Answer Me This! Podcast

** Click here for Episode 178 **

If any of you are planning some corporate rebranding, and you don’t want an expensive Consignia-style flop on your hands, just call in Mark here for 100% clear-eyed analysis:

Re: last podcast (178) re political colours:

If the Tories had just got rid of the red from their red, white and blue colours, it would have looked as if they were sponsored by Tesco’s value range.

Nothing further, your honour.

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** Click here for Episode 178 **

We received several emails this week regarding perks from your own or your parents’ jobs, but there was only one that made one Olly Mann shit himself with envy. It was this one from Laurence from Henley-on-Thames:

My parents both used to work for Disney. Because of this, mine and my sisters’ childhoods have been FILLED with masses of Disney paraphernalia – we had every single film on video and DVD, enormous cuddly toys of various characters, and even some original hand-drawn slides from various animated movies as seen in the films themselves, including The Lion King, Winnie the Pooh and Fantasia!

And finally, we used to have free access to all the Disney theme parks…

At this point we had to stop reading, as Olly’s apoplexy was reaching dangerous levels. Thankfully Dan from Coventry brought him back round with a dose of schadenfreude smelling salts:

I work at a go kart track. I can go on and race, but I choose not to because it’s so boring. I prefer sitting and watching people crash.

Of course.

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** Click here for Episode 178 **

Last week we talked about mothers’ mucky-mouthed malapropisms. Here’s one from Adam:

My mom refers to the hot cooked sandwiches that you get at Starbucks as punanis!

Really not sure if she’s trying to be funny or not but I’m not going to say anything.

Bless her, Adam’s mum is still trapped in the late 90s, when any reference to Ali G was guaranteed a good reception. If she sticks with it long enough, it’s bound to roll back into vogue again, right? Like mullets and right-wing politics.

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Last week, we discussed the time that the comedian and star of Morons from Outer Space Mel Smith courted controversy at the Edinburgh Fringe by flouting the rules to smoke on stage. But now we find out that his Madonna-kissing-Britney-AND-Christina moment was mere rumour! George corrects us:

The council sent environmental protection officers to the venue (Assembly Rooms) on the first day of Mel Smith’s show and threatened the venue with the revocation of their temporary theatre licence if he were to light up on stage, thereby obviously scuppering their entire Fringe operation.

Mel never smoked on stage in Scotland. He did however take a puff out of the window for photographers on the street below.

And judging by this article George sent to us as corroborating evidence, Mel didn’t handle the matter with much grace either. But today, I am willing to forgive him, having just watched this, the nadir of on-stage ruses to stir up controversy/interest.

Honestly, Rihanna, do you think Nina Simone would have resorted to listlessly dry-humping a poor, foolish concert-goer? Just throw a handful of Quality Street into the crowd. It works for panto, and even a scrum of people fighting to grab a piece of foil containing 0% cocoa solids is less of a degrading sight than this.

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** Click here for Episode 176 **

Here’s another lovely story of a classy soirée, courtesy of Chris from Chiswick:

I once went to a circumcision party. At the age of 16 my friend Tom had to have a circumcision because I think he didn’t wash and it got infected or something. Anyway, on return from the hospital he had invited us all to be there for his a arrival without a foreskin. After a few celebratory circumcision drinks, he then showed us his bloody stitched penis sans prepuce. I think I may have vomited.

That seems a reasonable response.

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** Click here for Episode 176 **

Judging by your feedback by last episode’s call for your stories of parties on a par with menarche parties, people all over the world are fighting for their right to party in a way that makes everyone they know feel very uncomfortable. Rachel from Fife:

I have once been to a Titanic-themed party, hosted by some neighbours who always hold a themed party to celebrate New Year. In finding this choice slightly odd and as a teenager feeling determined to not enjoy any social event also attended by my parents, I opted for jeans and an ‘I Heart NY’ t-shirt, while others donned fancy dresses and painted themselves blue.

Rachel also points out that, if you actually like the sound of this party, and you’ve got spare funds and a strong conviction in the notion that lightning doesn’t strike twice, you might want to set sail on a Titanic Memorial Cruise. Frozen DiCaprio not included.

We’d’ve steered clear of the party bags and the finger buffet at the party Dave in Cardiff went to:

The weirdest party I’ve ever been to was an ‘I’m about to get a shag” party. Allow me to explain.

When she was 16, one of my old school friends became delusional and convinced she could to talk to a ghost. She thought she’d fallen in love with the ghost and wanted to be with him for the rest of her life and even afterwards when she would become a ghost too.

To make matters worse I’ve got another three of these shag parties to go to before the end of the year.

It may seem weird now, Dave, but in a couple of decades, ghost sex parties will be so normalised as to be passé. And then maybe Ang Lee will make a film about one.

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Remember AMT175? Nor do we! But fortunately Nick from Tadley does:

Helen questioned how you would start learning parkour. Olly suggested starting on small walls or some other thing, which is partly true. However, recently, there are actual sessions in gyms which dedicate themselves to this. How else would people learn how to kick the moon or corkscrew? Also, it’s great fun just chucking yourself from a high platform into a foam pit and landing like some kind of ninja!

Excellent! If Olly ever feels like dislocating his other shoulder, we’ll sign him up.

Our most recent podcast also provoked Cat from London to write in:

You asked whether you should tell someone if their fly was undone. I was on the tube once, getting off at Kings Cross, and for ages I agonised over this question: to my side I could see right into a lady’s top (not that I wanted to, I am a straight female).

So I just gestured to my own bust area with a panicked look on my face, and pointed at her button. Luckily she smiled and laughed in embarrassment and did it up, and that was that. Job well done.

A crisis averted – with mime! If only they were all so easily solved.

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** Click here for Episode 170 **

Well obviously we’re not giving away a car. But it looks like you people are more than capable of winning them elsewhere. Several of you have sent in stories, from which we can deduce the following common themes: 1. you nearly threw away the winning ticket; 2. you didn’t believe it anyway; 3. you couldn’t afford to keep the free car anyway.

Here are a couple of your tales of free cars. (more…)