There’s a tetrahedron-shaped gap in William from Southwark‘s knowledge; he writes:
Whatever happened to pyramid tea bags?
Er, they’re still being sold by the bazillion by PG Tips, as they have been since their invention in 1996. Even the posher teas are getting in on the pyramidal wheeze. They’ll all be so hurt you didn’t even notice.
Your emails are so full of surprises! For instance, I was amazed to learn from Luke aka Boney Stark that not only does Suffolk have a roller derby club, it has MORE THAN ONE roller derby club:
I help run Suffolk’s first co-ed roller derby club, Suffolk Roller Derby. Most roller derby events have a theme and punny name for example “Mad Smax: Beyond Rollerdome” and “Skate from Alcatraz”. Can you suggest any for our upcoming events that will take place in our home town Bury St Edmunds?
Buried Alive?
Suffolk You Up?
Bury St Edmutherfuckers?
Sugar Beet You to Oblivion?
Ab(bey)olition?
Alright readers, your turn. Skate over to the comments and offer Luke some suggestions for his co-ed wheely carnage.
We do enjoy the glimpse into private lives that so many AMT listeners willingly supply; here Anonymous from DC writes:
In AMT288, you mentioned that you felt like you lose all your power in the sexual relationship if you’re the third in a couple’s threesome.
I would like to say from experience that this is NOT the case, and that actually the third often is the most powerful player in the proceedings. As the third, I’m the exotic new addition to the state of affairs, so I get to call the shots.
Maybe it’s different because I’m gay, though, and both other members are attracted to me, whereas if you’re a guy in a MMF threesome with another guy, the focus is still on the girl.
Anyway, that’s my unsolicited confession from my sex life! I’m sure you live for emails like these.
We certainly do, Anonymous; in fact any readers are entirely so welcome to share their own Penthouse Forums musings about their sense of status in multiplayer sexytimes.
Several of our noise-making pals have been busy lately:
• Star of AMT252 Isy Suttie has begun a new series of her Radio 4 show Isy Suttie’s Love Letters. The first series was several kinds of delightful, so do yourself a favour and listen to series 2 episode 1 here.
• Dave Pickering of Getting Better Acquainted and Stand Up Tragedy is producing a new podcast with Living Streets for National Walking Month, and the first episode is available here. Take it out for a stroll!
• Over the years of AMT, my (at best) ambivalence towards sport cannot have escaped you. Turns out, all it took to get me interested was Jesse Thorn teaming up with Roman Mars to talk about socks.
A few more things that recently caught my attention:
Martin and I were on holiday driving around a desert sparsely populated with small towns, and when you’re in a desert sparsely populated with small towns, the most suitable soundtrack is of course Welcome to Night Vale.
Also on the subject of driving around in deserts is this extraordinary story of reclusive billionaires, legal wrangling and Mormons on Love + Radio.
If you’re a fan of the Jimi Hendrix cover of Bob Dylan’s ‘All Along the Watchtower’, allow me to direct you to this great account of how the record came about, including a hilarious clip of founding Rolling Stone Brian Jones contributing a piano part, before being relegated to the vibraslap.
• Catch up on AMT288 and the episodes preceding it.
• AMT episodes 1-170 and the special AMT albums are all available for a piddling little price at answermethisstore.com, and if you buy any of them you’re bankrolling the podcast, so consider yourself a philanthropist.
• The BBC have decided to make our Radio 4 documentary, Podcasting: The First Ten Years, available indefinitely here to stream. If you simply must download it, go here.
• Olly’s on LBC every weekday 1am-4am. If you’re an insomniac, a night worker, or in a time zone where those hours are compatible with waking life, tune in.
• On Saturday evenings I’m on BBC 5 Live’s Saturday Edition, available subsequently as the podcast Let’s Talk About Tech.
• I also host the monthly Sound Women podcast.
• Martin the Sound Man makes numerous other podcasts, including Brain Train, The Global Lab and The Sound of the Ladies.
To keep your ears ever busy until AMT289 next Thursday, here are some other podcasts we like.
Listeners, in your opinions, what is appropriate first date chat? The weather? Stocks and shares? How many kgs you can bench-press? Ugh, no – but surely not dental work or having sex in paint, as contended with by questioneers in Answer Me This! Episode 288:
Also on today’s agenda:
Northern Hemisphere vs Southern Hemisphere
nerdy Jewish vampires
cat toothbrushes
Facebook culls
sex pickles
The 64,000 Sixpence Question
washing up
communion wafers
fangs
and
the Clam Van Damme.
Plus: Olly tempts terribly fate by ignoring chain letters; Helen needs to learn to love ‘visually striking cerebral foreign dramas’, whatever Netflix thinks those are; and Martin the Sound Man studies human behaviour via the greasy spoon breakfast.
Let us study your behaviour by sending us your questions: call the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And you are of course welcome to join us at facebook.com/answermethis and/or twitter.com/HelenAndOlly to discuss your findings following this episode.
Many thanks to Squarespace.com for supporting today’s podcast, and for supporting your website-building ambitions by giving you 10% off their services for a whole year if you use the code Answer.
That’s it until a fortnight hence – unless we fall prey to questioneer Scott from Long Island’s knack for podcast-scuppering, in which case, so long and nice knowing you.
Helen & Olly
AMT288 Child-Friendly Rating: 47%.
A long question about the bawdy requests of Australians. A handful of cuss-words.
Following Joe’s complaint about his slapdash-talking wife in AMT287, let’s tackle this question from Joan from Fremantle:
I have a friend who is a self-proclaimed ‘grammar Nazi’.
Having completed a general arts degree at a parochial university in the 1970s she considers herself to be an expert in correct English syntax, diction and style and takes great satisfaction in pointing out and correcting other people’s mistakes.
I know her well and over our long friendship have come to understand that she is quite sensitive about being judged by others, having struggled over the years with feelings of general inadequacy. I think her censoriousness about grammar reflects that this is one area where she clearly feels confident and empowered, and can judge people instead of feeling judged. For this reason, although I am more qualified and experienced in this area than she is – as a professional editor who has done post-graduate study in linguistics including descriptive as well as traditional grammar, philology and the history of the English language – I have always kept my mouth shut when she strays onto shaky ground, as prescriptive grammarians often do.
For 30 years I have even refrained from correcting a bad habit she has, which is to refer to her husband and herself as “James and I”, even when they are the object of the sentence. For example, she will say, “The film didn’t appeal to James and I”, or “They gave James and I this advice…” and once even signed a card to us “With love from James and I”.
Here’s the problem: as a Facebook user she has started frequently posting humorous instances of grammatical errors using such networks as ‘Grammarly’, sometimes several times a day. I am starting to worry that someone else is going to point her own imperfect command of grammar out to her, possibly publicly, and definitely very hurtfully.
Answer me this: now that she is so publicly proclaiming her grammatical supremacy, is it time for me to come clean to my friend about her overuse of the nominative case when referring to her and her husband? How can I tactfully point this solecism out now, after all these years of putting up with it? Or should I just continue to ignore it (hoping that no one else will be so unkind as to shatter her self-image) and let pronouns be pronouns?
This is actually a rather sweet motive for picking up someone’s linguistic solecisms. Joan herself can clearly tolerate the solecism, having not mentioned it for thirty years.
She may be worrying unduly about other people correcting her friend, because this particular pronoun problem is so common that even teacher extraordinaire Susan Kennedy falls prey to it.
But here’s an idea, Joan: since I sound off about this very issue in AMT287, play the episode to your friend! Pretend you really want her to hear one of the other questions in the show – perhaps she has an interest in human statues? – and hope she absorbs the information.
If she does not, manufacture a conversation in which you cast yourself as the pronoun-messing fool. “Gosh, friend, I found out something the other day – did you know the pronoun formulation is supposed to be ‘Joan and ME‘ in all non-nominative uses? I’ve been using it wrongly all these years, and now I feel like such a tit!”
Readers, if you have any superior suggestions for tactful grammatical corrections, please go to the comments to share them with Joan and I me.
We may be immune to the charms of Helly Kitty, but the rest of the world certainly is not. Luke in Fife says:
After listening to last week’s podcast, I was reminded of a holiday to Japan I went on when I was younger with my family in which we visited Hello Kitty Land! Knowing Olly’s love of Disneyland, I thought this might be of great interest.
Hello Kitty Land consisted of rollercoasters/rides and live performances. I distinctly remember a horrifying dance routine featuring a group of rabbits with cups on their heads. It turns out they are actually meant to be marshmallow bunnies named after different kinds of hot drinks, so there is cappuccino, hot chocolate etc.
There is also an evil and gothic counterpart of Hello Kitty who wears a black leather mask. Scary!
A Hello Kitty dominatrix character? Seems…off-piste?
Katie also informed us:
You can buy Hello Kitty champagne and wine in my local off-licence. No jokes. I live in Hong Kong. Hello Kitty is a BIG DEAL.
Poor Miffy. Whither Miffy Land? The Miffy Booze? The Miffy sex toys? Oh Miffy, it sucks to arrive before your time and be usurped by that dead-eyed creature.
Kitty gets a theme park, Miffy just gets sodding MATHS. So unfair.
Sorrynotsorry to harp on about our Radio 4 documentary Podcasting: The First Ten Years, but Part 2 is now out, and in it:
• Roman Mars Kickstarts an extraordinary pile of dosh to fund 99% Invisible (which is worth every penny).
• Richard Herring talks about Stephen Fry using his podcast to drop the bombshell about his suicide attempt.
• Theresa Thorn of One Bad Mother talks dirty (diapers).
• Welcome to Night Vale fans show their devotion by expanding the weird world of the podcast.
• Keith and the Girl fans show their devotion through HORRIFIC FLESH WOUNDS. Warning: seriously gross.
We also hear from many other wise and captivating correspondents, including Nate ‘Wired at Heart’ Lanxon, Pete ‘Football Rambler’ Donaldson, Jemima ‘Seer of the Future’ Kiss and Ben ‘Invented the word “podcasting” but don’t hold that against him’ Hammersley. You can here more of them, along with Marc Maron and the Buglers, in Part 1, which should still be available here.
Listen and let us know what you think, then:
• Catch up on AMT287 and the episodes preceding it.
• AMT episodes 1-170 and the special AMT albums are all available for a piddling little price at answermethisstore.com, and if you buy any of them you’re bankrolling the podcast, so consider yourself a philanthropist.
• Olly’s on LBC every weekday 1am-4am. If you’re an insomniac, a night worker, or in a time zone where those hours are compatible with waking life, tune in.
• On Saturday evenings I’m on BBC 5 Live’s Saturday Edition, available subsequently as the podcast Let’s Talk About Tech.
• Martin the Sound Man makes numerous other podcasts, including Brain Train, The Global Lab and The Sound of the Ladies.
To keep your ears busy until AMT288 next Thursday, here are some other podcasts we like.
Toast our saviour
More retro feedback, harking all the way back to AMTs 180 and 181! This is from B in The Hague, Netherlands:
In two of your previous episodes, you answered a question about whether rough foods (e.g. chips, toast) are okay to be eaten after tonsillectomy or not. In a second episode, somebody emailed to say rough foods actually help in cleaning up the buildup at the back of the throat after the operation.
And because you guys are my main source of medical advice, I decided to eat a piece of toast three days after the operation. And guess what…it did help in cleaning up the wound! This resulted in my mouth smelling less of 10 dead rats – it is now a very tolerable 1 dead rat.
I am now on my fifth day post op and I eat one piece of toast in the morning and anothee one before I brush my teeth in the evening.
Toast, it’s a miracle cure! Buy official AMT toast, PROVEN to be medically effective, only £20 a slice!
Simon from Clitheroe, Lancashire writes:
Further to last week’s bit about street performance statues, last year my girlfriend and I were in Budapest. We noticed a very good statue that was earning lots of money. After quite a long time of not moving at all we saw a guy arrive and collect the money, this was when we realised that the “human” statue was just a grey painted mannequin!
That’s even worse than the statues who aren’t doing anything beyond wearing a crappy mask or a funny hat! OUTRAGEOUS and IMMORAL. Unless it’s all an art piece. You can get away with a lot of shitty behaviour if you pretend it’s an art piece…
OK guys, since we’re on the subject, let’s workshop my human statues sitcom idea . I suggested a working title of Statues at Liberty; Olly opted for Standing Still. James has raised the bar:
I think Statue-Tory could be a success. Following an ageing Etonian Tory cabinet minister recently removed from office.
Or, along those lines, StatueTORI: cash-strapped Tori Spelling has to resort to working as a human statue to keep her family together. This is more a reality TV show and book than a sitcom, I’ll admit.
OK, how about: Statu[e]s Quo! Human statues by day, Status Quo tribute band by night! And in life they’re struggling to cling onto their current situation, running fast just to stand still.
Or: On a Pedestal. An adorably ingenuous young man/woman is crazy for human statues and thinks they’re the greatest thing ever – but upon spending time with the people behind the facepaint, he/she is forced to learn a few hard truths, and reconcile themself to the fact that nobody is perfect. Not even a human statue. Especially not a human statue.
Alternatively: Freeze!. Human statues are caught up in a stick-up, and a crime caper ensues as the statues have to prove their innocence and track down the real culprits, all without moving a muscle.
Any more for any more? COMMENTS. GO. Together let’s nail this pitch.
One thing’s for certain, whichever option gets made: the outro music would be ‘I’m Still Standing’.
Hello! You still have one day to catch the first half of our Radio 4 documentary to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the word ‘podcast’. The second episode airs 11am tomorrow, Friday 11th April, and features money-making from Roman Mars, baby-making from Theresa Thorn, and something absolutely puke-making from Keith and the Girl. UPDATE: here’s Part 2.
So please do listen to that, and also to Answer Me This! Episode 287:
Today we contemplate such topics as:
the Man from Del Monte
Tony Benn’s chair
catnip
human statues
snooze buttons
kissing gates
Miffy vs Hello Kitty
Telford vs Jamaica
CTRL+V vs CTRL+C
pedantry with partners
Artbox
netiquette
The Pageant of the Masters
and
listener Jessy’s missing colon, part II
Plus: Olly details the specifications for choosing his new alarm clock, so set your own alarm clock to jolt you back into consciousness afterwards; Helen comes up with a Doctor Who reboot for Matt Smith and an amazing sit- for a sitcom, so TV commissioners, prepare a bucket of cash and call her in for a meeting; and Martin the Sound Man won’t let you through a gate until you give him a little somethin-somethin. APPROACH WITH CAUTION.
Today’s Bit of Crap on the App, Helen gets doorbell envy. To hear all about that grievous condition, push the button on your iDevices, Android or Windows gadgets.
No need to envy other people’s nice websites – now you can build your own through Squarespace.com, who not only kindly funded today’s show, but are also offering you a 10% discount off their services for a whole year if you use the code answer. We used Squarespace to build answermethisstore.com and it was even easier to set up shop than it is to set up this shop.
Keep us in business by sending in your questions: call the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.
Back in a fortnight,
Helen & Olly
PS Get well soon, Dave from Smethwick!
AMT287 Child-Friendly Rating: 95%.
No unsuitable content, aside from the demystification of Hello Kitty. An F-bomb is detonated during the discussion of keyboard shortcuts, but thanks to the subject matter, there’s no way your kids will be paying attention.
Party poopers in the house toniiiiiite! Caitlin in Los Angeles, California don’t wanna have a good tiiiime! And frankly we agree with her:
I work in an office that has an unofficial celebration protocol: a group of eager party planners toss up some decorations in the meeting room, lure in the guest of honor, attendees muster a weak “surprise” and we all have brief and awkward conversation while enjoying pizza and cake until it’s back to work. Retirements, promotions, farewells, and baby-showers are handed this way. Repetitive, but fairly harmless and includes pizza.
When my supervisor became pregnant with her first child she immediately told everyone she did not want a baby shower under any circumstance. The very idea of sitting in front of coworkers as they stared at her pregnant belly made her painfully anxious. Fawning over baby-related gifts and embarrassing party games made her physically ill. And she was uncomfortable being given gifts by the people she supervises. She made me promise that, if anybody was trying to plan a baby shower, I would try to stop it and tell her. Thinking nothing of it, I agreed immediately and went back to business as usual.
Then I got a baby-shower e-vite in my work inbox. It announced a “secret” baby shower for my supervisor. I was aghast they would blatantly ignore her wishes this way. Unfortunately (but also to my relief), she had to take an early leave for bed rest. Problem solved.
Fast forward to now: she is pregnant again and the same series of events are repeating themselves: she insists to all who will listen there will be no baby shower. An urgent plea for me to tell her if our coworkers are conspiring. And another e-vite alerting people to a “secret” baby shower has recently arrived in my inbox.
I emailed the party planners and reminded them of her wishes. I suggested we plan a non-surprise party WITH our supervisor – no gifts, no games. Just food, conversation, and on with our lives. If people really wanted to give a gift, perhaps we donate to a charity in the future daughter’s name. It seemed like a good idea to me. This way, everyone gets a party and my supervisor is not miserable.
My idea was shot down completely within ten minutes. My supervisor’s supervisor, who she has told NUMEROUS times her feelings, wrote that he thinks the party should be left the way it was planned. He wrote that he felt “she will be happy and grateful. She works really hard and deserves this from us.” Everyone else agreed.
So I am back where I started two years ago: do I tell my supervisor and risk the wrath of my coworkers should she put a stop to it? Or do I leave my supervisor to the baby shower planning wolves and risk a breach of trust?
Oh noble Caitlin, your guilt is palpable even though you have done your best. Readers, guide her action with your vote:
Answer Me This! Podcast 