Answer Me This! Podcast

** Click here for Episode 146 **

Anon in Australia has been doing an informal survey which might be a ripe subject for a PhD thesis:

In my work as a pharmacist I dispense enormous quantities of medications for children with ADD or ADHD. “The Man” dictates that I am to keep handwritten records of each dispensing in a special book. Whilst auditing this book recently, I noticed something interesting about the Christian names of children in this book.

So answer me this; WTF is going on here? Is naming your baby “Jayden”, “Harley” or “Taylah” sentencing the poor child to a life of petty arson and inattentiveness at school? Will a traditional name like “Bruce” avert this life path?

Readers, strap on your snobbery-bonnets and tell Anon in the comments whether you have found sound scientific evidence corroborating this theory.

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** Click here for Episode 146 **

Here’s a letter to Penthouse, which James accidentally sent to us instead:

I am a surveyor and I am a very courteous surveyor at that. If, for example, I am given the key for flat to inspect, rather than just barging in, I will always knock on the door and after allowing plenty of time for a reply, I will poke my head through the door and then announce my presence before entering the flat.

So Helen and Olly answer me this: what excuse can I use to accidentally walk in on the girls again? Please bear in mind that I have now accidentally walked in on them 34 times.

Erm, something about leaking pipes? Exploding boilers in the downstairs area? Readers, we expect you have been in this situation more often than we have, so go to the comments and leave your suggestions for James to be a big pervert.

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** Click here for Episode 145 **

Fire in the hold! It’s a question from Keith in Goole, Yorkshire:

In 1968 I was a member of the Sea Cadet Corps in Goole when one evening we were having training regarding dealing with fire on board a ship. Our instructor, an ex-Royal Navy man, said that if we ever discovered a fire we should go smartly to the nearest fire alarm, grab the handle AND WANK IT!!!. These last words were actually emphasized by the officer with an accompanying hand gesture like that of pulling a pint.

Answer me this: is it or has it ever been acceptable to use use the term ‘wank’ in any proper adult conversation?

Well, Keith, if you were old enough to be conscious in 1968, and we met and conversed about it, it would be a highly proper adult conversation. SURELY.

Meanwhile, if any of the rest of you upstanding citizens of the web know of any use of the word ‘wank’ which is not the obvious, put it into a nice sentence then put that nice sentence into a comment on this post.

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** Click here for Episode 145 **

Callum from Selby, North Yorkshire

Who is your favourite TV detective?

I’m sure I have intimated as much on previous podcasts (clue: begins with a ‘C’, rhymes with ‘Bolumbo’. Binspector Borse runs a close second) so, rather than repeat myself, I want to know who your favourite TV detective is. Poirot? Holmes? Creek? Get thee to the comments to tell me!

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** Click here for Episode 143 **

Nostalgia time now, courtesy of Jonny:

In the olden days when I was a youngster we used to go on family driving holidays through Scotland and England. We had a board game that we played all the time whilst on the move. It involved following a track round the board, either country, town or motorway roads.

Now I’m a parent I want to inflict this game upon my children but can’t remember the name of it. Can you ask your loyal listeners if they know of this game and if I can get it from somewhere?

That game was real? And not just something your parents invented to quell your refrain of “Arewenearlythereyetarewenearlythereyet Ineedthetoilet mumI’mbored!”? If so, readers, put Jonny out of his misery (and his children into theirs) by trotting to the comments and telling him what this tortuous entertainment is. But in case he doesn’t end up finding it so has to resort to different vehicular distractions, you might also mention your favourite childhood car game. We Zaltzmen used to play ‘Count the milk tankers’. The rules were simple; it wasn’t that good, but was probably still more amusing than Jonny’s fondly remembered ‘Spot the objects’.

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** Click here for Episode 143 **

“I’ve been scouring the internets for new stuff that I don’t need,” Sheree in Peterborough tells us, which is how we get most of our custom. Today, however, her online trawlings have led her to quite a different catch:

On my meanderings, I came across a book called Overcoming an Angry Vagina. Wtf?

This has to be the weirdest book title I’ve ever seen, and I would buy it except that it seems to be a New Age self help book with absolutely no awareness of its own ridiculousness (and it’s about £15 and I’m broke).

So answer me this – what’s the weirdest book title you’ve ever come across? And what exactly is an angry vagina?

Over to you, readers: hie to the comments, and either tell us what is an angry vagina, or, preferably, the weirdest book title you’ve ever seen. Best one wins a copy of Overcoming an Angry Vagina*!

* Actually, you won’t, because were I to buy a copy for you, whenever I would log in to Amazon thereafter I would retch at the sight of my ‘Recommended Products For You’ page.

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** Click here for Episode 142 **

Breaking up is hard to do, particularly when the emotional pain is coupled by the threat of modern technology. Rhiane writes to us:

I am in quite a pickle.

So answer me this: should I just leave it and hope that he keeps them to himself? Or ask him to delete them when he could just lie about it?

We’ve all had to try to persuade our exes to burn the charcoal portraits they did of us sans cardigans, haven’t we? Guys?

Alright then, none of us have actually suffered a break-up since the advent of Facebook, so our qualifications are out of date upon this matter. But you people seem a saucy bunch, so please repair to the comments to advise Rhiane of the most tactful means of ensuring her naked parts are not disseminated around cyberspace at this already sensitive time.

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** Click here to listen to Episode 141 **

Blush on behalf of Dave in Doncaster:

While recently checking through the Internet history on my 12-year-old son’s laptop, I found he had been searching for “willy in pussy” and other various lewd entries…

He has completed his sex education class at school, so as a responsible father do I need to go through the whole “birds and the bees” malarky again? Also how old were you when you found about how babies are made and did your parents bring up the subject?

Determined listeners may, if they so wish, piece together the history of our sex education through the podcasts; so instead, readers, please tell us instead about your own enlightenment in the comments. Perhaps Dave in Doncaster can borrow some of your parents’ chosen techniques when he gets round to giving his son a birds’n’bees refresher course, because he’s not ready to be a grandfather just yet.

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** We’ll be back on July 15th; meanwhile click here to listen to
past episodes of Answer Me This! **

New York’s one of the top cities about which to ask questions this week, because here’s another New York-related query. This time it’s from the lovely Sarah, formerly from Gayton, now from Norman, but imminently to be from New York:

I’m moving to New York to go to acting school. So, what are some GREAT places to eat? I’ve never been in my life, but I am a total foodie and am up for trying almost anything.

BUT, I’m also a student, so I don’t want to go broke after one great meal. Suggestions?

I doubt my vantage point from Crystal Palace, some 3465 miles away from the nosh-houses of New York, is optimal for answering this question; but we know many of you are New York-savvy, so go to the comments and avail Sarah of your feeding tips.

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