Answer Me This! Podcast

••• ANSWER ME THIS! RETURNS ON 13th OCTOBER; IN THE MEANTIME, CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON EPISODES •••

Welcome to zoology corner. Find a seat quickly, because we’ve got a lot of questions to get through:

1. Kyra: can turtles really breathe from their butts?

2. Claudia from Australia: do horses spit? My friend thinks they do but I think she is WRONG.

3. James: I was recently told that elephants have 3 vaginas, 1 real one and 2 fake ones, is any of this at all true?
I tried to google it but only found a detailed description on how to make an origami vagina!

I don’t want to google any of these – after doing this podcast for nearly 5 years, my search history is already dodgy enough. I really can’t run the risk of adding origami to the mix.

Readers, step up to the plate, and provide your knowledge of fauna in the comments. Good luck to you, and remember to clear your caches afterwards.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

••• ANSWER ME THIS! RETURNS ON 13th OCTOBER; IN THE MEANTIME, CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON EPISODES •••

Here’s a genuinely delicate question from Shaun, which describes a scenario that I think is considerably more commonplace than our bawdy modern society would admit:

For years, I dealt with crippling social anxiety. But now after dealing with it and finding medication that fixes it, I’m forcing myself out into the world.

So what do I do? “I won’t know what to do with you” isn’t really much of a pickup line.

I don’t know who you take me to be, Shaun, but I’m not much of a pickup artist either. However, readers, you’re a bunch of lady-magnets, so I look to you to provide useful advice for Shaun in the comments. Hurry! He’s been waiting long enough already.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

••• ANSWER ME THIS! RETURNS ON 13th OCTOBER; IN THE MEANTIME, CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON EPISODES •••

It may be too late for Texan inmates, but the rest of us may consider the following hypothetical (we hope! Especially after this post) question from Paul in Newcastle:

If you were on Death Row, what would you pick as your last ever meal?

Like many Death Row residents, we might find that our usual appetite deserts us at such a time. Also, we understand that the famous Last Meals are ordered from unhealthy takeaway joints, and we wouldn’t want our last words to be, “Ouch, heartburn!” Not even as an ironic comment upon the efficacy of the electric chair.

Readers, what would you order? Click here if you need inspiration.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

••• ANSWER ME THIS! RETURNS ON 13th OCTOBER; IN THE MEANTIME, CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON EPISODES •••

A fellow who dubs himself ‘Most certainly not a serial killer’ from Brooklyn, New York has a question that is PURELY THEORETICAL:

Answer me this: what is the ideal way for a serial killer to go about his/her work?

I’ve developed a system of sorts, but it is rather lengthy [as behoves something which is 100% PURELY THEORETICAL, ALRIGHT?].

1. The Location
Ideally an area that has high traffic during the day but virtually none at night and sans CCTV cameras, for example an alleyway or side street which many traverse, allowing for any evidence left at the scene to be contaminated with the residue of hundreds of others.

2. The Means
Anything that would leave residue at the scene is not viable, such as firearms; blades are acceptable as long as slashing is kept to a minimum, reducing blood loss of the victim. Ideally a fast acting poison, ricin or cyanide, leaving virtually no evidence of the actual means at the scene.

3. The Act
As quick as possible obviously, without alerting the victim so as to avoid shouts &c, have a means of travel (car) nearby but not too nearby and in a location where there are no CCTV cameras between the location of the car and the location of the murder.

4. Disposal
Multiple sacks of powdered concrete are needed for this step. First chop up limbs into segments that would fit in 25cm by 15 cm by 10cm blocks of concrete (standard cinderblock size, prepare concrete beforehand to expedite this step). The head can go whole in a block of its own not bigger than 30cm by 15cm by 15cm. The remaining torso shall go in a shallow slab, 60-70cm by 30-40cm by 20cm. These blocks, once set, can be disposed of inconspicuously at a derelict building site, or if one lives near a port, in a pile of ballast, which would allow the body to be disposed of rather efficiently as the body parts would be scattered across the world by boats, making it extremely unlikely that the body would ever be found.

It’s a very sensible method, I’ll give you that; but where’s the fun? If you pay heed to the modi operandi of some of the world’s most notorious serial killers, efficiency and/or a clean getaway weren’t necessarily trademarks.

Readers, perhaps you’d like to take this opportunity to regale everybody in the comments with your own ideal serial killer routine. Don’t be shy. I bet you’ve thought of one.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •