alright? Just settle the heck down and listen to the episode instead!

Drifting forth from our weary mouths this week are such conversational wisps as:

Moses
buffalo wings
Lemsip
DIY haircuts
boozy Sikhs
the Guinness Factory
the Ironbridge rubber duck race
whisky
Brits abroad
Scottish cheese
the interrogative voice
speeding
widows’ curtains
and
Grams from Dawson’s Creek.

Meanwhile, Olly takes a brief break from upsetting the Welsh by setting his sights upon the Scots and the Irish; Helen reveals why drummers count enthusiastically before songs; and Martin the Sound Man shirks his student loan. Did you really think you could get your degree from the Sound Man Academy for free, Martin?

“No, Martin!” cries Grams. “You cannot expect the taxpayer to shoulder the burden for your eight years of tertiary education! Now, how about a slice of pie?”

Shut it, Grams! Your sanctimonious homespun wisdom has no place at Answer Me This!, so get sardonic or get out!

Anyway, if you want some proper AMT-style homespun wisdom, please deliver YOUR QUESTIONS for future episodes to 0208 123 5877, Skype ID answermethis or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and hopefully we can wallop them right back at you with the kind of advice that Grams would be as horrified by as she is by fun, urban life and spiders.

See you next week!

Helen and Olly
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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello fellows,

We like the Kings Cross-Honor Oak bus route 63 so much, we’ve named Answer Me This! Episode 63 after it! Although Episode 63 won’t shuttle you between Peckham and Clerkenwell in double-quick time, it will emulate the effect of the passenger next to you muttering crazy nonsense into your ear. To get that “Oh God, can I pretend to be asleep? Will he never shut up about how the cast of The Bill are all actually secret policemen? Does he seem mad because of the face tattoo, or did he get the face tattoo because he was mad?” effect, just click.

You’ll have to imagine the background of tinny R&B played through someone’s sodding phone whilst you are assailed by such subjects as:

Julie Burchill and her opinions
jiggly boobs
U vs Non-U
Lord Byron’s mucky podcast
pork
quiche
the power of My Cousin Vinny
the world’s first colour photo
the world’s first zig-zig machine
fake Arne Jacobsen chairs
and
common sense.

Plus, Olly attempts to downgrade his poshness; Helen is approximately as fascinating to watch as Channel 4’s biggest hit; and Martin the Sound Man makes a joke about Dr Alban. It’s things like that which probably caused the awful headache and stomach pains reported by Charles from Bath after chain-listening to Answer Me This!. Know your limits, people!

Now, we know school’s (almost) out for the summer, but Answer Me This! isn’t so send us YOUR QUESTIONS for future episodes by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, phoning 0208 123 5877 or Skype-ing answermethis.

See you next week!

Helen and Olly

Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to episodes • Question Archive • FAQ
• App • Facebook • Twitter • Merch Superstore • YouTube Channel •

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello listeners,

No chit-chat today; Olly’s got a sore ankle. Such grave times do not allow such frivolity. So just listen to Episode 62 and pray for his swift ankular recovery.

It’s quite a groiny episode of Answer Me This today, what with:

split-crotch bloomers vs. the She Pee
cricket boxes
the invention of the gusset
and
testicular cancer;

but luckily there are also ungroiny topics like:

Rolodexes
epilepsy
Djibouti
perry
hot old people
Cinnamon Grahams
the drawbacks to nicking a photocopier
backwards Bulgarians
and
mashed potato.

Also, Helen spells out why you shouldn’t sit in front of her at the theatre; Olly explains the real reason why men enjoy ladies’ tennis; and Martin the Sound Man tries to emulate seductive Mr Spock. Irresistible!

Now, Olly might malinger with ankle man-flu forever if you don’t send us YOUR QUESTIONS, so hurry and email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, phone 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis. It’s a bit like that bit in Peter Pan where you have to clap or Tinkerbell will die.

See you next week, hopefully with all four of our ankles hale and hearty!

Helen and Olly

PS. If you are in need of more Helen in the next week or so (although unless you’re an elderly person writing a vanity project and you need help putting commas in the right places, you probably aren’t), you can catch her on Sky.com/News today, Thursday 10th July, at 7.30pm, or as the special guest on Matthew Crosby’s Readable Podcast, or doing stuff in the Literary Arena at the Latitude Festival 17th-20th July, or previewing the press on Sky News’s Press Preview at 11.30pm on 14th July. Olly is also previewing said press at 11.30pm on 11th July, so between them you should be pretty well up on what’s about to happen in the papers, much like a current affairs clairvoyant.

PPS. If you’re curious to know what toy so enraptured Olly’s attention during the recording of Episode 62, look here:

Available from an infant near you!

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Happy Third of July, listeners! It’s Independence minus one, the last remaining hours in which someone else made all those pesky decisions and tidied your room for you… Hmm, perhaps time for us to brush up on our American history; but we’ve neglected our education in order to bring you Episode 61.

Within which are such topics as:

A.A. Gill
offal
William Caxton
garlic monkeys
past life regression
the Gang of Four (the band, not the terrorists)
an oblique reference to Slint
rice paper
bendy dancers
the drawbacks of unusual names
the drawbacks of the Roaring Twenties
and
the drawbacks of Martin the Sound Man’s privates.

Olly turns Japanese (not in the same manner as The Vapors, although who knows what he might stealthily have been up to below the tabletop?); Helen emulates those feisty Latinas; and Martin the Sound Man looks forward to a nice peaceful existence after everyone else has fallen prey to some kind of apocalypse. What a treasure. We also reveal the fast track to getting a job as a Sunday Times restaurant critic, and the most romantic thing you can do with a blocked nose and a finger.

And if you’re not sated after all that, look at this bit of amazingness!

Send us your affections in the form of YOUR QUESTIONS by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, phoning 0208 123 5877 or Skype-ing answermethis; and we’ll tuck them close to our hearts and think about all those times we shared.

Byeeee!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Wimbledon’s begun, so let’s all enjoy this picture of French tennis pin-up Julie Halard. Actually, the only one of us likely to enjoy it to a particularly valuable extent is questioneer Roger Stout, who in Episode 60 confesses that she was the object of his teenage crushes. Don’t worry, Roger, we’re not going to fight you for her.

But why don’t we all accompany Roger on a trip down Memory Lane, at the end of which waits the objects of our adolescent affections, holding a posy and looking a bit rougher than we remembered? Let us know which Hottie was on the posters you kissed before going to sleep (isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing?) by leaving a comment below; and then have a listen to Episode 60.

It’s bulging like the Incredible Hulk’s trouser-seams with subjects such as:

lorgnettes
egg fried rice vs. fried egg and rice
ortolans
My So-Called Life
Brian Blessed
early Atomic Kitten: hot or not?
Kate Nash’s multitasking
botanical private parts
Bombalurina
spiky urethra-fish
and
Jon La Joie‘s song about ladies you wouldn’t want to take home to mother.

Furtheremore Olly, tired of slating Wales, this week goes for Scotland, France and Chinese medics; Helen abuses her potential paramours; and Martin the Sound Man tries to destroy the podcast by inserting his catchphrase ‘he looks like perfectly smooth pubis’ at any given opportunity (thanks to the wonders of editing, listeners, you are spared this horror. Be grateful. Very grateful). We also reveal the silliest Google searches which, according to our blog stats page, have resulted in Answer Me This!, and if you like the sound of that, then you might also like the sight of this.

There’s not much else to add except PLEASE SEND US YOUR QUESTIONS by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, phoning 0208 123 5877 or Skype-ing answermethis.

Yup. That is all. Toodle-pip!

Helen and Olly

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