Posts Tagged ‘feedback’

new dough scraper; new old life

July 21, 2015


We love to hear how our questioneers have fared in the wake of our counsel. Here’s a brace of emails from questioneers of episodes long past, some happy, some sad. Let’s start happy, with Eleanor from the Isle of Man from AMT305:

You kindly answered my question in January as to whether I should steal my dad’s dough scraper that he clearly had no intention of using. So imagine my excitement this morning when opening my birthday presents from my husband and children to discover they got me not only a dough scraper, but also an Answer Me This apron! Problem solved!

FullSizeRender (1)

Aaah! Feast your eyes on that birthday joy, then bathe in the sorrow of AMT247‘s Emily:

A few years ago I messaged you about being caught by my boyfriend as I was smoking in the bath and how I tried to play it off as in fact me masturbating.

So, the development is that after 3 years together he has left me, as in ‘stood in the doorway with his bags packed when I got home from work’ left me. I didn’t see it coming and this is really shit.

My question is this: how, when you chose the city you inhabit, the flat you live in, the pets you have and the routine that fills your life for your partner, can you stop being constantly reminded of them once they have left you? Note: I now have a grad scheme job, friends here and am tied into a rental contract (foolishly just in my name) so can’t move away.

Comiserations, Emily. But at least now you can do whatever you want in the bath, without stoking his insecurities.

Readers, have you any ideas for Emily to reboot her life? Rearrange the furniture, take a different route into work, hang out with friends in places you haven’t been before? Not sure what you can do about the pets, but perhaps you could teach them to bark in a different key or swim around the little plastic castle in the opposite direction.


EPISODE 303: reeks of nostalgia and turkey fat

November 27, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving to AMT’s American pals! Today’s episode is thematically appropriate for you, since it involves a question about Disney’s turkey legs; so don your turkey boxer shorts and turkey tops, strap on your turkey watch, inhale the delicious scent of turkey, plug in your turkey headphones and listen to Answer Me This! Episode 303*:

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computer soundcloud-icon our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

We also speak of such non-turkey topics as:

mirrors in the gym
sexy cheese
a pat from Paul Daniels
the Dewey Decimal System
Meville Dewey vs Melvil Dui
McDonald’s bagels
wanking into bagels
ripping off Starbucks
hidden Mickeys
Fifty Shades of Grey-based pranks
cat scat chat.

Plus: Olly favours almond milk over animal milk (maybe the question about cheesy handjobs put him off); size matters to Helen, when it comes to shelving second-hand books; and Martin the Sound Man is never going to be a serial TV quiz contestant

Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available for your iDevices, Android and Windows gadgets) is stuffed full of praise for the bountiful foods of Manchester. If you like the sound of the Answer Me This! Christmas – and even Scrooge can get behind it – then you can buy it and episodes 1-170 as an early prezzie for yourself at You’re funding the future of AMT with your purchases, so Thank You from the future!

You can also support the future of AMT by supplying us with your QUESTIONS: call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, or email Also, be our virtual friend at or

We’ll be back with AMT304 on 11th December 2014; stay out of trouble in the meantime,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT303 Child-Friendly Rating: 30%. Sweary from the off. Obscene question about cheese ten minutes in, followed by a Fifty Shades of Grey-based prank, then the possibly non-consensual and definitely unprotected sex in Phantom of the Opera. Overall, not an episode to listen to on the school run. •••

* And here is Helen sporting one of your traditional Thanksgiving hats:

NM ABQ chicken hat


Hooters hooters

November 25, 2014
Physically diverse Hooters staff

Physically diverse Hooters staff


We love it when you listeners give us a peek behind the tight T-shirt curtain of your varied and interesting jobs, and following AMT301,
A Respectable Probate Attorney
has been in touch – and not about probate:

As a probate attorney I would prefer to remain anonymous, but I’m happy to clarify that NO there is not a cup size requirement to be hired by Hooters.

However, there was an ass size requirement in 1999. On my first day of work I was asked what size shorts I wanted to wear; and when I asked for a size medium the manager gave me a size XXS. The short sizes available to servers were XS, XXS, and XXXS. One of the waitresses was able to get formal permission from Hooters Headquarters to wear a size small. The reason being that she was in college to become a certified public accountant and needed to dress more conservatively (less cheek showing).

To back what Olly said, Hooters servers do have to be charming. We were expected to wear our makeup and hair “like we were going to senior prom.” I would say it’s all harmless flirtation; we were never expected to dance or entertain for tips. If someone made advances, he’d be tossed out.

It’s also worth mentioning that in 1999 there was no policy that bathroom masturbators had to leave. The manager caught one of my customers in the bathroom and I still had to politely wait until he finished his meal to give him the bill. I’m glad to hear the policy has changed since.

So there we go! Perfectly standard workplace policies. Hooters really is all about the chicken wings, and NOTHING ELSE.


get some ink in your pen with Viagra

October 14, 2014
Is that a pen in your pocket, or...

Is that a pen in your pocket, or…


Simon in Elephant and Castle writes:

In AMT299 you spoke of a Rohypnol tea towel, and Olly mentioned medical trade shows. As the child of a medical professional our home was often filled with promotional tat from conferences my mother attended, including two Viagra pens.

My mother used to crack out one of these pens (the more chunky one as I remember) to sign cheques with when doing the weekly shop, something that caused great embarrassment to my elder sister. My mother found this hilarious, and at the time I thought it was because of the branding of the pen, but now looking back I can only think she chose this pen on purpose, as there is nothing funnier than an embarrassed teen.

That is true! Do you have your own surefire technique for making your teenage offspring cringe – or have you been the teenage victim of a parent’s mischievous mortification? Please let us know in the comments. In a few short years, I’ll be the aunt of teenagers, and I want to be fully prepared.


what happened next?

August 1, 2014

Message in a Bottle


Even when questioneers are chronic oversharers, they leave us and you wanting more. Gemma from Manchester but living in Leeds writes:

I’ve been listening to a some of your old podcasts recently on my training runs. (One episode = 5k… It’s a great measurement!!) I would love to know some of the outcomes of the advice you give… So Helen and Olly answer me this, have you heard anything back off the following people:

The guy who found himself on a porn website and didn’t know how it happened?

The guy who was dating his first cousin (20 year age difference)?

The guy who found out he had slept with his wife’s sister when he was younger?

Cupcake Lady!!!

Alright, Cupcake Lady’s easy: we first heard from her in AMT271, then again in AMT272, and finally here, which suggested that though Office Nemesis was still up to her old tricks, Cupcake Lady had found it in herself no longer to condemn but to pity. Cupcake Lady has grown. Cupcake Lady’s psychological journey continues without us as travelling companions.

As for the rest: we only know as much about our questioneers as they tell us. We don’t know what’s going with Dave from Smethwick between calls. We can’t tell you what’s happened to Graham from Canada (we refer you to 2008-vintage episodes from to get your fix of Canada’s most inquisitive teen) because we haven’t heard from him in five years. Whither Matthew Seymour from Colchester and Robert from Dumfriesshire and Sarah from Gaytown? What happened in the love triange between Wade and Ana and Ned from Bath? How many more punctures has Jessii accrued?

So, if you’re one of the people about whom Gemma is curious, please go to the comments and divulge what happened next in your story. In fact, if we’ve ever answered one of your questions, let us know the outcome, for better or worse. Disclaimer: we accept no responsibility for having ruined your life.


no.1 in a threesome

May 7, 2014


We do enjoy the glimpse into private lives that so many AMT listeners willingly supply; here Anonymous from DC writes:

In AMT288, you mentioned that you felt like you lose all your power in the sexual relationship if you’re the third in a couple’s threesome.

I would like to say from experience that this is NOT the case, and that actually the third often is the most powerful player in the proceedings. As the third, I’m the exotic new addition to the state of affairs, so I get to call the shots.

Maybe it’s different because I’m gay, though, and both other members are attracted to me, whereas if you’re a guy in a MMF threesome with another guy, the focus is still on the girl.

Anyway, that’s my unsolicited confession from my sex life! I’m sure you live for emails like these.

We certainly do, Anonymous; in fact any readers are entirely so welcome to share their own Penthouse Forums musings about their sense of status in multiplayer sexytimes.


cystitis no more!

January 23, 2014


AMT-brand advice has come in useful for once! Rosie from Kent living in Sardinia confided in AMT281 that she thought her in-laws’ wine was giving her cystitis. Relieved, she writes:

Your answer was bang on! It turns out that the culprit was not the wine but the fabric softener we were using! It ran out and the problem cleared up, where it had only improved when I stopped drinking the wine. In the interests of science I did a double blind drunk test and still no problems. Joy!

A triumph! AMT 1: UTIs nil!